Repatriation Part 4 - Relocating the cat and dog to the UK

We brought Bob and Pushkins to Dubai from South Africa Now we're taking them both to the UK. Entry requirements to the UK are far less complicated or so it seems at this moment in time, but as with all relocations, things do get thrown up and tend to cause a lot of stress at the last minute.

Bob in South Africa

Pushkins in Dubai

We're paying a relocation company to help us with the move, they've provided all the information we need and links to UK government websites to avoid tax and duty.

All their injections are up to date. The vets have the forms they need to complete and sign to confirm all injections have been given and that both the animals have a micro chip.

Micro chips must be implanted prior to giving the rabies jab and the pets must have at least 30 days left before the next one is due to be able to travel. Bob the dog must be treated for tapeworm and fly within 5 days of the tablet being administered by a vet.

The cat and dog need to travel within 5 days of my flight and can only fly into Manchester, Edingburgh, Gatwick and Heathrow, so I'm arranging for them to be processed and transported from the airport.

I don't know what airline they will be flying with as the relocation company will book the flights. Pets have to fly cargo out of Dubai, regardless of the airline and the price is per kilo, including the weight of the crate.

We kept the pet crates after the last move, but not sure if the dog crate is up to standard. We will attempt repairs, but it's looking likely we'll need to purchase a new one. The cat's crate has been stored indoors and is ok to use.

The dog needs to be measured.

HOW TO MEASURE YOUR DOG LENGTH _______________ cm From the tip of the nose to the base of the tail (i.e. excluding the tail itself). 
LENGTH OF FRONT LEG _______________ cm From the ground to his or her elbow (left or right will do!). 
WIDTH _______________ cm With your dog standing, and you standing over top of him or her and looking straight down, find and measure the widest part of his or her body, wherever that happens to be! 
HEIGHT STANDING _______________ cm From the ground to his or her highest point (normally the top of the head, or in some cases his or her perky ears!). 
HEIGHT SITTING UPRIGHT _______________ cm Again, from the ground to the highest point.

The cat's breed as per the booklet book and information if the cat is particularly tall or long bodied.

Pushkins has been an indoor cat for the past 2 years due to her getting in frights with strays and over eating with the food put out by neighbours. Her new home is also on a busy road and as she's almost 11, she'll continue to be an indoor cat.

I'm hoping Bob will like the UK, not sure what he'l think of the rain and cold, it's not something he's used to. In South Africa the winters are cold in the night but warm in the day and dry. It's the summer it rains and it doesn't last long.

He's never seen snow, but the UK is much better suited for owning a dog than Dubai is with this heat and ability to take him places. He adapted to Dubai, I'm confident he'll adapt to the UK and I have bought him waterproofs.

The cost for their relocation is AED 12,000 approximately £2,500

I'll let you know how they're settling in.

How the Mike Bolhuis flamingo project is also supporting vulnerable children in South Africa.

I came across Mike Bolhuis and the Flamingo Project through a friend in South Africa. I’m here for 2 weeks working with volunteers who support children’s charities year-round. When I’m not in South Africa I work behind the scenes, promoting, fund raising and online support. You can read about my last visit in December 2018, supporting a Christmas Charity.

After recent droughts in South Africa Mike took it upon himself to try and rescue hundreds of dehydrated and starving flamingo chicks, which hatched back in February in Kamfersdam, Kimberley.

Photo Credit

These chicks have now been released back into their natural habitat, but Mike was left with 100’s of teddy bears the public had donated for the flamingo chicks to snuggle up to, to keep warm and to play with.

I spoke to Mike this week to thank him for the teddy bears, which are now washed, repaired and waiting to be rehoused to 300 vulnerable children living in poverty or in orphanages in and around Pretoria.

You can read more about Mike’s Flamingo rescue on his face book page.

Flamingoes are one of my favourite birds and I often visit Ras Al Khor bird santuary where I live in Dubai and I went in search of the flamingoes in the Western Cape in July 2015.

I'm, pleased Mike and the volunteers have been successful with their project, just a shame I didn't arrive earlier and I could have volunteered.

Parenting highlights. Our youngest child.

A holiday to France with a 2 year old who yelled 'Mum' all the time but it sounded like he was saying 'Merde' the French for shit.

The eldest then aged 14 who was tasked with looking after the same child mentioned above aged 3, who ran away and ended up involving the police who shut the park down in Abergavenny at the Mr Blobby family fun day, finally locating said child looking for coins behind the slot machines.

The time when the same child also in France got his head wedged in a bench aged 4 and with his speech impediment sound like he was saying 'I'm a duck' instead of 'I'm stuck' and we ignored his cries for help saying 'there's nice' and 'quack quack'

Again, the same child, aged 5, and in France again who called me a 'crap mummy' all day because I said no to buying a fire truck as there was no room in the car and I refused to leave his older brother behind as he suggested.

The same trip when I said no to an ice cream and he ran off, leaving us frantically searching for him for almost an hour, till one of his brothers found him hiding under the ice cream sign.

Then aged 7 sparking a full search on Perranporth beach with BBC seaside rescue filming our frantic moments locating him, who then said they wouldn't be using the material they shot as I wasn't upset enough.

The eldest again then aged 18 taking said child above, aged 8, to the toilets in San Francisco, arguing with him over washing his hands and then found 30 minutes later strolling across the Golden Gate Bridge on his own.

We have parented 5 children together over the past 20 years. Said child above is the youngest of the 5. He turns 20 next week.

A child of the 70's parenting in the 1990's.

This is me, born 1971, most photos are either in B&W or sepia. In most of my childhood photos, I'm not wearing any clothes.

On a beach in Wales on our annual holiday. Around 1974.

Fast forward 30 years. One of only a handful of photo's we have of all 5 of the kids together.

On a beach in France.

These are our kids, child 5, 3, 2, 4 & 1. Born in 1988, 89, 92, 95 & 99.

My parenting journey started in 1992, child 1 & 2 are my step children who were added to my family in 2000.

When my first son was born I had to pay to have a seat belt fitted in the back seats to secure the baby car seat. That car seat kept all 3 of my kids safe and was used by friends also.

In 1999 I got my first mobile phone, I was 28. It was also the year my last child was born. It had no camera or internet access. I had internet in the home but it took ages to connect and load and if the phone rang, it cut out mid 'Ask Jeeves'.

We didn't have SKY or BSB as it was back then till 2002, but we did have a more than the 3 TV channels I grew up with, there was no bedtime hour and if we wanted to record something to watch later it was on VHS.

When I was a child we didn't get VHS until I was 11 and I was the TV remote control.

Cinema when I was a child and a rare one, the first movie I remember seeing was ET, I was 11. 

For my children a trip to the cinema was for a special occasion. 

We had no one to compare our child's development with other than family members, local play groups and in school.

When we weened our children they ate the same food as us, just pureed, there was no stress about bottle or breast, no one judged us for our choices.

We lived in a small village and used local playgroups, we all attended the same anti natal classes and saw the same midwife and health visitor. We were pretty much all of the same when it came to finances and lifestyle and parenting styles.

We got in a car with our kids and drove for hours on an annual holiday, camping or in a chalet for which we saved up the cash, packing the food from the fridge, with maybe 1 night in a restaurant, but always taking picnics on days out. 

If an unexpected bill came up, there was no annual holiday.

We had 2nd hand furniture and didn't replace curtains and carpets just because we didn't like the pattern and we didn't redecorate just because.

We managed these journeys without tabs and electronic devices to entertain the kids with.

We didn't have google to find '10 things to do with kids on a car journey' or "kid friendly restaurants' We planned our trip before we left home and had a picnic on route.

We baked crispy cakes without a recipe, we used cardboard boxes and plastic bottles for junk modelling without reading a blog post for guidance. We let the kids play in the garden with plastic tubs and water, we didn't call it a 'mud kitchen' 

We explored the local woods, collected twigs and stones, but didn't call it 'educational play' 

We used the TV and VHS as a baby sitter. We visited our neighbours taking the baby listener with us.

We let the neighbours kids take our kids over the park for hours at a time and just yelled for them when dinner was ready.

We bought 2nd hand baby items and had hand me downs. We swopped maternity clothes.

We shared day care with our neighbours around our work hours and often had 6 kids between us. We bathed them and they stayed over night even as tiny babies, sharing beds.

We saved up for Christmas and birthdays were held in the home, with pass the parcel and musical bumps. We made sandwiches, home made cakes and poured jugs of squash into plastic beakers. 

We borrowed crockery and cutlery from the neighbours and carried chairs across the cul de sac on Christmas day.

We held weddings and christenings in the local social club, with everyone contributing a dish or two.

We were a lot less stressed, there was less competition, there was little comparison.

I'm grateful I'm not parenting under the glaze of social media.

My parenting differed little from how I was raised other than my kids had seat belts and car seats, I stood in the footwell on car journeys and sat up front without a seat belt.

My parents didn't have mobile phones, but neither did my kids so they knew what time to come home and if they were late we'd know where to find them.

My children will face new challenges when they become parents. I don't know if they'll get dragged along with the latest trends or whether they'll be creating new ones.

All I know is the advice I received as a new parent on the 'do's and don't's' such as co sleeping, or lying a baby on it's back or side' whether to bottle or breast feed, will have changed and who knows maybe they'll receive the same advice I did, because it's back in fashion.

How much do your parenting styles differ from your parents with you? Are there any similarities?

Soshanguve Township, South Africa, Christmas gift giving.

We lived in South Africa January 2011 till December 2014, since then I've returned many times to continue supporting a Christmas Charity with collecting and distributing Christmas gifts to children living in poverty in townships in and around Pretoria. There's so much more to just packing a box, it involves work all year round, from visiting facilities in rural townships, to collecting names, uploading information on the website, through to asking for individual donations as well as obtaining bulk donations, collecting, sorting and delivering the gifts to the children often in locations with no phone signal or GPS location.

A friend and I did 3 celebrations on Sunday, 200+ children. 2 facilities were new to us and took some finding, driving off road and round in circles, mindful of our personal safety. We arrived at the facilities to discover they'd enrolled extra children and we had to make magic boxes from our collection of extras in the car boot to ensure every child received a gift.

It's very emotional, it's hot and hard work (temps 35c) no running water, a long drop only to pee in and trust me, you really have to be desperate to use one. 

These are the children's bathrooms.

It's very rewarding though and we get to meet the most amazing and selfless people who support orphans and the most vulnerable children in society, often with no government funding. 

By bringing a child in their care a Christmas Gift we are supporting the supporters, what we do is very little in comparison to their day to day struggles.

For reasons of child protection I am unable to post pictures of the children.

Car loaded and off. Only in South Africa can packets of sanitary pads cause much excitement for young girls.

This is the home for one young boy. He lives with his sister who has a small baby and their disabled grandmother in one room, this is their kitchen where they cook on a make shift fire.

One fo the care providers receiving a box on behalf of a child. Of the 7000+ boxes collected when I was here in September/October, I was surprised to discover 2 boxes I'd personally packed from friends in the UK.

What are age appropriate toys when you have Special Needs?

This is my almost 30 year old step daughter, she has multiple special needs and physical difficulties. She does not communicate verbally or with PECS (Picture Exchange). She does not respond well to hand over hand activities, anything and everything will be put in her mouth, sand gets rubbed in her eyes, paint would be smeared around, play dough eaten and water trays would be emptied all over her and she really does not cooperate with a clean up process.

She needs 24/7 supervision and full support to do everything. Dressing, feeding, going to bed, getting up, toileting, finances etc.

She lives in a care home with one other woman and full time care staff, she attends physio, horse riding, swimming. Has visits from the Occupational Therapist, has trips into town for cake and lunch, enjoys visits to the supermarket, walks and trips out in the car.

A full and busy life, but there is lots of time when she is in her home, she has access to a sensory room, but due to their being a ridge to access and another service user and often only 1 staff member she rarely uses it and if the staff member is in the kitchen managing paper work or cooking she will stand and watch, but once they have to do something else, she wanders back to her room, where she favours and just sits for hours on her bed.

The staff are unable to restrict access to her room, they're also unable to encourage/make her stay in the sensory room. They are also unable to lift her off the floor or move her manually into another room.

She receives a lot of 1:1 time and care, but does not entertain herself, she will follow you from room to room and if you're busy will just wander off back to her room, she doesn't seek out activities or toys, you have to keep her supplied with items that light up, make a noise and have a sensory feel to them. They have to be indestructible, sturdy, but not too sturdy that they won't hurt you when after she's put it in her mouth she throws them across the room.

She doesn't stack things, sort things, work out that if she pushes a button, there's a reaction, she just shakes it, tastes it and lobs it.

This makes it difficult to find things that she can entertain herself with. She has access to a ball pool, a water filled floor mattress, there are fibre optics in the room and cushions and soft toys. I introduced a CD player to the room on the weekend and suggested furniture was moved and that the staff member did their paperwork in the room to encourage her and the other service user to stay in the room, which they did.

I then went out shopping for some new toys. I was faced with a limited selection. I tried several shops, too many toys were unsuitable, small parts, too sturdy and likely to cause others damage, too many small parts that could be swallowed, too flimsy and could be ripped apart.
I usually end up buying her baby rattles and musical instruments, but they're made from plastic or wood and after being biffed several times, which really hurts, I'm always on the look out for alternatives.

It would be nice to buy toys for her that were a bit more age appropriate, toys that weren't manufactured for babies or had peppa pig or paw patrol on them, regardless of the fact that doesn't register with her anyway.

This is what I've come up with so far from Asda, The Range and The Works. Total spent £18. I'm still looking out for some stretchy toys, handheld stress balls, solid enough not to hurt anyone, but not too soft to be bitten into and more toys that light up or make a noise when shaken, so if you know where I can get these from, please let me know.

The next generation have taken over

How did this happen? I'm only 46, they haven't even made me a grandparent yet, yet they've slowly taken over and put themselves in charge.

I recently spent the weekend in Northern Ireland with my son and his girlfriend.

I'm using his car for the summer while I'm in the UK as he's going away with work for 6 months. I booked my flights, airport parking and a B&B and travelled their all by myself. I mean I even managed to get from Dubai to the UK in the first place.

But on arrival, my bag was taken from me, I was sat in the back of the car, driven to the B&B, settled in, checked that I had everything I needed and was informed of what time I would be collected, what I'd need to wear, bring with me etc.

Days out were planned, again I was sat in the back, coffee was brought to me upon collection to save them having to stop to fulfil my needs, I was informed of toilet stop availability and asked if I needed to go before setting off between sites and told quite firmly to put my purse away.

I'm 46 FFS, in control of my bladder, most of the time as long as trampoline's aren't involved and as far as I'm aware I still have all my faculties.

The 27 year old is no better, he's worried I'm taking on too much. Am I resting enough, eating properly. I'm doing no different now with helping the 18 year find a job than I did with the 27 year old when he left school and at 46, I'm still a lot younger than most of the 18 year old's school friends parents, in fact a lot younger than all the 27 year old's friend's parents. (I'll just add here, technically step mum, but just mum to him) He's also informed me I am NOT allowed to take child 1 out on my own from now on, as I struggled the other day getting her in and out the car, she is profoundly disabled and whilst she is small and light weight for an almost 30 year, she does have challenging behaviour, this is nothing to do with my age or ability, just to do with mine and her safety and risk of injury to us both.

The 18 year old has also stepped up a gear. We're sharing a 1 bed flat, I really thought I'd be pulling my hair out after a week, but I'm not, he's keeping his part clean and tidy as well as the communal areas and is nagging me to fold up my sofa bed daily as it'll make the place look tidier and less depressing and feel more like a home than a bed sit. He's right of course (don't tell him) and it does make it nicer to come home and be able to sit together to watch TV in the evenings. He writes the shopping list and helps with the budgeting, I shop, he tells me off for lugging the shopping from the car and up the stairs alone, he makes me a cup of tea, has run me a bath, tells me to relax.

The 25 year old is doing no such thing, he still wants looking after, with his list of diva demands, that I'm happy to make. He is the one I've spent the least amount of time with over the past 7 years since we moved abroad, he's always lived the furthest away, been the most independent and is now moving to Australia. But he is the one that comes to me the most for help, guidance and support. 'Mum, how do I ......... ?????????'

Sadly the boys had to step up a gear 4 weeks ago when my dad died suddenly at home. The teen and I were with him when he died and over the past 4 weeks he's been amazing. He's been doing jobs in the garden, entertaining the great grand children, cooking meals, fixing the toilet door locks and taps. Child 4 flew over from Northern Ireland, thankfully his deployment was delayed and he managed to make the funeral, he ran errands for his nanna, did all the driving to save me from having to do it and food shopped. Child 3 and 3a came down from Leeds for the weekend, cooked a couple of meals for us for the week ahead, but had to return to work and child 3 made it back down for the funeral, he also had to pack up his life, flat and job as he flew out to Australia with 3a whilst I was writing this post. 2 and 2a live near by and have been back and forth, driving me to and from the funeral, fetching coffee etc.

I have the most amazing boys. Peter and I are very proud to call them our sons. Their girlfriends are wonderful also. Sadly 4a wasn't able to make it over and Peter missed 3a as she was saying goodbye to her family ahead of the move to Australia.

Coping with a disabled adult child.

It's been 6 months since I last saw my step daughter, child 1 of 5. I live in Dubai, she lives in a care home in Gloucester.

The teen, child 5 of 5, and I took her out on Friday for the afternoon. Nothing too adventurous, a trip to the local supermarket, for lunch and a bit of shopping.

We were both shattered and badly bruised. Despite the teens best efforts, she managed to reach out and jab me in the ribs while I was driving, I received an elbow in the chest and a punch to the stomach. She rammed everyone and everything with the trolley, grabbed hold of other peoples trolleys as they walked past and actually went off with one woman. The glass spice jars narrowly escaped crashing to the floor, she refused to eat her lunch and lobbed her drinks bottle across the café.

We weren't out long enough to battle a nappy change, thankfully. The staff in the café exclaimed 'ooh she's not usually this lively, are you new members of staff?'

3 hours, that was all and we were both physically and mentally shattered.

We're visiting again tomorrow, we've decided to stay and play with her in her own home and take her for a walk around the neighbourhood.

As much as I'm getting older and find it difficult to get her in and out the car, the kids are all adults now, over 6ft tall and more than willing to help mum with their sister and spend time with her, but I don't allow them to do any of her personal care, apart from helping with outer clothing and shoes on and off. Sadly I think the last time I ever take her out on my own has now been and gone.

It's not easy admitting you can't cope any more, difficult to admit to yourself, battling with self imposed guilt that you can no longer take her days out on your own, and just a simple trip is hard work.

Peter is joining me in the UK in 2 weeks time, so we'll try again, no agenda, just keep it local and simple and keep the visits short and try not to feel guilty about being able to do more.

How practical is practical parenting advice?

How practical is practical parenting advice?

I stopped looking for help and guidance with my children a long time before the internet became the ‘go to’ place to go, in fact I didn’t own a mobile phone or have an email address until after my last son was born and that was in 1999, as he was the 3^rd boy I’d gone past the stage of needing advice on changing nappies, sleeping arrangements and weaning, However when we did start to have issues, I didn’t turn to friends, family or the internet, I went straight to the professionals and followed their guidance and help.

It’s what led me to my choice of career, although now redundant as I'm currently a ‘lady who lunches’ or in other words an expat, it became my job to be the person who advised and issued the guidelines on how to parent, where to go to to get support, help and advice and what was normal childhood within any and every situation. I didn’t make it my mission to learn everything and tell you it all, I made it my job to help you implement the latest guidance and advice into your day to day life. I also trained NVQ 3 students in Childcare and Education in a variety of settings and supported work experience students. As well as 2 years as a child welfare officer training and supporting volunteers, coaches and others involved in grassroots football, and working with multi agencies. 

I can very easily sit here and tell you how to manage any situation either from a personal, work or friends experience or I can google search something straight away, tell you what and how to do it, but leave you feeling inadequate because the solution doesn’t fit your family needs.

It's all well and good advising a parent on how to deal with a problem child, a child with disabilities, a child who is being bullied, or is the bully. A child who is a picky eater or just doesn't sleep or wets the bed, or is drinking alcohol or taking drugs, child who is excelling in school but just not being stretched enough or a child that is slow to read or write or just can't grasp a maths concept, but it's not always practical to implement.

I've pretty much either dealt with a lot of these things with my own family or I've been on training courses or worked in a particular area of expertise.

I appreciate every family environment is different and that some of the advice may not be relevant or work for you. Finances may be an issue, you could be a single parent, you could be in an abusive relationship, you could have 1 child or 10. You have food shopping, washing, ironing and cleaning to do, school runs in all weathers in a car or on foot, a partner who works irregular hours, you could be a stay at home parent or part time or full time working parent or parents.

My last child turns 18 in April, all 5 have survived into adulthood and beyond. I hope by sharing experiences I've had as a mother that I can help you by guiding you in the right direction, offering tips on what worked for us, how issues were resolved and that in the long run, everything did work out ok.

Where do you turn for support and advice?