Post Comment Love - 29th-31st May

So I was due to return to the UK on Wednesday from Dubai. I'm supposed to be alternating my time between both our homes, but for now I'm in the UK with the cat and dog. I could return to Dubai as I have a residence visa and my husband can travel to the UK, we'd both have to complete 4 weeks in total in quarantine and we have no idea if we are allowed to pop in and out yet. Also I've got no one to look after the cat and dog.

So many plans for lots of people have been cancelled this year, a friends wedding has been rescheduled till next June, birthdays held in lockdown and isolation, holidays cancelled. I'm not worried about things like that, I'm just waiting until the time comes I can see my husband and visit our children, one is in Australia, so that's a long way off.

My husband was supposed to be moving into an apartment in Dubai at the Marina this month and I was having the rest of our furniture and personal belongings shipped back to the UK. He's stayed put in the villa and we got a great reduction on the rent, it all helps especially as we're now running two homes full time, thankfully no mortgage here and I have a rental income coming in from the flat, but relocation is expensive, I had to buy a new car in the UK, I have a car in Dubai just sitting on the drive.

You'd think my stress levels would have risen and my anxiety had increased, but actually on the whole I'm very relaxed and chilled out and off my medication, I do have bad days, usually when I have to go shopping, but otherwise, I'm enjoying the time on my own.

Stephanie and I would love to know what you've been up to this week.

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Wedding Venues - All under one roof.

Just the one wedding for us this year. Child 4 of 5 is getting married, last year we had 3 weddings to attend, child 2, best friends and our niece.

All 3 weddings were different, but all 3 were in a church with a reception afterwards in a different location, requiring a car journey each way, as 2 of the venues were remote and taxis didn’t operate in those areas past 11pm. 1 in a pub and another in a marquee in a field. The middle wedding reception took place in a hotel so we were able to book a room in advance to stay over and not worry about whose turn it was to drive.

All weddings for us involve accommodation as we live in Dubai, so we have to factor in journey times with flights, driving from the airport and accommodation regardless of where the wedding takes place.

I’m pleased to say child 4’s wedding this year is all under one roof, and as it is in Northern Ireland we still have to factor in all the above, but it means we can stay the night before and the night of the wedding in the same hotel where the service and reception are being held.

This also helps us with our luggage allowance as we don’t need to take our whole suitcase with us and can save money with a low-cost flight from the UK mainland over to Northern Ireland.

It means we also don’t have to worry about wet weather or it being cold during the day as we’ll be indoors with the option of walking round the grounds if the weather is good. We can also return to our room between the reception and the evening do to get changed into something more relaxing meaning I don’t have to wear my heels all day.

As most people have to travel to attend weddings these days, you can get married pretty much anywhere you like. There are some gorgeous places to choose from in Hampshire wedding venues and nearby wedding venues in Berkshire and wedding venues in Surrey also. With the Home Counties offering good transport links and quite often better weather than further north.

Venues that offer the whole wedding under roof have the advantage of doing this on a regular basis, employing staff who are involved in wedding planning all year round. They will have everything needed on site should something to go wrong, they will supervise the delivery of the cake and flowers and ensure everything is set up as the Bride and Groom requested and often there is the possibility of seeing how the room will look laid out, when the Bride and Groom visit to make their booking and often these venues hold Wedding shows throughout the year where the Bride can get ideas and contacts for her dress, flowers, cakes, bridesmaids, gift lists and everything else involved in a wedding these days.

This is a collaborative post. 

The role of the Best Man's Wife at a wedding

My husband was Best Man at a wedding last month. Whilst researching his role, I noticed a lot of discussion from the partners of the Best Man, from tips on how to avoid feeling isolated to people actually saying they didn’t attend the wedding as they didn’t want to be on their own all day.

As close friends of the Bride and Groom and the Grooms family, I attended the wedding rehearsal, sat in the front row with the Groom’s mother, sat on a table with the Usher and his wife near the top table and the night before the wedding the Groom stayed with us over night.

We had a lovely day, met new people, met up with old friends, ate, drunk and were (very) merry.

I’m a social person, I love a chat and to meet new people. It doesn’t mean to say that there aren’t times when I feel isolated or lonely or even find the people I’m with hard work, there are always people I find hard work, but I’m good at spotting them early on and sticking with like minded people.

It got me thinking though about the people I came across online who felt isolated, knew no one or even stayed away from the wedding of their partners best mate.

I’ve been a plus one at many weddings, where my husband has known either the bride or groom and I’ve only known my husband. When I was a maid of honour at a friends wedding, my husband knew the bride, the groom and the brides family also, so his day rolled along the same lines as mine did when he was best man.

There are things you can do though to ensure you don't feel too isolated on the actual day.

• Suggest that you meet with the Bride and Groom for a meal a month or so before their big day. Difficult if you have to travel to the wedding, but you could take part in a Skype call.

• Ask your partner to have a word with the Bride and Groom about seating arrangements for the wedding reception. Can you be seated with people you know or paired up with another single guest?

• Offer to take on a role during the day; is there an elderly relative who might need some support?

• Accompany your partner to the wedding rehearsal, I made friends with the verger and met the Usher and his wife, the bridesmaid and her family, which meant there are people to talk to whilst waiting for the guests and bride to arrive and during the reception.

Do you have any suggestions on how not to feel isolated at a wedding where your partner plays a role in the ceremony? Do you do anything extra at your wedding to accommodate single guests?

Wedding Photo Swop in high resolution for printing.

We've attended two weddings this year already, our 3rd is in October and we have one more planned for September 2019.

The weddings so far have been that of our eldest son and best friends. It’s the turn of our niece in October and our 2^ndyoungest son next September.

With family and friends living around the world and not everyone being able to attend, it’s rare for us all to be together at any family event. When one family member is unable to attend we still want to make them feel part of the event, even if they can’t physically be there. 

So when I heard about Wedding Photo Swap I decided to take a look. It allows you to create your own personalised space in an app where guests can share the photo's they have taken on your wedding day. Once you have downloaded the app you can email your guests or send them the link with the invite. 

Although a professional photographer has been at both the weddings to date, they spend the time with the Bride in the morning as she gets ready and arrives at the church. With the app we would be able to upload the photos taken of our son when he arrived at the church and for the second wedding, the Groom stayed with my husband and I the night before, we would be able to take and share photos of him and his best man getting ready also.

With the official photographer leaving the venue after the cake has been cut and the first dance, it’s a lovely way to have un staged moments of evening only guests and friends and family snapping away catching those other ‘unseen’ moments that the Bride and Groom often miss.

Wedding Photo Swop allows guests to share their photos from your wedding with everyone else and they are saved in high resolution for you to download and print. 

What I particularly like is that photos can be shared for those who can’t attend allowing them to still be part of the day but not posted online until the Bride and Groom decide to share their pictures of their big day.

For the last two weddings we’ve attended we’ve shared the photos we took with the Bride and Groom via face book, but the quality is affected when it comes to the Bride and Groom wanting to print any photo’s out. With the app the photos are saved in high resolution. 

Photos can then either be downloaded or edited and printed directly from your phone and they can be uploaded as the day unfolds rather than sending 100’s of photos via face book in the following days, as I’ve been doing for the past two weddings.

I certainly will be passing this on to my niece for her wedding in October and my other son for his next year.

It would also be a good app to use at hen and stag parties and who knows? Christenings in the future.

This is a collaborative post.

How to be a good Mother In Law

I've been 2a's Mother in Law for 6 weeks now, although she's been part of 2's life for a good few years, I'd have to ask them how many, I forget.

When 2a came into our son's life we were living abroad, we still are. I'm in the UK several times a year and we spend time together, usually visiting child 1 and my own MIL, or I go to theirs or they come to me.

During the year when I'm not in the UK we actually don't communicate a great deal. Neither of them are that active on social media, although 2a will respond within a few hours, 2 can take a week to reply. But the moment I arrive in the UK, the phone rings, messages are sent back and forth and we meet up around their working schedules.

I always wonder though if I'm doing enough, should I be contacting them more, asking if they're ok, if life is treating them good, more general chat about work and day to day life.

Last year our relationship changed, I went from being 2's Mum to being part of his daily life. My father died, they looked after me. As did my other children, but they were on the doorstep, drove me to the funeral, made sure I was OK, putting my needs ahead of theirs. Comforting me when they took me out for dinner and I broke down 2 weeks after the funeral. They helped with clearing my father's things, they checked my mum and child 5 were also ok.

Then just before I returned to Dubai, they announced their engagement. I returned to the UK in February/March but with the snow and a trip to Northern Ireland, our time was limited.

And then I almost messed it up. I asked why the rush to get married, if they could consider changing the date to accommodate our travel arrangements, I questioned the number of groomsmen, how much money they were spending when they both worked part time and why no one would tell me what colour the Mother of the Bride was wearing so I could sort my own outfit out.

At the point 2 asked me why I was being such a bitch?

Did I back off? No. I replied as so.

I'm not being a bitch I'm trying to show you I'm interested and supportive of this wedding. It's called  'You're our first child to get married.' It's tough getting the balance right between showing an interest in your life and for you to not think I'm interfering.

He replied with:

Ok, well let rip on your questions.

The trouble was by the time he replied, I'd gone to bed, thinking I'd messed up. In the morning I woke to this:

Look I'm giving you free reign to ask, so ask. I have noticed and I appreciate.

The amusing part in all of this is, I didn't actually upset my daughter in law to be, she was unaware of this conversation until the other week and told 2a off.

I'm gaining 4a as a daughter in law September 2019, I've already been involved in their planning ideas from venue to colour scheme and cake tasting. This has made the whole process easier to ask questions about, but there's always the risk of a fall out by me putting forward my ideas that may or may not be wanted, in fact to date the only person who has snapped at me was 4. 4a and her mother told him to behave himself.

I don't have to worry about how to be a good mother in law, I need to pay a bit more attention to being a good mother.

My Sunday Photo - The Best Man and Me

Wedding no 2 of 2018 took place yesterday. Peter was Best Man. We didn't look quite so smart by the end of the evening. Any suggestions as to what I should be doing with my hands/arms? They either hang by my side in photo's or they're tucked behind my back, usually hiding my cigarette.

I've taken a break this week from my series of construction projects and unusual buildings in Dubai and around the world. If you'd like to see them, then click on the links below:

Week 158 Dubai Bluewater Islands and Dubai Eye. Man made island a 210m high Big Wheel
Week 159 Dubai Dubai Marina - Reflections
Week 160 Dubai Dubai Frame. A window between the Old and New Dubai and a 150m high glass floor.

Week 161 Dubai Dubai Marina 3 years apart.

Week 162 Dubai Dubai Water Canal Bridge Construction and reconfiguration of roads

Week 163 Dubai New Metro Line for Expo 2020
Week 164 Arizona and Nevada Hoover Dam 2002 - 2010
Week 165 Dubai Dubai Opera House What a difference a year makes
Week 166 Dubai Unfinished buildings. The Pentominium
Week 167 Coventry Mixing the old and the new. Coventry Catherdral
Week 168 Dubai New Dubai Metro Station 
Week 169 Dubai The new extension of the Dubai Mall and Burj Khalifa 
Week 170 Dubai Hotel fire After the Address fire 
Week 171 Dubai Unusual designs The Opus Building
Week 172 Dubai District Cooling. Keeping the desert cool.
Week 173 Dubai Can I visit the Burj Al Arab
Week 174 Dubai The Almas Tower
Week 175 Dubai The Cayan Tower
Week 176 Toronto The CN Tower
Week 177 Nevada The Paris Hotel 
Week 178 Dubai Ibn Battuta Gate
Week 179 A Wedding
Week 180 Dubai The World's Tallest Tower
Week 181 Dubai and Wales Al Fahidi Fort and Chepstow Castle 
Week 182 Dubai New Metro Station in Al Furjan 
Week 183 Dubai Ski Dubai

One daily Positive - Week 28

It's been an emotional week. Peter arrived on Wednesday, I'm always so happy to see him, even if it does take a few days to get used to being in the company of someone else 24/7 for both of us, especially in a 1 bed flat. England lost the semi-finals and are coming home on Saturday after the play offs and Wednesday marked the 1st anniversary of my father's death.

And yes, in that order. I actually woke Wednesday, checking plane finder to see where Peter was in the world, after working out he'd arrive around 3pm he'd have time for a sleep and then we could go to the pub to watch the game and then I read my messages from friends far and wide letting me know they were thinking of me on that day. I'd forgotten the date.

I'm ok with that.

Anyway the rest of my week:

189 Sunday Finished putting the world to rights with Mediocre_Mum, then joined in with Monmouth carnival, well i ate ice cream watching everyone walking past. It was a great atmosphere, there's so much going on in Monmouth this summer and I'm loving being part of a community, even if it's just for a short time.

190 Monday Hung around all day waiting for my Aunt and Cousin to arrive from Blackpool. I cooked dinner in the evening, had a good old catch up and called in at the pub on my way home.

191 Tuesday We all went to Abergavenny for the day, I love these chickens in the market hall. In the evening I visited my niece and had my nails done for Saturday's wedding, then called in to see child 2 and 2a for a cup of tea and out of date chocolate. How can any child of mine allow chocolate to go out of date? I'm disowning them lol.

192 Wednesday I bought flowers, coffee and a copy of the Daily Mail and visited the crematorium. I read the paper on a bench, hearing my father commenting and moaning about the state of the world and placed the paper by the memorial as I left. I told him I was going to watch England play in Geoff's pub and that Geoff was looking after his jag that I sold him after my father died. Peter arrived mid afternoon. Too many G&T's in the pub, disappointment and I bumped into old friends from 25 years ago.

193 Thursday Off to Cirencester after coffee with mum to take the the teen flat/room hunting for the end of August. Called in to see the Mother of the Groom for Saturdays wedding. Had dinner in the Mill Race near Ross-on-Wye.

194 Friday A chilled morning, I drank coffee and blogged in caffe Nero's while Peter finally got round to writing his best man's speech for tomorrow. In the evening it was the wedding rehearsal and the Groom came back with us for the night, for dinner and a few beers. I slept over at my mum's.

195 Saturday I had a hair appointment, Groom and Best Man had breakfast out and we're leaving for the church at 11.45am

On the blog this week:

How I'm grieving one year on after my father's death.  Has it really been a year? I have some amazing friend's who have supported me through all of this sadly, several of them also lost a parent last year.

Top Tips on planning your wedding and reducing costs.  My opinion is to spend the money on your home not just one day, it doesn't mean that the one day can't be magical.

Prom dresses have more uses than just for a prom.  I wore a prom dress when I got married, they also make excellent dresses for the bridesmaids.

Should I be more tolerant?  Or should I give up expecting others to be more mindful of me?

My Sunday Photo - Ski Dubai How to keep cool in Dubai in the summer months.

A step parents role at a child's wedding. I wonder how it is for Camilla?

Child 2 is getting married next month. He's 28. I've been step mum since he was 10.

Child 4 is getting married next year. He's 23. My husband has been his step dad since he was 5.

We are a family of 7. We lived as a family of 7. I consider myself to be mother to 5, my husband considers himself to be a father to 5 also.

The children refer to us as 'the parents' They refer to one another as 'their siblings'

Child 2 is getting married soon, his wedding has caused me a few issues, but only because we're living so far away, we're not involved with their planning, timing, costs. This is being managed by the bride and her family and I'm ok with that. We handed over some money, but have no idea of the costs incurred, so no idea if we should've given more. We've been involved, taking our son for his suit fitting and recommending a photographer. My biggest 'drama' has been deciding what to wear, as the only information I have is the bridal colours to avoid and that the Mother of the Bride has her outfit. But I don't know what colour or style it is.
I'd bought a couple of outfits, but wasn't happy with them. I wanted something that said 'Mother of the Groom' not guest. Last weekend with Peter's guidance I finally bought something I was happy with.

I'm assuming Peter and and I will sit at the top table. We will find out 2 days before the wedding when we arrive in the UK, what time the dress rehearsal is and assume on the day we'll know the rest of the plans, when we ask.

Child 4's wedding is completely different in the planning stages but it throws up another set of issues for us. We have 18 months notice of their wedding instead of 6 months with child 2 for starters, so we can book flights to arrive a week before hand and there will be several trips over before then. We are unable to attend their engagement party.

We've met and spent a lot of time with 4a's parents. Peter hasn't met 2a's parents yet.

I know the weddings are about our sons and their future wives, not about us, but with the family dynamics and distances involved, it does throw up some issues.

Child 4 and the family have booked the hotel and secured accommodation for all the family. Unfortunately this means his father's side also. Where Peter and I don't have any problems with this and we all get on very well. I really didn't fancy sitting at the top table with my ex husband, while Peter sat where? So they've done away with the top table and taken every one's needs into consideration. I don't actually think his father would have given this any thought.

In the modern day, with so many people having complicated families, I'm surprised there hasn't been a trend to move away from the top table arrangements.

I'm wonder how things were in the planning of Harry and Meghan's wedding this weekend. I don't follow the Royal Family but I am aware Meghan has a complicated family set up with step parents and step siblings. Obviously Harry's mother Diana, isn't there, so they won't be facing the same challenges as we are with child 4's wedding.

The Mother of the Groom with Compton House of Fashion

As the Mother of 4 boys, I potentially have 4 occasions as Mother of the Groom. The first of which is taking place this June 2018. The 2nd in September/October 2019.

This post is in collaboration with Compton House of Fashion who got in touch with me in March to ask me to share my experiences of finding a suitable outfit as Mother of the Groom and I must say I found their website extremely helpful. Although I won't be visiting their store as I live in Dubai and arrive in the UK only 2 days before our son's wedding, it was lovely to see the variety of outfits and accessories they have available. They feature a range of ages of models and offer advice on weddings and etiquette as well as running their own blog which offers help and advice for the Mother of the Groom.

Until Compton House of Fashion got in touch with me, I'd seen very little on the internet about the Mother of Groom. The high street shops focus on the Mother of the Bride and I seem to fall into Occassion Wear.

The harsh reality is there is no role for the Mother of the Groom compared to the Mother of the Bride who takes centre stage after the Bride, the Father of the Bride who gives the Bride away, the Groom who makes a speech, the Best Man who makes the main speech and the Father of the Groom who is also part of the Wedding party as he at least gets to wear the same suits as the rest of the above, as do the ushers who happen to be the Brides brother and the 2 of the Grooms brothers.

And that's where it ends. There is no role for me. Apparently I could write a letter to the Mother of the Bride, showing my interest in the upcoming event and as the parents of the Groom it is traditionally our role to organise the rehearsal dinner, stand in line after the couple to receive guests and to dance with the Groom during the mother-son dance. But I have no idea if this is part of the plan.

I'm sounding quite bitter. I'm not, I'm slightly bemused. I had thought in 2018 we'd done away with all this tradition and besides, my husband and I eloped as a) we wanted to do things our way b) we'd both been married before and been swept away with other peoples ideas of what should and shouldn't be happening and c) we'd just bought a house and didn't want or need the expense. I really hadn't given a lot of thought about my role as Mother of the Groom until now.

I did take part in making a booking for our son's suit fitting and order and paid the bill, but my thoughts on the large number of suits was not wanted and I recommended a photographer, an old school friend of mine. All I had left to do was transfer the rest of the money I promised into the Bride's account for her and her mother to spend as they see fit.

So we've handed over a lump sum to the Bride, replied to the invitation with our meal preferences and booked our flights and car hire.

At the moment I have absolutely no idea what I will be wearing on the day as I'm still waiting to find out what colour the Mother of the Bride is wearing. I also have to avoid the colours of the Bridal party. So I've got a couple of dresses, shoes and a hat (is the Mother of the Bride wearing a hat?) 

Last month, son no 4 announced he was engaged also. But thankfully this wedding won't take place for a year or two and hopefully by then and after a friends wedding in July and our niece's wedding in October, I'll have this outfit choosing sussed out.

Injecting some colour into my life and trying new things in Dubai

I joined the local leisure centre. By local I mean it takes me 3 minutes to walk there, by crossing the road at the end of our garden.

There's an outdoor pool and a gym (as yet unexplored) and a cafe (as yet open when I've been there) 

There are plenty of sun beds and umbrellas for shade and the pools temperature is controlled, perfect for the hot summer months.

It takes an hour out of my day to go for a swim and is already after a week benefiting my health, I can feel I have a lot more movement in my neck and shoulders already.

I used to belong to a gym in South Africa and used it most days and we had a decent sized pool in the garden, but gym membership in Dubai is very expensive and as I now spend half the year in the UK, it hasn't been worth it. This gym costs £400 a year and for a small fee I can take visitors with me.

I've also inquired about attending some sewing classes and have finally got round to taking my sewing machine and over locker in for service and minor repairs. I did a lot of sewing in South Africa, making bags and bunting that I sold for charity to raise funds for educational supplies, but since moving to Dubai, there's a ban on fundraising and even advertising charities unless they're registered with the UAE Government, so all my stuff has been gathering dust, but my plan now is to get back into the swing of making things to sell over in the UK when I'm there.

Having spent most of 2017 in the UK I was living in Jeans and t-shirts, I was in the UK in February and March for a month also during the snow and wore so many layers I could hardly move. It's nice to be back in Dubai for some warmer weather, sadly it will be too hot soon to enjoy the outside (other than using the pool over the road) but by the time the heat kicks in at 45c I'll be back in the UK for summer and I've decided I need to revamp my wardrobe.

Peter and I have 3 weddings this year in the UK. Our eldest son is getting married, Peter is best man at another, both in the summer and Peter's niece is getting married in the autumn which is going to be a casual affair.

I must say the last wedding excites me the most. No pressure on what we wear, attending as guests only with no responsibilities. For the first two weddings Peter is wearing suit hire and forms part of the Groom party with formal wear, it's not stressing me out what I'm wearing but I do feel a little out on my own when it comes to my choice of outfit, particularly with our son's wedding as I have to avoid the brides colours (red and yellow) and avoid clashing with the Bride's Mother (still don't know what she's wearing either)

Due to ill health over the past year, I've lost a bit of weight, as in I'm now back to the weight I was a few years ago, which means I've been able to wear so many more of my favourite dresses I've hung onto and I've had fun buying new outfits for the upcoming weddings, all of which are suitable for the occasions and for day to day wear in Dubai for popping to the malls, out for brunch or dinner.

I do need to invest in some new underwear and sort through my accessories

Dresses I've been wearing around Dubai and upping my expat game. It's so much easier to wear dresses in Dubai, teamed with a pair of sandals and I'm good to go. No need for jackets, coats or sensible shoes in case it rains over here.

Dress - Jasper Conran

Dress - Mr Price, South Africa

Gap

Dresses I've purchased for the weddings, as yet undecided what I'll wear for which yet and I'll need jackets and a hat and possible water proofs although the first two are summer weddings, they are both in the UK. Shoes are already sorted.

Jacques Vert

The Collection at Debenhams

Debut

M & Co

Dress Sea Salt, Jacket Quiz for the Autumn Wedding, need shoes but have yellow Hunter wellies should it be wet as the reception is in a barn.

However the dress I'm looking forward to wearing the most is this one, but I'm not sure for what occasion it is best suited, but we do have brunch this Friday.

Cheryl Arthur - South Africa