It's been a tricky week trying to get everything done that I'd had planned in the time I had to do it all in. I'm now where near finished but I've got loads of time left and I'm not bothered if I don't finish everything on my list, other than keeping up with the blogging and get the garden planted out.
I'm not very good at doing just the one thing at a time, I've always got several things on the go. I get bored just doing one thing at a time and I'm easily distracted.
I've been juggling a lot of things this week and they've all been running concurrently.
Jobs
With Peter away in Turkey it was easier because I could just leave things out and not inconvenience him. I don't mean just me doing things is an inconvenience to him, but I mean I could leave ...
the lounge like this:
the kitchen like this:
and Peter's half of the bed like this:
Because I've been juggling all the jobs I've been meaning to do and with going to work each day, the weather being unsurprisingly sunny, I've just been able to walk away from a job half finished and not worry about anything getting in Peter's way when he's wanted to go to bed, sit and watch the telly or get himself something to eat. They haven't been jobs Peter could finish for me.
Emotions
Mother's Day without Stephanie. Everyone is quick to acknowledge those who are without a mother, but not many acknowledge those who are without a child. It seems it's either too hard for others to talk about or they're worried about upsetting you by mentioning their name. The biggest upset is no one mentioning their name anymore.
Marathon Training
I've fallen way behind with this with ill health and the weather and whilst I joined the gym and have been taking part in park runs, I've just not been feeling it. I've had support from Peter and a friend, but I just don't feel anyone else has been taking it seriously. I've no training plan, no personal coach, no fundraising plan in place. I'd hoped a few more people would've shared my posts or written one of their own, but as I said above, it just feels that no one is really interested in Stephanie anymore, or was that interested when she was alive. I know I'm doing this more for me than anyone else and there's a little bit of a panic as to what I'm going to do when all this training is over, what will fill the gap, the time, my brain space then?
So this week I've juggled posts across social media sites, I've run and started several jobs and left them half unfinished. But I'm ok with that. It's the weekend. it's time for a parkrun, the football and a visit to the seaside.
It is handy that Peter was away so you could leave things unfinished. It sounds like a productive week.
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs. I did think of you on Sunday. I wrote my Project 365 post this afternoon and gave you, Stephanie, the marathon and fundraising a mention. x
It does sound like you were juggling a lot this week, sometimes it's hard to focus on just one thing when you have lots you want to do. The nice weather makes you want to get out more and leave the house jobs behind.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how upsetting it is if those closest to you don't seem supportive or want to mention Stephanie. I'm probably guilty of scrolling past posts on social media and I barely ever share anything as I think nobody is taking any notice anyway.
It sounds like you had a lovely weekend planned, I hope the park run went well x
I did laugh at the Peter not being there so you can leave things out. I do the exact same when David is away 😊 I sort of don't want to celebrate Mother's Day at all. Last year we did nothing - wasn't intentional, think we all just didn't really know how to approach it and honestly I wasn't even upset. I don't need the day to know my kids appreciate me but it does bring up all those sad emotions again.
ReplyDeleteI hope I can get some more jobs done but I doubt I'll be doing much juggling. I hope that you manage to get everything done. I'm sorry Mother's day was difficult for you without Stephanie, I can't imagine losing a child. Sending a big hug.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you’ve been busy juggling but it’s nice to be able to walk away and leave things unfinished and not feel pressured to tidy things back up again. Mother’s Day is such a hard day. People not mentioning your child’s name as time goes on is also hard – I know I talk less about Jessica now because there’s not anything new to say and other people mention her less too, but she’s still in my thoughts just as much as ever and still just as much a part of our family as Stephanie is in your thoughts and always still as much a part of your family too. The marathon training sounds tough physically and mentally. I hope that all goes well when you get there and that you do find something else that fills the gap once it’s over too x
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