The Wedding series - tips

This year we've had 2 weddings, child 2 and 2a in June, best friends in July and our niece is getting married in October. I've also been helping with the planning of child 4 and 4a's wedding next September.

L-R Mother in Law, Child 4 & 4a, Peter, Child 2a & 2, Me, Child 1, Child 5, Mum.

Child 3 & 3a were unable to make it over from Australia.

Weddings are BLOODY expensive. There are ways though to keep the costs down. As a guest the cost mounts up, especially for Peter and I, before we even buy our outfit and a gift we have to book flights from where we live in Dubai. However, we had a very small wedding at a registry office, I wore a prom dress to get married in, bought in the sales in Vegas, Peter needed a new suit for work anyway, we had a 3 night for the price of 2 hotel deal in Chester, no reception, no photographer and no cake, although 3 sets of friends turned up to surprise us and we had a meal afterwards in an Italian restaurant on the way back to the car park.

There are so many new things to think about these days that we never had to worry about and the main one for me is that guests don't share photos online during the day and that they leave the Bride and Groom to post first a few days afterwards. It also makes for a nicer day if the wedding is social media free, the wedding photographer will certainly appreciate being able to take photo's freely without mobile phones blocking their view. There are so many new ways to share photo's in high resolution with the guests and I found an app that would allow photo's to be shared on app so family and friends who can't make the day can still share in the event. Child 3 and 3a were unable to travel over from Australia for Child 2 and 2a's wedding.

So after the initial shock of 2 of the children announcing they were getting married and a bank transfer made, it was time to find out if and what input we were to have. We're now someone's in laws and so far I think it's going reasonably well.

Both Peter and I are step parents to each others children. We needed to establish our roles as step parents at our children weddings. At child 2's wedding his mother wasn't invited so no worries about the top table, but child 4's father will be at his wedding but it is Peter who will sit at the top table with me. These are all issues that have to be resolved before the big day when it comes to family and the modern day dynamics.

Then of course there was the outfits. I can hardly wear the same dress at all 4 weddings? Well technically I could but as 3 of them are family do's, I really didn't want to appear in all the photos dressed the same. Living in Dubai there are some fantastic sales and I bought the outfit for the first 2 weddings in Debenhams. There isn't a lot of stuff available for the Mother of the Groom, everywhere focuses on the Mother of the Bride and I fall into 'occasional wear'

There's also the wedding gift to account for. When I asked the internet about what was a reasonable gift amount, it varied greatly.

Something I've noticed quite a lot is there often isn't a 'plus 1' on invites anymore. Usually the invitation is addressed to a couple, whether married or not. There have been quite a few single guests at both the weddings and at wedding number 2, I spent most of the day on my own as Peter was the Best Man, I searched to find out what my role as Wife of the Best Man was, but only came across the partners moaning about how they felt it unfair they sat on their own all day and in some cases turned the invite down, so I wrote about how single guests can feel more involved and not so isolated.

We've got one more wedding this year, the reception is being held in a barn in a field. I've selected my outfit based on the potential weather and it will look great with my bright yellow hunter wellies should it rain.

Next year's wedding is taking place under one roof and I can certainly see the advantages of doing this.

A couple of these posts contain sponsored content, but as I was already writing posts about the wedding and like I said with mounting costs, every penny helps, especially when there are 3 in 1 year.

How to be a good Mother In Law

I've been 2a's Mother in Law for 6 weeks now, although she's been part of 2's life for a good few years, I'd have to ask them how many, I forget.

When 2a came into our son's life we were living abroad, we still are. I'm in the UK several times a year and we spend time together, usually visiting child 1 and my own MIL, or I go to theirs or they come to me.

During the year when I'm not in the UK we actually don't communicate a great deal. Neither of them are that active on social media, although 2a will respond within a few hours, 2 can take a week to reply. But the moment I arrive in the UK, the phone rings, messages are sent back and forth and we meet up around their working schedules.

I always wonder though if I'm doing enough, should I be contacting them more, asking if they're ok, if life is treating them good, more general chat about work and day to day life.

Last year our relationship changed, I went from being 2's Mum to being part of his daily life. My father died, they looked after me. As did my other children, but they were on the doorstep, drove me to the funeral, made sure I was OK, putting my needs ahead of theirs. Comforting me when they took me out for dinner and I broke down 2 weeks after the funeral. They helped with clearing my father's things, they checked my mum and child 5 were also ok.

Then just before I returned to Dubai, they announced their engagement. I returned to the UK in February/March but with the snow and a trip to Northern Ireland, our time was limited.

And then I almost messed it up. I asked why the rush to get married, if they could consider changing the date to accommodate our travel arrangements, I questioned the number of groomsmen, how much money they were spending when they both worked part time and why no one would tell me what colour the Mother of the Bride was wearing so I could sort my own outfit out.

At the point 2 asked me why I was being such a bitch?

Did I back off? No. I replied as so.

I'm not being a bitch I'm trying to show you I'm interested and supportive of this wedding. It's called  'You're our first child to get married.' It's tough getting the balance right between showing an interest in your life and for you to not think I'm interfering.

He replied with:

Ok, well let rip on your questions.

The trouble was by the time he replied, I'd gone to bed, thinking I'd messed up. In the morning I woke to this:

Look I'm giving you free reign to ask, so ask. I have noticed and I appreciate.

The amusing part in all of this is, I didn't actually upset my daughter in law to be, she was unaware of this conversation until the other week and told 2a off.

I'm gaining 4a as a daughter in law September 2019, I've already been involved in their planning ideas from venue to colour scheme and cake tasting. This has made the whole process easier to ask questions about, but there's always the risk of a fall out by me putting forward my ideas that may or may not be wanted, in fact to date the only person who has snapped at me was 4. 4a and her mother told him to behave himself.

I don't have to worry about how to be a good mother in law, I need to pay a bit more attention to being a good mother.

Prom dresses aren't just for the prom, they're for weddings too.

I've never had a prom, they weren't the done things in the UK in the 1980's, but I did buy a prom dress in Las Vegas for mine and Peter's wedding in the UK in 2002. It was the first time I was aware of the scale of the prom industry outside of the UK. The variety of dresses on offer was astounding and I easily found the right dress, style and colour to get married in, with assistance from staff who said quite a few people bought from them to wear for their marriage in Vegas.

With 4 boys I never had to consider what they wore to their proms, suit hire was easy and simple, their dates had the most gorgeous of dresses and until recently I never really gave much thought as the amount of effort that goes into finding the right kind prom dresses that suit you I was however aware of the cost that goes into finding the right prom dress and even more so the importance of getting the right dress, style, colour and having hair, nails and make up done in light of social media.

I have heard plenty of friend’s say that they treated their daughter’s prom as a pre indication to their wedding day, a practice run.

In September 2019 Child 4 will be marrying his fiancée. Wedding preparations are in full swing; the venue is booked for both the actual wedding and the meal and party afterwards. Cakes have been tasted and ordered.

I played the role of Mother of the Groom to Child 2 and his wife in June this year, all I had to worry about after helping my son choose his suit, was just my own outfit. I considered a prom dress but decided it was a little bit 'too bridal' which gave me an excellent idea for my new daughter in law to be when we started discussing a colour theme and bridesmaids.

There are so many things to consider when choosing a dress for your bridesmaids and it is a difficult decision. Will they like it? Will they suit the same styles? Colours?

I have never been to a bridal shop to try on wedding dresses and the thought of having to make an appointment with a fixed time frame and choosing the dress of my dreams sounds quite stressful to me, let alone having to then make decisions on the dresses for the bridesmaid also. So I suggested to my daughter in law to be, to look at prom dresses to get inspiration for her upcoming wedding and help to choose the colour scheme, which will inform the cake and table decorations and bouquet. 

There seems to be a lot more choice online when looking for inspiration if you search for prom dresses, which often throws up results for bridesmaids dresses also, the 2 seem to be interlinked in search engines. 

This post is in collaboration with Prom Dress Finder.

A Social Media free Wedding. Our first son got married.

Our first child got married on Saturday. Child 2 & 2a, Andrew and Gemma tied the knot at Bream Church on June 2nd, with the reception afterwards at the Inn on the Wye.

Andrew and Gemma hired a photographer and the official wedding photos can be found over on Facebook at Caz Holbrook Photography The Vicar requested we focus on the ceremony and not take photographs during the service, but we had plenty of opportunities to grab a few snaps, before and after as well as throughout the Reception.

The Inn on the Wye is located in the Wye Valley and when it comes to 3G in and around that area it is  'dead spot' and guests had to use the landline to call for taxi's at the end of the evening.

Every one was focusing on the moment, phones came out for photo's and I videoed their first dance, but no one was then editing and posting online. In fact no one posted anything until Caz posted the wedding preview, that she'd arranged to do with the Bride and Groom on facebook on Sunday which we've all been sharing.

Here are a few pictures we took during the day, can't wait to see the final professional ones.

Wedding rehearsal

Just before the Bride arrived

Husband and Wife

The Bride arrives at the reception

Reception before the speeches

Enjoying the sunshine

Bride and Grooms first dance

Cutting the cake for the Groom to discover the top tier is his favourite flapjack

Caz is my old school friend from the age of 11, so I might sound a little biased, but she did an amazing job on Saturday, most of the time I was completely unaware of her presence during the service and reception, but we did manage a sneaky catch up during the day.

Week 179 My Sunday Photo. Our first child got married.

Yesterday we celebrated the wedding of our eldest son, Andrew (Child 2) to Gemma (2a)

L-R Barbara (Peter's Mum) Dan (Child 4) Alanna (4a) Peter, Gemma, Andrew, Me, Stephanie (Child 1) Alex (Child 5) and June (My Mum)

Missing from the picture is Child 3 & 3a who were unable to travel over from Australia. My father who died last year and Peter's father who died in 1992.

We had the most amazing day and I loved my role as Mother of the Groom. I always have a little smile when Andrew introduces me as his 'Mum' You don't have to give birth to a child to love them like you do.

Super proud of my lot.

A step parents role at a child's wedding. I wonder how it is for Camilla?

Child 2 is getting married next month. He's 28. I've been step mum since he was 10.

Child 4 is getting married next year. He's 23. My husband has been his step dad since he was 5.

We are a family of 7. We lived as a family of 7. I consider myself to be mother to 5, my husband considers himself to be a father to 5 also.

The children refer to us as 'the parents' They refer to one another as 'their siblings'

Child 2 is getting married soon, his wedding has caused me a few issues, but only because we're living so far away, we're not involved with their planning, timing, costs. This is being managed by the bride and her family and I'm ok with that. We handed over some money, but have no idea of the costs incurred, so no idea if we should've given more. We've been involved, taking our son for his suit fitting and recommending a photographer. My biggest 'drama' has been deciding what to wear, as the only information I have is the bridal colours to avoid and that the Mother of the Bride has her outfit. But I don't know what colour or style it is.
I'd bought a couple of outfits, but wasn't happy with them. I wanted something that said 'Mother of the Groom' not guest. Last weekend with Peter's guidance I finally bought something I was happy with.

I'm assuming Peter and and I will sit at the top table. We will find out 2 days before the wedding when we arrive in the UK, what time the dress rehearsal is and assume on the day we'll know the rest of the plans, when we ask.

Child 4's wedding is completely different in the planning stages but it throws up another set of issues for us. We have 18 months notice of their wedding instead of 6 months with child 2 for starters, so we can book flights to arrive a week before hand and there will be several trips over before then. We are unable to attend their engagement party.

We've met and spent a lot of time with 4a's parents. Peter hasn't met 2a's parents yet.

I know the weddings are about our sons and their future wives, not about us, but with the family dynamics and distances involved, it does throw up some issues.

Child 4 and the family have booked the hotel and secured accommodation for all the family. Unfortunately this means his father's side also. Where Peter and I don't have any problems with this and we all get on very well. I really didn't fancy sitting at the top table with my ex husband, while Peter sat where? So they've done away with the top table and taken every one's needs into consideration. I don't actually think his father would have given this any thought.

In the modern day, with so many people having complicated families, I'm surprised there hasn't been a trend to move away from the top table arrangements.

I'm wonder how things were in the planning of Harry and Meghan's wedding this weekend. I don't follow the Royal Family but I am aware Meghan has a complicated family set up with step parents and step siblings. Obviously Harry's mother Diana, isn't there, so they won't be facing the same challenges as we are with child 4's wedding.

The Mother of the Groom with Compton House of Fashion

As the Mother of 4 boys, I potentially have 4 occasions as Mother of the Groom. The first of which is taking place this June 2018. The 2nd in September/October 2019.

This post is in collaboration with Compton House of Fashion who got in touch with me in March to ask me to share my experiences of finding a suitable outfit as Mother of the Groom and I must say I found their website extremely helpful. Although I won't be visiting their store as I live in Dubai and arrive in the UK only 2 days before our son's wedding, it was lovely to see the variety of outfits and accessories they have available. They feature a range of ages of models and offer advice on weddings and etiquette as well as running their own blog which offers help and advice for the Mother of the Groom.

Until Compton House of Fashion got in touch with me, I'd seen very little on the internet about the Mother of Groom. The high street shops focus on the Mother of the Bride and I seem to fall into Occassion Wear.

The harsh reality is there is no role for the Mother of the Groom compared to the Mother of the Bride who takes centre stage after the Bride, the Father of the Bride who gives the Bride away, the Groom who makes a speech, the Best Man who makes the main speech and the Father of the Groom who is also part of the Wedding party as he at least gets to wear the same suits as the rest of the above, as do the ushers who happen to be the Brides brother and the 2 of the Grooms brothers.

And that's where it ends. There is no role for me. Apparently I could write a letter to the Mother of the Bride, showing my interest in the upcoming event and as the parents of the Groom it is traditionally our role to organise the rehearsal dinner, stand in line after the couple to receive guests and to dance with the Groom during the mother-son dance. But I have no idea if this is part of the plan.

I'm sounding quite bitter. I'm not, I'm slightly bemused. I had thought in 2018 we'd done away with all this tradition and besides, my husband and I eloped as a) we wanted to do things our way b) we'd both been married before and been swept away with other peoples ideas of what should and shouldn't be happening and c) we'd just bought a house and didn't want or need the expense. I really hadn't given a lot of thought about my role as Mother of the Groom until now.

I did take part in making a booking for our son's suit fitting and order and paid the bill, but my thoughts on the large number of suits was not wanted and I recommended a photographer, an old school friend of mine. All I had left to do was transfer the rest of the money I promised into the Bride's account for her and her mother to spend as they see fit.

So we've handed over a lump sum to the Bride, replied to the invitation with our meal preferences and booked our flights and car hire.

At the moment I have absolutely no idea what I will be wearing on the day as I'm still waiting to find out what colour the Mother of the Bride is wearing. I also have to avoid the colours of the Bridal party. So I've got a couple of dresses, shoes and a hat (is the Mother of the Bride wearing a hat?) 

Last month, son no 4 announced he was engaged also. But thankfully this wedding won't take place for a year or two and hopefully by then and after a friends wedding in July and our niece's wedding in October, I'll have this outfit choosing sussed out.

Injecting some colour into my life and trying new things in Dubai

I joined the local leisure centre. By local I mean it takes me 3 minutes to walk there, by crossing the road at the end of our garden.

There's an outdoor pool and a gym (as yet unexplored) and a cafe (as yet open when I've been there) 

There are plenty of sun beds and umbrellas for shade and the pools temperature is controlled, perfect for the hot summer months.

It takes an hour out of my day to go for a swim and is already after a week benefiting my health, I can feel I have a lot more movement in my neck and shoulders already.

I used to belong to a gym in South Africa and used it most days and we had a decent sized pool in the garden, but gym membership in Dubai is very expensive and as I now spend half the year in the UK, it hasn't been worth it. This gym costs £400 a year and for a small fee I can take visitors with me.

I've also inquired about attending some sewing classes and have finally got round to taking my sewing machine and over locker in for service and minor repairs. I did a lot of sewing in South Africa, making bags and bunting that I sold for charity to raise funds for educational supplies, but since moving to Dubai, there's a ban on fundraising and even advertising charities unless they're registered with the UAE Government, so all my stuff has been gathering dust, but my plan now is to get back into the swing of making things to sell over in the UK when I'm there.

Having spent most of 2017 in the UK I was living in Jeans and t-shirts, I was in the UK in February and March for a month also during the snow and wore so many layers I could hardly move. It's nice to be back in Dubai for some warmer weather, sadly it will be too hot soon to enjoy the outside (other than using the pool over the road) but by the time the heat kicks in at 45c I'll be back in the UK for summer and I've decided I need to revamp my wardrobe.

Peter and I have 3 weddings this year in the UK. Our eldest son is getting married, Peter is best man at another, both in the summer and Peter's niece is getting married in the autumn which is going to be a casual affair.

I must say the last wedding excites me the most. No pressure on what we wear, attending as guests only with no responsibilities. For the first two weddings Peter is wearing suit hire and forms part of the Groom party with formal wear, it's not stressing me out what I'm wearing but I do feel a little out on my own when it comes to my choice of outfit, particularly with our son's wedding as I have to avoid the brides colours (red and yellow) and avoid clashing with the Bride's Mother (still don't know what she's wearing either)

Due to ill health over the past year, I've lost a bit of weight, as in I'm now back to the weight I was a few years ago, which means I've been able to wear so many more of my favourite dresses I've hung onto and I've had fun buying new outfits for the upcoming weddings, all of which are suitable for the occasions and for day to day wear in Dubai for popping to the malls, out for brunch or dinner.

I do need to invest in some new underwear and sort through my accessories

Dresses I've been wearing around Dubai and upping my expat game. It's so much easier to wear dresses in Dubai, teamed with a pair of sandals and I'm good to go. No need for jackets, coats or sensible shoes in case it rains over here.

Dress - Jasper Conran

Dress - Mr Price, South Africa

Gap

Dresses I've purchased for the weddings, as yet undecided what I'll wear for which yet and I'll need jackets and a hat and possible water proofs although the first two are summer weddings, they are both in the UK. Shoes are already sorted.

Jacques Vert

The Collection at Debenhams

Debut

M & Co

Dress Sea Salt, Jacket Quiz for the Autumn Wedding, need shoes but have yellow Hunter wellies should it be wet as the reception is in a barn.

However the dress I'm looking forward to wearing the most is this one, but I'm not sure for what occasion it is best suited, but we do have brunch this Friday.

Cheryl Arthur - South Africa

Mother of the Groom

I need help and lots of it. On a normal day, it's no make up and hair scrapped up in a ponytail. This photo however was taken after a couple of hours with a make up artist, hairdresser, a professional photographer and with excellent lightening and probably some editing as it was for a national newspaper.

I can do dressed up, I love having my nails done, not such a big fan with my hair and make up as I can never recreate the look, but don’t do too bad by myself.

Next year Peter is best man at a friends wedding. I bought a dress, have shoes, jacket and a bag and wasn’t bothering with a hat. I made a hair appointment for the morning and I was good to go.

But now child 2 and 2a have announced they’re getting married in June 2018. I’ve gone into meltdown, there’s so much to do. I need a hat, my dress is lovely but it’s NOT Mother of the Groom, it’s Wife of the Best Man.

I’m chilled out about any help, guidance, support that the Bride and Groom want or need. I’ve been shown the guest list, been asked for my input into the cake, wedding dress, photographer,  bridesmaids etc although these decisions will mainly be decided upon by the Bride and her family.

I’ll appreciate any and all help/advice please that you have for me and my choice of outfit, including where to shop and recommendations on what I should avoid wearing (other than a full on white dress of course)