Ask me to do something for you, give me a date and time it needs to be done by and I'll do it.
I always do.
But please don't keep checking up on me every 5 mins.
Don't ask me to explain to you or to other people exactly how I'm doing something.
Just leave me alone and let me get on with it.
Organising what other people are going to do....
We're going out for the day or arranging a dinner. Date, time and location are sorted, don't keep checking with me and confirming arrangements 20 times.
Don't ask me to sort out what you're going to wear, whether you need warmer clothes or not, I'm not you.
If I've never been somewhere before I can't tell you which car park to use, whether the ticket machine takes coins or not or where the nearest toilet is.
I don't need to tell you what time I'm leaving home and what route I've planned when I'm coming from a different location.
Who eats/drinks what, where and when....
If I'm out with a group of people and one of them wants a drink then just say. If I've been there before I can tell you where a coffee shop is, but it's not my decision which one you go in and what you have to drink either.
If I say I really don't mind what I eat or where and when, then that is exactly what I mean. If you want help making a decision then ask, don't put it onto me.
If we're at a venue and you can't decide what we should do first, then use the word 'we', don't expect me to decide for you, it's a joint venture.
Consequences of me being stressed out....
I'll say eat here, drink this, turn left, sit down if you're tired.
If you ask me to do something I'll do it my way, I don't have time to keep checking in with you to discuss my progress, especially if it's something I've not done before. Allow me peace to get on with it. I'll answer your questions when I've found out the answers, I won't make decisions on your behalf that will cost you money or stress you out. If you want something done your way, then do it your way, without me.
If you ask me to recommend something and I say I have no experience of it, then don't push me to give my opinion, I obviously don't have one or I'd offer it.
Consequences on me being stressed out.....
I get called a bossy cow, secretive, control freak, opinionated. I get migraines.
How I manage my stress.....
I've learnt to say, please don't ask me to make the decisions, lets decide together.
I explain my stress and how it manifests when I'm feeling stressed, which isn't always easy to do.
I say 'yes I'll help you with that, but please don't put pressure on me while I'm doing it'
By not engaging with other people's issues if they think I'm interfering by asking them if the person they're concerned about has actually complained or not, or offering them the chance to complete the task I've been asked to do, but first THEY must check with the other person.
By doing my own thing. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, i make the decision and ask if the rest of the party want to join me or not, if not, arrange a time to meet them somewhere later.
Does any of the above sound familiar to you? How does your stress affect your life?