Advice for the expectant grandparents and social media.

I'm was struggling so hard not to shout from the rooftops 'we have a granddaughter' It wasn't our news to share and I chanced my luck walking up town with a giant pink balloon with 'it's a girl' written all over it.

Our son and DIL didn't want visitors at the hospital other than grandparents and siblings and as soon as you tell one person, there's a risk they'll stick something on facebook to congratulate them or tag you in a grandparent meme. They wanted to make the announcement in their own time and make sure they told all their family and friends first.

We were all provided with a list of people we could tell when the baby was born, but not to say she'd gone into labour, as no one wanted to spend 2 days replying with 'promise to let you know when the baby is born'

When labour started and people were asking 'any sign of the baby yet?' I was bought a bit of time as her due date was the 20th and the baby arrived on the 16th and I could honestly say 'no, not yet' however at the time of writing the baby was 2 days old and I hated lying to friends and I'm pretty sure with the number of visits I've made to Gloucester this week (everyday) people are starting to guess.

I wish now when she told everyone she was pregnant that I'd added 2 weeks to the due date, that would have fended off a lot of questions this week.

I am extremely privileged to have such a wonderful relationship with my son and DIL and over the past week have spent a lot of time with the in laws and we all seem to be getting along very well.

My DIL will say 'no thanks' she will message me and say a time/date isn't convenient and will suggest an alternate one. She asks for advice, she listens if I suggest something and will politely say 'no thanks' or will tell me exactly what she would like from me.

As soon as she was admitted to hospital on Sunday night to have the baby, I was ready. I had nappies, pads, food, drinks etc in the car in case she needed anything. I had a book and snacks for anyone waiting and plenty of change for the drinks machines and car park. I headed over to the hospital to visit Child 1 for the afternoon and on my way home popped into the hospital to say 'good luck' they seemed pleased to see me.

There was a Baby group messaging on FB, which 2 and 2a updated us all throughout the day. Her parents, Peter and I and her brother and sister. I opted to stay away from the hospital during the day, but was nearby with child 1 again returning to the hospital at 5pm and staying until the baby was born.

I was very aware not to step on her mother's toes, there was no need to worry, but I didn't return to the hospital until her parents arrived.

I spent some time in the delivery room in the later stages when the contractions were every 2-3 minutes apart, but had no intention of staying in the delivery suite and her sister and I left to spend the next 3 hours sitting on chairs in the corridor, watching the ward doors waiting for the announcement that came in the form of a message on FB 'SHE is here' They'd opted not to know the sex of the baby in advance.

Once our son emerged from the room, he called his father, his gran and then I made the other calls to his brothers, aunts, cousins who were on the approved contact list.

The baby is now a week old. I had a day off from visiting the hospital as I knew the other Grandmother had that day off work and between us we've been to the house everyday to look after the influx of visitors, siblings, friends, great grandparents. I'm off to Belfast now for a week as another son is getting married, then my husband is returning with me to meet his grandchild for the first time.

I have worried I may be making a nuisance of myself, that I might outstay my welcome and very concerned I'd say something that might not be wanted, as in advice. But I don't have to worry, friends with new babies 6 months and 3 months have been around to offer more up to date and relevant advice about a whole range of things.

I asked permission yesterday to make a facebook post to announce we are now grandparents and used a photo of one of the cards we were sent. I've shared the news with friends online in private messages and with the odd photo in messenger and the babies name. Our son wants to know what business is it of people he doesn't know, but our DIL has met a lot of our friends and appreciates their value in our lives and their genuine interest in our family as we do of theirs.

How to be a good Mother In Law

I've been 2a's Mother in Law for 6 weeks now, although she's been part of 2's life for a good few years, I'd have to ask them how many, I forget.

When 2a came into our son's life we were living abroad, we still are. I'm in the UK several times a year and we spend time together, usually visiting child 1 and my own MIL, or I go to theirs or they come to me.

During the year when I'm not in the UK we actually don't communicate a great deal. Neither of them are that active on social media, although 2a will respond within a few hours, 2 can take a week to reply. But the moment I arrive in the UK, the phone rings, messages are sent back and forth and we meet up around their working schedules.

I always wonder though if I'm doing enough, should I be contacting them more, asking if they're ok, if life is treating them good, more general chat about work and day to day life.

Last year our relationship changed, I went from being 2's Mum to being part of his daily life. My father died, they looked after me. As did my other children, but they were on the doorstep, drove me to the funeral, made sure I was OK, putting my needs ahead of theirs. Comforting me when they took me out for dinner and I broke down 2 weeks after the funeral. They helped with clearing my father's things, they checked my mum and child 5 were also ok.

Then just before I returned to Dubai, they announced their engagement. I returned to the UK in February/March but with the snow and a trip to Northern Ireland, our time was limited.

And then I almost messed it up. I asked why the rush to get married, if they could consider changing the date to accommodate our travel arrangements, I questioned the number of groomsmen, how much money they were spending when they both worked part time and why no one would tell me what colour the Mother of the Bride was wearing so I could sort my own outfit out.

At the point 2 asked me why I was being such a bitch?

Did I back off? No. I replied as so.

I'm not being a bitch I'm trying to show you I'm interested and supportive of this wedding. It's called  'You're our first child to get married.' It's tough getting the balance right between showing an interest in your life and for you to not think I'm interfering.

He replied with:

Ok, well let rip on your questions.

The trouble was by the time he replied, I'd gone to bed, thinking I'd messed up. In the morning I woke to this:

Look I'm giving you free reign to ask, so ask. I have noticed and I appreciate.

The amusing part in all of this is, I didn't actually upset my daughter in law to be, she was unaware of this conversation until the other week and told 2a off.

I'm gaining 4a as a daughter in law September 2019, I've already been involved in their planning ideas from venue to colour scheme and cake tasting. This has made the whole process easier to ask questions about, but there's always the risk of a fall out by me putting forward my ideas that may or may not be wanted, in fact to date the only person who has snapped at me was 4. 4a and her mother told him to behave himself.

I don't have to worry about how to be a good mother in law, I need to pay a bit more attention to being a good mother.