Why I dislike like other people's kids

I don't dislike kids, I have 5. I've also been a youth worker, child welfare officer, ran a youth football club and worked as a teacher.

One of the rare occasions where the kids weren't tearing chunks out of each other and causing disruption to others, with me running around, apologising, trying my best to parent and breaking up fights.

We've just had half term in Dubai. As my kids are now all adults I only notice it's half term when a) there's no school bus honking it's horn outside my door at 6.45am because the neighbours fail to get their kid ready for school on time every morning b) the roads are empty c) when I look try to book a flight I find it's showing 'only 4 seats left' and the price has gone up and d) the local pool/mall/coffee shop is full of kids.

Like I said I don't dislike kids in general, I just dislike the way some parents allow their kids to behave.

In the Mall one morning a group of mums having a coffee, where are their kids? Running up and down the mall, screaming and fighting. I'm trying to have a coffee in peace, so are their parents, so the kids are no where near them, it's my table and other shoppers they keep running into and screaming at. The parents didn't look up.

At the pool one afternoon the kids are jumping off the side, running amok, screaming because they've been splashed by a sibling, while the mother's sit and chat ignoring them and the life guard who is now running a creche to ensure the kids don't get injured.

Two young girls around the age of 10/11 are playing music on their phones, competing with each other, what did I hear the mothers yell? 'Go and sit down there, we don't want to hear your music, we're trying to talk' So the girls move to new sun loungers, right next to me, the opposite end of the pool from where their mothers are sitting and play their music full blast.

I ask, strike that, I tell them to turn their music down, they ignore me, so I call across the pool to the mother's to tell them to tell their kids to turn the music off, as I don't want to listen to it any more than their mothers did. They are told, it is done grudgingly, I am now the bad guy.

Kids in general are wonderful and I obviously don't dislike kids, like I said I'm a teacher by trade and a mum of 5 with numerous nephews and nieces.

You'll note there is a direct link with my dislike for kids when their parents are around, it's like they have a safety net and permission to behave in a certain manner to test the boundaries and authority because their parent is right there, there to protect and defend them and to shout at anyone who dares to complain about their off spring.

I'm more than happy to let kids be kids, I fully understand the screaming baby on an aeroplane and how fraught the parent already is, there's no need for me or anyone else to make tutting noises, there's the toddler that kicks the seat behind me, it's bored, so am I on a 7 hour flight, I'll make eye contact, smile and hope the child settles. I also fully understand 'hidden' disability. In fact it's always my first assumption if a child is screaming hysterically or running around and disturbing others, but I'll observe the parent also and often offer to help if they're trying their best to manage the situation.

There are many situations out of the parents control. But there are also many situations where the parent just doesn't care how much disruption their child causes others as long as they can make that call, eat their dinner, chat with friends over a coffee in peace and just don't care about anyone else.

A child of the 70's parenting in the 1990's.

This is me, born 1971, most photos are either in B&W or sepia. In most of my childhood photos, I'm not wearing any clothes.

On a beach in Wales on our annual holiday. Around 1974.

Fast forward 30 years. One of only a handful of photo's we have of all 5 of the kids together.

On a beach in France.

These are our kids, child 5, 3, 2, 4 & 1. Born in 1988, 89, 92, 95 & 99.

My parenting journey started in 1992, child 1 & 2 are my step children who were added to my family in 2000.

When my first son was born I had to pay to have a seat belt fitted in the back seats to secure the baby car seat. That car seat kept all 3 of my kids safe and was used by friends also.

In 1999 I got my first mobile phone, I was 28. It was also the year my last child was born. It had no camera or internet access. I had internet in the home but it took ages to connect and load and if the phone rang, it cut out mid 'Ask Jeeves'.

We didn't have SKY or BSB as it was back then till 2002, but we did have a more than the 3 TV channels I grew up with, there was no bedtime hour and if we wanted to record something to watch later it was on VHS.

When I was a child we didn't get VHS until I was 11 and I was the TV remote control.

Cinema when I was a child and a rare one, the first movie I remember seeing was ET, I was 11. 

For my children a trip to the cinema was for a special occasion. 

We had no one to compare our child's development with other than family members, local play groups and in school.

When we weened our children they ate the same food as us, just pureed, there was no stress about bottle or breast, no one judged us for our choices.

We lived in a small village and used local playgroups, we all attended the same anti natal classes and saw the same midwife and health visitor. We were pretty much all of the same when it came to finances and lifestyle and parenting styles.

We got in a car with our kids and drove for hours on an annual holiday, camping or in a chalet for which we saved up the cash, packing the food from the fridge, with maybe 1 night in a restaurant, but always taking picnics on days out. 

If an unexpected bill came up, there was no annual holiday.

We had 2nd hand furniture and didn't replace curtains and carpets just because we didn't like the pattern and we didn't redecorate just because.

We managed these journeys without tabs and electronic devices to entertain the kids with.

We didn't have google to find '10 things to do with kids on a car journey' or "kid friendly restaurants' We planned our trip before we left home and had a picnic on route.

We baked crispy cakes without a recipe, we used cardboard boxes and plastic bottles for junk modelling without reading a blog post for guidance. We let the kids play in the garden with plastic tubs and water, we didn't call it a 'mud kitchen' 

We explored the local woods, collected twigs and stones, but didn't call it 'educational play' 

We used the TV and VHS as a baby sitter. We visited our neighbours taking the baby listener with us.

We let the neighbours kids take our kids over the park for hours at a time and just yelled for them when dinner was ready.

We bought 2nd hand baby items and had hand me downs. We swopped maternity clothes.

We shared day care with our neighbours around our work hours and often had 6 kids between us. We bathed them and they stayed over night even as tiny babies, sharing beds.

We saved up for Christmas and birthdays were held in the home, with pass the parcel and musical bumps. We made sandwiches, home made cakes and poured jugs of squash into plastic beakers. 

We borrowed crockery and cutlery from the neighbours and carried chairs across the cul de sac on Christmas day.

We held weddings and christenings in the local social club, with everyone contributing a dish or two.

We were a lot less stressed, there was less competition, there was little comparison.

I'm grateful I'm not parenting under the glaze of social media.

My parenting differed little from how I was raised other than my kids had seat belts and car seats, I stood in the footwell on car journeys and sat up front without a seat belt.

My parents didn't have mobile phones, but neither did my kids so they knew what time to come home and if they were late we'd know where to find them.

My children will face new challenges when they become parents. I don't know if they'll get dragged along with the latest trends or whether they'll be creating new ones.

All I know is the advice I received as a new parent on the 'do's and don't's' such as co sleeping, or lying a baby on it's back or side' whether to bottle or breast feed, will have changed and who knows maybe they'll receive the same advice I did, because it's back in fashion.

How much do your parenting styles differ from your parents with you? Are there any similarities?

The World through the eyes of a 6 year old.

Meet Mini Me, my 6 year old niece. She was born after I left the UK. She knows no different, her Aunty Suzanne, lives in another country and has to catch get an aeroplane to come and visit her twice a year for a couple of weeks at a time. Aunty Suzanne turns up with gifts, does fun stuff like take her out for ice cream and makes sure that there are presents and cards left behind for birthdays, christmas, easter and halloween. In Between visits there are items sent through the post, pictures put up on facebook of where Aunty Suzanne is travelling and skype calls.

Mini Me has a map and a globe to see how far away Aunty Suzanne lives and where she is traveling, she has pictures of our home, our cat and dog

There is always great excitement when Aunty Suzanne is coming to visit, a list compiled of things for them to do and tears when Aunty Suzanne has to go home.

This year there was a complete and total breakdown from Mini Me, when I said my goodbyes. I'd been in the UK for a 3 month stint. I've bought a flat in town where I can stay when I visit and as far as Mini Me was concerned I now lived in the UK, the flat was my home and Uncle Peter was away working as he'd been over twice to visit during the 3 month period I was in the UK.

I was only leaving the UK for 3 weeks, I've returned to Dubai to declutter, organise a removal firm and find us a new house to live in, then I'll be back in the UK for 3 weeks to finish helping my mum move after my father's death this summer, before returning to Dubai to move house and resume my usual pattern of visiting family in the UK.

But in the eyes of Mini Me, 3 months had been 'forever' and she didn't want me to leave.

'But what about the flat? you've got a flat, who will live in it? You're supposed to live in it'

'Christmas, you'll be here for christmas like you always are?' I've not spent a christmas in the UK since 2010 'But you're always here for christmas'

'Who is going to pick me up from school?' I've only collected her 3 times since the new term, but each time we have gone for ice cream.

'My birthday, you always come for my birthday' that's not till February and again, I've never been there on her birthday.

Mini me is getting older, learning more, her understanding of the world is growing, yet she still has little concept of how far away Dubai is even when I equate it to the length of time it takes me to get home as being the same as a night time of sleep for her.

My physical presence in her life of gifts and photographs and this 3 month visit has become 'forever' for her and she just doesn't understand why I'd not be there anytime she wants to see me.

Three weeks is also forever for her until I come back, she's moved house this year, changed schools, her nanna is moving after her granddad died and now I'm leaving her and in the world of a 6 year old, that's just too much to process, although I also suspect that she's back in school this week without a care in the world, counting down the sleeps till Aunty Suzanne comes back again and takes her for another ice cream.

I used to be a ....... soccer mum.

I used to be a soccer mum.

My eldest started playing football aged 5, for Forest Rangers in Cinderford in 1997, the middle child joined him in 1999 aged 4 and for the next 14 years, I spent 2-3 evenings a week sitting in car parks at training and weekends spent locating fields in the middle of nowhere for matches.

My career as a soccer mum came to an end in 2013 on the side of a pitch in South Africa, when the middle child declared he was no longer fussed with football and was concentrating his last 2 years in school on cricket and rugby.

I cannot begin to image the number of hours or the mileage I've driven, the time and cost of getting lost, even in convey. The rain and snow storms I've stood in, the number of times I've dug holes in the pitch to drain the water. The cups of teas and bacon butties made at home games, first aid administered, meetings attended, training, lifts given, the amount of subs collected or the money raised and the time spent organising presentation evenings. The kit washed and boots cleaned and tears dried when games were lost. I was never just a spectator. I dread to think how much we've paid for kit.

The boys have played football and/or referred in the Forest of Dean, Malvern, Birmingham and many, many tournaments around the UK. There have been trials, there have been holiday clubs and middle child spent 2 years training with Birmingham City.

 The middle boys trophies.

As well as supporting the kids playing football we've attended professional matches around the UK, mid week and weekend games to Manchester, Arsenal, Birmingham, Southampton and Wembley. We've seen England qualifiers and FA Cup finals, as well as promotions and sadly relegations. We've appeared on Match of the Day more times than we can remember. We watched Spurs play at Ellis Park.

Chelsea

Birmingham City

Promotion back to the Premiership

18th Birthdays

Wembley and a close up of David Beckham.

FA Cup Finals

Ellis Park and the vuvuzela.

My typical week was spent at work every day. Eldest child had local matches he referred on Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays in adult leagues, Training on a Friday and matches on Saturdays. Middle child had local training on Tuesdays. Training in Birmingham on a Wednesday night and Saturday morning and local matches on a Sunday afternoon. I usually juggled getting the boys to their venues, either organising lifts or driving between local matches. Local meant within a 30 miles radius of home and often at opposite ends of this radius.

Sponsorship with McDonalds and local and national trophies won.

 There was a core group of around 6 kids who played in this team for 8 years.

With Geoff Hurst and Eric Harrison

Being the goalies mum is nerve racking.

The last 2 years as a football mum were spent in South Africa at Tuks University in Pretoria. this involved Fridays and Saturdays at training where I was the only soccer mum who stayed for the 2 hours, with a book, a flask and enjoying a walk around the grounds.

Training session at Tuks, South Africa.

For many years our lives as a family revolved around football, playing, watching, supporting, fundraising and I even worked for the local FA for 2 years.

I get to Birmingham City when I'm in the UK with  a combination of kids, with hubby or on my own. I miss the football and the way of life, the socialising, the training and the matches. At the time it was hard work and very time consuming, but a great way to spend time together as a family.

How do you spend your family time?

My Sunday Photo Week 120 K is for Kids

We could've chosen a better setting for this photo, but it was all about timing.

 

Back L-R

Peter, Alex child 5, Jamie child 3.

Front L-R

Stephanie child 1, Andrew child 2, Me, Dan child 4.

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We had a professional photographer take this picture as in 'Steve (my nephew) here's my phone take a few pics would you please' while a row broke out over who had the best camera phone iPhone 7+ v Samsung S7 Edge.

The last time we were all together as a family of 7 was in 2007, that year, child 2 moved to Germany with the army. He now lives in the Forest of Dean. In 2010, child 3 left home and moved to Reading, he now lives in Leeds after a brief spell in Cheltenham. In 2011 Peter and I moved with child 4 & 5 to South Africa. Child 5 moved to Tewkesbury in 2013 to attend boarding school and child 4 moved to Yorkshire in 2014 with the army and is now based in Northern Ireland. Child 5 lives in a care home in Gloucester. Peter and I moved to Dubai the end of 2014 where we still live now.

Peter and I have managed to got various combinations of children together over the years, but we've often made separate visits to the UK and on the occasions we've travelled together, one or another of the kids has been away, most recently child 4 who was in the Falklands.  

It's been a logistical nightmare organising this photo. The teen turned 18 on Friday so we booked a family dinner with close friends. We decided not to include Stephanie as she wouldn't have coped with the environment and we wouldn't have been able to switch off and relax. Everyone else made it, family with small kids, my nephew and his girlfriend who booked a day off work to come, child 3 came down from Leeds. But child 4 couldn't get over from Belfast until Saturday morning.

So we all arranged to meet in a car park in Cheltenham, they all managed to spare half an hour of their time, they all understood my need to meet up and get this photo.

This is the most precious photo I own, as a mum whose kids left home and lived 1000's of miles away. I have no idea when we'll all get together again. Child 3 is out in Dubai at the end of the month and the rest of our visit here will be spent with 1, 2, 4 & 5.

I'm back in the UK the end of June for the summer, but Peter won't be with me and child 4 is being posted abroad for 6 months. We'll try and arrange a home coming gathering in spring next year, lets hope that doesn't take another 10 years to put into place.

Sharing my son with another family.

Child 4 was the last to leave home in 2014, he was almost 20 and had been the last child at home for almost a year after child 5 returned to the UK to boarding school.

Child 4 is the only child we've had an input with into adult hood, he was at home the longest, therefore the one we spent the most time with as a young adult.

He was the only one we taught to drive, who we left home alone to look after his younger sibling while we travelled and the one who did the school runs, food shops and picked us up after a night out.

Apart from the youngest who finishes school this year, the other 3 boys manage their own finances, careers and lives in general. But they always come to me for advice and support before making major decisions. They respond to messages, but unlike child 4, they rarely initiate just general day to day chat.

However things are changing/have changed with child 4 in the past few months since he got himself a girlfriend. I don't mean that he's stopped talking to me, tagging me in photo's or even become distant. I mean he now has a whole new family involved in his life. He tags me in photo's of days out with his girlfriend and her family, his achievements and just general stuff he thinks I'll like, same as usual, but now not only is his girlfriend commenting on his posts, so are her family, their extended family, friends and neighbours.

These are people I don't know, but who are getting to know my son just as well as I do. Whose comments are similar to mine, because they know what he's like and how he'll respond. People who share 'in' jokes with him. People who he tells things to at the same time as he tells me. People who are important in his life, of equal importance to me.

I'm not jealous, but I do envy their relationship with my son. My relationship with my son is now online, we live 4000 miles apart, he sees his girlfriend most days after work, he goes round her house and eats his tea with her family, he walks their dog, he talks to her dad about the football, he asks her mum to help with removing stains from his clothes.

As a Mother to 5 children, all bar one being adults, I've accepted a long time ago, that they would all grow up and leave home one day, that they'd get girlfriends, get married one day and eventually have children of their own. What I didn't think about was how their new families had families of their own.

I'm off to Belfast for a few days in March to meet the girlfriend and her family and the 3 of us are taking a road trip to Dublin, it's a short visit, but it will be nice to meet the girlfriend and her family and get to know the people my son now shares his life with on a daily basis.

Parenting highlights

Well that's it, this year marks my end of being a mum to kids, as the youngest turns 18 and enters the world of work.

I've been parenting for 25 years this May. In a way I'll never stop parenting, I'm still and hopefully always will be the first point of call when the 5 kidults need advice and support.

Over the years, we've managed to lose children, had battles with schools, illnesses and a few broken bones, hearts broken, disappointment, falling-out with friends and dealt with petty squabbles that have escalated beyond our control.

When we manage to get a few of us together we spend hours talking about holidays and days out and general events that have happened in our lives. At times it's been hard work and often felt like the end of the world, but we now reflect and laugh about certain events, that we've shared over the years.

Our best holiday escapades are summed up in one blog post, Peter and I are both crying with laughing reliving these times. Peter and I have tears rolling down our eyes reading this post from 2010 'when holidays go wrong?'  

Losing various kids has never been funny, but these incidents are ingrained in our memories and we often talk about these situations also.

Child 4 wandered off in San Francisco, he was missing for an hour, found on Pier 39, none the worse for wear and oblivious to our panic.

Child 5 has always wandered off in various locations and the one we've had to call the police out to on several occasions. He walked out the toilets whilst under the supervision of child 2, aged 18, and was found an hour later wandering over the Golden Gate Bridge.
He ran away aged 2 in France and was found by the boys after a frantic 20 minutes, hiding under an ice cream sign. The police were called in Abergavenny and the park sealed off, whilst I left him in the care of child 2, aged 13, while I went to the loo. And once for 2 hours he was missing on Perranporth beach aged 8. BBC seaside rescue were politely told to go away after following me around with a camera no less than 2 inches from my face, he was finally found by one of his cousins wearing a black wet suit with a turquoise spider on it, that they'd given him earlier that day and I had no idea what he was actually wearing, he'd been safe the entire time, but I hand't known that of course, again I'd left him in the care of someone else while I went to the loo.

In no particular order here are some of our funnier times:

Child 5, aged 8, drinking fizzy pop as we drove from Oregon to San Francisco, a 9 hour journey plus stops. Eventually Peter got fed up with endless stops and the child being so desperate to pee, in moving traffic, opened the side door and proceeded to take a pee as we were driving, child 2 grabbed hold of the back of his trousers, for dear life.

Child 5, aged 3, wanted to buy a large fire truck while in France, we said there was no where to put it, he said we could leave child 2 behind and spent the rest of the holiday shouting 'you're a crap mummy'

Child 5, aged 5, in France, go this head stuck in a bench, was yelling 'mummy I'm a duck' it was 10 minutes before I fully investigated to discover his head was wedged into the A frame of the bench, he soon learnt to say the letter 'S'.

Child 2, aged 10, arguing that as the oldest child he should have his own room on holiday and a fight broke out, in the morning he willingly offered the room to child 3 who he'd beat up the previous night, because it was next to the cesspit and smelt like chicken shit.

Child 3, aged 10, who got left behind at home and locked in the house when we went on holiday and we got a mile down the road before child 2 asked where his brother was.

Child 4, aged 5, who refused a bath and was unceremoniously dumped in the bath fully clothed and turned into the tasmanian devil, spinning around in the bath and screaming his head off for half an hour, yet refusing to get out once he had been washed yelling 'you can't do this to me'

Child 2, aged 17, coming home at 2am drunk one night, denying he'd been drinking and he's fallen in the fountain and it was chlorine I could smell, was woken at 6am, made to clean up his mess and sent to collage. Following weekend same occurred and rather than face a telling off he opted to sleep in the shed.

Child 2, aged 10, asked at every meal time for ketchup, before the meal was brought out, despite refusing to help lay the table, so one day when all the plates were served, apart from his, I just squirted the ketchup directly onto his placemat, full melt down ensued.

Child 3, aged 13, the police turned up in the street, assuming they were there for the neighbours child (again) we were shocked to hear our bell ring. Son had witnessed a friend throw a tennis ball, almost 100m's hitting a teacher on the side of the head and knocking him out.

Child 3, aged 16, got into a fight with a mate and was punched in the face and was on route to the hospital, husband dispatched after ambulance crew informed me son was adamant I wasn't to attend so he didn't get a telling off.

Child 4, aged 13, phone call to say son had been in rugby scrum, which had collapsed and he needed hospitalising, the first of 3 occasions where new sports kit was cut off and had to be replaced.

Child 4, aged 13, phone call from school at a rugby match. 'Your son is Ok, we're just waiting for the air ambulance to arrive'

Child 4, aged 15, phone call from paramedics 'we need permission to give your son a tracheotomy' after he was hit in the neck by a cricket ball.

Child 5, aged 11, fell over his own feet and broke his wrist, I gave him 2 paracetamol and an ice pack and finished drying my hair before taking him to hospital.

Child 5, aged 12, got a black eye after crashing on his heelies (wheeled shoes) whilst being towed by a golf cart.

Oh and the poo accidents, where I'll not assign a child number, they know who they are.

Week 104 - My Sunday Photo. Christmas in Dubai 2016

The child woke at 7am to open his presents, the child is 21 years old and yes, Santa brought him a stocking. He then spent the morning playing with his new gadgets.

Peter made tomorrows dinner and prepared a curry. I flaffed around catching up with the soaps and having a leisurely bath using my new smellies.

Taxi to The Sheraton grand for 1pm for all we could eat or drink christmas brunch, taxi home at 4.30pm.

Peter now dozing on the sofa in front of the TV. Dan in his room and I'm in my PJ's in bed.

Peter took a day's holiday but is back in work tomorrow so Dan and I will hit the first day of the sales in the morning.

Youngest child, Alex aged 17 and 24 year old niece arrive early hours of Wednesday morning, there will be more gift giving, eating out and getting ready for the New Year.

Hope you've all had a very Merry Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Week 84 - My Sunday Photo - Lyme Regis

It was a glorious day in Lyme Regis yesterday. Peter went out fishing on his friends boat, while us wives wandered around the town and sea front.

As the boat came in, we walked across the beach to the harbour wall, past families and sun bathers to discuss (take the piss) out of the day's catch.

Our time spent on the actual beach was less than 10 minutes, but it was the most stressful 10 minutes I've had in ages. 

Territories were clearly marked, battle lines were drawn, kids were in meltdown, ice creams had been dropped, mums were pinning kids down rubbing sun cream onto sandy skin, prams were being dragged, mums and dads were snarling at one another as they attempted to shield their lunch from seagulls, set up windbreakers and inflate beach balls.

Holidays have always been a nightmare for me, with 5 kids, one of whom is disabled and likes to eat sand and rub it in her eyes, only 2 adults and with 5 kids to supervise, a crowded beach filled me with dread, we've had lifeguards rescue kids from the sea in France and the coast guard out looking for the youngest on Perranporth beach whilst being filmed by BBC Seaside rescue, apparently I didn't show enough emotion over the 2 hour period for them to use any footage.

Things I regret now my children have left home

Hindsight is a wonderful, but it always comes too late.

There are many things I've learnt as a parent, that have shaped me and changed me into who I am today.

But my parenting days are over and although hopefully I'll have Grandkids one day, it'll not be the same as raising my own kids and to be honest, although I'm sad that my parenting days are over now, I really don't have the energy to do it all again.

My kids are all grown up and have their own lives. My youngest is 16, but as he's in full time boarding school in the UK while I live in Dubai, he grows and changes without me. In fact all 5 of our children have moved into adulthood without their parents around. Actually they seem to have done rather well for themselves, are content, happy, have girlfriends, careers and a place to call home.

I started life as a parent in May 1992, I was 21. I finished as a full time parent in January 2015. I spent the last 4 years as a SAHM, but prior to that I worked and studied. I had spells as a SAHM when a child was born or we moved to a new area, but I worked part time and studied and all 3 of my boys were in nursery or with a child minder or after school clubs prior to starting school.

In 2005 I went to University, in 2008 I started work full time and had a career. On top of that as a parent I had pack lunches, homework, taxi runs most nights of the week and weekends with their schools, part time jobs and sport. Add to that a husband who worked away most weeks, I had laundry, supper to cook, housework etc.

I had a full and varied 2 years, prior to moving to South Africa and gave it all up. I worked as volunteer but with no family near by, I worked within school hours only. I was home every evening. Child 4 of 5 learnt to drive and slowly my 'Mum' duties stopped. I was no longer required to give lifts to and from school, to mates, to football....and then they left.

So here I am, with a varied and full life behind me, well adjusted (they've had their moments) kids. I've not been able to work for the past 5 years due to rules and visas in the countries I have lived in and I'm wondering what it has all been for.

I needed something else than being 'just a mum' I needed to be able to join in with the 'real world' to personally achieve something, to be valued, to have a role in society, to be me.

I can't go back and change the course of my life, it has happened, it has lead right up to this spot today. But there are still things I regret, things I can't change, but there are lessons I can pass on to my adult children and their girlfriends, so they don't reach the same stage I'm at, right now, with regrets and they are:

• Not worry about the washing up, hoovering, ironing. There is plenty of time in the day for that, instead of taking a long bath, I wish I'd had a quick shower and read more to my kids at bedtime. 

• I wish I'd spent longer on the touchline when they were playing football, rather than sitting in the car with a coffee, reading a book.

• I wish I'd had more structure to my approach to their homework. I wish I'd played with them when they were in the garden instead of tidying up their bedrooms, that they were only going to mess up again.

• I wish I'd been more relaxed about the mess in their bedrooms rather than getting all shouty and stressed out about it.

• I wish I'd listened to them when they said they no longer wanted to go to gym, have swimming lessons, practice their musical instruments, rather than make them finish off the end of the term.

I regret running the PTA, the local football club, saying yes to extra work when we didn't need the money, all to do what? To have a career when the children had left home, so I wasn't left without anything to do.

I regret wishing the time away so they were more independent.

I regret interfering with their rows and squabbles as they'd end up ganging up on me.

I regret making them go to parties of children they didn't particularly like, when they said they didn't want to go.

These are regrets for me as a parent, I'm sure my children have a whole list of things that they wished I'd done differently, such as bedtime rules, electronic games, pocket money, pets, staying out later, different holidays, eating out more, a lift to school everyday and back and forth several times with forgotten PE Kit and I'm sure the list goes on and on and on.


It's made no difference, to where I am now, I'm not working, I don't have any children at home. But I didn't realise back in 1992 that part of having children would was about shaping me and making me who I am today, it's was not about putting my life on hold and making sacrifices.

My Sunday Photo - Week 17

My niece got married yesterday, I cannot post any pictures of HER big day until she updates her face book, so until them I'll leave with you with a photo of my 3 boys, who do see one another as they all live in the UK, but it's the first time since 2012 when the eldest came out to visit us in South Africa, that I've actually seen the 3 of them together.

Dubai Street festival 2015

Having bought this week's Time Out Magazine as I do every week and checked out the 'free stuff' I headed off to Dubai Marina Mall for the evening, for the 5th Street Festival.

The event is well advertised both in and out of the mall and a schedule of events, with details of artists, times for each day and location, is available from the welcome desk as well as found on twitter, face book and Instagram

I couldn't locate the artists I wanted to see as it had rained earlier in the day and the schedule had been juggled around to bring the artists indoors. Having arrived at 5pm, the acts were mainly aimed at children and being an adult on my own with a Nikon camera I felt a little conspicuous so watched the acts from a distance.

If you have young children I'd recommend you head down there from 4pm -10pm every day up till the 28th March.

 Jack Flash engaged the audience and invited them to help out in his act

I particularly enjoyed The Saw Guy although I was surprised to hear him play a saw and not saw his assistant in half as I'd expected him to be doing.  

Is it only boys that fiddle?

We have 4 sons aged between 15 & 25 and 1 daughter aged 26.

The boys fiddle with absolutely everything from the settings on the TV through to the windows in the car.

I've lost count of the number of times I've sat down to watch the TV and the remote buttons do something completely different and the fridge door opens and closes by itself, well that's what it feels like.

Claims of 'I can fix that for you mum' drive fear through me. a) what have they broken b) it worked perfectly well until they touched it and c) something else gets taken apart so they can get the spare screw, battery, etc.

When we purchase anything we check for fiddling. A car? Can they fiddle with the buttons in the back? can we lock the windows from the front to minimise fiddling? can we tape the cup holders up so they can't keep opening and closing them till they break? with cries of 'it wasn't me'

'it just broke' 'it just came off' 'it was (insert siblings name)'

We buy a new fridge, they want one with an ice maker and a water dispenser. I don't want a permanently wet kitchen floor. They promise they won't fiddle, we buy a normal fridge, they complain that we are tight.

We were viewing a house to rent, it had a thatched roof, we didn't even complete the tour as they were pulling out strands already, if we'd lived there I reckon we'd have had a view of the stars within a few weeks from the bedrooms.

I can't even go do the road with all the hassles we've had with computers and laptops. But common things are:

I was cleaning the fan = hard drive removed
It'll work better like this = photos lost
Just click here = Blue screen of death
It needs restoring to factory settings = scrap computer
Can I restart the internet? = no internet or phone line for 24 hours

Do your kids fiddle or is it just mine? I'd love to know if it's also a girl/boy thing and please tell me, will they ever grow out of it?

My view on life with teenagers

Well that’s it really, everytime we go out as a family, everywhere we go, this is my view of everything.

If I want to talk to hubby it’s a matter of push and shove, but really I don’t actually mind as it saves me from all the banter, the mickey taking, the male humour that drags me down after an all day outing.

How do you view life with teenagers?

I get to be a mummy again for 5 weeks

My 15yo son arrived from the UK today and while he thinks he’s on school holidays, then coming to South Africa for holiday, he’s got another thought coming.

I won’t be made to feel guilty for him not living at home anymore, since returning to UK boarding school almost a year ago, because when we lived in the UK he was in boarding school and then we only lived 4 miles away, instead of the 6000 miles we do now.

I last saw him in April for 3 weeks and we toured the UK on bus, coach, train and foot, visiting his siblings. Hubby was also in the UK in May and took him to see family and friends, days out with his siblings and a deep-sea fishing trip. When he came out for Christmas we toured the coast line of South Africa, driving to Durban, down the Wild Coast to Port Elizabeth, the garden route, 5 nights in Cape Town then a drive back through the Karoo with Granny and his older brother.

For this trip we will visit the North Coast, to the beach for a week or so, we have safaris planned as his art course work is focusing on the plight of the Rhino’s and he needs photographs and video footage that he can shoot himself, rather than internet research and library copies. We are also planning a train trip to Cape Town for a few days, just me and him.

But we also have course work, revision to do. His school has emailed a list of what he has to do and they are ensuring he packs his study books in his suitcase. He starts his final year of GCSE’s this September and as the last of 5 children to sit exams I’m really not looking forward to the parenting side of the holiday in regards to home/coursework and revision. Between the 4 boys they know every trick in the book in regards to ‘looking busy, but doing sod all’ but they underestimate my powers as a parent, a teacher and a tutor.

I’m looking forward to being a full time Mummy again, even if it is just for 5 weeks and then the day 15yo returns to the UK, the 22yo and his girlfriend arrive for 2 weeks and that presents a whole different kind of parenting, as he left home aged 18, 3 months before we moved to SA and I’m not used to ‘parenting’ an independent adult.