What makes a good parenting blog?

Certainly not a lot of the ones I read anyway.

I shock people sometimes with my honesty, I blog about real events, how it affects us as a family and what conclusions we have drawn. I have permission, I'm not allowed to photograph the teen, but he has helped me with the hashtags for his recent visit for instagram, even if it's only his arm that appears in the photo and they'd all rather I didn't tag them on Facebook as then all their friends get to see it, but they don't mind the rest of the family and my friends reading about it all.

Why am I writing this post? Well having joined in with numerous linkys/groups/forums I'm starting to see too much of an artificial world, too many scripted and planned out blogs, too many gushing reviews, too many perfect lives.

But it doesn't bother me that much, as I'm almost done with raising my family, in fact I no longer parent on a daily basis, there's only one child left under 18 and we packed him off as soon as we could back to the UK to boarding school, while we live the life of riley as expats in Dubai, by the beach. I'm sure that would probably get more hits for a post like that, but then it would probably attract the trolls also and anyway I write for myself, for others in similar situations and certainly not for the stats, which btw aren't too bad, but unlike a lot of you I'm not going to make a fortune from blogging unless I can get 10,000 hits per day (some of you are deluded, but you're happy I suppose) I did get 10,000+ hits recently on a youtube video over 2 days.

My youngest son moving to the UK was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, it didn't get easier because we'd already had kids leave home, each child that left, wherever they went and for whatever reasons broke my bloody heart, but we knew they'd go one day. There were times when I could've quite cheerfully let them live with their other parent. The arguments, the rows, the fights, the name calling and yes it was both sides. It wasn't healthy for any of us, but now they are adults and now they have their own lives, we all just get on fine. We have our space, our own routines, our own habits, no one to annoy, no one to argue and fight with.

This is one of the downsides about living in a large family, you can't please one another all the time, in fact it is rare to even have one or two getting on at any one time. But when they come to visit now, they come as an only child, they come home to mum and dad, they come home as adults and we value and respect each others space, as we all remember what it was like to live on top of one another.

I have no issues with telling you the truth about the realities of family life. I don't care much if you think I'm a bad parent, I'm just a different parent, I am an honest parent.

I have a friend who is aghast at the antics of my children over the years. I told her not to judge as her son is only 11, she looked at me and I said 'I can see that you're thinking oh no, not my child, he won't be like that, ever' and as much as I'm truly not wishing any of the negative things about living with teens, I know she will have her own set of issues and worries about him, she will justify his behaviour, she will analyse her role in it, she may dismiss it, she may challenge it, but it will be there all the same.

The same with some of you when I read your blogs, there are food issues (please research the difference between food allergies and intolerances and learn that sometimes it's not always the food that causes your child to behave badly) I've been there, done that. There is being bullied at school, there is your child playing an active role in bullying, there is being top of the class, the best reader etc, but the reality is, half the time you're exaggerating your child's achievements, but I'm not knocking you for that, I'm proud of my kids also, I'll tell you when they've done something to make me proud. But I'm realistic and more often than not, I'll tell you about the things that went wrong, the pain, the heartache, the walking away, the tears behind closed doors.

It's difficult to measure the success of parenting unless you acknowledge the pitfalls and being honest with yourself certainly helps to make parenting a lot easier.

The forgotten expat children

My children are not angels, I acknowledge and can point out their faults just as quick as you can.

If you've followed me for a while on here and twitter, prior to us moving to South Africa, you'll know the hassles we've had with them at school, fights, ex partners criticising how we've raised 5 kids, disability, being a step mum etc.

When my kids get into petty squabbles I tell them to toughen up and walk away. Life is crap sometimes, just picture the other child in 5yrs times asking you 'do you want fries with that?'

But if my children are wronged then lord help you, I will not take it sitting down.

Today my pre teen (he's 13 next month) comes out of school in a right state, he's struggling to breathe through the tears. He won't tell me what is wrong so I go into school with him.

I speak to the head who knows nothing about this other than my son has been sent to her for bullying another child.

Except my son wasn't bullying, my son retaliated to a years worth of verbal abuse of being told to go back to his own country, as a pom he's not welcome here. Both kids have been subjected to this and hubby was verbally abused after defending me when a guy smacked me in the face with a block of ice, drawing blood, just because I was English.

It's plain and simple racism.

Unfortunately the boy my son retaliated against hadn't racially abused him, just accused him of wiping a bogey on his school book and told on my son who was given 2 defaults for disturbing the lesson, he hadn't done that and objected and was given another 3 defaults for arguing. He called the other boy gay, not as in homosexual, just gay in the way lots of kids use the word. Whether it's right or not, that's what kids do. Except this child went home and told his mum that my son had called him names, but he didn't tell his mum he was called gay, he told his mum that my son called him a 'fucking wanker'

So the parent comes into school and complains that my son is bullying her son and my son must be punished, so further sanctions are given and hence my son coming out of school in floods of tears.

I start off calmly with the head, how dare the school accept the word of one child and his mother, label my son as a bully, my son admits calling the other boy gay as he'd got him into trouble, the school issue sanctions and my child does not have the right to reply and neither am I informed, which is completely out of order.

And then it all comes out, the bullying, the name calling, the prefect who calls him 'Oi English boy' and puts him on litter duty for no reason. The teachers who issue sanctions to my son, but let the other child off for the same offence.

Last week I approached the school as I was fed up with endless sanctions against both boys, my youngest is dyslexic but he's just told he's lazy, the teachers who ambush me to tell me their lack of historical and geographical knowledge of South Africa is dire, the way my children write, spell is atrocious, they have no idea of the UK education system, yet expect my children to relearn everything their way in a year.

My son sees a councillor. He's labelled manipulative, which I don't disagree with, he passes the blame to deflect any trouble from him, but he does not cry.

We initially found the following incident funny but in retrospect it's not.

First day back of term the English teacher told my eldest class that she wanted her classroom to be treated like they treated their homes, keep it clean and tidy, adding unlike these British people who have messy, dirty homes.

At this my son puts his hand up and says 'miss, I'm British, my home isn't messy or dirty and we don't have a maid to tidy up behind us'

I guess I've ignored my children's adaptation to living in a foreign country, they made friends very quickly, joined all the clubs in and out of school, get invited to all the parties and the girls love their accents. I though they were OK.

I spent the first few months focusing on them leaving their dad and massive family full of aunts, uncles and cousins in the UK and the last few months have been all about me and how difficult I've been finding things.

Well no more, I'm their mum, it's time to buck my ideas up and turn my attention to my expat kids.

WTF is blogging etiquitte?

Sod off and get a life.....

If someone argues the toss with me...and they have and they will again...over my views and opinions, I'll defend myself alright, It's my take on things, it's from my view point and from my experience...

If you have a different view point or different experiences that's great, share, but don't tell me I'm wrong...I'll argue/debate for so long then I'll walk away...if anyone wants to defend me that's great also, but I won't be pimping for support to back my views up...I'm not bothered with follower numbers, comments or who's list I'm on, most of my blogging is for friends to read that aren't on twitter or facebook and they are also forming in part a diary for us of our lives in South Africa.

If people become abusive, offensive or use foul language I walk away, especially when it happens on other peoples blogs...I don't get involved..it's not my fight...

If it happens to me in real life I don't go phoning a friend, or drag a stranger into the row...I walk away, so why do people think it's different on the internet?

You'd walk away from someone in the street being abusive so do the same on the internet, unfriend, unfollow. Block them if they are abusive and if they threaten you go to the police, don't stay around to be bullied and threatend, don't fight back....just walk away