Saturday 18 April 2020

One Daily Positive - Week 16 The silence is deafening

Started the week with a wobble. The silence is deafening now. My usual conversations are at the local coffee shop and don't usually contain more content than what I want to drink. I'm not sure if it's loneliness or boredom. I'm on my own for sure other than the occasional chat with a neighbour over the fence and I'm used to the lack of verbal contact with the family due to voice over internet being blocked in Dubai and I guess everyone is just getting on with their lives.

If you ask someone how they really are, you really don't want the reply to be 'lonely or sad' A virtual cuddle just doesn't cut it, does it?

I can always find plenty to do to occupy me physically, but I struggle mentally at times.

It's funny how food has become my main focus after keeping myself well. I plan the week around round times and have to decide a day in advance what I want to eat to ensure it's defrosted in time. I'm also trying to only visit the shops every 10 days or so.

103 Sunday I made some dog friendly, chocolate animals for the cat and dog. Pottered around in the garden and prepared a few things to do later in the week, finally got dressed, did a wash, read some of my book, took Bob for a walk, ate the last bit of fresh food I have in the house, sat down at 2.30pm to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had chicken curry for dinner, had a bath, watched more TV and went to bed.

104 Monday Baked a chocolate cake for child 5's 21st birthday tomorrow. Obviously he can't have it, so it's Gluten Free for me to enjoy. I had intended to deliver him a shop bought cake and take him out for dinner, but that can wait. Painted some tin cans with gloss paint I found in the shed, after poking holes in the base, ready to put some flowers in and hang from various trees. Found, washed and spray painted some pebbles for another project, walked Bob, had to buy some milk and posted a small parcel to my mum and a couple of change of address letters. Had an early dinner, bath and sat down to watch TV and blog. I ordered some bedding plants online from a local nursery.

105 Tuesday Not a birthday child 5 will forget in a hurry, he's 21 today. I lit 21 candles and sang happy birthday to him over facebook messenger. I spent the morning on facebook uploading pictures of my son over the years, caught up with blog comments, sat in the sun drinking coffee. I had planned to food shop on Thursday but the thought of it was making me anxious so I just decided to go today, queues were short, I noticed pasta and toilet roll back on the shelves. I also noticed people seem to think the virus can be spread through eye contact and smiling. I'm getting fed up of walking out onto the road without any acknowledgement. Spent the evening watching TV.

106 Wednesday Out in the front garden sorting through the garden waste after the bin was emptied this morning, I soon refilled it and sorted through the rest for compost, sieved soil, washed stones and put them back in the garden and have at least one more bin to fill before this waste is gone. Strimmed the front lawn and killed some weeds. Walked Bob, spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in my craft room, blogging and watching TV.
I hatched a flamingo

107 Thursday Strimmed the back garden and tidied up and potted out some peas I've been growing, it took me much longer than I thought, took Bob for a long walk, a different route to normal, he pulled all the way. Spent some time in my craft room, clapped for the NHS, bath and bed.
The view from the railway bridge.

108 Friday Pottered around for most of the day, sorting out the craft room, moving boxes and looking through more of my dad's things. I ran the hoover round and cleaned the bathrooms, there's only me here, but we've got 4 bathrooms and I've managed to use them all. Took Bob for a walk and enjoyed a roast dinner. I have no idea what day of the week it is anytime, but it felt like a Sunday.
My dad's collection of match day programmes from his professional playing days as a goalkeeper.

109 Saturday I did sod all, all day, other than walk Bob and eat and my bedding plants were delivered. The day was long and most of it was spent on the sofa, but I'm good with that.

On the blog this week:
Confusing loneliness and boredom



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28 comments:

  1. Happy birthday to your boy! That is definitely a birthday he won't ever forget.
    It must be hard to be on your own. I know I would struggle. I'm amazed at how you manage to keep yourself busy with crafting etc.
    What a shame that people don't even smile. I find that people are more willing to smile and say hello than they would do normally.

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    1. I'm used to this isolation being an expat can always keep myself entertained

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  2. I can imagine it must be hard being on your own and the silence must feel quite overwhelming at times. I know that virtual hugs don't really cut it, but I'm sending you one just the same. It sounds like you've been busy out in the garden this week and I'm glad that you were able to sing happy birthday to child 5 over Facebook messenger. Hope that next week is kind to you x #project366

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  3. So sorry you are struggling.
    What lucky pets you have to have chocolate made for them.
    Happy birthday to child 5.
    The flamingo looks interesting.
    It sounds like you have been keeping yourself busy. x

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    1. Always manage to keep myself busy, I can find plenty to do at anytime

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  4. Awww I know you said virtual hugs aren't much good, but you can have one anyway ... and a cwtch for good measure ! (Is that even spelt right?!) I've been on holiday this week so no school work to do with the kids and no school work for me to upload and mark, and it's been totally different. I loved it, as it meant I had a chance to unwind and deal with jobs around the house, but I can see how hard it must be to be going into week 4? 5? and feeling totally bored and unproductive. Love the birthday cake and what is that flamingo all about ?! lol

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    1. thank you for the virtual hug, the flamingo was a gift from a friend it comes in a hard shell and you soften it in water and the flamingo grows out

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  5. Sending lots of hugs. Love the flamingo it is very cute. The birthday cake looks fab. It is strange times xx

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    1. I must go and check the flamingo, it may have shrunk

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  6. congratulations on the birth of your flamingo.
    Happy belated birthday to child 5.
    I hate the silence but do like a radio and DJ for company.
    I will send you a virtual hug as well.

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    1. I can't stand background noise, it irritates me more than the silence

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  7. I guess everyone's getting on with the new routine. Chocolate meal for the dogs? Happy birthday, child 5! I'm 21 too. I say my Salams to almost everyone I cross when I walk my dogs and I smile eventhough its invisible behind the mask. Wooaahh thats a weird place for a flamingo to come out of. Wow, so cool of the days to keep the match day programmes safe

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    1. I've had a lot of fun going through my dad's old things

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  8. It is hard...even with family around me I have started finding it hard being constantly at home, so can only imagine how it must be when you are alone. Hope this week was better.

    That flamingo looks pretty cool

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  9. Oh Suzanne, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling sad and lonely. It is hard. But it's also hard with people around. I worry about my Mum all the time, and call her every day, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help her. Let's think of hopeful things. Bob looks pleased about his treats.
    Happy belated birthday to your son. 21 is a milestone. Your Dad's collection looks impressive. Big hugs, Suzanne. I know it's only virtual hugs, I wish I could give you a proper one.

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    1. As time goes on I'm getting used to the situation more and not struggling as much

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  10. Sorry to hear people aren't smiling. I think it's been a bit of a mixture here, more smiles from some, but others scurry past. Happy 21st to your son.

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    1. I get a better response when i meet other dog walkers

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  11. How sad that a 21st birthday was spent in lockdown, my son turned 12 so not a big birthday but disappointing nonetheless. I would be lost without working, it is keeping me sane

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    1. Strangely he really wasn't worried about his birthday in lockdown

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  12. The silence is hard, I know. My aunt in law is on her own and she says that is the hardest bit and it gets her down. Why is VOIP banned in Dubai, I didn't know that?
    It does feel weird when people don't smile or make eye contact. I am usually very friendly when I am out but I feel I can't be because people seem freaked out.
    Hope this week is ok for you!
    Project 365

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    1. VOIP is banned in Dubai so they can make money from having their own apps

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  13. 21 is such an important birthday, I hope it was special despite the lockdown. Do you have any friends to chat to via skype? Maybe we should set up a #project366 one!

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    1. My son wasn't really bothered about his 21st in lockdown. I've been talking to quite a few more people recently

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  14. I am so sorry you are struggling it must be really difficult not being able to VOIP calls to Dubai. Why do people need to be so rude its those smiles that make all the difference. I bet Bob liked his treats x

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