Lets talk about sex

The reality of Sex

Why is it never like it is in the movies?

Probably a lot to do with how the media portrays the ‘perfect lifestyle’ career, the perfect marriage, wonderful home and the most amazing kids, through newspapers, advertisements etc.

I also hold writers responsible. You know the ones that write the Chick Lits, screen writers for movies.

Picture a typical romantic film or even an action one. You know where after the good guy saves the world and gets the girl? They’re hardly through the door and they’re ripping one anothers clothes off and having sex against the wall in the hallway, him holding her off the ground. Cut to next scene and they’re lying in bed, perfect hair and make up, his wounds have healed and wrapped seductively in a sheet.

Now I know there is poetic licence used here, but come on, has that really ever happened?

In reality its arrive home after a days work, collected the kids from wherever, a boot full of shopping. This mornings breakfast dishes to be sorted, shopping to be put away, kids homework to do, arguments, dinner and plonked down in front of the telly around 9pm absolutely knackered, feeling like you have just saved the world and the fateful words ‘Early night love?’ or ‘ you having a shower/bath before bed’

And what happens next is nothing like the movies. After a typical day there is no way you can get on with it without a shower, there is never a piece of furniture strong enough for him to prop you on, as there is no way he can lift you off the ground like that. There is washing over the bed, you’re lying on the remote, getting tangled up in the bed sheets, pillows piled high, toppling on your head, ignoring the TV on in the background, ‘did you lock the door?’ ‘Is that one of the kids on the landing?’

And as for the morning, there is no crisp sheet wrapped round you, you’ve either already put your PJs back on or just pulled them up, your hair is a mess, your make up is everywhere. There’s a child knocking on your door for their breakfast.

There is no loving smile and breakfast in bed and the conversation goes like this.

‘Eugh, go clean your teeth’

‘Why do I always sleep on the wet patch?’

When did your child fully understand sex?

Last night my youngest was giggling his head off over a picture he had found of 2 giraffes mating, he'd been online googling stuff. He'd also been in the (almost) 18yo's room and had already told on him for putting semi naked pictures of girls on his bedroom wall, he thought it may upset any visitors, especially girls. Hubby was more concerned about the marks left from the blue tack.



My youngest is 13, youngest of 4 boys, so the magic (lies) about father christmas and the tooth fairy were over a long time ago, around the same age that he started to learn and use swear words taught to him by his older brothers and his Mother (me) as after raising 4 boys all different in their needs and personalities got too much.




For a good few years he's been giggling if me and hubby kiss (even a peck on the cheek) pretended not to be watching something on the TV if it was 'rude' made inappropriate comments to his brothers when they've had girlfriends and was probably 9 the last time I could walk into the bathroom room without him covering his bits and yelling at me to 'get out'.



But I think now at 13 (14 in April) he has finally 'got it' and understands it all. There is a processing time that has been evident before, a giggle, followed by '(insert name) stop talking about it' Discretley walking out the room when sex scenes are on the telly. He knocks on the bedroom door and yells 'are you decent?' and actully waits before charging in.



Last night we were all sitting outside, a modern family, each on our own tabs when he suggested I have another baby to keep me company when he leaves home, he then looked up and said 'but that would mean you'd have to have sex' I told him that people can have sex without making babies and he asked how? Hubby took over the conversation at this point and told him about contraception for both men and women and how condoms also prevent sexual diseases. There was no silliness from either party, just a straight forward conversation, but as he left Hubby said to him, 'any further questions just ask, don't go googling it'


What made me realise that it had finally dawned on him, was the trip to Kruger Park in September when we came across the Hippos 'doing it'



How old was your child when they understood what it was all about? Not just the facts? Can you remember how old you were? I can't. I was always saying the wrong thing, even asked a boy once when I was 14 if 'he'd have it off with me at the Disco' I of course meant 'get off with me'

What excites me

I had a phone call from my Mum in the UK this morning, she asked me if I was excited about our up coming house move....'No not really' she was disappointed.

It's made me think about what does excite me and to be honest I'm not sure how to really interupt the word.

A google search comes up with this definition
ex·cit·ed/ikˈsītid/Adjective:
1.Very enthusiastic and eager.
2.Sexually aroused.

I'm not discussing number two with my mother, but yes, that does excite me.

I'm not excited about our upcoming move. If you've been folowing my blog and twitter you'll know that the whole house thing has done nothhing but pissed me off.
A google sesrch comes up with this definition
pissed/pist/Adjective:
1. Vulgar.
2. Very annoyed.
3. Angry

I've moved past the angry stage, but yes I'm still very annoyed.

I can't help thinking how number 1. Vulgar relates to 2. Sexually excited

So what does make me excited, enthuastic and eager? In no particular order.

The London Olympics? Well I am excited to find out if I have a volunteers role, but equally pissed that I haven't found out yet.

My son's visit next week...that excites me, I've so many plans for places to go, fab experiences.

My cat...I get excited with her excitement when she sees me, when I call her in at night and she comes running.

Planning...when I'm not pissed waiting for others to make decisions, sign documents etc, I get excited by writing lists, making plans a, b & c to cover all eventualities.

Hubby...he equally pisses me off and excites me...I get annoyed when he goes away with work, and i'm eager for him to come home, so we can get pissed together (both ways as mentioned above and a spot of alcohol)

I'm excited to have made new friends, it's all in the early stages so sometimes I get pissed when they can't make a date.

Post...that both excites me and pisses me off, I've given up now on those that don't make an effort and I'm sure feed back will come soon about how pissed they are because I've stopped writing in response to them not responding.

There's not alot else that excites me to be honest with you, because with every great excitement comes the 'pissed' bit.

Christmas is exciting but I get pissed off with the shopping, the making sure everyone is catered for in terms of who we visit.

The same with UK trips, excited to see everyone, but pissed with the demands on my time...it's not a holiday, it's great to see everyone, but I get pissed that I can't do it all.

i'm sure there are many more things that Piss me off and excite me....it seems that you can't have one without the other.

Anyway....what gets you pissed (not home brew) and what makes you excited?