Week 15 One Daily Positive and Project365. Our Grandson came to stay.

It has been a long and busy week, full of family, grandchildren and visits and ended up with us braving the Easter traffic to drive to West Wales for a short break, leaving the cat under the care of the neighbours and taking the dog with us. 

I haven't blogged this week, but I've had a lot of food for thought. Some of it I won't be blogging about as it's not about me, or it will effect the relationships I have with others. It's so frustrating to have so many real life family/friends reading my thoughts without worrying about the negative feedback.

99 Saturday Day spent food shopping, dog walking and coffee drinking. I prepared the Easter Gifts for the small people and baked some cakes and made chocolate moulds. There was some cleaning to do and general prep for Grandson's arrival.

100 Sunday Peter played golf and I ran round making beds and did the final prep for child 2, his wife and their baby's arrival. Mid afternoon they met family and I did some shopping, when Peter got home we had a roast dinner.

He's grandads little man, for sure.

101 Monday a long and busy day for our 5 month old grandson as he was taken to meet his Great Granny, Great Nanna, met 5 second cousins, his aunt, uncle and our other grandchild, his cousin, another uncle, a grandad and various other family members of various ages and relationships. Peter collected his mum from Bristol to meet me in Monmouth as I had to catch 2 buses to get to the flat to do a quick check on the repairs, we got home around 6pm and had dinner, Peter returned around 8pm. Everyone absolutely exhausted.

Grandson, DIL 2a and MIL.

102 Tuesday We started the morning baby watching for an hour and baby sitting for half an hour when he woke up while his mum and dad popped out to the retail park. We then went into Worcester for a couple of hours, the dogs got walked, baby slept and I sorted washing and some tidying up. Out for dinner in the evening.

103 Wednesday Everyone and their dog left after lunch, the cat took a few hours to realise there was no mad Molly dog in her home anymore. We made a half hearted attempt to tidy, wash and clean, before giving in and just watching the telly. |I spent some time in my craft room, putting the finishing touches to next doors Easter gifts.

There were tears when this little man left. Mine of course.

104 Thursday Tidied up, washing on and hoovered. Off to visit child 1 and drop off her Easter Egg. Onto collect mum, DIL and grandchild for a coffee and back to mums house for a bit, then called in at our old neighbours in the Forest of Dean to drop off Easter eggs, home at 7pm and evening spent ironing, packing and watching The Bubble on Netflix. Having worked in a bubble during covid and having had endless PCRs and having to quarantine, it was a funny movie in a bitter, sweet way.

105 Friday Set off around 9am on a short break to West Wales it appears no one was travelling there through the country and the roads were quiet. We were going to meet up with some friends, but their kids came down with a stomach bug and they cut their trip short.

For fear of waking early, but I failed. Ended up with a thicker blanket to block the light with a number of pegs to keep it in place.

Nothing on the blog this week.

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What happens after your kids leave home?

Like many of you, I'm sure, I've stood in a supermarket queue, pushing the trolley gently backwards and forwards, just like a pram/pushchair and there's been no child in it just a habit I'd been unable to break. It has been a long time since I've done that, but there are many other parenting things I still do, despite the children having left home.

I often wake early in the morning and on checking the clock, panic and realise no one will be ready for school at in time and as soon as I have the thought I remember I haven't done a 'school run' since the end of 2013.

I hide chocolate and sweets, in the veg drawer in the fridge, then I forget where I've put them. I'm often surprised when I open a cupboard and find a packet of crisps, long forgotten, yet don't eat them as the novelty of a find like that now the kids have left home is long gone.

Two of our children were home for Christmas and the New Year, they each had their own room and shared a bathroom, something they both had and did when we were in the UK also. I must admit I found it a struggle with them being back at home. I'm used to the house being clean and tidy, to watching what I want on the tv and when, going to bed at my time of choosing and not waking up to a pile of washing up or dropped wet towels dumped on the floor.

I usually wash at the weekend, but I had to wash in the week, several times. My food bill went through the roof and not one drawer or cupboard was a safe hiding place from being raided. We ran out of milk more than once and on one occasion there was panic when the tea caddy was empty. 

Although still my children, they are adults now with their own lives and homes and ways of doing things, they were critical of my cooking, what I bought for shopping, yet they didn't write anything on the list or going to the shops for me, although the older child did cook us a meal one evening that was very nice, but hubby paid for it. We don't expect any of our visitors to pay for their keep, especially our children and we do help them out with the flight costs and/or trips and meals out when visiting. 

I returned to work this year, I struggled to stay awake in the evenings as the kids wanted to spend time with me, they wanted to go out in the evenings when all I wanted to do was sleep, but I obliged, knowing soon they would return to their own homes and it would be many months before I see them again. 

I was relieved when they left, it's been 2 years since I was responsible for anyone else other than the dog and cat. It's been 5 years since I last worked and had my free time dictated to me. 

I have no idea how I managed working full time with 5 kids. I'm struggling now just to work and get enough sleep. Mind you I don't get as many migraines and I'm not shouty and snapping everyone's heads off as there is no one to get snappy with.

The boys commented to hubby that 'mum seems to have calmed down' they have no notion that they were the reason I wasn't calm, when managing 5 sets of needs/wants and acting as a bloody referee all the time and chauffeuring them around, cooking endless meals, battles with homework etc, etc. 

After the boys left on their last visit, I wandered around an empty house, feeling a little sorry for myself, wishing the visit could've been longer, but at the same time acknowledging that they are now adults, have lives of their own and there is a reason why your children leave home.

The teen returns for 2 weeks on Tuesday, his room is ready, I'll restock the cupboards next week and I'll hide all my goodies, computer cables and everything else he likes to borrow while he's home. 

I now tolerate the mess, the dirty washing, the missing cups and plates, sweet wrappers down the side of the sofa, for me I only have to put up with it for 2 weeks and I'd rather have quality time with my children than nagging them to have the house clean and tidy and arguing.

Our expat child. Is he home or on holiday?

The teenage boy is here in Dubai this week for the Easter holidays. He turns 16 next week and on his return to the UK he has his GCSE's lined up ahead of him.

He left South Africa in August 2013 to finish his education in a UK boarding school and comes back for the major holidays. His last trip home was to move with us from South Africa to Dubai in December, but our house wasn't ready, our visa's delayed and furniture in storage so we stayed in a hotel and his older brother joined us.

This is the teens first visit to our new home. He has a bedroom, we've made the bed with his bedding and brought out of storage his personal items, toys, photo's, beach clothing and ornaments. He had seen the house before the repairs had been done and cleaned, but he says it feels like a home, just not his home anymore.

This makes me sad, but I also understand his reasoning. School is where he has his own room, he is fed, his clothes are washed and ironed, his friends are there. His routines, the boarding staff know his preferences as he has grown and matured, they are the ones who parent him these days.

I want his visits home to be enjoyable, I want him to feel like this is his home, I don't want to nag him, but I want to parent him, I want to do some fun things with him, catch up on the missing months. He knows this and prefers to go down the route of parting me with my money and getting the balance right is important.

He needed new clothes, shoes and a suit for his prom, he wangled a new camera bag out of me and endless visits to cafes and restaurants. We've done a few touristy things, a ferry trip, the beach, the Burj Khalifa. We've also played monopoly, trivial pursuits, planted the garden, walked the dog, watched movies.

We have a week left. As a teenager he doesn't want to be out with mum all the time, the activities such as Wild Wadi, SkyDive Dubai all cost a small fortune and he has no one to experience these activities with, no friends here.

We pay school fees, pocket money, flights back to visit us, we aren't on holiday and neither is he really. He's asked if he can have a few days at 'home' just to chill out and relax, which is what he elder brothers did at his age when they lived at home and we were in the UK.

This is his home, it's where his parents are, where we live, work, play. But it's not his home in the conventional way and even if we moved back to the UK, he'd remain in boarding school so not to interrupt a settled routine that is working for him, but at least when he came home he'd have a permanent room and regular stays.

But when he returns to the UK, his things will be packed up, the bedding changed and the room ready for the next visitor.