Why repatriating has been good for us

I hear so much negativity about repatriation, I can't help but think we've done it wrong and we're still waiting for the negativity to kick in or because it's different for us as we always planned to return to the UK when my husband retired.

Becoming expats was never our plan either and at the time of leaving the UK, my husband had 25 years service with the company so we weren't going on on contracts that could come to an abrupt end.

When we left the UK in January 2011 and headed off to South Africa, we honestly thought it was going to be for the inevitable future, but after 4 years, it was not to be with the government refusing to extend our visas, so not ready to move back to the UK, we went to Dubai, where I never thought we'd end up living for 6 years.

Our move to SA was based on a load of lies. Work for Peter wasn't too bad, other than dealing with different cultures and ways of working and pressure from abroad to work the same way as other countries did. If you've ever lived in SA you'll know that things are done very differently to back home. In fact EVERYTHING is done very differently to back home and it took me up to 18 months to settle in fully, after giving up the battle to be allowed to work or even study and I threw myself head first into volunteering and exploring such a wonderful country, with day trips and weekends away camping. We were adopted by a cat and adopted a dog.

Like our move to SA which was a huge adventure, we were only given 3 months notice to leave and after the rug was literally pulled from under our feet and we departed for Dubai, I never dreamt we'd be there for 6 years. I just envisioned we'd be moving on again soon, so I never put down any routes and although I was able to work, my return to teaching lasted only 18 months, I quit my job and was due to start another teaching post when my father died suddenly and I had to turn the job down in order to help my mother get her life sorted so I could return to Dubai to rejoin Peter.

In SA I was only in the UK for 2-3 weeks, once or twice a year. Then my father had a heart attack and we had dodgy tenants that took me 4 months to evict through the courts, so in 2016 we decided to purchase a flat in Wales to give us somewhere to stay for longer visits and for the youngest child to live in while he was applying for jobs after leaving school, for another to stay in on his visit back from his home in Australia and for our other son and his wife to stay when they visited the mainland from Northern Ireland.

I started to spend more time in the flat and just before covid hit, we'd already decided to get our house back from the current tenants and move the cat and dog to the UK, get house sitters and for me to travel back and forth to Dubai to see Peter whilst he finished his career over the next 2-3 years.

Having been locked out of Dubai for 4 months, we decided to bring his retirement forward to May 2021 and I spent lockdown getting the house ready for our permanent return and on a trip to Dubai in September 2020, we had most of the furniture and our belongings shipped, followed by the rest in May this year. This involved my son coming over to collect the dog for 2 months so I could return to Dubai, which turned into 3 months as Dubai was put onto the red list and there were no flights out. After an expensive and painful mandatory hotel quarantine in the UK, we were finally home, just to go to Belfast to collect the dog and unpack the rest of our belongings that arrived in July.

We're now settled back in the UK, unpacked and put away. We have a new kitchen and shed to look forward to and we're having an extension built at the back of the house to give us more downstairs space for when the family come to visit.

I only hear/read about the negatives of repatriation online and I can't be the only person who has planned our return and is happy to be back, can I?

Preparing to leave Dubai.

I arrived back in Dubai 2 weeks ago. Peter has been off work while we've planned our exit. We sold his car, made a claim to cancel the Insurance which can take up to 3 weeks. We've had quotes for shipping the rest of our furniture, advertised the garden for sale and made arrangements to have broken and old furniture removed. We've now hired a car until the end of May.

I sold my car and closed my bank account back in September, so we're confident of how that all works.

There's still quite a bit of stuff to do, unlike a move within the country in which you live, when you leave a country you have to close everything down before your current visa expires. However it's a lot easier this move as we don't need a visa to move to the UK. When we moved from South Africa to Dubai, we had to return to the UK to get our documents certified and get our cat and dog out to Dubai before our current visa expired, but we couldn't ship the furniture or air freight until our new visas were in place. 

We have two more payments due out on the credit card in the next 10 days then we can cancel the credit card, but need to keep the main account open to pay in cheques from the deposits for the house, utility bills and an investment that matures soon. Once that has all cleared we have to withdraw/transfer the account to a zero balance then apply for a completion certificate to close the account.

We had to get the UK credit card activated so we could use it to hire the car

I keep getting informed that we can of course pay someone to do all this for us, but from personal experience having been told this in the past and actually following the advice we have discovered that 9/10 these people aren't qualified experts and that actually they don't make the job any easier as basically you still do all the ground work and they just basically queue on your behalf to submit that paperwork that you still need to sign and sorry but there is no way we're giving ANYONE a signed letter to deal with our finances on our behalf.

We're vacating the Villa on May 24th, we don't have a hotel booked yet as we're waiting for confirmation from the UK Government in regards to our isolation/quarantine on our return. 

At the moment we're required to spend 11 days in a UK hotel at the cost of £1700 each, we've looked into flying home via Germany where we'd need to stay for 11 days before we would be allowed back into the UK and the isolate at home for 11 days. We're allowed to travel between the UK and Dubai as we have Citizenship and Residency. We've both had the full vaccine and are happy with regular PCR testing.

Dubai is a hub, but we're hopeful after May 17th it'll be off the red list, Dubai have currently suspended flights from India.

Thankfully this time we're not leaving one place and arriving into the unknown. We are returning to our former family home that I've spent the past 18 months restoring after tenants and setting up utilities, buying a car and sorting phones and internet which hasn't been as easy as it sounds because we've not lived in the UK for so long, have no 'no claims' for driving, need insurance that allows us to leave the house empty for more than 30 days and has involved changing all the landlord cover back into personal use, getting new quotes and at one point had me measuring the outside area of the house and working out the square footage for the top two floors for buildings insurance purposes (since when did that become a thing?) We moved the cat and dog back in February.

We're registered with the Dr's in the UK but need to find a new dentist and I need to add Peter to the council tax and change our voting options.

We need to close everything here in Dubai rather than risk letting it just expire when our visas run out. We plan to travel through Dubai in future years to visit one of our sons in Australia and don't want to risk arrest should we have anything outstanding. 

I'm not looking for help, guidance or advice on any of this, there is a time scale to follow for all of it, just not all the same time. We've done it many times before, we'll do it now as well. I just don't have the brain space to do anything else for myself, let alone anyone else right now. An International move is nothing like an internal move, trust me, I did both last year. We're not planning on doing any further moves, internal or external for a long time to come.

Reflections on 10 years an expat

Facebook memories over winter revolve around moving. Either the chance of a move, visa applications or a physical house move, followed by trying to sort everything out on a tight timescale, budget and stress.

10 years ago this week we submitted our final visa application to move to South Africa. These things take months to do and every time you submit the application someone adds yet another piece of paperwork to the pile that needs to be filled in. The final piece of paperwork for our first move after numerous medical reports was a signed form from our GP stating we were of sound mind.

4 years later we had to return to the UK to submit papers for our move to Dubai

10 years on I question how sound our minds were at the time and over subsequent years as we've moved, home and country.

To be honest whilst our life style sounds complicated to some, it's just normal to me. I don't think I've ever had a normal life. Prior to leaving the UK I'd moved 17 times, with the longest stay in one house of 8 years where Peter and I raised a blended family for 8 years after getting married in 2002.

I crave being in one place, being in charge as much as the next person in regards to choosing when to move and where to move to. Of course we could've chosen not to have become expats, it wasn't a path we were searching for, just making the most of any opportunity that came our way.

The opportunities we've had as a family, especially for our children have been amazing. Although we only brought the 2 younger boys abroad with us, the eldest was already living in Germany with the army for 4 years, but the next child who left home at 18, just 3 months before we left the UK, packed his bags just over 3 years ago and announced his move to Australia as he wanted the same opportunities to live abroad also, like his siblings have had.

There have of course been numerous missed opportunities, difficulties with Education, lost work opportunities for me, missing family events and now not seeing our grandchild grow up. But we've tried to prioritise important events, we've been able to support our children, now all adults, in ways we couldn't have if we'd stayed in the UK.

We've lost family and friends along the way, these events would've happened regardless, we only know the life we have now, not the life we would've or could've had.

It's been difficult despite the sun shine continuously, it's also been a lot of fun, but regardless of location there is still work, washing, ironing, food shopping, cooking to be done.

I like to think we've kept our feet rooted firmly to the ground throughout this journey. We view our eventual move to the UK as another move, not as going back.

I saw the cross crossing woman near our old home in the UK on a visit. She said 'Oh you're back then?' as if we'd been been on some failed mission to Mars. It took a lot of control not to reply with 'You're still here then?'

Everything has to come to and end at some point, but it's not the end for us, it's yet another change, now with a grandchild to enjoy, a child living in Australia we can visit and whilst we've lost family members over the years, we've gained new ones in the form of in laws and it's an exciting chapter we look forward to being part of.

Things I miss about the UK

I miss the weather.

While it's nice to have the sunshine here in Dubai, half the year it's just too hot to go outdoors to enjoy it. Yes really, well I don't miss the rain and the cold, I miss having seasons.

I miss the pubs.

We have pubs here but no draft ale, the prices are sky high and there's not one in walking distance from us.

I miss the food.

Yes we can buy almost anything we want here in Dubai, but we have to go to certain shops to buy certain things, such as bacon, Hellman's mayonnaise and chips.

I miss just walking around.

Whilst we have beaches here and parks and shopping malls, there are very few places to just take a walk and have a sit outside watching the world go by without spending money.

Shopping.

Yes I miss shopping, here we have all the shops in the world you could imagine, but what we don't have are small towns and villages to just stop off in, pick up a pint of milk, go into a charity shop and collect a few new books, visit a tea room and have a simple sandwich or a jam donut with your tea.

Old Buildings.

All I can see here are buildings, new modern designs and whilst they are impressive, nothing beats seeing a variety of buildings, both old and new.

Greenery.

Yes we have a garden, there are trees and plants and parks, but when you're out driving there's just sand, no rolling landscapes, no fields full of colour and hedgerows.

People.

Of course people live in Dubai and huge numbers of tourists visit all year, but it's a city and I miss just randomly bumping into people I know and striking up conversations.

TV.

I miss crap game shows and daily news. We do get some UK TV and of course we get all the sport, including football and 3pm kick offs on a Saturday, but no Match of the Day. We get world news and keep up to date with social media, but there's never anything on the TV other than choosing which movie you want to watch.

Do you live abroad? Are there things you miss?

In South Africa we couldn't get PG Tips.
In Dubai we can't get Heinz Chicken soup.

I'm taking curly wurly's to a friend in South Africa and from South Africa, I'm taking cheese curls and mint crisps over to friends in Germany.

What it's really like living abroad? Dubai and South Africa.

Every now and then a little thought passes through my brain and I ask myself

'What am I doing living in Dubai?'

'How did this happen?'

Sometimes this thought is triggered as I drive past the Burj Al Arab or the Burb Khalifa and I think 'this place is a dream holiday location for a lot of people and I'm just going about my daily business'

Usually I'm on the way to or from the vets, the doctors or a food shop.

The other times I'm ironing or sweeping endless piles of sand out of the house.

Life isn't actually any different from living in the UK or South Africa. But there are many things to take into consideration when you leave the UK shores.

In the UK I worked and studied full time, we had 5 kids at home. In South Africa we were down to 2 kids and I didn't work or study. By the time we came to Dubai, there were no kids, but I did work full time for our 2nd year here.

In South Africa I had to deal with issues around personal safety, worry about armed robberies and car jacking on a daily basis. So all trips out were planned, someone was notified of where I was going and when I would return. But I had the most amazing experiences from camping in townships, taking the kids to Kruger National Park. Catching the train from Joburg to Cape Town with the then 12 year old and travelling alone to see the Spring Flowers in the Western Cape.

In Dubai I have the freedom to go anywhere at anytime on my own, walk, drive, use public transport, but my world is much smaller and contained to Dubai which is a huge city, but I also have to contend with the oppressive heat, which does limit my activities.

Temperature in car after parking for an hour.

Living abroad means I spend a huge amount of time on my own. Peter is out the house at work from 8am till 5pm every week day and he also travels a lot which means I'm completely on my own. Whilst I'm safe here in Dubai on my own, compared to South Africa, I still have the odd fleeting moment of panic when I realise if I had an accident or was taken ill, that I'd have to manage in it alone.

In South Africa that happened a few times, but we had a wonderful network of support to turn to. In Dubai I pretty much have only one person who I could call on in my hour of need.

Living abroad is lonely, you're isolated from family back in the homeland. In South Africa we had issues with the internet and even lack of electricity at times. In Dubai all voice over internet is blocked. It makes communication difficult. But at least the postal system works in Dubai unlike South Africa.

We now consider the flight from Dubai to the UK as short haul, despite it actually taking 7 hours to reach and another 4-6 hours to get to and from our homes. From South Africa it would take 24 hours door to door, with a direct flight taking 12 hours, or a stop in Dubai involving 2 x 7 hour flights and a minimum 2 hour stop over.

So what do I do all day as a none working mother of 5 whose kids have all left home?

Well I do the house work, washing and ironing. I food shop. walk the dog, scoop dog poop and clean the litter tray, load the dishwasher and cook dinner. I visit the dog park, get my nails done once a month and pretty much do the same things as I did when we lived in South Africa and the UK, just minus having to go to work.

We're not here on holiday, this is our life. In South Africa we lived on a golf course over looking a small river and the 16th green. In Dubai we live in a villa near the Marina.

My instagram feed is a mixture of an photos of daily activities just with a glamorous backdrop.

I drop Peter at the train station when he travels for the week and after parking i'll get the tram to the beach and the ferry back to the Marina. To me that is just normal life now. I get used to seeing the big buildings, tripping over the tourists, coping with the heat, buying bleach to clean the toilets with from the mall and having a Mcdonalds for my dinner in the food court.

I post the pictures, rarely do people read the comments, they just see me in a holiday destination, having fun or showing off. Being envious of my glamorous life style. But the reality is I just popped to the local shops, I could've been sitting in a park in the UK, instead of a beach in Dubai or a nature reserve in South Africa. I go where I need to go to do what I need to do, it just happens to be 'exotic' in many people's eyes.

We rarely do brunches, we save them for when the visitors come, as they're expensive. We go out for dinner with friends occasionally, but we're not dining in 5 star restaurants. We go to the World's largest Mall on the weekends so we can get out of the house, but stay cool indoors and go for a walk.

It's 8am and I can only sit out in the garden till then or after 8pm when the sun has gone down. The air con is on, set at 25c, you'd not heat a house that high in the winter, the bills are huge. My cold water tap doesn't run cold, even in winter it's luke warm. So I go to the pool over the road for a swim. It's lined with palm trees and sun loungers. It's £400 a year membership. If I swam in the UK 3 days a week for 30 weeks of the year, I'd pay £360, so while it sounds luxurious to have gym membership, it isn't really.

I'm not complaining about life abroad, I guess it's more about expelling myths about how glamorous it is. At the end of the day it's still the shame shit, just a different City and a bit harder to get home when I need to.

5 ways of making friends abroad you may not have considered

Making friends while working or living abroad is an important part of settling in to your new home. Having a good social network is likely to result in a more successful move. But how to go about it?

There are many conventional ways to make friends, but for this post, let's have a look at ways a little outside the box to meet new people abroad:

Friends of friends

It may be best to try this before you leave for an assignment. As you are telling family and friends about your plans, ask if they know anyone in your destination city. If they do, ask to be put in touch with them. While it may or may not work out in the longer term, it can be a good way to meet a friendly face when you first arrive in your new home.

Events

Love abstract art? Jazz music? Slam poetry? Use websites like Eventbrite to find arts, community or charity events happening in your city. The more niche the event, the more likely it is that you can speak to others on a common topic, which should help break the ice.

Dating sites

InterNations Expat Insider survey 2017 showed that more than half of all respondents in relationships were involved with someone from another country. If you are single, consider checking out the local dating scene in your new country. Dating apps are an obvious starting point but if that feels too intense try attending singles events in your area.  There’s no guarantee that you’ll meet the love of your life, you could make some good friends along the way.

Volunteering

If you do find yourself with some time on your hands, consider helping others by volunteering in an area of interest. It could be related to your job or a hobby. Volunteering is a great way to meet people from the local community. It may also be worth checking if your employer has a Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) programme that you can take part in.

Religion

Last but by no means least, if you practice a religion, joining a local church, synagogue, mosque or temple may be a great way to meet local people of the same faith as well as making friends. Many religions have social events linked to practice including shared meals or celebrating events together.

Making friends abroad is one way of looking after your mental health while you are abroad. Building a local support network should help to make living abroad a fantastic experience both in terms of your career and personal life.

Don't neglect your physical health when you make a move overseas, protect yourself and get the best treatment possible in the event of an accident with comprehensive international expat health insurance. 

 This is a collaborative post. 

Parenting Expat Children

Not all expat parents, parent this way, but in Dubai, some do manage to absolve themselves completely of the role and hand over full responsibility to others. Despite having lived abroad for 4 years in South Africa and 3 1/2 years in Dubai, we've never employed a maid or a nanny.

I'm not comfortable having someone living in my home full time and it's a huge responsibility in regards to their visa and has financial implications. For the first 3 years of life abroad we had 2 of the children living with us. Occasionally I would pay someone to do the ironing and we paid a gardener, but little ironing or gardening ever really got done.

In South Africa we didn't live in an expat community, we just rented a house on an estate, there were very few British people around, in Dubai that community is made up of expats. Only 21% of the population are Emirati's.

90% of those expats who have their spouse and children living here, have at least a part time maid, but most people who can afford it have a full time maid and/or nanny.

There is no police check required to live or work in Dubai, yes seriously, I wasn't even asked for one when I was teaching. But unlike Teachers, maids and nannies do not have to be qualified in child care to take on almost 24/7 responsibility for the families children. A monthly salary for a nanny is between £400 & £600 a month, it will often include 1 trip home a year, accommodation which is a small room and shower and medical aid.

While some parents are both working, many mothers aren't and yet the nanny does 99% of the parenting, or rather supervision of the children. I'm not singling out any nationalities and I am generalising (from personal experience) I'm also British and I will say what I'm about to say does not exclude them either.

Parenting is to be or act as a mother or father to someone. To me this includes the basics below:

• raise/bring up
• look after/nature
• take care of
• educate/lead by example
• discipline

As well as supporting the child's physical, emotional, social and intellectual development.

It DOES NOT mean leaving your child to be supervised by someone else 24/7.

Take a typical walk around the mall, nannies pushing the prams, chasing after toddlers, carrying the bags.

Visit a restaurant and nannies sit on the children's table, running back and forth to the toilet and spoon feeding the children even at school ages.

Go to a park, parents often not present, nannies running after the children, picking them up when they fall.

Visit the pool again parents often not present. Maid/nanny on their phone, taking a break from picking up after the kids all the day and cleaning the house, children in the pool unsupervised.

When you trust your children to the care of another, that does not resolve you from any responsibility, nor does it give you the right to scream abuse at the person you've handed this responsibility over to. As the child's parent you have a duty of care to ensure that your child is in a safe environment, that they are guided and supported and heaven bid that they may be disciplined from time to time, to teach them values.

As a teacher, I discovered many parents thought their 4/5 year old was toilet trained. As the nanny was around 24/7 changing wet clothes, taking the child to the toilet and on some occasions still having the child in nappies, the parent was none the wiser because a) the nanny didn't tell them and b) they never did anything with their child without the nanny around.

When asking the nanny why she didn't tell the parent, she would reply 'I will lose my job'

Sadly the nanny is often stuck between a rock and a hard place. If they discipline the child and the child complains to a parent, they are also disciplined. Nannies are also maids responsible for cleaning the house, clearing up after meals, the families laundry and almost everything else.
They work long hours and it has only been in 2018 that a law was implemented to ensure nannies and other employees, work no more than 12 hours a day and must have a period of 8 hours in a row as a break, to ensure they get enough sleep.

The other week a child was having a melt down in the street, the other children had been withdrawn by their nannies and this child was lying on the floor, screaming and actually kicking the nanny. I asked him to calm down and what the matter was, he lashed out and ran off, the nanny just smiled and followed him, he hit her again, she backed off. I stuck my head through the open door of the villa and yelled 'please come and parent your own child' 10 minutes later I can hear the mother screaming at the nanny not to embarrass her again in front of the neighbours, a few minutes later the child was back outside with the nanny following at a distance.

As a member at the local swimming pool, I see children as young as 18 months, left totally unsupervised in the pool, with floats and toys. The nanny will often be on their phone or talking to another nanny. The children run around, the life guard will ask them not to run, but they ignore him. No one speaks to the nanny or heaven forbid even tell the child NOT to run if the parent is actually present.

It's not just the nannies though who are frightened they will lose their job if a complaint is made. Security and restaurant staff turn a blind eye to a lot of things also. Their response when I ask them why they don't say anything is 'I will lose my job if the parent complains about me'

I've been run into by a child riding a bike in a sports shop. I asked 'whose child is this? Please parent them' the parent just walked over to the child and told them to ride elsewhere. Security gave me a half smile.

In restaurants parents will sit and enjoy their meal, while kids run feral with the nanny chasing them around to make sure she knows where they are.

The nannies and the parents in these situations provide no guidance or discipline. They don't tell the children that their behaviour is unacceptable, they don't ask the child to turn the volume down or ask them not to disturb other people. They let them do what they want, when and how they want and if challenged, they will often ignore you and you'll not get any back up or support from the staff as they're frightened they're lose their jobs.

The parents don't give the nanny authority to parent the child or discipline them. The child often has little or no respect for the nanny. The nanny in effect just follows the child around, wipes their mouth and their backside and lets them do what they want, making sure they get returned at the end of the evening.

This is a huge problem for society in the future. Children without boundaries, awareness of other people, entitlement (you see this in a lot of the adults here) few manners, the problems children will face when they return to their home countries, attending new schools, not having maids and nannies, having to tidy their own bedrooms, have restricted pocket money and still expecting the best of everything,

I challenge this and any other unsafe practice I witness. My husband tells me to keep out of it, but as a former Child Welfare Officer and a teacher, I'm unable to ignore unsafe practice.

I don't know when life became so hectic that people had to employ full time nannies to look after their children, especially when not working. I have been informed for a lot of expats, it's security. They're thousand of miles from home with no family support either.

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What’s it like being a woman living in the Middle East?

I live in Dubai in the UAE, not Saudi Arabia.

Please stop confusing the two countries. I can’t talk about what it’s like to live in any other country in the Middle East, other than the UAE and Dubai in particular.

But I can talk about living as an expat spouse in another country, in South Africa, different to my country of birth, the UK and where I live now.

Living as a none working expat, as in I'm only living abroad to support my husband while he works in another country for a set period of time, means that my visa reads 'not entitled to work' and therefore I am unable to obtain things such as bank, phone accounts and have utility bills in my own name. This is because I do not have an income, my husband sponsors me as in he is taking full financial responsibility for me being in the country with him, including my emotional, mental and physical well being.

It means I have to have a letter of consent from him to work, which makes me more desirable to employers as they are not financially responsible for me in regards to paying a housing allowance and  providing medical cover and I need a letter for me to drive, meaning my husband will take full responsibility to ensure I am insured, my vehicle is road worthy and I have the means to pay any fines.

The above applied to life in South Africa also, but strangely enough I didn't meet the requirements under BEE Black Economic Empowerment law to work there regardless of whether my husband sponsored me or not as I didn't meet the skills shortage requirements.

If I were the one with the visa to work and he was accompanying me, then the same rules would apply to him also.

It does not mean that because I am a woman I am a 2nd class citizen, in any way shape or form.

I did work for a year in Dubai as a Teacher, I made a decision to stop working as realistically one of us needs to be able to travel to and from the UK to support our families living there and as a Teacher I cannot earn the salary to maintain our standard of living and fund my husband to do the same level of travel.

I was also offered a job with a sponsored visa by the UAE Government for another teaching post, which I had to decline when my father died last year.

Now that part is all cleared up, let me tell you what it's like living as a woman in Dubai.

I can drive a car.

I don't have to wear an abaya or cover my head or face. I have to ensure my shoulders are covered if I go to a government building and wear a head scarf if I visit one of the two mosques that offer tours to none Muslims.

I can drink alcohol. Everyone needs a licence to purchase alcohol from a liquor store, all one has to do is provide proof they are not a Muslim to do this by filling in a form and paying a small fee. I don't have a licence, there's no need to pay for two and besides with all the travel we do, we purchase what we want at duty free.

I can buy pork products in the local supermarket.

I can wear a swimming costume or bikini on a public beach.

I can go out on my own.

I can buy myself a glass of wine at a bar without my husband being present.

I actually have my own bank account, car and insurance and mobile phone contract, in my own name, from when I was working that I don't have to change now I'm not.

I can hold my husband's hand in public, I can hug him and give him a kiss when I greet him at the airport or say goodbye.

I can go out for a meal or a drink or get in a car with a man who is not my husband, father, brother or son.

My Doctor is male.

I can celebrate Christmas, Easter, Halloween and purchase everything I need/want from the local stores and Malls. I can attend a Christian church.

And if I choose to, on public transport I can sit/stand in the woman and children only section of a bus/train.

All in all life in Dubai isn't that different from living in the UK, other than the fact that Dubai is a much safer country for me to live in, regardless of whether I'm male or female. I've yet to encounter groups of drunks on a weekend, I don't come across people fighting, swearing or throwing up in the street. I have no issues travelling across the city late at night on public transport or in my car. I have no fear when I go out alone at night walking the dog, taking a short cut through a park regardless of the time of day and have absolutely no worries about my personal safety in regards to my belongings. If I leave my bag at a table in a restaurant while I go to the toilet or on the beach while I go for a swim. I can guarantee it will still be there on my return.

The positives of life abroad

The trouble is, no one is really interested in the good stuff in life, it doesn't make for good reading/viewing. It's rare to find the newspapers full of positive stories, it's rare for 'soaps' to focus on positive things, usually everything is tinted with doom and gloom and even if there is a success story or something good to report, there's always 2-3 negative stories to run in the background.

A few weeks ago I decided to write about the positives in my life. I've been stuck in rut for so long now, with ill health and surrounded by the death of so many family and friends in the past 8 months, that I decided I needed to shift the focus and even if I didn't attract many readers or comments, that wasn't the point. My blog is for me, it's for me to reflect on and to keep a record of our lives abroad as expats.

I don’t like living in Dubai, it’s too hot, it’s a city and I’m ready to come home. But I don’t dislike Dubai. I didn’t feel safe in South Africa but I was heartbroken to leave. Both countries have caused stress in the terms of relocation, but that was due to poor management of the move. I feel isolated and lonely so far away from my family and friends.

But there are some benefits to living abroad and they will vary from different countries.
We had housing, cost of living, car and medical allowances in both countries, I could work in Dubai, I did for a year, but due issues with my health and having our children not living here, I now choose not to and accept that I won't be resuming my career while I'm here. Of course salaries are tax free in Dubai, the cost of living has risen in the past 3 years since we've been here but we live more than comfortably here, but I do shop around for bargains, it's a good habit to have regardless of the bank balance.

In South Africa, we just about broke even when we left, financially it was a struggle with the poor exchange rate, we were paid in local currency, sending back money to the UK for school fees, paying the mortgage, evicting tenants from hell. But we had so much fun, so many opportunities and so many visitors. We had the 2 youngest kids living with us, we saw wildlife in it's natural environment, we camped in Kruger National Park and in the Drakensburg Mountains, we also camped in a township, we caught the Shosoloza Meyl from Joburg to Cape Town, we drove north of Durban, where we experienced a whale watching trip that was out of this world. We drove the entire coast line of SA, the Garden Route, saw penguins on the beach and visited Namaqualand.

In Dubai, life has been very different, there's not so many places to explore here, but we've managed to save some money, we're no longer paying school fees, our UK mortgage is almost finished and we've had good tenants for the past few years, we bought a flat in South Wales so we have a base to stay when we visit family (although the teen is currently living in it, but where else would he have gone) we have the financial freedom to travel back to the UK when we need or want to, hire cars to make it easier to get around and not rely on the same people over and over and to be able to pay for boarding for the cat and dog while we take our trips.

In general our lives have been enriched from living abroad, our two youngest children benefited from living abroad also, meeting new people, gaining new skills, travel opportunities. Our other children, family and friends have had the opportunity also to expand their travel experiences by visiting us and accompanying us on many trips. We're better financially prepared for our retirement and future, we've funded the two youngest children with private education, we're able to provide support and security for all our children should they need it, although they don't actually ask for it. We've gained a wealth of knowledge we can share with family and friends, if they want to share from our experiences.

Living abroad has given us the desire to try just about anything, despite having all the same fears about trying new things, we know there's always a solution and most things can be overcome with a bit of advance planning and a bit more money in the bank.

But remember when we started on this journey, experiences and finances were something we didn't have to learn from and fall back on.

Managing life as an expat

I'm one idiot away from a break down.

I'm 46, I struggle to control my bladder, what makes you think I have any control over my life?

Compared to other people I think I live a very stressful life, full stop. I live abroad. I have to deal with slow and none existent postal systems, time difference, expensive phone calls and rely on the good will of others to sort things out on our behalf.

We rent out our family home in the UK, with that come building insurance, mortgage payments, bank accounts, gas safety certificates, repairs, estate agents, tax return forms.

Our youngest child has been educated in the UK for the past 4 years, school fees, uniforms, pocket money, trips, learning support, GCSE's, exam fees, resits, flights, lifts to airports, passport renewals, pocket money.

I've had to manage two lives in two countries simultaneously and it's starting to take a toll. It's hard work keeping up with the bills, the kids, my health and juggle being happy and healthy and making sure everyone has everything they need.

Yes I know the kids are all adults now, yes I know we employ rental agents to manage our house, we have international and off shore banking, we now have all bills set up online so we don't have to rely on the post and the good will of others to forward it on to us.

We don't hire an accountant, we're not made of money, we do things ourselves, but it all takes time and everything is done very differently in both the UK and where we live in Dubai.

I find myself constantly having to switch my brain on and off. Car and contents insurance works the same way surely? No, not really, it's set up differently, direct debits, standing orders, monthly and annual payments.

We rent a property in Dubai, the contract is for a year, we have to pay a deposit and pay the whole years rent up front, we have to make sure that the landlord agrees in writing to take responsibility for repairs to their own property or we'd be liable for the cost of repairs, to include leaks, air con, painting the outside and general maitenance, we then have to register the rental contract with the muncipality or we can't have water and electricty to the property. We don't have an agent, the repairs are of a poor quality and numerous. We have to give 90 days notice to vacate, the landlord has to give 1 years notice of eviction or rental increase. We have to pay for new contracts.

In the UK where we rent out a property it's a completly different process, there are electrical and gas safety inspections, repairs have to be carried out to a certain standard which are expensive and have to be completed within a certain timescale, our tenants are demanding in regards to what additional work they expect us to carry out, there are endless emails via an agent from tennats demanding their rights to keep pets, despite their initial contract stating 'no pets' or requests to have a perfectly good kitchen replaced as it doesn't suit their needs or they want the rooms repainted to a colour that suits them at our cost. We call thier bluff, we'd rather have the property empty and then pay the council tax than give in to ridicilous demands and have done so. We have to pay an additional 1% on our mortgage for the benefit of renting the property out and our annual tax return forms require additional software to complete and additional costs and we have to register as overseas landlords.

We've now bought a flat, that requires management fees, contents insurance, water, electricty, council tax, tv licence, change address for bank accounts, driving licence, re register for voting etc.

It's not just about the money, we've budgeted for all the above, that part runs smoothly as long as we receive notification and the internet is working. I received a bill with an additional charge for late payment sent through the post and after the post code in capital letters was printed. 'EMAIL CORRESPONDENCE ONLY, DO NOT MAIL' it took me half a day to sort out the late payment charge, which I had to pay electronically and then make a complaint to receive a refund.

The hardest part of maintaining a life in two countries is the not knowing how everything works and having to switch your brain on and off between each country, almost doing a factory reset and constanly unlearning and relearning everything.

There's an assumption that you know how everything is done and that you know where to do it. I don't need a TV licence in Dubai. In South Africa you bought your TV licence when you bought a TV. Your car needs reregistering in Dubai on an annual basis. In the UK, you have MOT, buy insurance and then you can get road tax. In South Africa, you renew your road tax at the post office, no one checks you have insurance and there is no annual road worthy test, that is only performed when you purchase or sell a vehicle.

And no one tells you any of this, no one explains to you how it's all done, either a) everyone is a local and has no idea why anyone wouldn't know how to do all the above or b) everyone has been doing it for years now and has forgotten how hard it was to set up initially.

It's the same for me now when I visit the UK. I'm considering buying a t shirt that reads, I know I sound British, but I actually don't live here and I've no idea how this works, how to do it or where, but it's absolutly pointless.