Sunday 16 July 2017

My Sunday Photo - Week 133 - C is for coping

 This is my dad. I called his Douglas since I was a small child. I have no idea why, just something I've always done and strangely my youngest child calls me by my first name also.

I took this photo a week ago. I didn't know it would be the last picture I ever took of him, before he died suddenly at home on Tuesday night.

My dad was an ill man for several years, but his health didn't stop him doing things it just slowed him down. He got frustrated and angry because he couldn't do things and at 77 he still considered himself 55 in his mind. He was grumpy, opinionated and I'd try to expand his mind with my experiences of the world but we'd end up having a full blown row, but we NEVER left it unresolved. 

I sat with my dad on Tuesday night when he died, there was nothing I could've done. I know that from the minute I arrived at the house. 

I didn't know it would be just this hard. I'm not sleeping, I didn't wash for 4 days, but I'm making sure me and my mum have a proper meal every day. My boys have all been here. I have to keep trying to remember that they've lost their grandad, my mum has lost her husband as well as me losing my dad. 

We keep apologizing to one another, being frightfully british, taking it in turns to be upset, support, cry, laugh. 

The funeral has been arranged, clothes have to picked, eulogy written, flowers, I need a pair of shoes to go with my dress, son needs a tie (one of grandads????) banks, wills, pensions, I'm only scraping the surface here.

I'm driving child 3 back to Leeds today, he'll be back for the funeral. Child 4 deployment was delayed by a week and I'm taking him to join his regiment in Brize Norton on Monday. Peter arrives on Thursday, everything will be done by then and I can and will just switch off,  until the funeral on Monday. 
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14 comments:

  1. SarahMummy16 July 2017 at 12:58

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. What an awful thing for you all to be going through. It sounds like you are getting organised, but it must be so hard.
    How lovely that you have such a recent photo of him. I try to take photos of my parents, but they don't like it! I probably manage them only at Christmas and birthdays.

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    1. chickenruby3 August 2017 at 13:52

      i'm always taken photo's to be honest my lot get fed up of it, but in the past few weeks they've really appreciated my efforts over the years

      Delete
  2. Photalife16 July 2017 at 13:25

    Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. A photo to treasure and remember him by

    Thank you for linking up

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    Replies
    1. chickenruby3 August 2017 at 13:52

      I'm starting to run out of space on the walls

      Delete
  3. Unknown16 July 2017 at 16:17

    I'm so sorry about your dad and he was still young at 77, you just don't really expect it to happen so suddenly. I hope all the funeral preps are going well and that you and your mum are doing ok. xx

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    1. chickenruby3 August 2017 at 13:53

      we knew my father was ill but like the GP we expected it to be a slow decline and even the surgery was shocked that it happened so quickly

      Delete
  4. Debbie16 July 2017 at 18:29

    Hi Suzanne, I am so sorry for your loss. My Mum just turned 70 and I take it for granted that she will be around forever just because she is so full of life still. It's when I hear of people dying unexpectedly that I realise I shouldn't take it for granted... Carry on doing the typically English thing and then take some time out and focus on your needs and feelings. Sending you a virtual hug. Take care.

    xx

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    Replies
    1. chickenruby3 August 2017 at 13:53

      i feel in limbo at the moment, i really want to be at home but home is too far away

      Delete
  5. Kim Carberry16 July 2017 at 18:36

    Oh no! I am so sorry about your dad. Sending love and hugs.
    Thinking of you and your family x

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  6. Bear and Cardigan16 July 2017 at 19:06

    What sad news and 77 is so young. When I lost my mum I was like this, for the first month we drove back and forth between Hertfordshire and South Wales hundreds of times, it is all a blur. I cannot remember any of the journeys and just felt numb. Its hard to remember other people are grieving too. I hope the funeral goes OK for you, big hugs #MySundayPhoto

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    1. chickenruby3 August 2017 at 13:55

      thank you, it's been so hard being so far away from home also, at least i have a base near my mum but i'm missing my routine and life in Dubai right now, i feel so torn

      Delete
  7. Coombe Mill - Fiona17 July 2017 at 02:04

    Oh Suzanne this sounds so painful and sad for you all. You will need each other's support and your Dad will always be in your heart.

    ReplyDelete

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