Why visiting 'home' feels different after you leave

I've been thinking all morning about what I write this post about. For people in South Africa reading this there is the fear I'll come across as a scare monger. For people who know that I lived here, they may think that as its only been 10 months since I left that surely nothing much has changed.

Well so far I've been back 'home' for 4 days and not a lot has changed. I'm back to work as a volunteer which you can read about here.

So far I've been to a meeting, seen nearly all my friends, had my hair and nails done at my usual place, different hair stylist, watched the rugby in a bar wearing my Wales shirt, eaten out and drunk wine. My favourite coffee shop has altered its lay out. There's now a cover over the security gate at the golf estate where we used to live and a few new layouts on a couple of roads.

The cost of living has increased, enough to really notice, but otherwise, everything is still the same. I had a school run to do in the afternoon and a physio appointment at 4pm. 

What I'd forgotten was how much open space there was and clear blue skies, how I can spend all day outside instead of being under noisy air conditioning units.

But what is different for me is my safety. I feel slightly anxious when I'm driving around. Not scared like I was when I first moved here in regards to my personal safety, just aware of it, none stop.

By the time we left here in December 2014 I was used to keeping myself safe. It had become second nature to me. I left a hijack gap at the lights without thinking about it. Kept my handbag under the front seat, automatically drove certain routes at night time to get home. I was aware 24/7 but I wasn't aware I was doing that.

I've done a lot of solo travel this year, to the UK, Canada where I explored Toronto on my own and of course getting to know my new home in Dubai. Hubby has traveled far and wide this year and I've spent a lot of time completely on my own in Dubai. 

But Dubai is safe, I often discover that I haven't locked the kitchen door some nights. I think nothing of going anywhere, using public transport, driving miles to explore new places without any idea of where I'm going before I set off.

I've relaxed, my whole way of life has changed again, not for better or worse, just different. I get asked where I prefer to live. 

I can't answer that other than say that I'm sure in a few days second nature will kick back in and I'll feel at home again in South Africa and won't want to go back to Dubai. 

The reality of living in South Africa

I'm off to South Africa in just under two weeks to volunteer with Santa Shoebox, collecting and distributing 10,000 Christmas gifts to vulnerable and disadvantaged children in Pretoria and surrounding areas and to support The Viva Foundation and to visit my friends that I made in the 4 years we lived there.

When I’ve been on holiday in tourist spots in South Africa where you’re likely to meet other foreigners, I rarely struck a conversation with anyone else because all they want to do is tell me how dangerous the country was, what they thought of it and ask my opinion on Oscar Pistorius and Nelson Mandela when I told them I actually lived there. The same applied when I went home to the UK.

When I was going about my daily business in Centurion, Pretoria paying a bill with my South African bank card, doing the weekly food shop or in the post office trying to retrieve my post that South Africans would say ‘what? you live here? you’re English? Followed by how much they want to go and live in the UK and why they think I’m mad to want to live there.

I was asked all the time to compare the two countries and every time I'd answer without fail, that South Africa is by far the nicer country and when asked why, I tell them there is more space, people are friendly, it’s more relaxed and the quality of life here is better than the UK. Of course there is limited access to education, housing and free health care is very basic and not available everywhere and of course gun crimes and the risk of hijacking are high.

Their response is ‘but England is a better place to live, you earn more, cars are cheaper.’ But people don’t realise just how high the cost of living is in the UK compared to here. We are paid in Rand, so don’t benefit from the current exchange rate with the UK, in fact we struggled as we had to send money back for our son’s education and for our house over there.

The perceptions of the opposite country are the same.

To give you an idea of the major differences between the UK and South Africa consider this.

If I drove East from Kent for 6 hours, I'd pass through 4 countries to Germany. If I drove East from Centurion I'd just about reach the coast and Durban.

A 5 hour drive North of Centurion I reach the bottom left hand corner of Kruger National Park that is the same size as Wales. A 5 hour drive north of Malvern where we lived in the UK, I'd probably run out of land to drive on.

If I flew south for 2 hours I'd reach Cape Town. If I flew south for 2 hours from the UK, I’d be in Spain.

There are 52 million people living in South Africa.

There are 62 million people living in the UK.

We’d been victims of crime in South Africa, we’d been victims of crime in the UK.

We’d driven 1000’s of kilometers in South Africa and were stopped many times in routine roadblocks, We were never asked for money from the police.

We have friends who have been hijacked, robbed and held at gun point in South Africa, that is the only part of South Africa, that scared us and we were vigilant every day, everywhere we went.

£10 is equivialnt to R210 with the current exchange rate. R100 goes further in SA than £10 does in the UK.

R100 would buy me lunch, a coffee and a packet of cigarettes.

It costs more to buy a car in SA, because people don’t change them for new plates and labour is cheaper so it’s cheaper to keep an older car going than it is to replace one. Road tax costs R250 a year. In the UK it costs £400 for the same car, a Jeep. Fuel costs were the same, but remember how much further your Rand goes in SA than the £ back in the UK.

When I visited the UK I avoided eating out, as it was so expensive compared to SA, but I could use public transport, there just isn’t any available in SA.

South Africa was my home. I no longer converted the money for our benefit, just for our visitors and the people I bump into when I’m going about my daily business. We discussed the political differences, they were shocked when I told them that in the UK people are sent to jail for not sending their children to school, when they’re crying out for education in SA.

We left SA in December 2014 as new changes to the laws in regards to foreigners were informed. We now live in Dubai and then we'll move back to the UK in a few years. I have blue skies in Dubai, but I won’t have the space that I crave when I’m not in SA.

I can't even begin to compare Dubai to South Africa, I can't tell you where I prefer to live or why. I left a little part of my heart in South Africa that I will never leave behind in Dubai. We fell in love with SA over time and it was a shock to move as quickly as we did, although we had more of an idea over a longer period that we were leaving SA than we did moving there in the first place.

How to sell a car in South Africa

Email, Facebook, Tweet, Instagram, Whatsapp and SMS EVERYONE you know in Gauteng.

Wait till someone contacts you and then try to work out who they are as your friends have shared the details.

Arrange to meet in a public place, with security, in day light, in an area you know well.

Message a friend with the name of the person, cell number, where and when you are meeting.

Make sure your phone is fully charged and has credit.



On route to meeting this guy at his place of work which is a government office, I messaged my friend with a description of what I was wearing. Having driven round the one way system in Pretoria, road blocks and protests outside the Tshwane Postal Depot. I pulled up at a petrol station to check if there was someone else near by that was secure I could meet this guy at.

I found a secure car park, parked near the entrance and security booth. I phoned the guy, told him to meet me there, kept my key and parking ticket in my pocket and paid the security guy to stand with me while I waited.

Over the top? No, not in South Africa. I was very anxious, my friends BIL took a friend with him and met the potential buyer at a mall, they were both bundled into the boot of the car they were trying to sell and held hostage a couple of hours drive away, until one of them was taken ill and they were driven back to the outskirts of town.

No I haven't sold my car yet, but he said he'll get back to me this afternoon.

I do hope he buys it, I don't think I could go throughout that again.

Jeep for sale, it's had it's faults but all better now

I need to sell my 2006 Jeep Cherokee 2.8CRD with 180,000km on the clock.

I'll be selling my car to someone I know as there is no way that I'm advertising and selling to a total stranger, not in South Africa. A friend arranged to meet a potential buyer in a public place, he took a friend with him for security, they were bundled into the boot of their car and held hostage in a township over an hours drive north, for several hours before finally being released after one of them became very ill. I never did ask what happened to their car.

I'm sure there are plenty of successful stories but I'm not prepared to take the risk.

I've owned Chryslers and Jeeps before in the UK but sold or traded them in after 4 yrs. I bought this Jeep at 4 yrs old. I tweet frequently and blog about my experiences in SA and therefore everyone I know here, knows about the problems I've had with my Jeep, therefore I feel the need to explain it's frequent trips to the garage for months on end.

My first breakdown occurred in May 2011, when my tyre blew out in the outside lane at 120km. The tyre pressure valve was faulty so I had no indication it was running flat, I bought a new tyre and still don't have a pressure valve which means the light is on all the time on the dash board. I argued with the garage over it and asked them to order me a new one which I said I'd pay for, all that happened was they kept saying it wasn't covered under warranty and I had a Facebook request for friendship from the salesman. How inappropriate was that?

I've had a yearly service which has left my car off the road for several weeks, not because there were any major problems other than break pad and disc changes, but for some reason I end up choosing idiot garages that are so desperate for the work, but don't have the tools or fail to order the parts needed.

I broke down in 2012, the car refused to restart after refuelling so I called the breakdown company, they subcontracted to a tow company who subsequently failed to remove the key from the ignition and broke my steering column. The breakdown was due to a new starting motor, which was under warranty, however the warrantee company argued over the dates and it took 3 weeks before they agreed to pay up, in the meantime I was without a vehicle. It was then the garage informed me the steering column was broken and I was told my my insurance company I had to take the issue up with the tow company, after politely and forcefully informing them that my contract was with them and as they sub contracted it was their responsibility to sort, I finally got my car back and fixed, 7 weeks after the breakdown.

In December 2013 I started to hear a knocking when driving over bumping ground. My son had learnt to drive in the Jeep and I assumed he had been driving Top Gear style so wasn't surprised to hear it was the front suspension that needed fixing.

Easy to sort I thought, order parts and fix.....no, parts wouldn't be in stock until the end of January, so with a bit of googling and phoning around, I found parts, ordered, collected and returned with them to the garage, to discover they didn't have the tools to do the job, so contacted the garage where I'd purchased the parts from and they informed me they closed at 5pm for Christmas that day, but booked me in on January 6th for the repairs.

So no car over Christmas, Mother in Law and both kids were here, so we all suffered with a little bit of cabin fever. On January 6th on taking the car and the spare parts to the garage, they informed me there was nothing wrong with the front suspension, it was the rear and not only needed new parts but bushes also and thankfully they had them in stock. More money handed over and car returned the following day.

In August this year, whilst reversing off my drive, my wheel fell off. Give me strength, Insurance company called who subcontracted to tow firm, who I forcibly had to stop from literally dragging my car, with drive shaft dragging on the floor onto their truck, another guy arrived, despite me informing them it needed a pick up, not a tow and they fashioned a trolley under the wheel to drag the vehicle some 3 hrs later and took it away.

This time I had car hire as it was an accident, not a breakdown, for 30 days, but with previous experience something was bound to go wrong. I was told it was mechanical not a breakdown, but I'd done my research and ball joints are none serviceable parts, neither had Jeep done a product recall for my make and model and as I was on the road and not my drive it eventually classified as an accident not a breakdown. Had I have been on the highway when it happened, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog post now, I'd have flipped the car at speed and would almost be dead now.

Anyway 28 days later, my car was back, hubby put in new bulbs for the brakes and we bought new struts for the glass window at the back as they'd failed a year ago and I had to use an umbrella to prop the glass open.

But to my dismay, the following day, my car refused to start, I cried, I gave up. I went away for a few days then we had visitors, then I googled and made several calls and 2 weeks later after a visit to The Battery Centre who replaced my battery free of charge, I'm now back on the road and selling the vehicle.

My issues with the car being off the road for so long each time have been due to the garages and the insurance company I choose to use, not the Jeep, not the parts.

So if you're interested message me, I'm asking R70,000 for it.

Oscar Pistorius and gun crime in South Africa

One of the main items the South African journalists are talking about in the Oscar Pistorius case is understanding the fear of crime that South Africans live with, the fear of having a gun pulled on you in the street, at lights whilst driving, in malls, the work place and in your own home. The reality is you don't have to live in a bad area, you don't have to be involved with drugs or crime, you don't even have to be rich to face a realistic risk of having a gun pulled on you at anytime.

The average daily salary here is R170, just under £10 so if someone can steal your phone/laptop/car easily, because you'll assume they have a gun even if they haven't pulled it already, then they will. A friend had his laptop stolen, they caught the guy, he'd sold it for R50.

There are plenty of view points on whether he is guilty of murder or self defence and he has never denied actually pulling the trigger and killing Reeva Steencamp. He has to live with that either way for the rest of his life but the difference in the judges ruling is 25+ years for murder or max 15 years in prison or no custodial sentance if self defence.

There is no 'trial by jury' here in South Africa. A judge hears the state prosecutors evidence, the defence, witnesses and Oscar himself and she will make the decision as to whether he faces a custodial sentence or not and how long for.

As a British expat, I arrived over 3 years ago in South Africa and I was scared. I lived in fear of a gun being pulled on me and/or my family, but like I said I live with it, we all do, it's a reality, not an unfounded fear.
I stopped being scared and fearful and became cautious. I heard the stories, nearly ever one has one to tell about violent robbery, guns, but I'm scared again when an armed robbery took place in a building I was in whilst volunteering for a charity a few weeks ago and I saw first hand the effects it has had on the staff and residents.

Even family and friends who have visited us here do not understand the fear, they come here on holiday we act as tour guides, keep them safe. We issue instructions on their personal safety yet they still leave the window down at the lights and junctions, open their purse prior to reaching the counter, leave their bag by their feet at a cafe and even sleep with the door open because they feel safe living in a security estate, despite us telling them how easy it is to get in and about the armed robberies a few years ago.

I volunteer with several charities, I was at one last month when 2 gunmen held the staff up, it involves me visiting townships and in fact I camped over in one last year and due to the same the weekend after next. I shop, I drive at night, I go out with friends, everything I did in the UK, but here I'm scanning the mirrors, reading situations, turning road if their is a road block ahead, wear my handbag over my shoulder, carry my cell in my jeans pocket, keep my handbag under my feet when driving, leave a hijack distance between me and the stationary vehicle in front of me.

I'm NEVER relaxed, I'm always on full alert and aware of people around me, if something doesn't look/feel right.....I'm out of there.

I've posted many blogs about safety, personal experiences, fear of crime, when I've felt safe, the wonderful opportunities living in South Africa offers us. It's not all bad, in fact life here is very good, but like I say, you need to be cautious 24/7.

How to avoid and what to do if hijacked

There is an increasing demand for vehicles with buyers already lined up, prior to hijacking, stolen to demand. These buyers are in neighbouring countries and are often sold for drugs as well as money.

The most vulnerable time for the motorist is on a Friday at the end of the day, when people are tired and less alert and typically between 16:00-20:00. Most hijackings take place when the engine is idling, on the drive, at the security gate in residential areas. They also occur whilst stationary at traffic lights or when people stop on the side of the road to make or receive a phone call. Outside schools at drop off and collection, when loading shopping or picking up passengers, advertising your car for sale or getting pulled over by bogus police or traffic officers.

So how can you avoid being hijacked?

A few minutes from home be extra alert, switch the radio off, pay attention to strangers on your street and if necessary drive on pass and whilst waiting for your security gate to close behind you, put the car into reverse as it causes confusion .

When you are driving know your destination, keep your windows closed and your doors locked. Place all valuables in the boot and your handbag in the foo twell, but preferably under your seat.

Avoid late night driving, alter your route if you drive it regularly. Leave half a vehicle length in front of you when you stop at lights or a junction, slow down for red lights, try to keep moving as it turns to green. At stop signs, check the road ahead as you approach, but it is not an excuse to break the rules of the road by running a red light or a stop sign. You’ll need to justify and prove you felt concerned for your safety or you’ll get a ticket like everyone else.

If you’re flagged over by an unmarked police car, indicate you will stop but they must follow you to the nearest police station.

If you do find yourself in a position of being hijacked, following these simple steps could save your life.

Don’t argue, fight, and don’t make eye contact. Raise your hands to the side of your head and place them together on the seat belt and slide them slowly down towards the belt buckle release and step out of the vehicle. If you have your children in the car, take your keys with you and ask if you can remove the children from the vehicle.

If you can afford it purchase and fit safety film, the window won’t smash immediately and if you’ve left have a vehicle gap in front of you, you’ll have room to manoeuvre out of the traffic and away from the threat.

Always carry your ID and licence with you. If you’re an expat make sure your licence is officially translated into English.

Do not pick up hitchhikers, stop for injured animals or stop to remove objects from the road, this is a common ploy used by hijackers to get you to stop your vehicle.

How safe is South Africa?

Well it all depends on where you go and what you do.

We live in a security estate set around a 18 hole golf course, when I look out my window I see houses, when I walk down the street I see grass, lakes and a river.

When I drive out of the estate I see security fences, barbed wire, electric fences, armed guards and have to pass through finger print checking and CCTV to access the outside. I hear gun shots/cars backfiring, you never know and rarely hear about it on local news.

But I don't notice the security anymore, I just live with it. I don't feel unsafe and have never felt in danger, but I do feel scared sometimes, I worry about car jacking, shootings, mine and my families safety, but I don't live in fear, I don't let these feelings/thoughts control or restrict my life.

I tell you I live in South Africa. It shocks most people that we would chose to come here, where crime is rife, murder is high, to what a lot of people perceive as one of the most dangerous countries in the world.

I volunteer, I visit townships, I drive alone, I drive at night. My 18 year old drives, goes to parties, bars. We go on holiday, we food shop, we pay the bills, we do everything that we did before, just in South Africa.

I haven't changed how I feel about living here, I've changed the way I live. Every day outside the estate is like being on holiday, except I'm not. I stop the car at the lights or a 4 way stop. I'm like a learner driver on the day of their test. I check the mirrors, big obvious looks in the mirrors. I'm making sure no one is approaching my car. But when they do they're usually trying to sell you car chargers, sponge bob square pants and hello kitty stuff. I keep my handbag under my seat, my phone in my pocket. I park in security car parks, centrally, not alone on the top floor, or the unlit corner. I put my shopping in the boot. Left it once on the front seat when I popped into another shop and some guy tried smashing my window for milk and bread. I put the food shop in the boot and another guy opened the passenger door, took the sat nav and camera out the glove box. I don't leave anything of value in the car. I only take out what I need.

I carry a handbag, a nice leather one. I'll use my laptop in a cafe. I will walk from the Mall out of the security area to another Mall and back to my car. I've observed others, I've asked locals if things are safe for me to do. They understand my questioning.

I go places many locals have never been, they've grown up in a different world to me, many are scared to leave their houses, many have left the country after violent crimes to themselves, family or friends, many leave due to the fear of violent crime, many can't understand why we came here.

But to me living here is no different from living in the UK, we lived in a nice, low crime area, we drove many miles to football matches, to visit family and friends, for day to day activities, we've been caught up on 2 occasions in violence at football matches, I've driven alone at night with my job in areas around Birmingham where I've felt scared, intimidated, I've had my car broken into, my hand bag snatched, a knife pulled on me many years ago by a 14yo in a youth club. But I accepted that as the norm, for what I did for a living, that was my life. I did my best to minimise the risks and that's just what I do here and now.

 

 

Apart from a bit of driving across Europe and a road trip on the west coast of America I’ve only ever driven on the left hand side of the road. On arrival in South Africa it was one of those things that I never gave any consideration to and was pleasantly surprised to discover they drove the same side as us in the UK. Make sure if you have a foreign licence it's translated into English.

The speed limit in SA is 120km and there are fixed and portable cameras everywhere. We’ve all had speeding fines now, caught on camera and the advice is ‘don’t pay it’ well we ignore the advice and have paid all 3. There’s a  50% reduction if you pay within 32 days but it usually takes 2-3 months before you receive your notification and we just pay the 50%.

I’d strongly advise that if you get stopped by police with a mobile camera you accept the fine and follow the instructions for payment. Apparently you can just bribe a police man and he’ll make it go away, I’d strongly advise you don’t do this. Everyone who tells you that, when pushed further, will admit they’ve never offered a bribe, but a friend of the friend’s cat told them about it.

The rules of the road are similar, keep left, and pass right, the use of mobile phones whilst driving is illegal. These are ignored by most, people weave frequently in the traffic and I’m afraid to say I also do this, usually to avoid crashing into the back of a stationary vehicle in the outside lane.

There are no official rules about vehicle maintenance and the only time a car is required to have one is at point of sale. There are too many vehicles on the roads without working lights, wipers, indicators and bald tyres. Accidents are frequent and can involve numerous deaths in double figures.

Sights like this are common and it’s usually the sheer volume of people in the back that prevent them falling out.

 

Navigation is via GPS, people often give out GPS coordinates which rarely reflect their actual physical address and can take you through townships and off road rather than around, so always check the route before you travel. The first journey I made with the GPS it yelled ‘warning’ and displayed a picture of skull and crossbones at the junction. At areas of hijacking risks, police will sit in their cars with lights flashing as a deterrent. Police also drive with their blue light on which I still find confusing. Driving past townships in the day light is safer although best to avoid 1^st thing in the morning and late afternoon, this is because of the number of taxi’s (mini buses) probably the most unsafe vehicle on the roads ,due to as I mentioned before, no road vehicle checks.

People here navigate by road names not a letter and number apart from the national Roads, N1, N2, N3 etc. The Municipality roads are known by their names and have recently under gone a name change in Pretoria, making it a constant adjustment for me, when people give me directions.

There’s no public transport in Gauteng apart from the Gautrain and the local buses that service the station, the first time I went to use it I discovered I had to have a card and have it pre loaded, similar to an oyster card, no cash is taken on the journey, you just scan in and out. It was very expensive and took me far longer to get to the airport than the car would’ve, plus valet parking at the airport is exceptional value.

One of my favourite things about driving here are the storms and the power outages. This often means the robots aren’t working. Robots are traffic lights and work slightly differently to what I’m used to. They change from red straight to green, missing out the amber light. When there is a power outage and the lights fail as they do often, the roads turn into 4 way stops, please note most people treat roundabouts and traffic circles as a 4 way stop and at busy times of the day OUTsurance manage the flow of traffic.

It’s always best to do your windows up at the lights and 4 way stops, not so much to do with safety but to stop endless people selling you useless items and begging for money and food. I like to put my sun glasses on and remain aloof. Try not to fall for the classic trick when someone points at the front of your car and you open your window to hear what they’re saying, before you know it a Hello kitty sunshade will be thrust upon you.

I drive at night, but it’s not something I’d recommend you doing unless you know the area well and stick to the main roads, even if it does take slightly longer. You must stop at a red light at night, if you feel unsafe and have checked the road is clear, and then proceed but you will need to prove you felt unsafe if you get a ticket. People told me after 11pm I can ignore the red lights and drive straight through, but again they got this info from a friend of their cat.

Don’t stop to pick anyone up or to help anyone who has broken down, this can be tricks used in hijacking. A few weeks ago a guy tried to flag me down, I swerved and drove past. I drove straight into a high jacking and shooting that had gone wrong, the police turned me round fairly quickly.

Don't forget to stay in your car at the fuel pump. They fill your car for you as apparently it's not safe to do it yourself.