Wednesday, 16 May 2018

A step parents role at a child's wedding. I wonder how it is for Camilla?

Child 2 is getting married next month. He's 28. I've been step mum since he was 10.

Child 4 is getting married next year. He's 23. My husband has been his step dad since he was 5.

We are a family of 7. We lived as a family of 7. I consider myself to be mother to 5, my husband considers himself to be a father to 5 also.

The children refer to us as 'the parents' They refer to one another as 'their siblings'

Child 2 is getting married soon, his wedding has caused me a few issues, but only because we're living so far away, we're not involved with their planning, timing, costs. This is being managed by the bride and her family and I'm ok with that. We handed over some money, but have no idea of the costs incurred, so no idea if we should've given more. We've been involved, taking our son for his suit fitting and recommending a photographer. My biggest 'drama' has been deciding what to wear, as the only information I have is the bridal colours to avoid and that the Mother of the Bride has her outfit. But I don't know what colour or style it is.
I'd bought a couple of outfits, but wasn't happy with them. I wanted something that said 'Mother of the Groom' not guest. Last weekend with Peter's guidance I finally bought something I was happy with.



I'm assuming Peter and and I will sit at the top table. We will find out 2 days before the wedding when we arrive in the UK, what time the dress rehearsal is and assume on the day we'll know the rest of the plans, when we ask.

Child 4's wedding is completely different in the planning stages but it throws up another set of issues for us. We have 18 months notice of their wedding instead of 6 months with child 2 for starters, so we can book flights to arrive a week before hand and there will be several trips over before then. We are unable to attend their engagement party.

We've met and spent a lot of time with 4a's parents. Peter hasn't met 2a's parents yet.

I know the weddings are about our sons and their future wives, not about us, but with the family dynamics and distances involved, it does throw up some issues.

Child 4 and the family have booked the hotel and secured accommodation for all the family. Unfortunately this means his father's side also. Where Peter and I don't have any problems with this and we all get on very well. I really didn't fancy sitting at the top table with my ex husband, while Peter sat where? So they've done away with the top table and taken every one's needs into consideration. I don't actually think his father would have given this any thought.

In the modern day, with so many people having complicated families, I'm surprised there hasn't been a trend to move away from the top table arrangements.

I'm wonder how things were in the planning of Harry and Meghan's wedding this weekend. I don't follow the Royal Family but I am aware Meghan has a complicated family set up with step parents and step siblings. Obviously Harry's mother Diana, isn't there, so they won't be facing the same challenges as we are with child 4's wedding.






12 comments:

  1. Suzanne, as a freelance writer I used to write a lot about weddings and etiquette. With "complicated" families it makes more sense to have just the bridal party at the top (or, in the US, head) table and put all the parents and steps at separate tables. Love the outfit you got for the occasion--beautiful! Will you be wearing a hat?

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    1. thank you, no i won't be wearing a hat, i have hats and i think i look ok in one, but the mother of the bride isn't wearing one

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  2. Beautiful outfit! You'll look totally stunning and I hope a few photos will sneak onto Insta. (I love weddings!!)

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  3. I love your outfit. How exciting. I love a good wedding! Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

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    1. thank you, we have another 2 weddings this year also

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  4. Hi Suzanne, weddings can be such complicated days, when they really shouldn't be. Living a broad does make it didfficult though. I got married in South Africa and my Mum didn't have much to do with it and I know she would have loved to have been more involved. She did make up for it when she arrived though. I hope both weddings go as smoothly as I assume, the Royal one did yesterday!

    Popped over from #PoCoLo.

    xx

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    1. thank you, really looking forward to having an excuse to dress up to the 9's

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  5. This is really insightful, thanks for sharing X #pocolo

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  6. I might have had similar issues for my wedding, I have a stepmum and a step dad, but as it turned out my (biological) mother didn't come to my wedding. So I had a standard top table with the Hubby's parents, and my dad and stepmum. :)
    Thanks for linking to #pocolo

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    1. it's always difficult isn't it? Thankfully the Groom's mother didn't find out where it was being held

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