My permission has been revoked

My son is 14 on Sunday. Every Friday night we have Pizza night with our friends, taking it in turns at one anothers houses.
Last night was our turn and we decided to turn it into a bit of a party and do the Birthday cake.
I love baking and yesterday morning I got out all the ingredients and asked my son what cake he wanted. As quick as a flash he replied 'Shop bought'. It made me realise that my days as a mummy are coming to an end. He is the youngest of 5 children.

The youngest has always had an issue with his photos being taken, in fact he hates it, it ranks a close second to getting his hair cut. As I tried to take a picture of him blowing out the candles, he hid his face, it winds me up and he knows it. He is missing from pictures in nearly all family events and if he is in the picture, his face is hidden.

Being expats and away from family, I make a huge effort to update the picture album, send prints back to people and post online, usually on facebook. I run my faceebook for the family only, I rarely post comments like the ones you see on twitter @chickenruby and I have recently started linking blog posts that I think people might like to read.

But I've been told 'no more mum, no more pictures, no more blogging about me'
I have to respect his wishes, he is old enough now to have a say in his private life. I've never ridiculed my kids, but I have shared personal stories about the things they've done, the troubles we've had and how we've problem solved. I've always sought permission from family members and the older children (the ones that have left home) prior to posting, but I've never had to ask to share pictures of them on facebook or twitter.

I don't own my children, but what they do effects me, my life, causes me issues, phone calls asking for help and guidance. Moments as a Mother I want to share, things I'm proud of, achievements I want to 'show off'

So I'll leave you with the last photo of my almost 14 year old and I'll attempt to take his picture to send back to his grandparents in the UK.

When did your child fully understand sex?

Last night my youngest was giggling his head off over a picture he had found of 2 giraffes mating, he'd been online googling stuff. He'd also been in the (almost) 18yo's room and had already told on him for putting semi naked pictures of girls on his bedroom wall, he thought it may upset any visitors, especially girls. Hubby was more concerned about the marks left from the blue tack.



My youngest is 13, youngest of 4 boys, so the magic (lies) about father christmas and the tooth fairy were over a long time ago, around the same age that he started to learn and use swear words taught to him by his older brothers and his Mother (me) as after raising 4 boys all different in their needs and personalities got too much.




For a good few years he's been giggling if me and hubby kiss (even a peck on the cheek) pretended not to be watching something on the TV if it was 'rude' made inappropriate comments to his brothers when they've had girlfriends and was probably 9 the last time I could walk into the bathroom room without him covering his bits and yelling at me to 'get out'.



But I think now at 13 (14 in April) he has finally 'got it' and understands it all. There is a processing time that has been evident before, a giggle, followed by '(insert name) stop talking about it' Discretley walking out the room when sex scenes are on the telly. He knocks on the bedroom door and yells 'are you decent?' and actully waits before charging in.



Last night we were all sitting outside, a modern family, each on our own tabs when he suggested I have another baby to keep me company when he leaves home, he then looked up and said 'but that would mean you'd have to have sex' I told him that people can have sex without making babies and he asked how? Hubby took over the conversation at this point and told him about contraception for both men and women and how condoms also prevent sexual diseases. There was no silliness from either party, just a straight forward conversation, but as he left Hubby said to him, 'any further questions just ask, don't go googling it'


What made me realise that it had finally dawned on him, was the trip to Kruger Park in September when we came across the Hippos 'doing it'



How old was your child when they understood what it was all about? Not just the facts? Can you remember how old you were? I can't. I was always saying the wrong thing, even asked a boy once when I was 14 if 'he'd have it off with me at the Disco' I of course meant 'get off with me'

Can a house cause depression?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m making friends now or diving in head first with volunteer work or the fact after 19 months life has some normality to it, but I seriously believe that the last house had a negative vibe which caused depression.
The first house was luxurious, think Kevin McCloud and Grand Design, but it wasn’t a home, it was cold, open planned, no privacy or space for one self. It was an entertainers home, designed for a team of domestic staff to cook, clean, tidy, manage. It wasn’t a house for us; one we could make a home.
We were new to the country, no friends, not used to having staff even if it costs a pittance to employ them.

As you know we’ve had no assistance from Hubbies Company for the move to SA, then into a rental house, then a further move 2 months ago. We didn’t know what to expect other than high crime and extreme poverty and while it does exist, the country is so very different. Different in every way imaginable, different from my comfort zone.
So feeling at home has been very important to me, as a family. We need a secure base to work from, as long as we have a home to come back to at the end of the day then everything will be ok.

The new house feels like home, it has rooms, where we can cut ourselves off from the rest of the family or all be together in the same area, doing different things. There is direct access to the outside without having to go down 2 flights of stairs, every room is usable for whatever we want it to be, the furniture fits, its flows with the house, with our needs.
We have a lease on our new home for a year with an option to renew for another, if I get my way, this will be our home for the foreseeable future.