Life after parenting

Hi there PR marketing and advertising companies. Just thought I’d drop you a line and let you know that there is life after parenting and we’re not all ready for Saga holidays, funeral plans and bath aids.

I get endless emails for the above, I also get endless emails inviting me to mums and tums groups and  to try new restaurants with play areas for my kids while I eat/drink in peace. I also get endless emails about 2 for 1 offers, discounts on group bookings in restaurants and at events, opportunities to review days out, kids books, toys, clothing and prams that are always a perfect fit with my blog, as there is an assumption that as I write about kids, they must all be small.

I don’t fit into either of these catagories and I feel the world of marketing is missing out on an untapped market.

I’m 46, my kids have left home and I have a disposable income. I don’t want spa days, brunches or experiences, as I'm not one of those people who has a large social network of friends that live in the same town as me. I don't work, therefore I'm not interested in discounts for 10 or more at certain times of the year and I'm not into joining gyms and other leisure activities.

I'm not really sure what I want if I'm honest from PR companies advertising and marketing agencies other than an offer of something that is fun.

I'd like 2 for 1 offers that I can use over two different dates, not have to bring someone with me on the day to benefit. I'd like to review your fancy bath products not anti wrinkle creams. I'd like to be sent a book to review that isn't in the self help/improvement category. Clothes that are fashionable not practical, bags that are fun and not for travel, stationery for keeping in touch with my pen pals.

I'm available during the day, like I said I don't work and I don't have small kids, surely I'm not exempt from using your facilities and visiting you during the day.

I might like to try your new menu and dine alone, take a good book with me to read, or does that make your establishment feel uncomfortable? I might like a free glass of wine with my meal for one as an incentive to get me to come and try your new menu, on my own. I might want to take advantage of that spare seat at a concert or a show and actually attend on my own.

I'm also more than happy to pay for all the above, but I feel that I don't get offered the same discounts, level of attention as others who turn up in groups, use 2 for 1 offers, or fit the niche of your establishment.

While there will always be people with kids, people who fit your targeted audience, there will always be people without kids, without a network of friends, people who don't want to join large groups or take part in activities. There will always be people who just want to be. Be on their own, experience new things, visit new places, that don't want to be ignored when they get there, don't want to be sat in a corner or away from everyone else. People who want to be in the thick of things. People with nothing else to spend their money on, except themselves, so why not let that be with you, why not offer them the same experiences as others?

Planning International Travel

There are 3 questions you need to ask and answer before you book travel.

Questions

1. Can you afford it?

2. Where do you want to go?

3. When do you want to go?

Answers

1 Yes

2. South Africa, UK, Germany

3. During the summer months in Dubai

Last year I spent Ramadan in Canada, but the rest of the summer in Dubai, with the teen coming out for the long school holidays, my UK trip was in September due to child 4 of 5 Passing out Parade and South Africa in October and November to work with a charity.

This year I'm back teaching and Ramadan falls before the end of term.

The first trip booked was the UK for 5 weeks, based around cost of flights and availability. Then I booked a flight to Munich for 5 days to visit friends. On discovering I had 12 days of school holidays before my UK trip, I decided to book 10 days in SA to visit friends there also.

August looks just as busy but with us flying back to Dubai and the teen joining us for the last 2 weeks of his school holiday and friends from South Africa stopping over 1 night on their way back from their European trip.

The logistics of booking around school holidays for both the teen and I, checking schedules for Peter's work and an upcoming trip to Saudi, I was able to book his UK flight then sort boarding for the cat and dog, accommodation and car hire.

I still have a few more hotels to book and travel insurance to renew and I've even packed my case for South Africa as its winter there and I don't wear those clothes here.

I wanted to purchase a new hand luggage case for the Munich trip, but ended up buying Peter a new one instead, I'll make do with what I have for now.

I'm busy sorting out a variety of currencies, bank cards and plug adapters and making sure I take the right things to the right location.

I still have 2 flights to book for the teen to include his cousin travelling with him for the October half term. My mother's flight for November/December was booked some time ago and hubby has to squeeze in a trip to Turkey and plan a potential trip to Pakistan.

Desert Safari - Animal Tales and HDYGG

We booked with ABC Tours who collected us from home, they charge AED125 and pick you up in a modified 4x4 with roll bars and other safety equipment. We drove 45 minutes out of Dubai to the Lahbab desert on the Oman road.

 The driver lets air out the tyres before attempting the drive across the sand dunes. The 4 x 4 drive was around 20 minutes with a stop in the middle of nowhere to take photographs.

We saw these goats wandering around the desert

 We passed a camel farm but at speed so a photograph was difficult.

I'm always surprised at how much vegetation there is in the desert, considering there is no natural water supply. The mountains in the background are Hatta where there is a natural water supply. 95% of the water in Dubai is desalinated water.

 Again, another drive by at speed. These are desert squashes and it is believed they can cure diabetes.

The sap from these bushes is poisonous.

Meet Katrina the Falcon. It costs an additional AED10 to handle the Falcon and take your own photographs.

 The camel rides are included in the tour price, but it's not for me, I've no desire to ride a camel, but my friend did.

 A small henna tattoo is included in the tour price, we opted to have half the arm done which was an additional AED30

 Once the sun set, dinner was served, again included in the price as well as a welcome snack. Soft drinks and apple flavoured sisha were free, alcoholic drinks were an additional charge. The evenings entertainment included this guy with his umbrella, I have no idea what was actually said, but his skirt lit up and he twirled it over his head, then gathered it into his arms and rocked it like a baby while the PA system played the sound of a baby crying....bizarre

 Next came the belly dancer, she was good, an awful lot of twerking went on.

The sunsetting over towards the sea and Dubai, is a glorious sight to be seen, it's gets a little chilly once the sun sets, so I'm glad I brought a jacket with me and a head scarf to protect against the sand and the wind.

Animal Tales

Falcon
The Falcon is the National bird of the UAE. Falconry was first used to supplement the indigenous Bedouins diets with meat, hares and small birds caught by trained falcons.
Camel farming
It is believed the Bedioums can survive 1-2 months in the desert on camel milk alone. Camel milk contains 10 times the amount of iron found in cow's milk and 5 times the amount of Vit C, it is also a good alternative for those who suffer with intolerance to cow and sheep milk.
The world's first large-scale camel dairy farm, Camelicious on the outskirts of Dubai, has everything from milking camels on a fully automated system to processing, testing and distribution. Around 5000 litres of camel milk is produced everyday and stored in underground cooling tanks before being processed. They employ150 workers for the 2,200 camels.
Camel milk had a longer shelf life and when pasteurised the milk will keep for 14 days in the fridge without deteioration. The dairy has been inspected by EU officials to guarantee the production standards are up to tricot import rules.
As well as milk, Camelicious produces ice-cream, flavoured milks, butter, cheeses, yogurts and whey powder and export their milk to the UK. 

HDYGG?

The Beduoins are at one with the desert and wildlife and familiar with the medicinal properties of many plants.

Squashes found growing in the desert carry a claim by the Beduoins that it can be used to cure diabetes. Powered leaves mixed with water are used as a laxative and crushing the leaves and making a poultice with garlic can be applied to bites and stings. The sap of an unripe fruit is used to treat scorpion bites. The seeds can be crushed and used with water to darken hair and by crushing the fruit and mixing it with oil can be used to ease painful joints.

Senna pant is used as a laxative also and the beduoin claim it can heal stomach ailments. Milkweed sap is dried and used to treat toothache and poultices made of the leaves can be used to heal rheumatism. The leaves are also used as a fertiliser.

And finally the henna plant used to dye hair and paint hands and feet. Henna plant leaves in poultice form are used for headaches.

Packing away my suitcase and choosing a staycation.

Whether I'm traveling round the globe or I'm exploring the area I live in, I travel alone.

I've had enough now and I'd just like to put down some roots, I'm not too bothered where that actually is as long as I have some certainty that I'll be there for as long as I choose and not move when visas get cancelled or jobs come to an end.

I've spent 4 years in South Africa and a year now in Dubai. I've explored every inch of South Africa and on a visit there last month, I felt I'd returned home. When I visit the UK, it's all very familiar, but it's not my home anymore.

I've also travelled to new places this year and made a trip across the Atlantic to Canada for a tweet up.

My husbands job dictates where we live and when we move, but I now have employment in Dubai and for the first time, in a long time, I finally feel I have a little control about my life and as long as the job pans out, like I hope it will, we could stay in Dubai on my visa if hubbies company decide to move him on and we're not ready to go, like what happened when we left South Africa at the end of last year.

Don't get me wrong, I  know at some point we'll have to return to the UK, our children are there, as are our parents and the reality is, they are getting older and have various ailments that prevent them from traveling out to see us. 

The eldest child is in care in the uk and there is no way that she, her carers, the crew and other passengers would survive a 7 hour flight. Child 4 is unemployed, child 3 has his own life, friends, job, home and although he is coming to Dubai for the New Year, I can't see him visiting here often, although he has said when he has his own family his wife and kids will be told that visiting us while we live abroad will be their family holiday each year.

Child 4 is in the army, currently in Northern Ireland and off to Kenya and the Falkland Islands next year, while our youngest is at boarding school in the UK in his 1st year of A levels and aiming for a CISCO apprentiship which could take him all round the world also.

I don't find travelling a pleasure anymore, it's become a necessity that I don't actually enjoy the experience of these days, hopping on a plane isn't exciting, I've visited so many places around the world and stayed in the height of luxury in the Bellagio in Las Vegas to camping in a township in South Africa, I just don't feel there's that much left for me to experience or explore, although I would like to visit Cairo and the pyramids one day and I'd love to walk the Inca trail, but those are experiences for me of places to visit, but I don't look forward to the flights or living out of a suitcase anymore.

Many friends are 'home' for Christmas or booking New Year on a beach in the Maldives. Me? I'm just looking forward to staying at home, with the family who can to travel to visit us.

We live 1km from a beach in a city that people pay a fortune to come and visit for a holiday, so this year, like many more to come, we are having a staycation.

Rhino Dehorning at Rietvlei Nature Reserve with Animal Tales

Sadly Rhino poaching in South Africa is a major problem with 749 deaths this year alone. In 2014 the figures hit 1,215, that's one Rhino killed every 8 hours and the numbers have been rising year on year. According to the South African Department of Environmental affairs, Rhino deaths will out number births in 2016-2018 leading to their extinction in only a matter of a few years.

This has led to many nature reserves, including Rietvlei dehorning the Rhinos to protect them from poachers. It has been 3 years since the last Rhino was poached at Rietleiv due to additional security measures. The Rhino's horns will grow back over time in the same way fingernails do.

I've paid a couple of visits to Rietvlei on my recent stay in South Africa, they currently have 16 rhinos and I was fortunate to see 4 of them.

I hope when I next visit South Africa, I get to see many more, but sadly, I don't think this will be the case.

Week 46 - Project 365

I can't believe how quickly my visit to South Africa has gone, I fly back to Dubai on Tuesday. I feel so at home here, that I don't want to leave. Santa Shoebox is a year round project but October and November are what we call the 'silly season' and we see little of our husbands and children for several weeks. To me it feels like my husband is the one who has gone away and that I am at home in South Africa waiting for his return. The reality is that this isn't my home anymore and there have been many tears saying goodbye to this beautiful country and some amazing people with no idea when or if ever I'll return.

Sunday morning didn't start very well, we were still ill from the night before and the food we had eaten in the township the previous day. I declare that I now have the full blown flu and require plenty of bed rest and alcohol. I left my friends around 3pm to arrive at anthers where I had a total melt down and there were lots of tears from exhaustion and the realisation that I had just started my 'goodbye' tour. We did manage to pop out for a late breakfast and I very much enjoyed wandering around the grounds of the gifts shops, although I didn't buy anything. My Sunday Photo this week was what the Santa Shoebox project was all about that was the celebrations where the children receive their gifts.

Day 312 #onedailypositive #wooden #fmsphotoaday#music #snaphappybritmums #project365 a rare day off from volunteering during my stay in South Africa and a chance to wander around the craft shops at the local tearoom sphere we had a late breakfast. I've no idea whether this record player in a wooden box still plays music or not but it was fitting for today's photo prompts and I rather liked it.

Monday I packed boxes into cartons, I sorted boxes, I sorted cartons. 

Day 313 #onedailypositive #distraction #fmsphotoaday#sky #snaphappybritmums #project365 it's all Christmas gifts and shoeboxes. I spent a lot of time today looking for distractions in the hope the boxes would magically pack themselves.

Tuesday I packed boxes into cartons, I sorted boxes, I sorted boxes, I sorted cartons

Day 314 #onedailypositive #golden #fmsphotoaday#SomethingRed #snaphappybritmums #project The Golden hour after a day of packing boxes, enjoying a glass of wine

Wednesday I went for coffee with a friend, I collected 350 boxes from a school, I unloaded 350 boxes, I sorted around 50 boxes, I lost the will to live. I wrote out the remaining 150+ name labels.

Day 315 #onedailypositive #blank #fmsphotoaday#stairs #snaphappybritmums #project365

Thursday I tracked down a friend's old maid to give her, her annual christmas money. I collected toiletries from a sponsor, I met a friend for lunch. I packed and sorted 90 more boxes. I collapsed into bed at 11pm.

Day 316 #onedailypositive #curly #fmsphotoaday#YourBreakfast #snaphappybritmums #project365@mcdonalds_za and @kfcsouthafrica has been the staple diet for us volunteers during the @santashoebox drop off in Pretoria. It was only after I took the photo I noticed the curly phone charger

Friday I loaded the van, I drove my friends car to a celebration day in Silverlakes, at the children's home, despite it being a year since I've seen them all I was greater with so much love it was overwhelming. I unloaded a pile of donations. I met my friend with the van who had to go to Joburg to collect cartons and drop at another celebration and drove into Mamelodi to the Alaskan Informal Settlement to drop the boxes off I'd been making all week for their celebration day to be held in December. I felt so much at home today surrounded by people I've spent the previous 4 years volunteering with.

Day 317 #onedailypositive #OneWord #fmsphotoaday#popcorn #snaphappybritmums #project365 YES

Saturday was a 'me day' I visited Irene Christmas market, a place I used to take Bob for walks most weeks, I shopped for new clothes for when I start my new job in Dubai next week and visited a friend and her family for lunch and had an awesome time. I then went to see another friend to say goodbye to their family, then back to where I was staying for a braai, a few drinks and fell into bed around midnight. 

Day 318 #onedailypositive #peace #fmsphotoaday#BlackAndWhite #snaphappybritmums #project365Peace in Afrikaans

My Santa Shoebox journey is now over, it's been 5 glorious years. I can't say I've loved every minute of it, but I will very much miss being involved in this wonderful project.

The birds of Rietvlei with Animal Tales in South Africa

Last week for Animal Tales I visited Rietvlei Nature Reserve, I returned again yesterday. At only R48, around £2 it is definitely somewhere I will be visiting as many times as possible during my trip.

There's a gorgeous tea room at Rietvlei and I need no excuse to stop and enjoy a cup or two.

I still haven't located a free bird, animal, plant app, but I found some boards in the hide with bird identification and I met a woman who helped me out naming a few.

It's spring in South Africa so there is lots of new growth and of course lots of off spring and I enjoyed watching these young birds playing in the water and cooling off.

Red Bishops and a Golden Bishop

There are several bird hides around the reserve but this one is the best as it offers the best views

White throated swallow

Goliath Heron

Egret's in flight

These two seems to be firm friends, more about the rhino's next week

Personal safety when Solo Travelling in South Africa

There are many countries I've travelled alone to or visited with hubby. With the UK, it is where I grew up, where I know and where I slot back into with relative ease. I've travelled freely in America with hubby and 4 of our children, I also visited Canada on my own earlier this year. I've driven across Europe and quite a fair bit of it on my own and flown to many cities to meet up with hubby while he's been working and travelled around in the day on my own also.

I've always been more cautious when travelling to Tunisia, Turkey and Egypt, but that has been due to the political unrest of these countries.

Having lived as an expat for 5 years, I've done a lot of exploring in my local area both in Pretoria and now in Dubai, where I travel freely and without fear. I've also travelled freely around South Africa, on my own and with hubby as well as taking the train from Joburg to Cape Town with the teen boy and flew solo to Cape Town and explored the Western Cape as well as numerous trips to Kruger and Durban on my own by car or with the teens and hubby.

I wrote this week about my return to South Africa for a 5 week visit to work with charities as a volunteer. Having lived in Dubai for the last 10 months, personal safety is not something I've had to focus on daily. I am very aware of this since my arrival last week, but not frightened like I was when we first arrived here.

I'm staying with various friends in and around Pretoria. I have access to vehicles to get around in as apart from the Gautrain, which I caught from the airport, there is no public transport. I'm driving into Joburg tomorrow and will be visiting townships within a 200km radius.

I'm finding it a little unnerving living behind security fences and bars on the windows and doors, but also find it reassuring to know that I am safe when I sleep at night. Something I gave little thought to when I lived her, it just takes some time to readjust to.

I'm not really doing anything different in regards to my personal safety here, but I am having to think a bit more about it. Here are some of the things I'm doing to ensure my personal safety while I'm solo travelling in South Africa.

• Purchase a sim card at the airport as if you do in outside you'll be required to provide proof of residence to register your card.

• When leaving friends house, let the next person know I'm on my way and call the person I've just left to let them know when I arrive.

• Give friends a copy of my medical aid/insurance so they know what to do if required.

• Keep handbag in the footwell under the drivers seat.

• Carry a spare phone.

• Keep all valuables locked out of sight, especially in the car. I tend to carry my laptop and camera with me when I go to a mall as we had our car boot broken into in a security car park.

• Have a copy of passport and ID in suitcase.

• Only carry the cash needed for each day and leave a bank card at the place you are staying.

• When driving remember to leave a hijack space at the lights.

• Plan your route in advance, there are plenty of routes that are safe to drive in the day, but not at night.