The one thing you need to know about being an expat.

Having just started our 4th year as an expat from the UK to South Africa, there are many things I'm still angry about, they prevent me from moving on, but haven't stopped me getting on with things.

I LOVE South Africa, the climate, the lifestyle, the wildlife, but it's not home. I'm not South African. I understand many things about life here but I don't like many aspects of life here.

When I visit the UK it's home, I know what's what, how things work, but there are/were many aspects of my life in the UK I didn't like either.

So what's preventing me from moving on?

The removal firm. Many issues but still things that annoy me today. It was only on the day of removal that the company informed us we couldn't take anything that had been used outside unless it was steam cleaned. It was 2 days before Christmas so we sold and gave stuff away quickly and cheaply. Then they inform us they couldn't book the shipping until after we obtained our visa number. In the end we didn't need to be homeless over Christmas and for another 3 weeks, we could've saved a lot of money if we'd been given time to get items cleaned.

The bank account. We opened an account with HSBC to move to South Africa. On arrival they cancel my bank card due to 'unusual activity' and then tell us that because they don't have a branch here, therefore credit history and ability to borrow money don't apply. We depleted our UK savings to get a deposit for a car (bought beds, kitchen essentials etc, due to delay in shipping furniture) and then borrowed money at 14% instead of 6% the HSBC were offering.

The company. Well it doesn't matter that these people no longer work for the firm, what matters is they lied on headed note paper (email) I can't work, they told me I would be able to. My son has had to return to the UK to complete his education because HR was so desperate to get a school place she never passed on his special needs reports and told the school he'd only be there 2 years. (He's dyslexic and SA main stream schools don't do learning support)

There have been many other things, but like stuff that happened in the UK I consider it to be part of life. Difficulties with neighbours, maintaining friendships and relationships, feeling and being let down, etc, etc, etc.

But just as I feel comfortable, just as I get used to the kids leaving home and making plans to fill the empty nest with further studies, travels, volunteer work the one thing happens that turns it all upside down.

The one thing I'd wish I'd known before becoming an expat is that as soon as you feel settled, adapt and make plans for your future you get asked to relocate. 

I'm not taking your crap anymore

Firstly there are the long term friends that let you down Then there are the ones that say they need your friendship and do all the running, only to make you feel like a twat. Then there's just the plain rude. This morning I sent a SMS to a woman who I'd met through our husbands playing golf together, to be honest I complained to my hubby that I really didn't think I'd have much in common with a woman her age, but we worked in the same field of special needs so I rang and we met for coffee. She explained she couldn't stay long as she had to prepare food for a funeral of the teacher at the school she worked at. I offered to help and said I could bake cakes, which I did and met her with them at the main gate early the following morning. A few days later I sent an SMS to ask if all went OK, she replied yes and said she'd return the trays. This was several months ago and not a word since. The SMS reads I understand you're busy and not interested in the occassional coffee and chat. I get that message clearly, but I would appreciate the return of my trays. Please drop them off at (address). Regards Suzanne I know she's still in the country as the Husbands played golf together late Nov. I'll let you know how I get on with this one......and as for the Lady who Golfs, whose children attended the same school in the UK, who gave me her UK number in June in case I was still there when she arrived, then ignored my SMS when I returned to the South Africa, when I tried to rearrange a coffee that I had cancelled due to my fathers heart attack, then crossed the road in front of my car on the golf course and deliberatly looked away......well she was way too far up her own arse anyway, but no need to be so fucking rude. I received a reply to my SMS this afternoon, to explain how her car was broken into and how the trays were stolen, she meant to replace them but forgot, should she buy 3 new trays or give me the money? I replied 'forget it'