Well here goes.
After 20 years together last month, our semi separate lives began in January 2020.
During the past 20 years we've been used to spending time apart with Peter's job, but for 2-3 nights a week in the UK or Europe.
In January 2011 we left the UK and moved to South Africa, for 4 years I was only away for 2-3 weeks once or twice a year, apart from 2013 when I was in the UK for 4 months evicting tenants through the courts. Peter travelled further afield and for longer periods of time.
In December 2014 we moved to Dubai, Peter's travelling was similar to the first 10 years in the UK and I was the one away for longer periods of time. In fact for the past 3 years, I've spent half the year on and off in the UK and he has travelled during these periods.
In October 2019 we started having issues with our current tenants and as we had plans for Peter's retirement in 2023, it was easy to make the decision for me to return to the UK and reoccupy our family home. Peter was now spending more time and for longer periods in South Africa with work and with me escaping the summer heat for 3 months, it was decided I'd be based in the UK and we'd both travel to visit one another as often as we could.
I moved back into our family home in January 2020 with the cat and dog, back in Dubai for March and again in May to supervise the packing and moving of our furniture, half to the UK, half to a new apartment in Dubai.
Peter will then come to visit for a fortnight for a wedding in June.I will be going out next in October, when the weather has cooled. Inbetween if Peter is travelling to Turkey or Egypt the p[lan is I can fly out to meet him.
So far, we've not really noticed a difference, he can concentrate more on his job, not worry about the cat and dog when he has to work late or travel and I am making friends and enjoying life in a community, something that was lacking for me in Dubai.
I'm not working and I won't be looking for work until 6 months before Peter retires, so I have the freedom to travel out to Dubai whenever I feel like it. While Peter is working it makes sense to get the house sorted while he still has an income coming in.
We have an app in Dubai that allows us to make and receive voice over internet and video calls, which means we can talk freely and openly, something we haven't been able to do when travelling since January 2018 when all voice over internet was blocked. It also means that Peter has more contact with the family as we can video call more often when I visit Child 1 who is unable to verbally communicate and to watch our grandchild grow and not feel left out of the milestones in her life. Last week Peter was able to watch the baby roll from back to front and share the experience with us all in real time.
I'd love to hear from you if you're in a similar situation. How long has it been going on for? What's the best/worse thing abiout being married and living in different countries? How do you manage/cope?
I applaud your commitment to one another. It's amazing how creative you have been in making this separation work for you.ReplyDelete
Isn't it amazing how technology can work to keep us connected. Of course, it's not as good as the real thing but It's a close second.ReplyDelete
Technology is vital for us to keep in touchDelete
I would imagine it would be hard to have a relationship like this, although I appreciate tech helps a great deal. That said, you write this very matter of factly, simply accepting that's the way things are and I admire that.ReplyDelete
I'm afraid it is very matter of fact as that's the way it has to be, if i'd written the post when it was first discussed, it would've been very emotionalDelete
Wow! I don't know how you've done it. I'd find it a struggle and I think you're very brave and strong-willed to be able to do it. I think it's admirable that you're still in a solid relationship. Good luck to you with the apartment x #PoCoLoReplyDelete
watch this space, we'll see how it goesDelete
wow is she rolling all ready?ReplyDelete
Sounds to me like you have put a lot of thought into this for now and for your future, with a lot of positive in it for Peter as well. #PoCoLo
It'll work, theres a lot of planning gone into thisDelete
As others have said, the tech helps but so does having the end goal in mind - though I'm sure some days are tougher than others. #PoCoLoReplyDelete
we've been doing this for a while with all the travel we both do, just I'll now be based in the UKDelete
It's so brilliant that in this day and age we have technology to make the distance between us all a little smaller. #POCOLOReplyDelete
the technology is the only reason we are able to do thisDelete