Why I'm writing to random strangers - Postcards of Kindness

Last year I'm came across this group Postcards of Kindness. The idea came about to write to people in care homes in the UK to combat loneliness and isolation and remind people there is always someone thinking of them. There are over 2000 care homes on the list and the group has over 40,000 members. T

As an expat of 9 years, I've also felt isolated and lonely on a daily basis.

I had my first penpal aged 10, I wrote to my best friend in York after we moved near South Wales, I've still got every letter she sent me up until our early 20's when family life got in the way and our letter writing fizzled out, we reconnected via facebook a few years ago.

I had a few occasional penpals and wrote regularly to older family members, always sending post cards to family and friends from holidays. I write to people around the world I've met online and have even travelled as far as Canada to meet one of my penpals.

In 2011 I started writing letters about our lives abroad, I also keep a copy of all my replies, to form a record for future generations to enjoy.

For me the writing of letters, strange as it may sound is about communication, it amazes me how many letters, cards I send that people don't even bother letting you know they've arrived. I don't expect everyone to write back, or even get an automatic response, but if I get post, I'll message the person on FB, we chat online for a little bit, I write back a week later with fresh news, they respond and we keep in touch.

Many people don't know what to write back, will say their life is boring and they've nothing to tell me, that's fine, they've messaged me with that and hey, we're now communicating.

The purpose of my letter writing to the care homes especially now during Covid-19 and restrictions on visiting, is to provide contact with the outside world and to let others know we're thinking of them. it also provides a great opportunity to open up discussions, share life stories and in some cases the activity of writing a reply. We also have a daughter in care, she's 25 miles from where I am, she can't read, doesn't verbally communicate, but I still write to her regularly, it gives the staff something to talk about, show her the picture on the card and pin on her wall as a reminder that she does have family that care, even if they can't visit or are abroad for most of the year.

These are 2 responses from homes I write to on a regular basis.

So what do I write?

Dear Residents

I hope everyone is well and keeping themselves busy during these strange times.

This week I've been making the most of the weather, doing some gardening and walking my dog up the Malvern Hills.

I've also got a cat, did you have pets? Do you prefer cats or dogs or have another favourite animal?

Do you have a garden where you live? Is gardening an activity you enjoy? 

Have you ever visited Malvern? Where's your favourite place in the UK and why?

Kind regards

Suzanne

Sometimes I'll write about living abroad and ask if they've visited the countries or lived abroad themselves, I'll ask about their travels, favourite foods, tv shows. I'll share my favourites and ask what theirs are.  

I've also started writing letters to our grandchild who is 9 months old. I have very few written words from my grandmother and realised after my fathers death a few years ago the only stuff he had written down were 'to do' lists that I cherish as they are in his hand writing, my mother signed cards and letters on his behalf. I no longer sign cards on behalf of my husband, I ask him to do it himself and will be encouraging him to make notes in a book we have called 'My Grandparents' for future generations to read.

Trying to avoid depression now I'm a Stay at Home.

I became a SAHM in 2011 after moving to South Africa where laws prevented me from working. I did however immerse myself in charity and volunteer work, not behind the scenes but fully hands on. Working formed an important part of my identity and without a career I felt lost.

On moving to Dubai, I was determined to find a job and I took the first one offered, teaching in FS1. I hadn't taught in this age group or environment, this didn't work out for me you can read more about why I gave up working here.

So now I'm a SAH through choice. In South Africa my visa read 'Home Executive' In Dubai, due to where we live I'm affectinately known as a 'Jumeriah Jane'  however expat coffee mornings are not my style.

Despite living as expats, we've never employed cleaners or maids to help around the home, many people say we're not supporting the local economy, but for me I don't want a stranger in the house, the worry of employment visas, contracts, etc.

After a full on year of 12+ hours a day working and the recent spate of visitors, I'm glad for the time off. Lots of things have been put on hold that really need doing, such as the garden, housework and tax returns, the house and new flat in the UK that we need to sort things out with such as renewing insurances and the youngest child leaving boarding school and applying for apprenticeships as well as helping him find somewhere to live.

We have a trip to Egypt booked for the end of the month to give me something to look forward to and then there are the trips to the UK and South Africa to book.

But I still have to manage the in-between. I don't find it easy to pace myself and am often accused of making myself ill by not resting, something I did last week, trying to get everything sorted asap.

I know what triggered depression in the past, losing my identity, self worth and value as a person, so I know what to avoid and how to avoid it. This time my new identity is my choice, so I am responsible for myself this time, as in there is no one to try to lay the blame on.

Reading through my blog, I've identified that 2013 and the lowest point for me, the posts are a mixture of reflection and the current situation at the time. It was the year we had Tenants from hell and I spent months away from my family and I felt a self imposed guilt of being away for so long, it was the year the youngest child was heading to the UK for boarding school, child 4 of 5 was finishing school and moving back to the UK sooner rather than later, we had lots of visitors, visas were due for renewal and Peter was travelling more.

June 2011 With love and support from my husband

February 2012 When Suzanne says 'fuck it'

January 2013 Losing my identity caused my depression

February 2013 If depression had physical signs and I looked ill

February 2013 Do expats ever settle?

March 2013 Managing my depression

August 2013 Constant changes make life difficult, long spells in the UK, a child leaving home and after the visitors.

June 2015 the importance of having a routine

So now I know what caused the depression, the triggers, now I know how to stay on top of it, to acknowledge it and say 'it's ok to feel sad' to talk about it before, to ask for help and not feel I have to justify it in anyway, I thought I'd share my thoughts on my blog, so I can revisit and remind myself just how far I have come and that, just like a physical illness, it's ok just to have bad days.

I've created myself a time table/things to do on a daily basis and then weekly goals on top:

Wash up and tidy around the house, sort out the days dinner, make a pack lunch to stop me picking on food all day.

By 9am get dressed, including hair and make up.

Go out, even if it's just for a coffee or a food shop. Walk the dog, cycle, go to the beach, blog at the coffee shop, anything just to get me out the house and do this first thing or I'll not leave.

Sundays and Thursday are for housework, food shop, washing, ironing and tidying only. Getting ready for the weekend so when it comes Peter and I can do what we want rather than spending, like we have the past year, doing housework, washing and ironing, then too tired to do anything.

Tuesday are desert days, take Bob for a long walk, pack the camping stove, a book, deck chair and picnic and just chill out. Nearly everyone I've met in Dubai has been through #BobTheDog.

There are projects and crafts I want to do. Finish writing my book, sew dog beds for charity, find a use for the rest of the odds and ends lying around the house. Sort the physical photo's into albums. Work more in the garden, sit more in the garden and enjoy the efforts of my hard work.

I will allow myself down days, pj days and days of eating junk food, that's how we spent the weekend, for the first time in a year, just chilling out and switching off.

And finally, routine. I have to accept it changes, not on a daily basis but when we have an influx of visitors, when I travel to the UK. We've bought a flat near my parents so we have somewhere to stay when we travel, a base, so we're not living out of a suitcase, somewhere we can invite people to come and visit us. Expensive, but so simple. It will make going home now a lot more pleasurable, knowing we can switch off and relax and actually start taking proper holidays rather than seeing it as a chore because we have no down time.

One Daily Positive 2017 Week 1 Moving on.

Welcome to my 3rd year of Project 365, SnapHappyBritMums prompts and One Daily Positive. I've had a clear out on social media and left quite a few groups and joined a few, more suited to the links I join in with with.

I've been giving a lot of thought to what I post on my blog as it's currently a mix of gardening, pets, family, travel and life as an expat, plus the odd general moan and groan about life in general. But I've decided I'm not really a person who wants or needs to fit in with life and others, so I'll just carry on with what I'm doing, which is writing an online diary about my personal experiences. However I am still on the lookout for a travel or days out linky to join in with on a weekly basis.

Happy New Year and moving on, please forget everything that I said last year, for this is a new one and I'm hitting in full force. I start the year without a job, but I have my husband, my family visiting over the holidays and planned trips to the UK throughout the year and friends. New Years Day lunch. 
1/365 The Night Before.

This is the year I will come to love Dubai, make good friends and feel I belong. We spent the day at Wild Wadi water park.
2/365 2017

With the kids and niece at Global Village for dinner and shopping. 

3/365 I'm eating

A quiet day with son and niece at the beach, teen to the dentist for final wisdom tooth extraction and apart from running them around, washing and ironing, I've spent most of the day in the garden watching The Crown on Netflix and scheduling blog posts.

4/365 I'm watching.

A lovely day, spent the morning in the desert, followed by a picnic breakfast for 3 plus #BobTheDog shopping with my niece and dinner with Peter, Beth, Dan and Alex at Reem Al Bawadi wishing I'd ordered one of the for dessert also.
5/365 I'm Thinking.

At the airport to see Dan off on his travels home, we've had a great 3 weeks, despite me losing his UK SIM card. Spent our last day on the beach, he got a little sun burnt. On our return home #BobTheDog was looking for him.  
6/365 I'm loving.

Taxi from home to Dubai Marina, on the ferry to the Creek, souks, lunch and shopping. Abra to the other side and taxi home. A lovely day spent with Peter, Beth and Dan.
7/365 Silver.

On the blog this week:

Animal Tales, HDYGG and PoCoLo A visit to The Green Planet at City Walk. A tropical rain forest in the desert.

My Sunday Photo Week 105 D is for disappointment.

Win a personalised planner

I attended Britmums live and amongst the items in the goody bag we all received on the last days was a voucher to have a personal planner printed. As most of the items in the bag were related mainly to parents with young children, I took advantage of the offer code I was given to have a personalised diary for 2014 printed.

I love pink, I am Chickenruby, I went to the website.  I followed the simple instructions and within 2 weeks my planner was delivered.....tah dah.

Now I'd like to offer you the opportunity to win your very own personalised planner, which will be sent via email to you should you win.

There are 2 conditions, you must have a UK residential address and you must answer the question below.

I'm an expat, communication is my life line. I carry my diary with me everywhere, to record days out, take notes and to ensure I don't forget a single birthday amongst all my family and friends that I have world wide. Whether I send them an email or a card through the post.

My friend forgot my birthday one year, but she had buried the in laws 2 days before.



So who forgot your birthday and what excuse did they give you?



The comment that amuses me the most will win a voucher to design their own personal planner.

Closing date midnight 9th August.