Monday, 2 May 2016

I want to go home

Life just isn't that simple is it. There's a lot to do if you want to pack your life up and relocate 1000's of miles away, trust me, we've done it twice in the past 5 years.

Originally from the UK, we moved to South Africa then 4 years later to Dubai. It's not an easy process and by no means cheap and it is very stressful, especially when you leave your children, family and friends behind.

If I could turn back the clock I probably would, but it would have to be before the question arose 'Do you want to move to South Africa?'

Both Peter and I had hoped for a long time there would be an opportunity to move abroad with his company, but we didn't actively seek it out, and it's certainly something we never would've done off our own backs.

Hence the quandary we are now in.

I want to go home, but there is no job for Peter back in the UK, but there is a job in Dubai for as long as he wants it, or until he retires in 7 years.

7 years left, living in Dubai, I honestly don't think I can do it.

We need to stay out here for at least another 2 years, to enable us to afford the teens boarding school fees, moving to South Africa in year 7 had a dramatic effect on his education and it was with a sad heart we sent him back to the UK to finish his education in 2013. We really don't want to disrupt his education again, he sits his A/S levels this summer. We did look at him coming to Dubai, but with him being dyslexic, dysgraphic and dyscalculia, the timing just wasn't right.

I'm back in work for the first time since we left the UK, I enjoy my job, but I'm struggling to work in this culture and drowning under a pile of paperwork.

It took a lot of effort to integrate into life in South Africa and leaving there, against our wishes, was a wrench, as big as leaving the UK in the first place.

I'm scared to make the same level of investment here in Dubai, I just don't think I could cope with that level of upheaval again. I'm distancing myself from people, from making friendships, from settling down.

My husband is my best friend, my only friend, he is away this week, last week and next week, I feel so isolated, alone.

We could of course return to the UK with a few months planning, we have savings to cover school fees until next Easter, that would give me time to find employment. But we'd need to find the money to get back to the UK. We have a house there to move back into once we give the current tenants their notice, it would take a few months to organise, handing in our notices, organising shipping, the cat and the dog, closing down bank accounts etc. Our rent is due for renewal here in early December, so that would be our deadline.

But it's not going to happen, what would Peter do? I know how hard forced unemployment was when we relocated to South Africa, how I struggled, the depression, but I had 2 children with me, school runs, activities etc to keep me going and on the move to Dubai, the dog and cat and settling in occupied my time until I got a job. But it wouldn't be the same for Peter it would be the end of his working life as such and as much as he dreams of retirement, it will take a bit more time to adjust to than a few months.

I am fully aware that the grass isn't greener on the other side, when we see our family and friends doing things that we long to do, pine for. In fact the grass is none existent here right now with it being summer and too hot to go outside and do most things. I'm aware that life sounds exciting for us, living in Dubai, all the opportunities we've had and still have to come. Living in a world class holiday destination, but life abroad isn't a holiday. I was out the house at work from 6am - 4.15pm. I've done the washing, walked the dog, cooked dinner and washed up and hoovered and mopped through the house and cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. I'll still have all that to do back in the UK also

So as much as I want to go home, I'm also realistic and know it's not going to happen anytime soon. It doesn't make it any easier or harder, we know that if we need to return, we could afford to, now we've looked into the possibilities and hopefully we'll be better prepared emotionally and financially to do so when the time is right, it just isn't now.


14 comments:

  1. So sorry to read this. I think you are amazing for sticking it out. I never get the impression that you're leading a fabulous, glamorous life. You're just living real life, but in a very hot climate without your family and friends. I hope you can come up with an exit plan that works for you and doesn't involve staying for seven years!

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    1. it looks like i'm stuck here unless i decide to leave on my own

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  2. Ah so sorry you are feeling like this. I suppose if you come home it will be the same old too. And then there is the dreary UK weather, its so tough moving away, I know because I too have done it, the thing is now I have been up north so long I feel more of a Northerner that a Southerner. I know that is different as its not another country. I hope you can get a solution soon xx

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    1. you don't have to move 1000's of miles away to have these feelings, i've also moved around the UK as a child so i should be used to this by now

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  3. Sad to hear you are unhappy :( Hope you can work something out. x

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    1. thank you, i'm sure we'll get there

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  4. This is where I can totally relate to your dilemma. I am from the Philippines and I want to go home. I can. David and I are no longer husband and wife. But we are parents. I can go homne he said but I cant bring my child. I cant leave him of course so I am here. My body is here but my mind ... its just.. I WANT TO GO HOME! I am so sad to be here like a prisoner but I dont have a choice or the one that I have is not a choice that I want as well. So I am here. Like you aching to go home. #pocolo

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    1. so sorry to hear this, i've no idea if you'll see this reply so I'll pop over to you

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  5. Oh Suzanne, I feel for you. I've seen it with people over here, they get homesick for their family and friends in the UK and it gets them down until they finally pack up and go. Sometimes we have to stick with our choices for longer than we would like and in your case it sounds for the best too, but o the other hand happiness is important and life is too short to be unhappy for any length of time.

    It does make me laugh when people say to us that we are so lucky to live here, they forget that we are not on holiday and the household chores are still the same.

    xx

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    1. THAT, exactly, people seem to think expat means wealthy and leisurely

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  6. I'm so sorry to read that you're feeling so lonely. I think a lot of people think it's very glamorous living abroad but, as you said, you end up feeling very isolated. I hope you are able to find something to make you happy. xxx
    Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

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    1. work really helps now i've settled into a new routine

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  7. I do hope life gets better for you Suzanne. Hugs.

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