What stresses me out?

Micro managing....

Ask me to do something for you, give me a date and time it needs to be done by and I'll do it.

I always do.

But please don't keep checking up on me every 5 mins.

Don't ask me to explain to you or to other people exactly how I'm doing something.

Just leave me alone and let me get on with it.


Organising what other people are going to do....

We're going out for the day or arranging a dinner. Date, time and location are sorted, don't keep checking with me and confirming arrangements 20 times.

Don't ask me to sort out what you're going to wear, whether you need warmer clothes or not, I'm not you.

If I've never been somewhere before I can't tell you which car park to use, whether the ticket machine takes coins or not or where the nearest toilet is.

I don't need to tell you what time I'm leaving home and what route I've planned when I'm coming from a different location.

Who eats/drinks what, where and when....

If I'm out with a group of people and one of them wants a drink then just say. If I've been there before I can tell you where a coffee shop is, but it's not my decision which one you go in and what you have to drink either.

If I say I really don't mind what I eat or where and when, then that is exactly what I mean. If you want help making a decision then ask, don't put it onto me.

If we're at a venue and you can't decide what we should do first, then use the word 'we', don't expect me to decide for you, it's a joint venture.

Consequences of me being stressed out....

I'll say eat here, drink this, turn left, sit down if you're tired.

If you ask me to do something I'll do it my way, I don't have time to keep checking in with you to discuss my progress, especially if it's something I've not done before. Allow me peace to get on with it. I'll answer your questions when I've found out the answers, I won't make decisions on your behalf that will cost you money or stress you out. If you want something done your way, then do it your way, without me.

If you ask me to recommend something and I say I have no experience of it, then don't push me to give my opinion, I obviously don't have one or I'd offer it.

Consequences on me being stressed out.....

I get called a bossy cow, secretive, control freak, opinionated. I get migraines.

How I manage my stress.....

I've learnt to say, please don't ask me to make the decisions, lets decide together.

I explain my stress and how it manifests when I'm feeling stressed, which isn't always easy to do.

I say 'yes I'll help you with that, but please don't put pressure on me while I'm doing it'

By not engaging with other people's issues if they think I'm interfering by asking them if the person they're concerned about has actually complained or not, or offering them the chance to complete the task I've been asked to do, but first THEY must check with the other person.

By doing my own thing. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, i make the decision and ask if the rest of the party want to join me or not, if not, arrange a time to meet them somewhere later.

Does any of the above sound familiar to you? How does your stress affect your life? 

Should I seize the day more?

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We've lost a lot of family members and friends over the past 12 months, I'm sure we'll lose many more over the coming years. I like to make the most of every opportunity, I love to travel and have the resources and support of my husband for me to do so. I love nothing more than taking up an invite to see people far and wide.

I think my life and that of my children is fairly adventurous. Two of our kids were in school in South Africa with us. Peter was asked if he wanted to move there and within 4 months of the question being asked we were 6000 miles away. Two of our kids joined the army and travelled the world. One of our kids announced last summer he was going to Australia with his girlfriend and within a month they were gone.

As a family we seize the day, we make the most of every opportunity we are given, but we weigh things up carefully, we write lists of pro's and con's, we always find more pro's and if things don't work out living abroad then we can always go back.

But yet I still get told I could seize the day more, but for every thing I choose to do there are consequences, some are harmless, some are life changing. 

When friends do a charity parachute jump or take part in a dangerous activity, my first thought is 'What if something goes wrong?' My husband wants to do a parachute jump, but I can't help but think of how I'd be affected if he broke a leg on landing such as sorting out the medical aid bills, having to drive him to work every day or worse still if he died if something went wrong. I like to weigh up the risks. Of course if my husband broke his leg I'd do the above for him, but I know I would feel resentful if he did out out of an activity that could've been avoided.

I know we are at risk of our lives being cut short at any given time, through the fault of others and by our own acts, but I don't want to be responsible for an accident that inconveniences others or even my life being cut short through a dangerous activity.

I will however eat that slice of cake, enjoy a pint of beer, eat fast food, but I will balance my diet healthily to ensure I'm around as long as possible. I'm aware of how my father died after developing type 2 diabetes and having a stroke. I've started to drink a bit too much, the odd G&T here and there does no harm, but the odd G&T is becoming 2 or 3 on 2 or 3 days a week.

I've spent beyond my limits and worried myself sick about how I'll manage till the next payday, but I've learnt from all that, I've learnt to think about the consequences, weigh things up properly. It doesn't make me a party pooper, I just know my own limitations.

I've flown down the zip wire, I've been caving in the days before I had kids and responsibilities. I've drunk too much on a night out, I've made decisions that could've ended badly.

I have of course seized the day when the risks have been lower and the finances higher. I've booked a last minute flight to visit family and friends, worn the heels that blister my toes, because I look fab in them, worn the dress without worrying what other people think about my mum tum (that's their problem, not mine) I've purchased THAT handbag, tested my fear of heights by walking on glass floors 350ms in the air and going up the World's tallest building.

I'm currently in Germany staying with friends, they're at work during the day, I'm exploring locally, I don't speak the language, not many speak English here, but I'm not letting that stop me.

I don't think I need to seize the day more, I just need to carry on living the life I choose. I think my life is full enough already.

What about you?