A step parents role at a child's wedding. I wonder how it is for Camilla?

Child 2 is getting married next month. He's 28. I've been step mum since he was 10.

Child 4 is getting married next year. He's 23. My husband has been his step dad since he was 5.

We are a family of 7. We lived as a family of 7. I consider myself to be mother to 5, my husband considers himself to be a father to 5 also.

The children refer to us as 'the parents' They refer to one another as 'their siblings'

Child 2 is getting married soon, his wedding has caused me a few issues, but only because we're living so far away, we're not involved with their planning, timing, costs. This is being managed by the bride and her family and I'm ok with that. We handed over some money, but have no idea of the costs incurred, so no idea if we should've given more. We've been involved, taking our son for his suit fitting and recommending a photographer. My biggest 'drama' has been deciding what to wear, as the only information I have is the bridal colours to avoid and that the Mother of the Bride has her outfit. But I don't know what colour or style it is.
I'd bought a couple of outfits, but wasn't happy with them. I wanted something that said 'Mother of the Groom' not guest. Last weekend with Peter's guidance I finally bought something I was happy with.

I'm assuming Peter and and I will sit at the top table. We will find out 2 days before the wedding when we arrive in the UK, what time the dress rehearsal is and assume on the day we'll know the rest of the plans, when we ask.

Child 4's wedding is completely different in the planning stages but it throws up another set of issues for us. We have 18 months notice of their wedding instead of 6 months with child 2 for starters, so we can book flights to arrive a week before hand and there will be several trips over before then. We are unable to attend their engagement party.

We've met and spent a lot of time with 4a's parents. Peter hasn't met 2a's parents yet.

I know the weddings are about our sons and their future wives, not about us, but with the family dynamics and distances involved, it does throw up some issues.

Child 4 and the family have booked the hotel and secured accommodation for all the family. Unfortunately this means his father's side also. Where Peter and I don't have any problems with this and we all get on very well. I really didn't fancy sitting at the top table with my ex husband, while Peter sat where? So they've done away with the top table and taken every one's needs into consideration. I don't actually think his father would have given this any thought.

In the modern day, with so many people having complicated families, I'm surprised there hasn't been a trend to move away from the top table arrangements.

I'm wonder how things were in the planning of Harry and Meghan's wedding this weekend. I don't follow the Royal Family but I am aware Meghan has a complicated family set up with step parents and step siblings. Obviously Harry's mother Diana, isn't there, so they won't be facing the same challenges as we are with child 4's wedding.

The Mother of the Groom with Compton House of Fashion

As the Mother of 4 boys, I potentially have 4 occasions as Mother of the Groom. The first of which is taking place this June 2018. The 2nd in September/October 2019.

This post is in collaboration with Compton House of Fashion who got in touch with me in March to ask me to share my experiences of finding a suitable outfit as Mother of the Groom and I must say I found their website extremely helpful. Although I won't be visiting their store as I live in Dubai and arrive in the UK only 2 days before our son's wedding, it was lovely to see the variety of outfits and accessories they have available. They feature a range of ages of models and offer advice on weddings and etiquette as well as running their own blog which offers help and advice for the Mother of the Groom.

Until Compton House of Fashion got in touch with me, I'd seen very little on the internet about the Mother of Groom. The high street shops focus on the Mother of the Bride and I seem to fall into Occassion Wear.

The harsh reality is there is no role for the Mother of the Groom compared to the Mother of the Bride who takes centre stage after the Bride, the Father of the Bride who gives the Bride away, the Groom who makes a speech, the Best Man who makes the main speech and the Father of the Groom who is also part of the Wedding party as he at least gets to wear the same suits as the rest of the above, as do the ushers who happen to be the Brides brother and the 2 of the Grooms brothers.

And that's where it ends. There is no role for me. Apparently I could write a letter to the Mother of the Bride, showing my interest in the upcoming event and as the parents of the Groom it is traditionally our role to organise the rehearsal dinner, stand in line after the couple to receive guests and to dance with the Groom during the mother-son dance. But I have no idea if this is part of the plan.

I'm sounding quite bitter. I'm not, I'm slightly bemused. I had thought in 2018 we'd done away with all this tradition and besides, my husband and I eloped as a) we wanted to do things our way b) we'd both been married before and been swept away with other peoples ideas of what should and shouldn't be happening and c) we'd just bought a house and didn't want or need the expense. I really hadn't given a lot of thought about my role as Mother of the Groom until now.

I did take part in making a booking for our son's suit fitting and order and paid the bill, but my thoughts on the large number of suits was not wanted and I recommended a photographer, an old school friend of mine. All I had left to do was transfer the rest of the money I promised into the Bride's account for her and her mother to spend as they see fit.

So we've handed over a lump sum to the Bride, replied to the invitation with our meal preferences and booked our flights and car hire.

At the moment I have absolutely no idea what I will be wearing on the day as I'm still waiting to find out what colour the Mother of the Bride is wearing. I also have to avoid the colours of the Bridal party. So I've got a couple of dresses, shoes and a hat (is the Mother of the Bride wearing a hat?) 

Last month, son no 4 announced he was engaged also. But thankfully this wedding won't take place for a year or two and hopefully by then and after a friends wedding in July and our niece's wedding in October, I'll have this outfit choosing sussed out.

Injecting some colour into my life and trying new things in Dubai

I joined the local leisure centre. By local I mean it takes me 3 minutes to walk there, by crossing the road at the end of our garden.

There's an outdoor pool and a gym (as yet unexplored) and a cafe (as yet open when I've been there) 

There are plenty of sun beds and umbrellas for shade and the pools temperature is controlled, perfect for the hot summer months.

It takes an hour out of my day to go for a swim and is already after a week benefiting my health, I can feel I have a lot more movement in my neck and shoulders already.

I used to belong to a gym in South Africa and used it most days and we had a decent sized pool in the garden, but gym membership in Dubai is very expensive and as I now spend half the year in the UK, it hasn't been worth it. This gym costs £400 a year and for a small fee I can take visitors with me.

I've also inquired about attending some sewing classes and have finally got round to taking my sewing machine and over locker in for service and minor repairs. I did a lot of sewing in South Africa, making bags and bunting that I sold for charity to raise funds for educational supplies, but since moving to Dubai, there's a ban on fundraising and even advertising charities unless they're registered with the UAE Government, so all my stuff has been gathering dust, but my plan now is to get back into the swing of making things to sell over in the UK when I'm there.

Having spent most of 2017 in the UK I was living in Jeans and t-shirts, I was in the UK in February and March for a month also during the snow and wore so many layers I could hardly move. It's nice to be back in Dubai for some warmer weather, sadly it will be too hot soon to enjoy the outside (other than using the pool over the road) but by the time the heat kicks in at 45c I'll be back in the UK for summer and I've decided I need to revamp my wardrobe.

Peter and I have 3 weddings this year in the UK. Our eldest son is getting married, Peter is best man at another, both in the summer and Peter's niece is getting married in the autumn which is going to be a casual affair.

I must say the last wedding excites me the most. No pressure on what we wear, attending as guests only with no responsibilities. For the first two weddings Peter is wearing suit hire and forms part of the Groom party with formal wear, it's not stressing me out what I'm wearing but I do feel a little out on my own when it comes to my choice of outfit, particularly with our son's wedding as I have to avoid the brides colours (red and yellow) and avoid clashing with the Bride's Mother (still don't know what she's wearing either)

Due to ill health over the past year, I've lost a bit of weight, as in I'm now back to the weight I was a few years ago, which means I've been able to wear so many more of my favourite dresses I've hung onto and I've had fun buying new outfits for the upcoming weddings, all of which are suitable for the occasions and for day to day wear in Dubai for popping to the malls, out for brunch or dinner.

I do need to invest in some new underwear and sort through my accessories

Dresses I've been wearing around Dubai and upping my expat game. It's so much easier to wear dresses in Dubai, teamed with a pair of sandals and I'm good to go. No need for jackets, coats or sensible shoes in case it rains over here.

Dress - Jasper Conran

Dress - Mr Price, South Africa

Gap

Dresses I've purchased for the weddings, as yet undecided what I'll wear for which yet and I'll need jackets and a hat and possible water proofs although the first two are summer weddings, they are both in the UK. Shoes are already sorted.

Jacques Vert

The Collection at Debenhams

Debut

M & Co

Dress Sea Salt, Jacket Quiz for the Autumn Wedding, need shoes but have yellow Hunter wellies should it be wet as the reception is in a barn.

However the dress I'm looking forward to wearing the most is this one, but I'm not sure for what occasion it is best suited, but we do have brunch this Friday.

Cheryl Arthur - South Africa