One Daily Positive - Week 35 Dr's, dentists and new roads.

Doctors and dentist this week and Peter away for a couple of days in Saudi.

The weather is improving here, some nights the temp has dropped below 30c. I've been sitting outside early mornings drinking my tea and Bob's walks are getting longer.

Since starting a wheat free diet, I've been hungry, had indigestion and trapped wind, symptoms that are classic of my condition, but not symptoms I had until I cut wheat out my diet.

237 Sunday Popped out for coffee then set about rearranging the store rooms and Maid's room to create a nicer space for Pushkins, as she keeps making a break for freedom outside. She's nearly 11 and has been an indoor cat for the past two years. There are too may vicious stray cats outside fighting for the food left out for the neighbours. Pushkins is also overweight so it's a way of controlling her diet also. I've joined a facebook group #postcardsforkindness and picked 10 nursing homes in the UK to write to.

238 Monday Out to the Mall to buy Peter a new laptop/travel bag needed for his trip tomorrow. Spent the afternoon writing #postcardsforkindness a group I found on facebook with an aim of writing cards to the elderly in care homes who are often lonely.

239 Tuesday Took Peter to the airport for his work trip to Saudi then off to the dog park from 9am -1pm, meeting up with friends for a coffee and natter. The afternoon was spent sorting through years of paperwork, policies, investments and old bank statements.

Actual air temp was 42c. It took 20 mins for Bob and I to get home with the air con on full blast and the car temp only dropped to 48c.

240 Wednesday Follow up appointment with the Dr after last weeks endoscope, stopped for a coffee on the way home and posted my cards and letters. Had a horrendous migraine and took to my bed for the rest of the day.

241 Thursday Migraine not too bad at the start of the day, then a visit to the dentist for both of us, me for a deep clean and a wisdom tooth extraction and Peter for a check up and to get a tooth fixed. My migraine kicked back in full force and I took my emergency meds, killed the pain and managed some sleep. The cat and dog didn't leave my side.

242 Friday Side effects of meds were horrendous, sick, dizzy, cognitive ability impaired, we had to do a food shop and I had a coffee while Peter took the car to be cleaned, rest of the day spent on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.

For the past 18 months, we've taken a short cut through the sand to get to our house, 2 months ago they blocked it off and we had to find a new route. Today we drove our normal route on a tarmac road.

243 Saturday Feeling slightly better by midday so we popped out for coffee, car broke down in 42c and we needed a new battery, off to Marina Mall for a walk around. It's Thing 2's birthday and we recorded a .message on fb for him, his mum sent a lovely little recording back.

The last part of my trip to Australia - A week in Melbourne

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How can I manage my stress levels.

Before I met my husband I worried about making sure I could pay the mortgage, buy food and clothes for the kids. Holding down several jobs, not worrying about holidays and driving a car that was constantly breaking down. But it was just life, I just got on with it, like all my neighbours, family and friends.

20 years ago life became a little complicated as we started a journey blending two families together, dealing with disability and special needs, ex partners, studying for a degree. Then we upped sticks and moved to South Africa, the kids left home, then we moved to Dubai.

The first 5 years abroad were eventful. They were emotional, time consuming, difficult and isolating. I was depressed, I had to reinvent myself, gain a new identity.

The 2 years ago, I got ill. I still don't know what is wrong with me other than needing regular iron infusions, B12 injections and my chronic neck pain of 24 years flaring up more often. I'm tired, out of breath, suffering with random shooting pains, been under the care of the oncologist, had a bone marrow biopsy and numerous other side effects include a high white blood cell count.

My father died, we moved house, I started dental implant surgery this year.

But I coped with all the above, it was just part of life, I just got on with it all, until recently.

I've already analysed what stresses me out? I've started saying no, removed myself as far as possible from toxic relationships, but it all seems to have turned itself up a notch over the past few weeks.

My biggest problem when faced with an issue is that my brain automatically takes things to the nth degree. On Saturday we took the dog to the vets for his annual injections, he was frightened, he needed muzzling and 4 people to hold him down, he was extremely aggressive, barking, snapping and snarling. I was out of breath, physically shaking and close to tears. I was battered, scratched and bruised and my mind was whirling.

• What if he bites the vet or me?
• What happens if this behaviour becomes normal?
• What happens if I come home one day and he's killed the cat?
• I'm going to have to have my dog put down.
• Shall we do it now rather than wait for one of these events to happen?
• We'll have to have him put down if it gets ill and requires regular vet treatment or he'll bite me and the vet for sure.

Every situation goes like that. It hasn't been helped by seeing an oncologist for 2 years, blood results come back high, my mind races to 'I have cancer, I am going to die' followed by writing a list of all the things I need to do to make sure everyone else's life is made easier should that happen. 

When I'm on my own life is calm, I can do my own thing, take my time, stop what I'm doing if it's complicated and go for a swim or a coffee and when I get tired I can just lie down. 

I told the Doctor this morning I just want to take myself off to a desert island for an unspecified period of time, shut myself off from the outside world and just be alone.

I can't however do that, I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt. So for now I shall carry on talking, writing, asking for timeout, take the days slowly and when a situation arises I feel is going to cause me to think the worst, I'm going to force myself to take a deep breath and think positive thoughts.                                                   

One Daily Positive - Week 15 More rain.

Dentist, sweeping sand, more rain and a visit to the doctor. AGAIN.

Getting fed up now with the weather, although not looking forward to summer either. Also had enough of dentists, doctors and all these issues, so I got myself a plan to cheer me up.

Rejoined swimming pool and am forcing myself to go everyday. There will also be random bike rides to the coffee shop and pick up bits of shopping as well as dog walking every day. I'm going to pick something new to do each week and read more, instead of watching TV during the day (read 3 books this week)

97 Sunday Spent the morning after a dog walk in the garden, cycled to the local shop for a coffee, swept both the balconies, went for a swim. Had a BBQ for dinner and sat in the garden blogging and reading. Walked Bob again with Peter.

98 Monday Dentist early, stopped at Wafi Mall which is built like a pyramid, for a coffee, came home, sat on the sofa and read a book all day. Plans out the window having woken up to a thunderstorm and rain.

99 Tuesday Dog park, coffee and natter with human friends. Bathed Bob and then went for a swim and tidied up the house, finished another book and started the next one. Peter was off work with a heavy cold.

100 Wednesday Plans went to pot as we woke to rain, having to drag everything back inside, walked Bob and took myself off to the Marina Mall for a coffee, blogging, reading and a walk. Child 3 spent 4 hours airside in Abu Dhabi this morning on his way back to Australia. Peter was off work again, decided against the pub quiz as we're both a bit poorly. Spent the afternoon and evening watching movies.

101 Thursday Walked Bob, went to the Dr's for more blood tests, then onto the dermatologist to have a mole on my back removed that's changed in size and is catching on my bra strap. Walked Bob in the early evening. Popped in for a drink or three with one of Peter's colleagues at the Marina.

102 Friday Visited the outlet village, didn't buy anything other than a coffee. In the evening we went to the Irish Village for dinner and to see Boyzone. I've seen them before in 1995 and 1997. It was an open air venue and it rained.

103 Saturday A day of nothing, popped out for lunch. Peter flew out to Pakistan for the week. We had the biggest storm to date, thunder, lightening and torrential lane. I watched TV, did a few chores and had an early night.

Finished the week feeling just the same, so lethargic, body aches, chest pains and breathlessness, rain, more sand to sweep and more blood tests next week.

On the blog this week:

Using up all the household plastic.

Parenting highlights with the youngest child.

Wedding venues - All under one roof.

My top tips on Interior design to get your house Insta ready 

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I've not smiled in a long time

I'm not an unhappy person.

I'm not a sad person.

I am an angry person.

I am an upset person.

I feel let down.

Let down by this whole move to South Africa, the non exsistant support from hubbies company, despite the promises. Finding a house, setting up bills, opening bank accounts etc, etc, etc. Living in a dnagerous country. Then there was the problems with school, the refusal to acknowledge sons dyslexia, the subsequent house move, the emergency trip to the UK when my dad had a heart attack (one week after we moved) the lack of friends, the boredom, the lonliness, the medical aid.

I put a positive spin on things, I look on the bright side of life, but I do have a habit of letting things get to me, wind me up, make me shout. I also enjoy the good things about living here, a recent trip to Kruger National Park, the markets, the volunteering, being able to afford for my son to learn to drive.

I wrote two posts recently about being ill, about everything getting on top of me, about going to the Doctors and asking for help, about being prescribed anti depressents.

Yesterday I went for my 4 week review of the anti depressents and I told the Doctor I didn't think the medication was working. I said my life had been stress free for the past 4 weeks, no trauma, no hassles, no bills to query, no illness.

Of course everyone says that don't they? They've got better all by themselves, things are good, on the up, they don't need tablets any more. I understand that and perhaps I just feel better equipped to deal with things, to be more cheerful and positive about stuff.

But the one thing that reminded me that the tablets are helping is the fact that when I walked into the surgery, the Doctor said 'I've not seen you smile before'

This weeks letters home are all about Spring and Summer.

Spring officially started on the 1st September and I think summer must have started on the 2nd. Temperatures in the day have already hit 30 and by mid afternoon I’m sitting on the side of the pool, cooling my legs.

The garden is in full bloom and the trees now have so many leaves that my view of the Sunshine Tour, Telkom PGA Pro-am was restricted.

I’ve found a little cool spot in the garden and have put the sofa outside,it’s under cover and a few pot plants provide some shade. It won’t get wet when the rainy season starts but I’ve put a cover over it to stop it fading in the sun.

I’ve finally registered the family with a Doctor, he’s Scottish. The surgery is at Southdowns, a mall about a 2 minute drive away, however it takes a good 10 minutes to get out of the estate. It’s also where I’ve started to get my hair done at a new salon called Butterflies, very friendly and love to chat.
Registering at the Doctors was quite difficult and I was close to tears. I had a copy of Peter’s passport, the med aid card and mine and the children’s passport numbers. I explained I was from the UK and not sure how this all worked, that I was English speaking only and could they assist.
After filling in the forms, telling the receptionist again I didn’t understand Afrikaans, I was asked which Doctor I wanted to see. I don’t know I’VE NOT BEEN HERE BEFORE and with thanks to a nice woman in the queue she advised me which Doctor to see, explained how it all worked and showed me where to wait.
Honestly, the entire time I’ve been here, it’s always members of the public that help me out. If they understand what I’m asking and explain things to me, what is the point of employing the person I’ve just asked for help?
I’ve also decided each week to do ‘something nice’.
This week I went to Rietvlei Nature Reserve, its 10kms from home and on the school route. I took a picnic and the camping stove and spent an hour writing letters home and drinking tea. Finally the Hippo, which I’d heard, popped in for a brief appearance and I managed to get this picture.

I had no luck with the Rhinos on this trip, but saw 100s of different antelope, numerous Zebras and plenty of Ostrich.
Anyway, thanks for reading. You may not have been selected for a letter this week. I reply to all post received within 2-3 days and select people at random to write to.
I know you all love hearing my news, but it would be great to hear yours also.
Love Suzanne