Planning a trip with a disabled young adult.

Our eldest child is in care in the UK, we now live in Dubai. We are getting older, she is getting harder to deal with.

I visit the UK several times a year and take her for days out or a few hours, rather than visit her in her home where she just does her own thing and I'm left staring at the walls or chatting to the care staff. I do this at the beginning, several times in the middle of my stay and at the end of my trip, depending on the length of my stay, anything between a 1-8 weeks.

Going out involves packing and carrying an adult sized baby bag, making sure I've hired a car big enough for her wheel chair, choosing somewhere to go based on the weather and her toilet changing needs, somewhere that sells food and drink and somewhere where I can hopefully get a bit of help. I try to coincide her visits with taking one of the other 4 kids with me and although they come with me willingly and do more to help their sister than I could possibly expect from them, it adds to the length of my day by collecting and dropping them off. I'm worn out at the end of the day.

We usually end up spending our days out visiting different supermarkets, we've been doing this since 2011.

Over the past 6 years we've not had a base where we can take her and usually her father and I make separate visits to the UK. She doesn't sit well in a car and has crawled out her seat belt before so longer trips to visit the inlays or take her back to my parents house for the day/afternoon are out of the question when you have to be driver, carer and support all rolled into one whilst driving up and down the M5.

Then there is getting her in and out the car, changing her nappies in the bathroom, dragging the supermarket trolley around with her pushing in the opposite direction. Trying to manage a tray with food, a queue and just having to clear the table and make sure nothing in front or behind her is in her reach is mentally exhausting, she just never stops.

Visiting family and friends, even with support is hard work, she has a habit of grabbing peoples hair, she spits excessively and will wipe her hands on you, your walls and soft furnishings, she grabs things, would swipe ornaments off a shelf and has a habit of throwing things and hitting you with objects in her hand. It's not fair on other people whether they are family or not.

We've bought an apartment now, but it's 40 miles from where she lives, it's also on the second floor, due to us leaving it empty most of the year and although she can climb steps with support, I can't then leave her unsupervised in the apartment while I run up and down the stairs to get her changing and over night bag.

My family live near by so I can arrange for them to meet me there and either a) supervise her for very short periods of time or b) they can do the running back and forth to get her bags out the car.

Then there is getting her in and out the bath, getting her used to sleeping in a new room, getting some sleep myself.

The town we will be staying in is old, with narrow streets and restricted access, with steep steps into  a lot shops as the pavements are too narrow to install ramps and while people will help, I just get fed up and tired of explaining and then when we get in the shop, despite strapping her in her wheel chair she has quite an extended reach and you need eyes in the back of your head.

So on my next trip, I'll just stick with days out to the local supermarkets and wait for Peter to join me over Easter, so we can have here at home for a night or two for the first time in 6 years, just because we want to.

Education and poverty in Mpumalanga with Viva

I had the great privilege in June 2014 to travel with the Viva Foundation to meet Pastor Jonny in his home in Kildare.

Pastor Jonny is 2nd from the right in the black jacket.

Kildare is in Mpumalanga, South Africa near Kruger National Park.

It was a 2 hour drive from Pretoriuskop Camp mostly on dirt roads

Pastor Jonny with the support of the Viva Foundation is developing the local community, with the building of a church, a school and kitchen. He told me that the biggest problems the community face are poverty, alcoholism and HIV and AIDS.

The Pastor wants to address the issues of poverty by providing education at a young age and training for the youths of the community to learn new skills they can use to gain employment. The nearest Pre School for their community is 6km away and a cost of R100 per month for lessons and R150 for the transport. Not only does Pastor Jonny want to provide training in building, but he wishes to develop the communities farming skills and teach them to become self sufficient.

There is no employment in the area and as a result most families are grandparent led due to 2 reasons: the parents work away in Gauteng and return home at the end of the month or the parents have died from AIDS, there are also many orphans in the community and Jonny’s dream is to build an orphanage for these children. Most of the men work in the mines and many were been involved in the strikes at Marikana and were without work for 5 months without pay, striking for a living wage and safety improvements. There was little income in the community for those 5 months.

Families receive social grants for their children of R320 per month, this is often the only income and despite the intention for it to be used to provide their children with education, it is often the only income to feed the entire family, therefore the children don’t attend school.

Jonny set up a crèche 2-3 years ago and employs local teachers who do not receive a salary; they currently teach in a wooden, slatted building with a tin roof and even in the middle of winter the building is hot and humid. 

The children receive a cooked meal daily, which is often the only meal they eat during the day. It is cooked outside, there is no kitchen.

Uniforms supplied by Viva

There is no water in the community and men, women and children walk 2 kms each way to Ximhungwe to fetch water. There is no municipality water available and on occasions the pipes break and then it’s a 12 km trip to fetch water, which is the basis of sustaining life. A bore hole would make  a big difference to the community.

There is however a river that runs through the community and Jonny wishes to fence off the land to enable them to farm and become self sufficient. We discussed how he could start this project starting with a small vegetable garden that the children can be involved with seeing where their food comes from, planting, nurturing the seeds, harvesting and then cooking and tasting the food and understanding the process of the foods that they eat.

On Friday's a mobile clinic visits the area, they give flu jabs, inoculate babies and treat minor illnesses for free. For more serious conditions they give a letter to take to the local hospital some 30 kms away who charge R40 to open a file. For transport to the hospital Pastor Jonny has a vehicle and he is also the person called at 2am when someone goes into labour and needs a lift.

We took tables, chairs, educational supplies, stationery, clothing, toys and food. Everything was donated collected from businesses, neighbours, colleagues and friends. 

If you want to make a donation to this project and other educational projects in South Africa please click here. Paypal address is thechickendoesjoburg@gmail.com

I will be returning to South Africa in October and November this year and hope to visit Pastor Jonny and update with all the good works that have gone on over the past year with the help and support of Viva.

Cross boarder medical checks

To move from the UK to South Africa in 2011, prior to obtaining our visas we were required to have a chest X-ray to check we were free of TB, a form signed by our doctor to confirm we were sane and police checks.

To move to Dubai we are required upon entry to have a chest X-ray to check we are free of TB and blood tests to ensure we are free from HIV/AIDS and Leprosy. We are not however required to have police checks, but I will be having one done as I work in Child Protection and I teach so know I will be asked to provide evidence that I am safe to work in this field in both Dubai and for when we eventually return to the UK.

Two issues have arisen from this.

• Since being in South Africa we have both tested negative for HIV/AIDS, so if we have contracted either HIV/AIDS or TB, we would have contracted it in South Africa, but where would the UAE return us to? As we've never been tested for Leprosy, that would be a harder question to answer. According to a report in the Guardian in June 2014, Leprosy is rare in the UK, however in South Africa, February 2014, there was an increase in diagnosed cases. And as far as I am aware, apart from the additional stress caused by yet another relocation, we are both still sane.

• If we were returning to the UK where no visa's are required for us as we are British, no health tests are requested at all, however I would be asked for a police check/CRB when I applied for work, so it's only common sense that's telling me to get one done before we leave here. However for immigration purposes, depending on what country you arrive from to the UK there is screening for TB.

I'm sure it would be difficult to police returnees to their country of origin and I'm not sure what questions may arise when applying for work, utilities, bank accounts etc when asked for proof of address for the previous ? years.

No inoculations are required to enter South Africa on holiday, which concerns me with the current situation with Ebola and the spread of the disease by tourists, businesses travellers and health care workers treating the disease. There are no confirmed cases of Ebola in South Africa at the moment, unlike the UK and a Nigerian woman who was in transit died in Abu Dhabi this week. As we are relocating from Africa I'm making the assumption that further screening may take place.

I'd be interested to know if people relocating from anywhere in the world to another country, in particular the UK, have been required to have health checks and what is the strangest test you've been required to have?

Volunteer fatigue

I was feeling overwhelmed this week, even my 'to do' lists had sub lists. After blogging about it a friend at one of the places I volunteer at, suggested I take some time off before I start suffering with the all too common 'volunteers fatigue'

I've taken on too much, but in reality all I actually do is go to Viva once a week to train teachers, attend Kungwini twice a week to support disabled adults in the workshop and educational activities in the Children's home and tutor a grade 7 child two afternoons a week. Apart from swimming most mornings, daily dog walks and food shopping and coffees out, there's no real reason why I should be over doing things, especially since the kids left home in January.

Volunteering costs money, almost a full time wage some months. I can't teach without resources and although I have plenty of stuff left over from my the days when I had a career, it needs adapting, updating. I've already donated the stuff the kids left behind that they no longer wanted, such as clothes, toys and stationery. I'm also very imaginative and creative with making my own resources but it's become very time consuming. Do you know how long it takes to draw/write 46 worksheets or colouring in pictures? I make and sell buntings and bags to raise funds and blog to raise awareness.

But what happens is I see something, get an idea and run with it. This involves raising funds, phone calls, emails, writing proposals, visiting people, cold calling. I used to make medical rep appointments with Doctor's surgeries and hospitals so I'm not easily deterred.

The last 3 nights I've been burning the candle at both ends, up till gone midnight working on several projects, researching, contacting other charities, writing sponsorship proposals. It's almost become a full time job and I could do with hiring a PA.

What I really need to do is focus though on what I can do and do well. Pick a subject, a project, a facility and run with that and that alone.

I've decided that my 'thing' is education. Without education the other issues in South Africa can't be addressed, it's not just about educating the children in the townships in school, it's about educating their parents also.

Without education the issues of poverty, crime, AIDS, rape, homelessness, child abuse and exploration cannot be addressed. Throwing money and donations of food at people does not help in the long run, the more you give the less people do for themselves, the more they rely on handouts.

People need to learn to help themselves, it's evident after a visit to Mamelodi this week that no one helps these people and no one helps them to help themselves. The river flooded a week ago, there is no way to cross it, it has left people stranded, unable to buy food, get to work and earn money and for children to get to school, missing even more of their education.

I'm up to date now with my 'to do' list and I'm just waiting responses for my proposals, but in the meantime I'm going away for a few days this weekend to switch off and relax.

When did your child fully understand sex?

Last night my youngest was giggling his head off over a picture he had found of 2 giraffes mating, he'd been online googling stuff. He'd also been in the (almost) 18yo's room and had already told on him for putting semi naked pictures of girls on his bedroom wall, he thought it may upset any visitors, especially girls. Hubby was more concerned about the marks left from the blue tack.



My youngest is 13, youngest of 4 boys, so the magic (lies) about father christmas and the tooth fairy were over a long time ago, around the same age that he started to learn and use swear words taught to him by his older brothers and his Mother (me) as after raising 4 boys all different in their needs and personalities got too much.




For a good few years he's been giggling if me and hubby kiss (even a peck on the cheek) pretended not to be watching something on the TV if it was 'rude' made inappropriate comments to his brothers when they've had girlfriends and was probably 9 the last time I could walk into the bathroom room without him covering his bits and yelling at me to 'get out'.



But I think now at 13 (14 in April) he has finally 'got it' and understands it all. There is a processing time that has been evident before, a giggle, followed by '(insert name) stop talking about it' Discretley walking out the room when sex scenes are on the telly. He knocks on the bedroom door and yells 'are you decent?' and actully waits before charging in.



Last night we were all sitting outside, a modern family, each on our own tabs when he suggested I have another baby to keep me company when he leaves home, he then looked up and said 'but that would mean you'd have to have sex' I told him that people can have sex without making babies and he asked how? Hubby took over the conversation at this point and told him about contraception for both men and women and how condoms also prevent sexual diseases. There was no silliness from either party, just a straight forward conversation, but as he left Hubby said to him, 'any further questions just ask, don't go googling it'


What made me realise that it had finally dawned on him, was the trip to Kruger Park in September when we came across the Hippos 'doing it'



How old was your child when they understood what it was all about? Not just the facts? Can you remember how old you were? I can't. I was always saying the wrong thing, even asked a boy once when I was 14 if 'he'd have it off with me at the Disco' I of course meant 'get off with me'

All I want for Christmas.........

I've come across several blog hops recently for Christmas Wish lists and everyone has wanted me to embed a code and in exchange they will give me a shiny new badge (note the sarcasm). I've read some of these blogs and they're not wish lists they're want lists, sponsored posts, so I'm staying clear of them.
I am fortunate to live in South Africa with my husbands job, two of our children have better opportunities here than they did back in the UK. But I've been lonely, depressed and lost my identity along the way, mainly down to the fact I can't work, I feel all purpose has been lost.

But I don't need to work for financial reasons anymore and still afford a comfortable life. It's 6 days before Christmas we have spent the last two weeks travelling the South Coast and are currently in Cape Town. The children are in the UK till the New Year and I've stopped feeling sorry for myself.

I've made friends and found a purpose and that's giving something back. I can't change the world, end poverty so that's not on my wish list, but I can help to put a smile on people's faces, by giving my time, using my skills, knowledge and qualifications to support people living in poverty.

So, what do I want for Christmas?

Zip lock bags
Elastic bands
Disposable razors
Toilitries
Stationery items
Cake ingredients

Simple stuff.

I baked nearly 2000 cakes for children in the townships. People know my name, even if I can't remember theirs. I helped a Christmas Shoebox project collect and disrubte 6000 gifts to children living in poverty, with AIDS, orphans and next year I want to be able to give more.

I'm starting with lesson plans, delivering lifeskills, sex education, supporting adults with disabilities by making and selling crafts (mainly bags, I've discovered a hidden talent for sewing).

I don't know how you can help me, send me the things I need, get money to me. It's reached a stage now where doing all these things has now become a full time job and I'm spending a full time salary on doing so.

So don't offer me a shiny badge, but I am prepared to promote you and your company in exchange for some support, but please don't offer me things that I can't use for others, I'm not interested for myself.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and keep checking back here.

Regards

Suzanne