Looking for a friend

I'm lonely. I go out everyday when hubby is at work. I've sent off endless job and volunteer applications, I've met up with lots of people for coffee and lunches, but I haven't found myself a friend yet.

In the UK I had friends who lived on the street, friends I'd made in places I'd lived previously and kept in touch with. I popped into friends houses unannounced and they popped into ours. We met for shopping, going for a walk, for the kids to play in the park and for coffees out just for the sake of it, just because we could.

I'm still in touch with these friends, I visit when I'm in the UK, we write letters, face book, some of them have been out to visit us, either on their own or with their families. I value these friendships. They've been made through a share of common interests, through the children, who despite going their different ways with schools and careers, we've stayed in touch and remained very good friends, despite our lives changing and with the huge distance there is now between us.

In South Africa I had friends I met through volunteering, very good friends, but our relationship was cut short by us relocating to Dubai. We are still very good friends, we write, whats app daily. I'm going back to visit for a month later this year and 1 set of friends are staying with us on their way to Europe, they don't need to visit Dubai other than the fact we live here and they miss us and vice versa.

It took around 18 months to start making friends in South Africa, I went out for coffees, lunches, joined groups and met people and although like now, everyone is very nice, helpful and supportive, it's not the same as a having a handful of close friends, on your doorstep, that just pop in unannounced, who don't mind what state yours or their house is in, if they're on their way out and you just go along with them, whether it's the kids football or just a dental appointment.

I'm 44, my children have left home, including the youngest at 16 who has been in UK boarding school for the past 2 years. I have 3 very good friends in the UK, whose children are now adults. I have three very good friends who still have school aged children. I have 1 good friend who doesn't have children. We are all a similar age, live a similar life style (despite us living in Dubai) we are at the other end of the phone for emergencies, we are more than often the first people we turn to with our news. My friends all know one another and some of them are friends together. But their not here.

I need a friend to come to pick up the phone within a few minutes of reading this and tell me to get showered and dressed and meet them for a coffee, like NOW. Not arrange a coffee in a week's time, not a rearranged appointment, not a networking session.

I've got plenty of things to do. It's 10am, I've prepared tonights dinner, I've run the hoover round, made the bed, watered the garden and walked the dog. The 16yo is here till the end of August, so I have company in the day, someone here that will actually talk back to me, unlike the cat and dog.

I'm networking daily, I'm making contacts, going places out of my comfort zone.

I'm spending today contacting more volunteer organisations, working with children in schools, children with disabilities, football clubs and other sports organisations. I've applied to work with animal organisations, cats, dogs, turtles. I've adapted my CV to meet the needs of the organisation, sent copies and covering letters to the Embassies. I'm co-hosting a linky for the school holidays, I have my daily photo prompts that get me out and about. I'm blogging, fixing things, making things, sorting things.

I have a bill to pay, yes I can pay it online but that reduces the opportunities to meet people. By going out to pay the bill, I get out the house, despite the heat, I can have a coffee, do a spot of people watching.
I make eye contact, I smile at people, I'll pick a busy cafe where I need to ask if it's ok to share a table and who knows? maybe today I meet someone who is on their own and is looking for a friend also.

When you live life as an Expat, holidays take on a different meaning

‘come away from the lady, she’s reading her book and doesn’t want you bothering her’

I could carry on reading my book and ignore the other woman, or I could smile at her and tell her that her son isn’t really bothering me.

But before I can make a decision she is on her feet on her way over to fetch her son, so now I have to make eye contact and possibly smile.

What this woman doesn’t know is she’s just saved me from public humiliation, I’m not reading my book, I’m staring blankly at the pages, behind my sun glasses, trying not to cry.

Last night a colleagues of my hubby, after a full day of meetings said she envied me, sitting on the beach in Dubai, catching the sun, reading and switching my brain off, I just nodded, said ‘yes I was having a lovely time.

I’m sure people in hubbies company have been well briefed on what response they are likely to get if they ask me if I enjoy living in South Africa. If only they’d leave it like that and I’d reply ‘I love South Africa’ and we could all move on, but they’ve heard titbits and want more ‘did the move go smoothly? Would you do it again? Bet you’re enjoying the sun, not having to work, your freedom now the kids have gone.

It’s the same with family and friends, I smile through gritted teeth, they want the drama, to hear the truth, but they don’t want to deal with it, they can’t, they haven’t been there and they seem to think I’m attention seeking, it’s not THAT bad, how can it be compared to their lives of work, the cold and the hassles with kids, work.

For fear of adding ‘spoilt bitch’ to the list, I was sitting on the beach this morning, did I mention in Dubai? When my emotions took over. No it’s not the time of the month, no I’m not missing the kids where I feel ready to pack it all in and return to the UK (a common occurrence for expats) I just looked out to sea (past the 24/7 building sites that are everywhere) to Palm Island and wondered how the hell I got to be here.

Yes travel is lovely, I’ve certainly done a fair bit of it and probably a lot more than most people (expats excluded) I know, but I don’t really want to be here, it’s not what I had planned, it wasn’t future dream to sit all day in a *hotel, on my own, in an exotic location while my hubby goes to work. I’m supposed to still have one child at home instead of him being at boarding school in the UK, I’m supposed to be see the 3 older boys, 19, 21 and 24 randomly when they visit to drop off their washing, ask for money or pop in on their way to see their mates, but they can hardly do that when we live in different hemispheres. I’m supposed to be in a full time career, climbing the ladder and earning some serious dosh by now, but my visa doesn’t permit working in SA.

So when that woman came over and apologised for her son making a noise, I smiled, said not to worry, he was just being a boy, offered her the sun bed next to me and asked her about her life, she too is an expat, feeling isolated, lonely and out of her depth.

*I haven’t been isolated to the Hotel, I spent yesterday exploring Dubai on foot. I walked nearly 10kmms according to Google Maps and my feet are so blistered I could only manage the beach today.