Monday, 20 January 2025

2025 Week 3 - One Daily Positive and Project 365

I'm not impressed with the NHS Talking Therapies support. I made a self referral, I waited 8 weeks for a phone consultation. It was 50 minutes. I was asked really deep questions about Stephanie's death, self harm, then informed because I am able to care for myself and go to work I'm not in need of help and support, but if I find I do need help I can self refer again. 8 weeks ago I made the self referral for a reason. I can't afford to wait another 8 weeks for help again. I've been sent an email list of places I can contact, all online groups, no 1:1 face to face support unless I continue to pay private, which I can do, but it's not local, it doesn't fit in with my job and basically when you're paying someone these days, they tell you what you a) want to hear or b) tell you what they need you to hear to keep you coming back. I don't know how these sessions are supposed to run, what format CBT takes, I just wanted some guidance, support, signposting, which is what I thought the NHS service I'd signed up for was to help me with. Nope, I'm on my own again, back to square one.

Then on Tuesday, I had a new student, no warning, other than an email 20 mins before they arrived. A student whose Father died mid December, same age as Stephanie, a vulnerable, grieving student who was struggling to return to school and someone thought (or didn't think) I know we'll take them up to Suzanne, she's good with students like this, normally I'd agree, but it really caught me on the back foot, I didn't have time to think, process, prepare. I could hardly turn the student away. I just said I was sorry to hear his dad had died and that my daughter had died too, that was no set way to behave, act, respond, no question was too daft and sometimes there might not be an answer. Sometimes we might laugh and other times we might cry. He said he had a good day and could he come back to see me tomorrow.

Day 13
Sunrise looked so pretty on the way to work, I stopped to take a photo. Only 1 student in today and they were late which was good for me as I had a bad morning. Left work early for a call with NHS counselling service as I’m a) not at risk of harming myself and b) able to go to work and care for myself I’m not in need of help and support. Coffee with a friend, a good cry and home to cook dinner, watch tv, bath and off to bed early.


Day 14
Van sent to garage for repairs to trailer that we don't have. The morning session was difficult. First Maths tutoring since September, it went really well, 2 students, after school meeting mix up so home early, dinner, grandson read me a story, tv, bath and an evening blogging and watching TV, stayed up till 10.30pm. Ferry booked for half term to Northern Ireland.


Day 15  
Work was manic today and I abandoned a lesson and got out the UNO while I regrouped and replanned. Feedback at the end of the day was positive. I had 8 students in years 7-11, all engaged which was the main objective for Alternative Provision, normal lessons resumed 30 mins later with new English lesson. Coffee after work with friends and home. Was exhausted. 3rd cup of tea finally drunk (first 2 forgotten and went cold) in bed watching tv after a bath.


Day 16
Work was a lot calmer today. Peter walked down to the retail park to meet me for coffee. Struggling to process Stephanie’s absence for so many reasons, her upcoming birthday, new grandchild due soon and missed opportunities. I’m feeling a bit like these flowers today, wonky.


Day 17
Nothing symbolic about this photo just the only one I took today to show my friend who bought it that I was actually using it. Busy day in work swopping classrooms between lessons and juggling year 7 The Tempest and Year 11 Macbeth. It keeps me on my toes and I enjoy the challenges working in Alternative Provision throws at me. Home to an oven dinner in front of the telly. A new series and a chilled evening.


Day 18
Lie in, breakfast and a movie in bed. We’ve both been going into Gloucester for over 40 years (the last 25 years together) as our local city. For the cinema, night clubs and shopping. The last 16 years as it’s been Stephanie’s home. It was strange to go there today for no particular reason other than just because it’s what we’re used to doing. Home mid afternoon. I went out for a walk and a hot chocolate with a friend to blow away some cobwebs and came home to a roast dinner. Evening in front on the TV and an early night.


Day 19
Day spent at Croome with blogger friend Mary and family, this was the only photo I took. Evening spent messaging and on video calls with some of my other favourite people.

On the blog this week: Christmas in Las Vegas

Something to make you smile:
Van warning light of faulty trailer attachment, breaks and lights. I DO NOT HAVE A TRAILER OR A TOW BAR. It toggles non stop emitting a warning noise. I cannot read anything else on the dash board. Constant collision alert if a vehicle is behind my imaginary trailer. Can't reverse into a parking space as my imaginary trailer is shown in my reversing camera smashing into a brick wall.

What's made me happy this week?
Friends who understand. Online friends, real life friends, friends who like us have sadly lost children of different ages, young and old. Tucking into Christmas Chocolates, walks with friends. Starting a baby bundle pack for new grandchild and mum to be.




You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

12 comments:

  1. It's so wrong that the NHS is not great for mental health support when you expect it to be, we found that with my youngest. She was discharged by them because she didn't need help on that particular day we went to see someone. Thankfully she has the support from college and their wellbeing services. It sounds like you did really well with the new student, you didn't have much of a choice but at least they know they have someone that they can talk to.
    I hope you got the van fixed, the thing about the trailer did make me chuckle. I am glad we're not the only one's eating the Christmas chocolate's.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's sad that the NHS doesn't take into account how far you've fallen, it just looks at whether you are functioning or not, not peoples starting point. Van is fixed now, no more trailers.

      Delete
  2. I'm sorry to hear you've had such a tough week, grief is awful and unpredictable. That isn't good that you couldn't get the help you need from talking therapies, people who work and don't self-harm need help too. The system is sadly broken. Sending hugs and support, I hoep this week is a little brighter for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The NHS Talking Therapies support sounds rubbish. I’m so sorry that they’ve been so unhelpful. I did get offered counselling after Jessica died but all it really gave me was a space to talk for a few weeks. I don’t know if you’ve tried Compassionate Friends, which is a charity for bereaved parents. I think they have a peer support service if that might be helpful for you. That’s shocking that you had so little warning about your new student. It’s good that he found talking to you helpful but definitely would have been helpful for you to be prepared or at least for others to have realised how triggering it might have been for you. Lovely to have your grandson read you a story. I love your kettle. Thinking of you over the coming weeks with Stephanie’s birthday coming up and the arrival of your new grandchild. #project365

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad that I found someone to talk through the trauma with in the first few weeks, even though that isn't happening anymore, it really helped me be able to just focus on the grief instead.

      Delete
  4. I'm so so sorry that the Talking Therapies' experience was the opposite of helpful, that is a pretty abysmal level of understanding or not understanding how to support someone grieving.
    It is also shocking that they just "dump" a grieving student on you without any warning. Big big hugs.
    Your invisible trailer did make me smile. Glad you have support of friends and family.
    I think I also feel like a bunch of wonky tulips.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The wonky tulips just needed a bit of TLC, a bit like me

      Delete
  5. Sorry to read about the NHS Talking Therapies support you received, I'm also currently on a similar waiting list and was told 8 months which is a long time to wait. I love reading that your friends who understand made you feel happy this week, it's great you have support in that respect. Sending lots of hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I am having more better moments these days.

      Delete
  6. That’s terrible waiting so long and not getting any help. I can recommend a good person I’ve used myself privately turning point counselling - Nicola Eusden - she’s probably miles away from you but does do phone consultations and doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear she was fabulous when I needed her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the recommendation. I have book marked her> I'm trying to find someone local for face to face, but if necessary, a telephone consultation would be good.

      Delete

ShareThis