This post was written in September 2024 and scheduled to go out on 21st October. Our daughter died on 7th October. It seems trivial to let this post go without with sharing this information with you. It's important to me that you know life isn't just carrying on as normal. It's also quite poignant if you reach the end of the post.
For the first time in my life (aged 53) I'm comfortable with how I look. My size, my style and my hair.
I'm at my most comfortable with clothing in the autumn and winter when I can stick jeans, a jumper and boots on and not have to think about layering. I hate feeling bulky. I hate feeling cold. Mind you I don't like being hot either. I do love a good summers day, the ones where you don't have to think about something warm for the evening, or a rain coat for later, or what type of shoes go with a dress because sandals won't cut it due to the rain forecast later.
I've always had reasonably good skin, although as I've got older I've developed liver spots, darkening patches of skin on my face. I've never tried to cover them although I do wear makeup, it's not heavy and I wear it for me. I''ve also always been happy to go out without make up on, but I always wear factor 50 sunscreen, since the age of 30 and I moisturise every day. I've never learnt to do my make up. All I've done over the years is change my colour of eye liner and mascara, these days it's black (it used to be blue in the 80's) and I've added in an eyebrow pencil in brown. Lipstick alters depending on my mood, but red is.a no go these days.
I had a mall make over experience. I wiped it all off as soon as I left the store. It was so heavy and greasy. I've had two newspaper make overs and one by a professional make up artist, the latter was my favourite. She'd seen an article in the newspaper where it had aged me and offered to do a natural make over to make me look more my age.
Before, during, the Teresa May Power Bob and after.
Mail Online 24th August 2016
My nails are something I like to have done. Just a gel polish, once every 3-4 weeks, bright colours. I usually do my own soak off and spend around £30 on a new polish. I find if my nails are done, I can put my hair in a pony tail, not worry about make up and I'm good to go out.
I've lost weight recently. Only a stone. I'm now a size 10 trouser. I've fluctuated between a size 10-12 for the past 20 years. My top half is a 14. But with medication for migraines and no, the medication does not make me put on weight, it does increase my appetite and with up to 15 migraines a month I've always craved sugary foods. Just over a year ago. I realised the weight was no longer fluctuating, it was staying on and I was uncomfortable with how I looked and how I felt. My clothes still fitted me but were tight. My dresses that once fell from my bust, were now filling in and I was getting more aches and pains around my neck, shoulders and lower back. I started to watch what I was eating and slowly I managed to stabilise the weight gain and eventually started to lose some weight. A medication change earlier this year for the migraines helped me lose more weight and I'm now where I feel my most comfortable. I have more energy and in less pain.
My hair has always been the biggest thing I've had an issue with. I've NEVER been able to style it. I've NEVER had the right cut. I've grown it long, I've got fed up with it and had it cut short. I've had the worse hair cut EVER.
I asked for this in April 2022.
With an undercut.
I left like this:
I cried.
I washed and dried it, it looked like this:
I paid £48 to get it rectified. I was happy with the end result. I've only had it trimmed three times since.
I've had hair extensions, I've had it dyed almost every colour going, in fact right now, it's faded from a bright blue, underneath at the back to a pale green. Colours I've always been happy with. I've always alternated between short and long hair every couple of years. My hair grows quickly. It's only taken 2 years to grow from short to this below and you'll notice it's also gone from grey to blond and no it's not died. It was dark when I was younger, I went grey around my early 30's started to dye it blonde, let it grow out grey, then discovered it was blonde after all, could've saved a fortune.
But styling I've never got the hang of, until I bought one of these new fan dangled devices online, my hair has spent years being straightened or scrapped up in a pony tail, or just chopped short again.
Are you happy with being you? The way you look? Your hair? Your fashion sense?
I'm not always happy with the inside, but on the outside I feel good and sometimes that's all that matters and it's what keeps me going some days, but please don't judge me by that. I might look like I've got it all together, but looks can be very deceiving.
