Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Who are these people judging SAHM's?

Depending on what you google, you either find the number of stay at home mums has increased by a million or decreased for the first time in 20 years. However the actual figures don't really matter, this isn't the purpose of the post. All that matters is that each mother, does what is best for their family, their relationship and their child/ren.

While some parents relish being a SAHM, some resent it, some can afford it, some are ill, some are caring for sick children, some have a dream of what being a SAHM is, some change their minds, some find themselves in the situation with no firm plans, others choose this path.

My mother was a SAHM, however 47 years ago she didn't have a label. My Gran was also a SAHM to my father and his 2 brothers, but she looking in washing and ironing to help with the family budget. I was a SAHM sometimes and in full time work also, but I too never had a label.

The phrase SAHM came into use in the mid 80's and was more widely used in the 90's but I'm guessing until the invention of Social Media hitting the masses, it wasn't really that popular. We were house wives, or home makers. When I lived in South Africa, my visa read 'Home Executive' in Dubai it reads 'House Wife'

I hate labels, I've written about 'why I don't like labels' many times. Labels are used to judge individuals, often before you first meet them, however I've never seen 'SAHM' as a drop down box on a form.

Each week I link up with #pocolo where one of the hosts Morgan discussed 'Why we shouldn't be ashamed to be a SAHM'

Morgan writes:

'I have been a stay-at-home mum for 14 years and in that time I've spent a lot of days feeling inadequate and unworthy 😩. Society has led me to believe I don't do anything that's worthy of praise and that I should go out and get a job as soon as possible. A job in which I can demand equal pay and show that I am a strong woman who is capable of anything a man is.'

Morgan goes on to discuss the issues that SAHM's face from various areas of society, where and what they are judged on and how she deals with this, not justifying her situation, not defending her choice to be a SAHM, just explaining why it is the right choice for her and her family and she certainly doesn't judge others for their choices on not being a SAHM.

What I don't get is why Morgan needs to explain herself, why I've needed to explain myself. Why anyone has to defend themselves from others who don't think being a SAHM is a worthy role in life? Morgan's post has been refreshing, it is one of the few posts I've read that hasn't attacked others for their choice of life.

I have no idea why people feel the need to judge SAHM's. I'm sure there are plenty of SAHM's though that judge those who go out to work also, but it would seem since the intervention of the internet and having a screen to sit behind, that for some reason people feel the need to share their thoughts on subjects more freely and with a wider audience than previously. 

I steer clear of the media, ironic you think as you read this post I've written online. I take everything I read with a pinch of salt and before I pass comment I do further research which does not include wikipedia. 

We can't help form an image of what certain people are like, photos and blog posts are often highly edited, they provide a snap shot of a moment in time and often don't reflect the bigger picture.

I'm a twice married Mother of 3, mum to 5. My husband is 14 years older than me. I'm a SAH, I'm an expat, my kids went to boarding school. If you haven't met me, you'll be forming an opinion making a judgment on my lifestyle. If you have meet me, apart from being a mum to 5 adult kids, you would never know what else I did unless I told you.

Give people a chance, get to know them and as with all forms of social media, if you don't like what you're reading, don't judge, just scroll on past.

26 comments:

  1. I love this Suzanne. Thank you so much for featuring my post and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it. It is such a shame that we feel like we have to justify ourselves. I have never, and will never judge someone for their choices, like you said people do things that are best for their family. I do hate social media for bringing out the judgement in everyone. Great post. xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you're welcome, it's strange how people will say things online but not face to face

      Delete
  2. I think it is because people don't understand that and because it is not what they are doing they are scared by it. Just my not educated view. #triumphanttales

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think that's a lot of the problem and sometimes envy

      Delete
  3. I'd be classed as a WAHM and to be fair I'm not overly fussed by the use of the label either way. But as long as people can appreciate that a SAHM is just as much of a job as someone who goes out to work, then I'm ok with people using labels.
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would call a WAHM 'self employed' regardless whether they stayed at home with the kids or had office/work space

      Delete
  4. A mum is a mum regardless if you go out to work, work from home, or dont work. I don't understand why mums are put into boxes and judged. #TweensTeensBeyond

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. neither do i, but sadly it happens

      Delete
  5. I love how you refer and are partly inspired by another blogger's post - that is rare and I think very good to see. I judged you as you know in the past and hope we get chance to be in a room together at some point now I am less chip on shoulder ish I hope. Thanks for linking with #BestBootForward - most mums do their best and that really is good enough in the vast majority of cases

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always credit someone even if my post is just inspired by them, regardless of wether they are quoted or not

      Delete
  6. Very well said!
    It's wrong that anyone is judged for whether they choose to stay at home or go out to work! I stay at home and I am past caring about what people think of me. They can like it or lump it. lol x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good on you! We should all be strong enough to not worry about what others think as long as our family is healthy and happy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love this Suzanne, and you know my position - hated SAHM life until this time around but always hated the label. And as we discussed hate people judging when all we do is what is best for our children! I hope some will read this post and understand a little more, and think before they jump to conclusions! From now on though I am definitely putting "Home Executive" on my CV. Amazing! Thanks for #BestBootForward - ing again! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the title 'Home Executive'

      Delete
  9. I hate labels as well Suzanne. I'm a great believer in just letting people get on with it in the way that suits them best. Thanks for supporting us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's difficult to label someone like me, I think I've held most titles with 5 kids over the past 26 years

      Delete
  10. Hi Suzanne, I do love it when you write posts like this. I imagine you quietly having a mini-rant and you are quite right too. Why society feels the need to label people I never quite understand either. What we do, why we do it, where we come from, our gender, our sexual preference , the colour of our skin, our beliefs are things that shouldn't define us. We are all people, doing the best we can in the circumstances that we find ourself in. No one person is better than anyone else, nomatter what they may like to believe.

    Thank you for linking up with #keepingitreal.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes I'm ranting then heavily edit the posts lol

      Delete
  11. I had no idea of the history behind the term. I agree that there are some that think being a sahm is wrong while others feel the opposite. Judgement seems to come from anyone and everyone and social media seems to have only added to this. #keepingitreal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i assumed it was an acronym that the media invented

      Delete
  12. Totally agree Suzanne and I love that you included Morgan's post within yours. Such a shame all of this isn't it. We all do the best we can with what we have. On the basis that I've been criticised for both working and SAHM'ing - I'd say it's best to do what makes your heart sing and forget what others think. Thanks for sharing with #ttb and have a fabulous summer xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I don't worry about criticism from people online, real life bothers me, but not many people are brave enough to say things face to face

      Delete
  13. A lot more people should take your advice of scrolling on past, we were brought up with the saying if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all and I think scrolling on past is the modern day equivalent. I'm amazed to see the rudeness in Facebook groups (not just groups actually) there's really no need. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo

    ReplyDelete
  14. I’ve left nearly all the fb groups I’ve joined due to botching and often sheer nastiness about othrrs. I also refrain a lot from typing a response

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis