Tuesday, 12 September 2017

What makes a strong woman?

I actually can't answer that question, but it's something I've been called several times over the past few months.

In fact it's something I've been called since I small along with many other names.

Independent, strong willed, stroppy, bossy, determined, controlling.

I of course don't think I'm any of the above, I am just me. I just get on with things. I don't necessarily find things easy. In fact I find most things a challenge, I find it difficult to ask for help, not because I'm controlling, but because I don't often know what help I need until the situation unfolds and I often find that at that particular point in time no one is available and I just throw myself into sorting it out and then on reflection realise what a stressful and difficult situation I've just got myself in and out of.

My life is quite challenging to the outside world and it's often said that I attract challenges or go seeking them out, but I don't.

I have 5 children. One is profoundly disabled and in care. I'm married and live in Dubai. I don't currently work.

In June I was ill, I went to the UK.

In July I underwent tests, child 5 left school, my Dad died, family came over for the funeral, child 3 moved to Australia, neighbour from hell harassing me and an anti social behaviour order obtained.

In August the house was sorted, stuff sold, family visited on and off, several skip runs, my friends Dad died, another funeral, a friend from Dubai died.

In September, so far, a friends Mum died, child 4 was deployed to the Middle East, child 5 still looking for an apprenticeship,

Life just happens and I have no choice but to deal with it, I make mistakes, I cry, I scream, I often throw the towel in and walk away. I argue and shout with my nearest and dearest, accuse them of not helping me, of often causing me more stress, I cause people to back off from me, I push people away, then I scream at how unfair it is that no one is helping and supporting me.

I don't have a job, I don't have children to look after, I don't actually have a role in life other than to be the fixer, the sorter. I get pushed to the front, I push my self to the front, to sort, to help, to save the day.

I get no thanks, I feel used.

I get thanked and I feel it's unnecessary.

I just do what I do, because I am me, I'm not strong, I'm just like everyone else.

I just do things my way, sometimes it's appreciated and understood, other times it's considered unnecessary and often unwanted, but that's just how I am, take the rough with the smooth, like it or not. I am just me.

If you think I'm a strong woman, if that makes you feel any less, then you don't really know me. I'm not strong. I'm just doing what I do, when I do, because it's what I do, it's what I am.


12 comments:

  1. Well you know my thoughts on this Suzanne. From where I sit you have been an absolute star in cracking on with your lot. Yep - help may have been useful but sometimes we just motor through these things in the best way we can without putting our head up. Not always best but sometimes it's easier and our way. Just as well your aren't working and I hope you are going to take a bit of time for you once home. Enjoy your time with Peter. Thanks for always sharing with us at #tweensteensbeyond

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    1. it's been good having Peter around, a bit of normality and a break away from all the grief for everyone

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  2. Over the past few months you have been amazing! You have been strong but you had no choice in it. I get where you are coming from....When both my girls had their heart surgery I was called strong but I didn't feel it. I had no choice but to be there for them. We just get on with it no matter what the situation. Give yourself a big pat on the back though. You have gone above and beyond to help, organise and be there for people xxx

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    1. we don't always have a choice do we? we just have to get on with things, each person copes with things in their own way. I have no idea how'd i cope in your situation, it must've been very scary for you, your husband and the girls, but we just get on with it,and think about it afterwards

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  3. Wow, incredibly strong, you have done amazing well to keep everything together X #pocolo

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    1. thank you, it doesn't feel like i'm coping at the time, but as i'm coming out the other side, i realise i'm doing ok

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  4. Your time in the last few months would overwhelm some people. I admire you lovely lady. PoCoLo

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    1. it's overwhelmed me, but i'm getting there now

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  5. Well from where I've been standing you have seemed very strong but it has not made me feel any less. Quite the opposite in fact, it has been inspiring. I hope you have a peaceful Autumn to recharge. Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond

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    1. thank you Sharon, i just think Autumn will bring me a new set of challenges for sure

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  6. Life has a habit of dumping on us sometimes and you have certainly had a great deal to contend with Suzanne. We all deal with things in our own way and you have dealt with your lot in the best way you could. I hope you get a chance for some serious "me" time soon. #TweensTeensBeyond

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  7. Life can try us at times, its how we deal with it that makes us who we are. You have fallen on some hard times lately but fingers crossed you have some calmer times ahead lovely!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back tomorrow!

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