Thursday 21 April 2016

Why my husband has to be my best friend.

I'm feeling lonely. I'm working for the first time in 5 years, surrounded by children and adults all day, Sunday through to Thursday. Conversations are fleeting, a few chats about the weekend, family, recent and future trips, but it's not really friendship, not in the way I'd like it to be. Most of the people I work with are single and are the same age as my children.

I don't get invited out by my work colleagues, I don't expect them to invite me out to be honest and they don't talk about what they've been up to or who went out with whom and where, so I don't feel left out at all, I just feel lonely and really want to have friends again.

It took a long time in South Africa to make friends, real friends, that will be friends for life, but sadly, like all my friends in the UK, they're just not in Dubai.

I've joined groups, been for coffee mornings, both good and bad experiences, I've met up with individuals for coffees, trips out, I chat with people I meet in the desert when walking Bob on weekends, I chat with people at the airport as we wait for family and friends, then go our separate ways.

I'm approachable, I'm friendly, I'm welcoming, I just don't have any friends in Dubai, other than my husband.

Peter and I are best mates, we tell one another everything, we argue and fight like cat and dog, but we were best friends the minute we met, 16+ years ago. Since the last child left home early 2014 (the teen is in boarding school in the UK and comes home for holidays) it's just been Peter and I. Peter has many more opportunities with work to socialise, but they're always work related and partners aren't often invited.

Between 6pm and 6am, Sunday to Thursday, and on weekends, it's just me and him, if he is working late or away, I have the cat and dog for company. Weekends we go out shopping or to visit somewhere and have lunch or dinner out when we feel like it, we may pop to the beach or the occasional cinema trip and we enjoy going to the desert with Bob and just go out for a coffee when we feel like it.

I'm not complaining about my life, I'm just lonely, I need female company, I need someone to pick up the phone and chat to, someone to walk round the shops with, that isn't my husband from time to time.

We've had plenty of visitors from various places to visit, long and sort stays of just one night as they transit through. But they go home and back to their other friends, they're not here all the time. Our next visitors are booked for one night in August and my mother for 3 weeks in December. I'm back in the UK July and August and spending a few days in Germany with a set of friends from South Africa who have recently relocated over there.

Looking for a friend when you're an expat is very different, especially when your children are older or have left home. I'm finding it harder in Dubai than I did in South Africa, maybe because people come and go more often or because many people who work here, return to their home country with great frequency. I last wrote about looking for a friend in July 2015. I've written many times prior to that about friendship and I'm sure there will be many more posts as and when we move again.

I don't really think I'm asking for too much. Do you have difficulty making friends?

10 comments:

  1. I definitely feel like this sometimes, even in my hometown. It's hard to know how to get things past the initial acquaintance stage. #pocolo

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    1. i think people are just too busy these days

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  2. My problem is keeping friends. Not because I'm unlikable, its just so hard to find the time to put in the effort necessary

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  3. These are definitely strange times that we live in - probably over a longer time than we realise, friendships aren't what they were when our parents were younger/growing up. My best friend lives an hour away, we both work in London but haven't seen each other since January. It must be harder in a new/different place too, I'm sorry you're missing that presence - as you say, no matter how great husbands are, sometimes you just need something different X #PoCoLo

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    1. it is really hard knowing that your friends are 1000's of miles away, although we chat daily it's not the same as face to face, drinking tea and putting the world to rights

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  4. I think it's tough starting a new job and making friends there - or even feeling like you fit in. I've been in my new job for six months now and I too am older than people I work with, some days it's ok and other days it's not. They're nice people who've worked together for a while and I'm sure they'd be upset to know I felt left out at times, sometimes I do. Good luck and thanks for linking up to #pocolo x

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    1. it's hard isn't it, i think people just assume you're ok and don't need friendship

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  5. I've always found it hard to make friends, and I've always lived in the UK!! I can't imagine how hard it is having to make new friends in new countries. I hope you find some friends soon. xx Good luck. xx
    Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

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    1. once i find the right friends they will be life long, but the getting started again when you move is bloody hard

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