Ask me to do something for you, give me a date and time it needs to be done by and I'll do it.
I always do.
But please don't keep checking up on me every 5 mins.
Don't ask me to explain to you or to other people exactly how I'm doing something.
Just leave me alone and let me get on with it.
Organising what other people are going to do....
We're going out for the day or arranging a dinner. Date, time and location are sorted, don't keep checking with me and confirming arrangements 20 times.
Don't ask me to sort out what you're going to wear, whether you need warmer clothes or not, I'm not you.
If I've never been somewhere before I can't tell you which car park to use, whether the ticket machine takes coins or not or where the nearest toilet is.
I don't need to tell you what time I'm leaving home and what route I've planned when I'm coming from a different location.
Who eats/drinks what, where and when....
If I'm out with a group of people and one of them wants a drink then just say. If I've been there before I can tell you where a coffee shop is, but it's not my decision which one you go in and what you have to drink either.
If I say I really don't mind what I eat or where and when, then that is exactly what I mean. If you want help making a decision then ask, don't put it onto me.
If we're at a venue and you can't decide what we should do first, then use the word 'we', don't expect me to decide for you, it's a joint venture.
Consequences of me being stressed out....
I'll say eat here, drink this, turn left, sit down if you're tired.
If you ask me to do something I'll do it my way, I don't have time to keep checking in with you to discuss my progress, especially if it's something I've not done before. Allow me peace to get on with it. I'll answer your questions when I've found out the answers, I won't make decisions on your behalf that will cost you money or stress you out. If you want something done your way, then do it your way, without me.
If you ask me to recommend something and I say I have no experience of it, then don't push me to give my opinion, I obviously don't have one or I'd offer it.
Consequences on me being stressed out.....
I get called a bossy cow, secretive, control freak, opinionated. I get migraines.
How I manage my stress.....
I've learnt to say, please don't ask me to make the decisions, lets decide together.
I explain my stress and how it manifests when I'm feeling stressed, which isn't always easy to do.
I say 'yes I'll help you with that, but please don't put pressure on me while I'm doing it'
By not engaging with other people's issues if they think I'm interfering by asking them if the person they're concerned about has actually complained or not, or offering them the chance to complete the task I've been asked to do, but first THEY must check with the other person.
By doing my own thing. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, i make the decision and ask if the rest of the party want to join me or not, if not, arrange a time to meet them somewhere later.
Does any of the above sound familiar to you? How does your stress affect your life?
I hate being told what to do, let alone micromanaged. I hope you avoid the migraines. Stress is affecting my life right now. I need to scream or shout but I don't have the energy. Instead I'm loosing my hair. I think good food and lots of sleep might be the answer for me xxReplyDelete
sorry to hear you're losing your hair, stress can play cruel tricks on the bodyDelete
Gosh ... who wants to be micro-managed??? #TriumphantTalesReplyDelete
I hate being micro managed as well - I'm not a child and I think I can take responsibility for what was set out to do #TriumphantTalesReplyDelete
that's my point exactly, especially when you're doing a favour for someone elseDelete
All of the above Suzanne! Thanks for joining #TriumphantTales, hope to see again you next week!ReplyDelete
I read your first sentence and thought, oh crap, I forgot to make a phone call. But, it's not for me, it's for my daughter, my grown up daughter who is not at work but in bed because she's been up all night. What stresses me out is having to remember stuff like this because she'll yell at me if it's not done. Then I have to do everything for my grown up son and three young ones. My husband is a great help, but I have to keep asking and asking for him to do things that I cannot do (not don't want to do, but really can't do) I have to remember everything that everyone has said to me because I get accused of not listening if I don't. And my family forget that I'm sick and sometimes my body just can't take anymore, so fetching that glass of water you asked for is just out of the question right now. So that's what stresses me out, sorry for venting..but you started it ;) xxReplyDelete
lol, it's ok vent away Anne. I understand your frustrations. A few years ago I had to spend 4 months in the UK leaving 2 teens with hubby, he just stopped running around and picking up after them and couldn't take in forgotten items to school for them as he was working, they soon started doing more for themselvesDelete
Suzanne, I'm pretty "zen" most of the time. I've learned to not let "outside forces" (like other people's expectations) take over my day. But when I do find myself stressed, nothing unties my knots like a good massage or a proper afternoon tea!ReplyDelete
an afternoon tea sounds a good planDelete
I was totally nodding and rolling my eyes in agreement reading this post! I have a friend who is exactly the same - asking questions on how to run her own life... constantly. It's exhausting, heck I cannot even make decisions for my own life most of the time. My only suggestion... sit down with a drink and zone out! Sim xx #PoCoLoReplyDelete
that winds me up the most, when someone asks you to remind them then when you do accuse you of nagging or being on their caseDelete
I hate being micro managed but think I am probably guilty of doing the same thing to my children at times. I like to know that things are being done and get stressed if they are not. I get very frustrated when people ask me to remind them that they have something to do. Why cant they do it themselves? #pocoloReplyDelete
exactly, write their own list to remind themselves, micro managing kids is understandable thoughDelete
Your describing me here, I hate not being in control it causes me anxiety X #pocoloReplyDelete
for me it's not about being in control, it's about not wanting to be controlledDelete
Oh dear! I know it shouldn't make me laugh, but it did a bit. I totally get where you're coming from. Luckily I never seem to be in this position very often. I couldn't be bothered with telling people where to park and whether the machines take coins or not! Needless to say I have to organise my kids a fair bit, but they're my kids and my responsibility. I wouldn't want to do be doing it for other adults!ReplyDelete
people seem to be so worried about offending everyone these days that few simple decisions get made, when I try to speed things up, i get shot downDelete
I am learning the older I get that sometimes I just need to focus on my own needs and, if something is causing me stress, it is up to me to avoid being in those situations and let people know that I'm not going to be part of them. But I also think it's important to keep other people in mind - it's nice to be kind and considerate of other people - it's not always about just doing what you want and asking for other people's opinions is a way of being kind and including everybody #blogcrushReplyDelete
I've no problem being part of or helping out, but I like it when people say 'shall we.....' or 'what shall we do?' rather than just leaving me and assuming I'll make the decisions on their behalf without inputDelete
Right, Stress, anxiety is really bad for us. I am also suffer from anxiety and I hate not being in control. Anxiety Wellness Center is good to get best treatment.ReplyDelete