I’m ready to go home, although I’m not sure where home is anymore. I’ve always associated ‘home’ with the kids, but now they’ve all left and are spread out over the UK, where would I go back to?
We still own a house in Malvern but that stopped being our home when we let tenants move in, their subsequent trashing of our house made it even easier not to consider it a return to point anymore.
The first 2 years in South Africa was all about settling in, adjusting to a new way of life, culture, language and a whole different way of doing things. The 3rd year was been all about sorting out the youngest education, which has resulted in him returning to boarding school in the UK and the other son completing his Matriculation and the ‘what next?’ which has also involved a move for him back to the UK.
So hubbies job continues here, but what about me? I was depressed, I did struggle, but I had the boys to support with their schooling, activities, cleaning the ever messy house and begging for 5 minutes peace and quiet.
Well I’ve got it now, by the bucket load. 9 years before hubby retires, another 9 years here? To do what? I have plenty of voluntary work I can do, have already taken up new hobbies crafting and sewing. I swim and walk the dog daily, I have some good friends, but they all work during the day and have young kids. Hubby and I go out together for meals, picnics, dog walks and holidays, but there is just too much time left in the week when I’m on my own and bored.
My idea to return to the UK just won’t work, there is no job for hubby over there and with 28 years service it would affect his pension and at 56 he’d find it hard to walk into another job. I’m not just going to walk into a new career over night and I know how hard it was for me to go from full time work to stay at home mum without asking hubby to do that, except there’d be no kids at home for him to look after.
So I guess our only option is to move to another country, one where I can work and we’re looking into Dubai for February 2015, there are plenty of training and educational jobs on offer for me, but I need to check the reality of how easy it is to actually get a job there.
In the meantime I'm swimming everyday, blogging, raising awareness of disabilities in South Africa, fundraising, voluntary teaching, enjoying new activities, learning new skills which I'll take with me and continue doing where ever I am in the world.
For now, I have plenty of projects to work on, to keep me busy, 6 months left of a degree to keep my mind active, but it's not relieving the loneliness, I'm struggling to motivate myself to get things done.
When you have all day to do nothing in, one tends just to do that, nothing.