Who's your support network?

When I had my kids I lived in a small village in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire. Ive just turned 40 and my kids are 19, 16 and 12...I also have 2 step kids aged 23 and 22.

At the time I'm talking about I only had two children they were newborn and aged 2, I moved away when they were 10 and 7 and had another child aged 2.

I joined a local playgroup, saw the health visitor at clinics on a regular basis, took turns to have friends round with their kids, went to play groups, met up for picnics in the parks, bike rides etc, the kids went to nursery, preschool and school together, with the same group of people for the 8 years...a few new people moved to the village and joined the same groups and a few moved away.

We all helped out at the school with fundraising and fetes, at church groups, cubs and brownies and the local football team.

Yes there was a clique, there was the one with the foul mouth, the one who let their kids run wild, the one that had an affair and split the village, the one that had a bit more spare cash than the rest of us and the odd falling out about who's child started it.

But on the whole it was good, I'd even been to school with 2 other parents in a different town, there were nights out, tears and endless babysitting.

We were all a similar age, from similar backgrouds and similar experiences. It wasn't idylic but it was fun.

Do you have this? This was 1995-2002, I didn't get a mobile phone or the internet till 2000.

I wish it was still like this, today when you have a baby you reach out to the internet for information and advice, breast feeding, what age to leave your kids alone or let them out in the street...

...but when you get your response from 100's of people and experts does it make you feel good, does it make you feel as if you're doing it all wrong or does it help justify your parenting skills?

Remember when you use the internet, twitter, facebook or google you're reaching a much wider audience, you're recieving advice from people that haven't had kids, people from completly different social and financial backgrounds, different ages, countries, experiences.

It doesn't mean that they're right and you're wrong.

What I'd do differently

If I was coming to South Africa now, knowing what I do, this is what I'd do differntly.

I'd get my visa sorted and in my hand before I did anything else...mind you I'd still need to choose a school in advance...to get the study visa.

First things first...

1. Visit the country you intend to move to

visit the banks, the mobile phone shops, find out who the car and house insurance companies are

find out what documents and conditions apply to do any of the above

drive around the area, hire a driver if necessary, look at various areas, prices for housing and visit as many schools as you can

get a list of house agents in advance, call them, find out rental prices, deposits

go shopping, especially the supermarkets, check out the cost of things, especailly cars and what requirements are in place to purchase one

talk to people

2. Use companies for the removal of your furniture based in the country you're moving to...they will know the regulations at customs, hidden charges etc..they will use a local agent in your home country that you will be able to communicate with. You need your visa number before they can ship your belongings.

3. If you own a property...do not move until you've either a) completed the sale or b) found tennants....it is cheaper and easier in the long run to rent a place than to leave your home country without having sorted yours out first, the same applies with all final bills associated with the property, the same also goes with a car, try and sell it as quick as possible or if you want to take it with you, get your country of arrival to arrange this.

4. get your post redirected to a busy person...someone that is prepared to open and scan your mail asap so you can sort any final demands quickly...you will also need a UK correspondence address for all mail associated with your bank accounts.

5. Make sure if you have temporary accomodation in your new country that it is in both your names, as you will need proof of residency to open up any and every account. In South Africa make sure you have at least one utility bill at your physical address in South Africa, if you choose to have a PO No.

6 bed house for rent Malvern Worcestershire

Anyone looking to rent a house in Malvern, Worcestershire?
6 bed, 2 ensuite
Family sized bathroom and downstairs cloakroom
Large lounge
Conservatory
Kitchen and separate dining room
Detached
Parking for 2 cars on drive
Low maintainence gardens access both sides
Shed 10" x 12" smaller shed and storage for bikes
Within walking distance for 3 primary schools, 1 secondary school, train station and shops
http://www.jamesproperty.co.uk/Property/Residential/for-rent/Malvern/Worcs/JMP67