Well here we have it, the cycle of depression when Suzanne says FUCK IT, everyone and everthing I've had enough.
I'm not talking about you all, in fact I'm only talking about a small minority and I can't disclose who these people are, maybe it's family and real life friends, maybe it's just people on the internet that I've never met, maybe it's just a mix, but you won't think it's you and if you do think it's you, you'll get defensive with me.
I'm not expecting any comments on this blog, in fact when I blog most people respond on twitter if they want to say something, cos sometimes it's just too bloody awkward to comment, hence the reason why I'm a bit pissed off.
As in time honoured tradition when Suzanne gets down, no one knows what to say, so they say FUCK ALL, it's for the best, I'll only jump down their throats and scream...'what the fuck would you know?' followed by 'you think you've got problems?'
Well I have problems also, 'good old Suzanne can always be relied on to say/type the right thing at the right time' and when you're down you'll either think 'that's nice' or you're too down to even take it in.
But when things perk up, even if the fog lifts, even if it's just for a day, it would be really nice of you to acknowledge, good old Suzanne and not galivant off with your real/other friends and then come bouncing back to me when they can't cope with you when you're down.
It would also be nice if you could consider why Suzanne is supportive, has she had similar situations? Is she feeling the same way right now?
I say when things go wrong, but no one knows what to say to me, you see 'it's different for you, Suzanne we don't know what to say or how?
Well I've not lost a loved one, I'm not in a violent relationship, I'm not suffering with PND, I have a lovely husband, 2 fantastic kids with me and money to spend. I'm not hard done by, by anyone else's standards.
But I left 3 kids in the UK, that makes me sad. OK they are all adults now, but they're still my babies and yes I know it was right to let them fly, but they'd all left home aged 18 a long time before we emigrated. They still need their mum and when they do ask for help, which is quite often, it hurts that I can't be there for them....no my magic wand never worked when we were all in the same country anyway.
I've lost my freedom and my independence, my ability to work and yes I know I'm going on about it, non bloody stop, but like PND it doesn't just go away because someone tells you to get over it. I am adjusting and getting used to it and yes with time I'll get over it and move on.
So please, say anything, just something, make me laugh is always a good one and remember I'm down, but I make time to comment, it would just be nice when you're feeling a little better that you realised the support you have, the understanding and the friendship that you have from me and not ignore my efforts.
if my efforts aren't wanted then I'll stop wasting my time, if you don't tell me either way, I'll just carry on and sometimes I get hurt.