I’m battling boredom and loneliness here in
Dubai, I just about established some roots after 4 years in South Africa, made friends
and found a purpose and it was gone over night as we relocated to Dubai, just
over 2 years ago.
In South Africa we knew very few expats, in
fact hardly any. We lived in an Afrikaans area, around Pretoria, with the
children attending an English School. I was unable to work, due to visa
restrictions and Peter worked in Johannesburg, which had a higher concentration of
expats.
Peter’s colleagues were all South African
as were our friends, even the few British people we met had been resident in
South Africa for upwards of 10-20 years.
I went to every event I saw advertised,
charities, golf do’s, accepted church invites, attended coffee mornings and
events at the kids school. Unfortunately I would often be the only none
Afrikaans speaking person there and I’d smile and nod along not knowing what
was being said. But I persisited until I made friends and found a purpose.
I had upsets along the way such as when I
met and English family who invited me to their home then forgot I was coming
and I never heard from them again. Or arriving at an event to discover the only
spare seat had a handbag sat on it and despite me asking if I could sit there,
I was ignored. There were also loads of coffee dates that people would fail to
turn up to, without messaging to say something had come up, only to discover
being friends with the newbie wasn’t going to be beneficial to their husbands
business or child’s development.
We got to know one couple whose children
were in school in the UK and had been living in South Africa and other African
countries for 2 decades, who were affectionately known as the ‘when we’s’ as in
‘When we lived in Keenya…….’ And were keen to make us feel like South Africa
was just like living in the UK compared to their experiences. As time went on,
I realized that one of their children had attended a school local to where we
had lived in the UK, that we knew some of the same people and had been to
events at various places, probably at the same time and the friendship turned
sour.
Then one day we turned up to their house as arranged, they weren’t in and despite seeing them at the golf course they repeatedly ignored our existence until eventually one day, I walked over to talk to some other women I knew and upon this woman seeing me, she pulled her chair round and blocked me out the conversation.
Then one day we turned up to their house as arranged, they weren’t in and despite seeing them at the golf course they repeatedly ignored our existence until eventually one day, I walked over to talk to some other women I knew and upon this woman seeing me, she pulled her chair round and blocked me out the conversation.
I’ve had similar experiences also in Dubai
and despite making a few friends through having worked here for a year and
through walking Bob. Dubai is more transient and quite frankly can be very
false. People posting endless pictures on facebook of them at brunch, relaxing
at a spa or hiring a cabana on a private beach, the reality is often different
and they are living in debt, up to their max on credit cards and generally
living outside of their means. I’ve found a lot of women don’t want to discuss
day to day life, they don’t have issues, worries, concerns they want to share. It's all about networking, who has been to the best brunches and had the best experiences.
It's sad really, people come for a few years, move back to the UK and spend the rest of their lives as 'when we's'
I know I'm sounding judgemental, but when you attend a coffee morning and all everyone is discussing is their latest designer bag or talking about their brunch experiences, it's hard not to be.
I walk into new environments now on edge, I'm asked my occupation, I don't have one. This can go either one way or another. If I'm meeting a group of people in a bar, it's usually because they're working and have nothing to say. If I'm meeting a group of people in a cafe, usually all women, they ask if I have children and what my husband does for a living. You can quickly see that a) I'm no use for play dates as my kids have left home and b) my husbands job can't benefit their networking aims.
Not all the women I meet are like this, but I often find a lot just aren't being their real selves. They too have been in a similar situation to me, where they've just not fitted in, but unlike me I refuse to play games and if I don't fit I just walk away, not change myself to be something I'm not.
It strikes me as being similar to the school playground. But in the playground, working life and in South Africa I finally found my 'place' and made good friends, I just think it's slightly harder in Dubai as it's so transient.
Do you find it easy to make friends?
Without children for play dates and not working it does get harder to meet people.
How do you make friends?
This doesn't sound good at all! Are there any nice people out there? Sounds more like mental cruelty!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have more luck in Dubai. You have a new on line friend here!
www.vanityandmestyle.com
thank you, Dubai is just as bad, if not worse, sadly
DeleteThis made me feel really sad reading this. I hope you manage to find someone on your level soon. I know the feeling, not the same situations but similar as I struggle to fit in but there is always someone out there, even if they are friends online! Good luck pocolo
ReplyDeletethink i'm sticking with my online friends
DeleteHope you find friends soon. It's hard finding your place and meeting others. Good luck
ReplyDeletei'm going down the 'find a job' route
DeleteIt sounds like an isolating situation to be in. Wouldn't it be lovely if people could just friends for the sake of it and not because it will benefit from them in some way. It sounds like quite a shallow existence for these other women.
ReplyDeleteI'm new to our area and it's been hard to meet new friends at the school gates, the cliques were already established when I arrived. I just smile and crack on with my day. Life's to short. #pocolo
yep, life is too short indeed, i do think it's been harder as i'm not working and don't have school runs to do
DeleteI found dog walking a good way. Admittedly, there are still some people that I refer to by their dog's name. There are others that I've subsequently recognized at an event and I'm accepted. Any volunteer organizations you could join? We moved a lot when I was younger and my mother used to volunteer.#PoCoLo
ReplyDeleteoh yes, i'm Bob's mum, everyone knows Bob, lol
DeleteAs a kid we used to do a lot of travelling. I know my Mum found it hard but by the end of a tour they would have a few really good friends. I think it is a case of time will tell and keep going. My mum would throw herself into everything: plays, music, volunteering, horse riding etc. I am confident it will work out.
ReplyDeleteoh yes, everything will work out, it's just isolating on occasions
DeleteI know it's not the same as you're in another country, but when we moved to where we live now if you didn't have a child or a dog you didn't meet anyone. I hope you meet some nice people soon xx
ReplyDeletemost of the people i do meet are dog owners, but sadly they all seem to work during the day also
DeleteYou're right, it is like the playground. It can be so difficult to connect with people when you don't have anything in common or just simply aren't interested in being fake. I'm much the same as you and to be honest I rarely speak to anyone else other than the Hubby. For me, I'm used to it now and I'm happy to spend time with my hobbies. Coffee mornings are over-rated anyway! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking to #pocolo
i do enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to just sit and chat with others face to face sometimes
Delete