Word of the Week - Mornings

It's the school holidays. 

The alarm is off.

I'm still waking at 6am.

I'm more productive in the mornings than afternoon and evenings, although I do have a flurry of activity just before bed.

I've always woken early and I do enjoy the peace and quiet of a cup of tea, sitting in my happy place outside, regardless of the weather.

6am on a Friday before work.

6am on a campsite.

6am in bed.

No matter how hard I try to stay in bed, I'm awake by 6am most mornings. But as it's summer I'm not so worried about it, because the first thing I do, is make tea, feed the cat and go sit outside with my laptop or phone.

Most of my blog posts are written at 6am. It's rare to read a book and normally I just flick through social media on my phone.

Sometime I wake earlier and just stay in bed for a while hoping I'll go back to sleep, but the traffic noises keep me awake, vans pulling up with engines running and the occasional tooting of a horn to hurry their workmate up for his lift to work and car doors banging.

Are you an early riser? Do you have a time of the day where you get more done?

Is blogging useful anymore?

I know it is for me. But is it useful for anyone else these days?

I started on Social media in the days when social media was just starting out.

In the days when you could ask a question on twitter, didn't need a hashtag to start a conversation and met people far and wide with the same interests as you almost immediately and actually made friends, you socialised, shared happy and sad events both online and eventually in real life.

Oh those were the days.

Blogging events, days out, support networks, opened your heart, shared tragic events, reached out, celebrated milestones and received love, support and understanding.

Nowadays it's all adverts, self promotion and pure hatred in some cases.

I used to churn out 2-3 posts a week. Sharing posts about raising a family, life with teens, schooling, discipline. I'd actively seek others in similar situations, avidly read their posts, look for tips and support. I'd joining with blog linkies, read and comment and know I wasn't alone as a parent.

Then we became expats and life changed and I wrote about life abroad, loneliness, isolation, new adventures, travel, charity work and volunteering. My interests changed as the children grew up and left home. I took up photography with an interest in construction when we moved to Dubai and documenting the ever changing skyline. I grew vegetables in the sand, we called our garden. I blogged about international travel and relocating pets. I talked about grief, about health, becoming grandparents, being a landlord and finally about repatriation. 

And now I don't feel I've anything left to talk about. Why? Because social media has got so big, it's just about all covered now. A hashtag is meaningless these days. There are a million and one 'how to guides' no one needs to know how to pack a suitcase, survive the menopause, or read a 1000 word review about a back pack.

So is there anything left to blog about? or has blogging had it's day?

For me, I've always blogged for my sanity and the occasional sponsored post. It kept me sane for 12 years as an expat. It documented our lives abroad. Our lives were different, it was interesting for others to read, it wasn't necessarily better, it was just different. It was interesting for our friends in South Africa to hear our take on their country as foreigners, how we experienced things they took as being the norm, things they took for granted, that were different for us on a visitors visa. Like obtaining a drivers permit for our son, or getting utilities set up, opening bank accounts. Our family and friends were fascinated with our travels in South Africa, the photos of Safaris, the extraordinary houses we lived in, the charity work I did. But as the sun always shone they weren't always interested in the struggles we had or understanding of the difficulties we faced or the fear we lived under from time to time.

Dubai was utopia for all. We were lucky, but it still fascinated people. It wasn't restrictive for me like many people thought, but you couldn't convince them. We were also living the dream, so how could I not be happy 24/7?

But has any of it been useful to anyone else?

There have been blog post about relocating where people have contacted me to ask for further information about moving their pets to another country, about choosing shipping containers, working abroad, visa applications and lots of enquires during covid when I was travelling between Dubai and the UK, know where I was getting my testing done and how to obtain permission to fly. But now 3 years on, that information is no longer valid because so much has changed. It was relevant at the time and was useful to others.

Now I'm just going to work, sharing pictures of DIY around the home and garden, pictures of trips in the camper van, talking about my health, visits with the grandchildren and holidays.

I'm still documenting my life. I share with Project 365, a photo a day and a weekly diary and I co run a weekly Linky called #PoCoLo. But I'm no longer writing anything that may be of interest to others, nothing that may help or inspire other people. I'm only writing for me and maybe the grandchildren who may or may not read these posts long after I've gone and have a fantastic legacy of what life was really like for their grandparents from 2009 onwards.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about dealing with grief and moving on, it was scheduled to go out on Monday. There was a nagging feeling that something was going to happen. I'd shared this feeling with Peter and a friend. I was frightened to go home. I was frightened to go out. I was eating or sleeping. I was losing weight. I had a head ache. I was encouraged to write it all done and go and see the Doctor. Even I knew it wasn't right.

I didn't go to the Doctor but I wrote it all down, I felt better. I really did feel better. I'd let go. I was talking. I had 2 weeks where I felt lighter. 

Then the absolute worst happened. Our daughter died. I carried on talking and writing. I've had a couple of what I suppose other people would call 'break downs' over the past few weeks in response to 'you're the bravest person I know' 'if anyone can do this, you can Suzanne' when I've replied with 'no I'm not brave' you've just justified that as your excuse for leaving me to sort everything out. I'm not everybody's everything. I'm not everyone's go to person. I'm the one who gets things done because I'm usually the one who takes their tears away, the lack of tears is often seen as lack of emotion, but for me it's sheer shock and stunned silence. I'm not afraid of crying. I've cried this week until the tears don't come anymore, I'm not frightened of crying. I've cried in the coffee shop, I've cried in front of friends, I've cried in the photo shop, at the hospital, at the neighbours, to the cat, with my work colleagues who have visited, anyone who has shown me the slightest bit of care and concern, anyone who genuinely has looked at me and without a word has conveyed 'oh Suzanne, I just don't know what to say' 

There is nothing to say. We've received so many kind words this week, phone calls and visits, along with flowers and cards and a food parcel from my amazing colleagues in work. Invites for coffees for a change of scenery, to be able to talk about Stephanie. Chats on the street with the neighbours who have met her and known us since me moved here in 2002, despite us moving away for 12 years and coming back.

It may feel like a strange thing to be blogging and laying everything out for all to read, but for me writing everything down has always been easier than saying things out loud. There are times I haven't been able to speak, to find the words, but they've been there in my head and the frustration at not being able to get them out has made me so angry. 

I found writing the eulogy of Stephanie's life so cathartic. It was easy, there was so much to say and once I started it just flowed from the start to the end. I asked one of her brothers for some input at one point as I wanted to makes sure their words were heard, as she was their lives also.

Sometimes looking back and reflecting triggers memories I'd buried and it is painful, but over time it makes it easier, it helps to see how far we've come individually and as a family. 

The night Stephanie died will be etched in our memories forever, the emotions and the feelings, the last touch, look, words. The actual timings, order of things and the process will be lost forever, the order of events will change in our minds. But it is recorded in messages that after the initial calls made to our sons and Peters sister, it became impossible to speak, the words were too hard and a serious of cut and paste messages followed, which we then used for days to tell extended family and friends. 

Friends in the real world and online who have lost a child themselves, who have lost a child in the past few weeks. I've been posting photos on instagram, it has helped me. Peter has read through the responses. I'd say only 10% of the people who have commented were physical friends first, and maybe 50% have become real life friends with Peter having met many of them. Blogger friends who have met Stephanie, people who know Stephanie through the power of social media and my endless battle with clean and tidy disabled toilets. 

I've continued to blog since Stephanie died, to record our journey as we grieve. To record the happy moments, which are becoming more frequent. How the sadder moments, physically hurt less. how we are learning to cope and deal with those moments. The grief of missing her isn't less, it's just recognising when it is approaching, being able to stop and pause and accept it, take a deep breath and allow it come, rather than fighting it off, trying to push it away.

There's so much more to be said about Stephanie, about my grief, but that is for separate posts.

Why do people blog things that they're not doing? - Reviews

I seem to see a lot of blog posts that I assumed are sponsored of guides on 'how to' and 'top tips for....' 

'How to pack for holidays'

'Things to do at an airport with kids'

'Pet foods and accessories'

'Home renovations'

I don't have a problem with people writing these posts, although, seriously? just how many guides are there to packing and entertaining kids? I'm guilty of that in the past. Writing posts about experiences in the hope of helping others, but they were relevant to my blog and what I was actually doing.

I regularly receive emails from companies asking me to add a link to a post, publish their written article, or write a post, mention on social media and tag them.

Often the fee for this is £10 - £25 and if you blog you'll know how long it takes to write a post, it's just not worth the money to me. I appreciate for others that any amount can make a huge difference to their income.

A few years ago some bloggers said that these posts undermined the real value of blogging and brought the prices down for others, but there are so many blogs out there, so many accounts on social media to reach so many more people than when blogging and social media started.

The thing though that irritates me the most are the posts written by people who don't actually have kids, aren't having home renovations done, have pets or even go away that write about these topics. It doesn't fit with their blog, usually fashion or baking, but they pop in posts about dog leads and cat food or write about home renovations when they're not having any done, including links to companies that they can't actually vouch for.

I know there are lots of other things I should worry about and I do, but they're for other posts.

I'll never take a recommendation from something I've read online without doing further research. I mean we've recently had a new kitchen and I was approached by a PR company to include a link to a building website I had no experience of and another from a company asking me to tag their kitchens, I didn't buy my kitchen from them, so how could I possible comment? Besides they both were only offering £25 for each post.

I'm running out of things to blog about

I started blogging in October 2009 as a way to tweet longer. You can read my first post  when I spent the week dressed as a Dalek after winning #FDF Fancy Dress Friday that used to run on twitter.

Since then I've blogged about almost everything. Kids, family life, travel, teenagers, grandparenting, life as an expat in South Africa and Dubai, disability, boarding school parents, depression, repatriation, dealing with loneliness, charity work and volunteering and many many rants.

I've written a few sponsored posts over the years, but don't consider myself a blogger as an occupation. It's more of an online diary, previous to setting up the blog online, I was keeping a basic diary of day to day events.

These days I only write 3 posts a week. My One daily Positive that I set up in January 2015 when we moved to Dubai and I link with #project365. The other two posts are a linky I co host with Stephanie @lifeat139a Post Comment Love #PoCoLo and a post I write each week to link up to it, as I've done with this post.

I used to join in with several other linkies, but I found I was repeating myself with parenting and travel posts. I would write a weekly Animal Tales and HDYGG? How Does Your Garden Grow posts but the hosts stopped blogging and the linkys just died and My Sunday Photo for which I wrote a weekly photography post about the construction projects in Dubai and ones I'd visited around the world.

I could carry on writing these posts, but for what? I'm not blogging for hits or numbers, although I have a healthy DA score and I've left all the groups as they became more pods than for interaction, which is what I prefer on Social Media.

I've got plenty of things to tweet about, photos to load on Instagram, but I'm struggling to write about day to day stuff anymore as I feel like I'm stuck in a loop and have covered all the subjects I know anything about.

I tried fashion blogging, lifestyle posts, but I struggled for content and had to go looking for things to write about.

There's too much stuff online these days and it's all being repeated as the next generation leave school, uni, leave home, have kids, marriage, divorce, go on holiday, move house, lose a loved one.

I've been there, done that, bought the t shirt......maybe it's time now to write the book....oh hang on, that's been done already, my life experiences, difficulties and celebrations are already recorded in this blog. I could write about writing, but I think that's pretty well covered also.

Where do you get your inspiration from when you blog? I'd love to hear to get some more ideas for content.

Post Comment Love #PoCoLo Linky

Post Comment Love or PoCoLo is a weekly linky that was co-hosted each week with Stephanie and Morgan since 2016 following in Vicky's footsteps. Morgan moved away from blogging the end of 2019 and I've stepped in to replace her.

It's a friendly linky that Stephanie and I both hope you'll join in and become part of our community.

So what can I link to #PoCoLo?

It is one of the easiest linkys as you can link any of your posts. You know the blog post that you're proud of, the one that's perhaps not getting seen by as many people as you thought. That post can be personal, sponsored, a photo, a review, a competition - yes whatever you like.

You'll be able to add your link to either of our sites every Friday and between us we'll comment on every post in the week that follows.

Please remember these three rules:

1. To comment on at least two of the other posts and help us spread the #PoCoLo word on Twitter - you can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @LifeAt139a and Suzanne - @ChickenRuby
2. Your post has to have been written in the last week.
3. Please include the PoCoLo badge on your post.

#BloggerShowcase

Stephanie and I also host a Blogger Showcase feature as part of PoCoLo. We've recently added some questions for you to answer, any blogger can take part and if you'd like to be featured then please get in touch.

The #BloggerShowcase Questions

1. Who are you? (a short introduction)
2. How did you discover blogs/blogging?
3. Why did you start blogging?
4. What do you find most challenging?
5. What is your favourite topic to write about?
6. Are you blogging for fun or do you have goals?
7. What is your favourite thing about blogging?
8. Have you ever attended a blogging conference and if so, what did you think?
9. What are your 3 best posts?
10. Describe yourself in three words!
11. Are you a tea and biscuits or coffee and cake person?
12. What's your idea of a perfect night out?
13. Your perfect night in?
14. What would your best friend/OH/mum or kids say is your best quality?

Post Comment Love 29 Nov - 1 Dec

Hi it's Suzanne here from Chickenruby. I've taken over Post Comment Love #PoCoLo from Morgan to co-host with Stephanie at Life at 139a.

Big thank you to Morgan for co-hosting as she leaves the world of blogging to concentrate on writing her book. Good luck with it and I hope to still see you around on Social Media.

I've been joining in with #PoCoLo now most weeks for a couple of years, so hopefully most of you are familiar with me. I love the concept of #PoCoLo linking up with a blog post written that week as it's a way to meet other bloggers who discuss different topics.

I'm currently in the UK, having reclaimed our family home from tenants from the past 9 years. I live in Dubai with my husband Peter, but I'm relocating to the UK in January 2020 with our cat and dog. Peter is remaining in Dubai for another 2-3 years and we'll be maintaining our 20 year relationship from a distance. We've been abroad for 9 years now, in Dubai and South Africa. Our 5 children are now adults and have left home, 2 are married, 1 has a child and another one lives in Australia. My blog is a mix of parenting, being a grandparent, living as an expat, travel and in general dealing with family and everyday life and the issues that affect us.

I look forward to finding out more about others in the blogging community.

Now, let's link up

Please remember these three rules:

1. To comment on at least two of the other posts and spread the #PoCoLo word on Twitter - you can find us on twitter here: Stephanie - @LifeAt139a and Suzanne @chickenruby
2. Your post has to have been written in the last week.
3. Please include the PoCoLo badge on your post.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Live in the moment

I'm a mum of 5. From 1992 till 2010 I parented and worked. I was a full time working mum.
We are a blended family, but we are The Parents. Two of our children are now married, One has a child of their own.

Now I no longer work, I don't study and I live 3000 miles away in Dubai from four of our children in the UK and both our mother's as well as the wider family. One child is in Australia so even further away.

I have a lot of time on my hands, I spend a lot of it, waiting for the next trip, next visitor, next family event.

Everytime I think about starting something, my time is limited. Waste of time setting up the sewing machine on Monday as we've people coming for dinner on Thursday and I need the table. I've lugged family photos covering decades of family time, around the world in a container then unpacked into a cupboard. That was 10 years ago, I intended to sort them out and put them in albums with all the time on my hands, but they've not been done. The same has happened with transferring the old family videos. The kids keepsake boxes, piles of old paper work from houses/cars we no longer own.

I think it's natural to feel like this, to think we always have tomorrow, next week, next year. I'm not really 'looking forward' I'm just standing still. My family have grown, flown the nest and I feel like I have a gap I need to fill, but I don't want to fill the gap, I'm actually ok right where I am right now.

I read a lot of blogs and spend a lot of time online. I read about babies, toddlers, tweens (where did that awful word come from?) I read about teenagers, worries, anxiety, depression, universary, empty nest, menopause, death, weddings, grandparents. I read them because it has been my life, I find it interesting how other people have handled situations, how they achieved 'me time' how they've cried, recovered/not recovered/dealt with things. I often nod my head in agreement, I comment that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I find support, I offer help or a shoulder to cry on.

I've realised that sometimes while I'm not actually doing much, I have actually achieved an awful lot. I manage my mum's finances, a flat of ours and our family home that we rent out in the UK. I manage our finances and our home in Dubai. I book all the travel, car hire, food shop, write birthday cards and buy gifts as well as supporting our adult children with their life events as they happen.

It doesn't matter that I'm not working, that this has been my life full time for the past 5 years. I'm living in the moment, not pining for days gone past, not racing ahead to the next adventure. I'm just letting things happen and dealing with it all as and when it arrives.

I will be sorting the photo's and the family films in November as there's another relocation ahead of us and I do tend to work best under pressure or 'last minute.com'

Oh and bloggers please note. I don't write about previous events, unless they're relevant to me now. So would you mind not writing about how you think you'll deal with the teenage years when your child is 2 or write about the menopause when you're 28 (unless you're experiencing it first hand)

Does your face fit? Playing the game to fit in, in real life and online.

Life as an adult can be tough, especially when it comes to making friends and meeting new people.

As a child I was always on the edge of the popular groups, I didn't really fit into any particular group.

I swam, played sports in school, did drama, was in the orchestra but I also liked to go out the school gates in years 4 & 5 (now 10 & 11) for a smoke at lunch time.

I wasn't academically clever, I wasn't  particularly talented in any activities. I didn't have the right clothes, hair, lifestyle that suited any group of friends. I didn't have a best friend throughout school either.

In the work place I sort of didn't fit very well either, I joined in with stuff but wasn't the first of even the 10th person people thought of when planning a night out.

As a mum in the school playground I was fairly absent as I worked full time, I was never really a fan of play groups either.

All my friends and I have quite a few that I met with regularly, talk to weekly online and value are random, few of them know each other, they all have other friends also they do different things with also. We've met through school, as neighbours, through our kids or online. All the relationships have been organic, just through chatting not through shared interests, although we do have similar thoughts and feelings on things. We also are people who have real lives and share their ups and their downs and are none judgemental and respectful of each others lives.

There have been a few who have fallen away though, because I no longer fit their criteria, or they've changed or heaven forbid I've felt too timid to say their behaviour towards me upsets me and when I've finally plucked up the courage to say something, they've just ghosted me.

As an expat I'm having similar issues, life was good in the UK and South Africa, but in Dubai it feels like I'm back in school as a student or a mum in the play ground and it's tough.

Dubai is about who you are seen with and where you are seen, even the women who don't work are networking like mad in the hope of finding that one person they can be 'seen' with who will have an influence of their lives.

Blogging can be similar. I've been writing my blog now for 10 years this October. I do the occasional sponsored post, but not enough to call myself a blogger. I've featured in Britmum round ups, was nominated for a few travel awards, had the odd post picked up by mumsnet and joined in with numerous parenting linkies over the years. but I've never been part of the online world as part of the 'in crowd' I'm sure I've been turned down for opportunities because my face just doesn't fit and I refuse to play the game.

But do I really care about any of this? Do I really care about fitting in? Do I want to be like everyone else? Do I feel hurt that I've made an effort week after week to leave comments on your blog after spending time reading your posts, that I struggle to have anything to say about, because we have nothing in common or your writing is bad, just to have my posts ignored by you, because my face doesn't fit in your world?

Not really really, but I do still get hurt, when I make a lot of effort, spend a lot of time and give so much of myself just to be ignored. Dismissed because my lifestyle can't benefit yours, because i get dropped from a coffee date at the last minute because someone better has offered you their precious time to see you.

I can play the game though, for me it's a survival technique. I can air kiss, ask about your lives, your partners job and your children's education, I think we call it small talk.

I don't like doing it, playing the game isn't for me. I feel uncomfortable, I feel out of place. I feel a fraud when I do so. it doesn't come naturally to me.

Does your face fit?

Why is doing nothing such hard work?

I spent 2 days cleaning the house, top to bottom, sparkly tiles and windows I can see out of.

But it's not done, there's always something else to be done. I'd caught up with the washing and ironing, yet found another 2 loads to go in the machine today.

How does that happen? It's just me, hubby, the cat and dog. Peter is out all day at work and apart from cooking dinner or blogging, or watching TV I don't generate that much mess surely.

I've not been well, I was planning on resting the last two days ahead of the golf in Abu Dhabi tomorrow, instead I've been hoovering, dusting and mopping all day.

We bought 2 large rugs as I'm fed up of walking on hard tiles all the time. I've created work for myself hoovering up the dog and cat hairs out of the carpet, I can't lift the coffee table back on the rug on my own (I tried)

I batched cooked several meals ahead of child 2 and 2a's arrival next week, so after the golf I can just chill out for a few days after running the hoover round and catching up with the ironing again.

But I've gone and ordered a unit from IKEA that arrives the day before they do so I can't sort out their room until then.

The new sofa we ordered won't arrive until 4 days later. my timing for ordering online sucks.

I generated a pile of charity donations that now decorate the kitchen units also.

I swept the garden of sand and cleaned the balcony furniture and covered it so hopefully that won't need doing again before they arrive.

I've a pile of paperwork I've been 'sorting' since before Christmas. i.e. just moving it from room to room.

In between I've had all my hair lopped off, been to the dentist, had a minor car accident, repotted a cactus and started planning new furniture for the spare bedroom.

Child 2 and 2a arrive on the 23rd January till February the 2nd and I fly back to the UK on the 20th. After they leave I have the dentist to remove several teeth and have implants fitted, so I'll probably leave the new office furniture until after I get back (I won't)

Apart from the dog park, daily walks, pub quiz and coffee with a friend and upcoming visitors as well as a book to finish, a bike to ride and swimming and 4 days marshalling on the European Golf Tour, I've actually got nothing to do.

Just remember before you say I lead a full and busy life, please take into account I have no kids or a job and I'm awake for 16 hours a day and on my own 5 days a week while Peter is in work. So for now at 10pm I'll have a soak in the bath, read some of my book and wait for Peter to come home. I've been on my own since 7am. That's 15 hours to have done 'nothing in'

I'm hoping by next week I can find something to blog about, as blogging for no reason is pretty boring. 

What did you do this week?

Blogging for no reason

I have nothing to blog about, I have plenty to say but it's probably of no interest to anyone. I had a great Christmas and New Year, but that's available in my #onedailypositive #project365 blog posts. Mum had a lovely trip over also, that's available on my facebook and instagram.

I did blog today about recycling in Dubai, but that was written for a prompt. I've a couple of construction project posts to update, but since the end of #mysundayphoto where I linked up a post a week on this, I've lost the desire to sort through photo's.

I've a couple of posts about the garden, a few day trips into the mountains and markets in the UAE and there's even a post waiting to go about things to do in Monmouth, South Wales, but I'll wait till I'm over there next before posting about it.

The cat and dog are OK, the husband is OK. Child 2 and 2a are visiting in a few weeks. I'm marshalling at the Golf in Abu Dhabi next week. I've got the dentist tonight and it's the Quiz of the Year also at our local pub. Yes we have pubs in Dubai.

The house has been restored to near normal after Christmas, although with the purchase of a new sofa for the mezzanine, there has been quite a lot of moving items around and deep cleaning. All that is on Instagram under #myhousethismonth

The neighbours are annoying us with their under 10 year old in regards to no discipline, he yelled 'fucking hell' twice in the garden the other week, his mother just asked him to calm down. He's quite a pleasant child and responds well to me asking him not to do something, but in this house he is very noisy, up till 11pm most nights and constantly thumping around, screaming and banging the stair rails. Twice over the holidays after 11pm I've knocked on their door and asked them to keep the noise down. I don't think he has any additional needs, just lack of parenting.

The car registration needs renewing, including the insurance. The diaries need to be updated and I'm resetting all passwords online. I've a cactus that needs repotting and yet more sand to sweep off the balcony.

I'm not in the menopause, I've written enough about depression and chronic pain. The kids left home years ago now so no more empty nest syndrome, I'm over the raw grief of my father's death mid 2017. After 8 years abroad, I can't really call myself an expat anymore, although we will return to the UK, life is just how it is now.

I've travel to the UK, Northern Ireland, Australia, the States and South Africa to look forward to this year, but the internet is full of 'how to pack/book car hire/things to do at the airport' posts.

Child 4 and 4a are getting married in September, this is our second child to get married so I've written all about being the Mother of the Groom and fretting over what to wear already.

But for now, my coffee has to come to an end, there is shopping to unpack, the washing machine and dishwasher need emptying and the cleaning and ironing can wait till tomorrow.

What are you doing this week you can blog about? Something new? or just repeating the same old stuff like everyone else is with a sponsored blog just thrown in here and there?

One Daily Positive Week 4 and a tour of Dubai.

Last week I told you a little bit about myself, this week I'll introduce the children. As the year goes on they'll all feature in the blog and you'll be left wondering where these 'adults' have come from.

Child 1 and 2 are my step children, but we've all lived together since May 2000. Initially in 2 houses until Peter and I married in 2002. They consider themselves to have 3 brothers and 1 sister and refer to us as 'the parents' although the youngest calls me Suzanne, which seems to be a family trait as I always called my father by his first name and no one has any idea why.

Child 1 has profound learning disabilities, is 30 next month and she lives in a care home in the UK. Child 2 is 28 and 2a are getting married in June. Child 3 is 25 and 3a moved to Australia mid 2017 and are currently traveling and working their way around, they should be passing through Dubai in October. Child 4 is 23, joined the army and left home 4 years ago, leaving me with empty nest syndrome and a huge gap to fill. He's in the British Army and lives with 4a, when he's not deployed out in the Middle East. His medal parade takes place in March. Child 5, aged 18, lives in our flat in South Wales and finished his education in boarding school in the UK from the age of 13. He is waiting for security clearance on his first job offer.

I've included an extra photo this week so you know which one is which.

Top left Child 2 Andrew.

Top right Child 3 Jamie.

Middle right. Child 5, aka the teen, Alex.

Bottom right Child 4 Dan, 22.

Bottom left Child 1 Stephanie 30.

21 Sunday I've pretty much done all the jobs for January, was going to clean the balconies today but it's very windy, so pointless sweeping sand around. I sorted through some family photo's, tidied the rubbish from the garden, read blogs and commented and headed off to the Marina to take some up to date photo's for my theme of buildings 'now and then' for My Sunday Photo for next week.

22 Monday I had a coffee date with an instagram friend, after ironing, changing the beds, emptying the dishwasher, walking Bob, watering the garden and getting the car cleaned.

23 Tuesday Child 4 turned 24 today, there was a virtual birthday cake sent by photo and money deposited into his bank and a quick phone call. Sadly still no Skype in Dubai, it's at times like this I get upset. Peter's car needed servicing so he took mine to work and I hung around for the day, catching the train into Old Dubai and the Mall of Emirates until it was ready for collection at 5pm.

24 Wednesday I spent the day cleaning the house and some time in the garden blogging. I've been letting the cat out on a lead, she gets spooked easily with the traffic and runs back inside. I went to the pub for dinner at 7pm then some friends joined me for the pub quiz which we won.

25 Thursday I took Bob to the dog park and he went swimming after an hour of me throwing and him chasing the ball. Popped out to Ibn Battuta Mall to buy some warmer clothing for the evenings as I left all my winter clothing in the UK. In the evening we went out for dinner at The Beach and watched the fireworks that they've held every weekend for January for the Dubai Shopping Festival which comes to an end on Saturday.

26 Friday Intended to go to the beach this morning but woke up to heavy fog and Peter had arranged to spend time with a colleague who is moving to Dubai, so I joined them looking on a sightseeing tour of potential living areas. Went to Dubai Mall in the afternoon. Had invited friends to join us for a BBQ but they never replied to the message.

27 Saturday Had a call to go to the Doctors the other side of town for repeat WBC counts and was early so drank my coffee on the beach to complete the full tour of Dubai for the week. Spent the rest of the day in the garden. Peter decided we should test the garden out fully and we had a BBQ. 

On the blog this week:

My Sunday Photo - Dubai Frame

PoCoLo - Creating a Garden in the desert

Tweens Teens Beyond and Triumphant Tales - Why do i share so much stuff online?

Why do I share so much stuff online?

This was something Peter and I were discussing this weekend. It's simple really. I can go days without speaking to another human being, other than a phone call twice a day with Peter when he is travelling or a shop assistant when I purchase a coffee.

I have no one to share things with.

I 'speak' to my mum several times most days and to at least one of the kids daily, but this speaking is in the form of the written word since Skype was blocked the beginning of this month.

Peter said it was the same for him, he only has me out here in Dubai and he doesn't feel the need to share what he does on a daily basis online. I reminded him he goes to work everyday, he's in an office where people will ask about his plans for the weekend or what he did this weekend, they will ask after me, the kids, the animals, how we've settled into the new house. Me? I don't have that.

I have a couple of friends who I occasionally spend time with, but not on a regular basis. Yes I could make more of an effort, but one works and the other is always busy with various activities and I sort of feel that I get slotted into their lives, rather than them choosing to spend time with me. It's not the kind of friendships where you just pop in or pick up the phone and say 'hi, you coming round for coffee?'

I have several social media accounts, 2 face book pages. One Daily Positive where I post a photo a day and link up with a weekly post with Project 365. I've just started my 4th year doing this. I started it to make sure I got out of the house every day and initially used photo prompts that encouraged me to explore Dubai after a recent move there. Chickenruby is linked to my Instagram account and I basically post photos on there which link to twitter also of anything and everything that catch my attention, make me smile, wind me up, tell a short story or just because. I tend not to use twitter too much these days, but pop over there from time to time and catch up with a few people. I also use facebook for connecting with family and friends back in the UK and around the world, but more for commenting, messaging and I post on there maybe only once a week.

However I blog 3-4 times a week and like everything else, I go by the name of Chickenruby, so called as I used to have a chicken called Ruby.

A long time ago I made the decision to only put on my blog what I get up to, hence my blog is all about me.
From time to time this has caused some discussion amongst family members ‘what about me? Are we not important in your life?
Well of course they all are. I’m a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, friend amongst many other things. A lot of what I do in life involves being one or many of the above. It also means a lot of what happens to me and what I do involves other people. Mostly my husband, my children and my mother.

I have a lot going on in my life right now and I'm not coping very well with it, physically and mentally. I had pneumonia all through the summer, autumn and now into the winter. My dad died last summer and I'm still struggling with this. My health is holding me back, I'm still doing stuff, getting stuff done, dealing with day to day life, even going to the pub in the evenings, but I'm slow, breathless and struggling physically.

There's an awful lot going on in my life and as usual I blog about it. I blog about parenting and my travels and adventures with my dog Bob. But I blog about what I get up to, how the above affects me, what I'm doing to support the teen with finding a job, helping my mum with selling her home and buying a new flat, about dealing with my health, about how my kids moving abroad has affected my life,

I try not to blog about what other people are doing that causes me grief, about their actions or lack of actions affects me, how their crisiticisms of what I'm doing or not doing hurt me. How they feel I waltz in and take over, how they will tell me how I make them feel, how I upset them, how I don't take their feelings into account, how I could just buy the teen a car, how the teen in their opinion isn't making anough of an effort, but if I tell them how their actions and words are in my opinion making things worse, how their solutions are easy to say but not actually practiable, they get hurt and upset and it just makes all the above worse and harder for me to cope with.

I know I choose to live abroad, but others choose to live where they do also, and whilst I dont critise their choice of where to live, I feel they critise my choice of where I choose to live my life. Whilst I've had a whole world of opportunities opened up for me, I also feel that when they say as 'one door closes another one opens' that for me it feels like 'as one door opens and I go through it, it then closes firmly behind me and I have no choice to go back, only to move on and I'm not always comfortable with going forward into to the unknown.

So basically I share stuff online to interact, to get a response, for feedback that I'm actually doing ok, for contact with the outside world. I can't just pop in to see people, but I can spam their timelines with what I'm up to.

Why do you share what you do online?

Are you a blogger or an advertiser?

A couple of months back I decided to try see if I could earn a decent income from my blog.

I started my research by posting questions in blogging groups and asking people directly how they made an income from their blog.

I found a lot of useful information out there, but when I looked at the actual income v's the hours invested and some of the methods used, I decided that my time would be better spent looking for a part time job and to continue blogging a hobby.

I also don't want to be seen as the person who in the real world walks into a room and within 5 minutes of introducing themselves is trying to sell you a product, which is what I feel happens on social media when you click on a link to an article with a catchy title, that turns out to be nothing else other than advertising.

Now I know what I discovered, doesn't and won't apply to EVERY blogger out there making a living from blogging, but I suspect it applies to quite a few. I'm NOT judging either, I'm just saying it's not for me and here are the reasons why:

• The world of blogging is very competitive. I left several blogging groups and eventually deactivated my face book account. I didn't like what I was witnessing in many groups, bitching, back slapping and obvious exclusion of others who didn't agree with them.

• Blogs that were nothing but sponsored posts and always gushing. I've never read a negative post about a product or a service, like ever. What I did see in some groups was people complaining that customer service with a company was dire and receiving information from other bloggers just not to mention it in their review/post.

• Sponsored posts that aren't declared are so obvious and as everyone seems to be very hot on telling others what to do and what not to do with their blog, I was quite surprised to find these with some high profile bloggers. Also blog posts that are written in the style of a sponsored post without payment or goods being received. Just why would anyone do that and then pay for the face book tools so they're not in breach of any regulations? 

• Too many people claiming to give professional advice. Now while being a mum is hard work and there are many roles that one juggles, it does not make people experts in that field, but due to the nature of the blog post titles, or back slapping from other bloggers, these blog posts were being used as professional advice and IMO, that is very dangerous.

• The time and money spent on headers, self hosting, plug ins, designs, as well as paying for services for scheduling posts etc. I've also seen many blog posts especially related to travel where it's been discussed in groups about costs incurred, such as flights, then the post not mentioning what was paid for and what was received for review or declaring they'd received additional payment for the post.

• Purchasing of followers, using BOTS to comment and like on your behalf. Which is really evident when posts appear in the early hours of the morning or comments and likes are received in the middle of the night. I also don't have the time, energy or desire to build up followers on Social Media, playing the follow/unfollow game. Ok it makes your stats look good.

• joining PODS and private groups to drop links with rules to comment, like, follow and share. Some of the rules are really strict and regardless of the rules, some are blatantly ignored, even by the hosts. Certain bloggers will leave gushing comments, yet on other peoples posts, comments left are 'nice work' 'well done' The most annoying ones though are linky drops and never returning comments or replying to the 'in crowd' bloggers and ignoring the lesser knowns.

• Advertising and affiliate links seem to be the biggest income for the majority of bloggers and they aren't actually earning an income from writing (again I'm not saying EVERYONE) A lot of people make money from writing sponsored posts, copy writing and I've seen quite regularly many selling products after they've reviewed them and advertising them for sale on their Facebook, where they've actually posted a link to the reviewed product.

Now I don't actually have issues with anyone doing any of the above, I'm free to scroll on past, unfollow, remove myself from groups and delete social media accounts. But I do find a lot of it misleading that everyone is capable of making money through blogging to bring in a living wage. I have a relatively small following on twitter, instagram and on my face book pages. I love the linkys I currently join in with and have met some amazing people and had some amazing experiences also. 

Trying to grow my social media audience, increasing my DA and PA score, writing media packs, contacting companies for review opportunities etc has been very tiring, I've not enjoyed it, I've never run with the in crowd, I've never been part of the in crowd. I found it demoralising just not to hear back from companies, to be ignored in groups when I contributed to discussions. I've often felt left out and excluded, back in the school playground.

I've no marketing experience & I've no proven writing experience. Trying to make a living off my blog would be similar to me applying for a job as a life guard when I couldn't swim. So I'm going to stick with what I enjoy and not worry about what others are doing, I don't need an income, I don't need the stress and I certainly don't want to mislead my family and friends who read my blog, like, comment and tell me they enjoy reading to be fooled that I'm doing something more than I'm actually doing. If I can make a bit of pocket money from time to time, I'm more than happy with that. I just don't have the energy or the skills to take my blog further.

i will carry on looking for opportunities to write for other blogs, I enjoy that and I'm chasing up some more copywriting, but my blog? Nope, it's my online diary and nothing more.

One Daily Positive 2017 Week 6

I woke up Sunday morning full of dread, since finishing work in December and back to back visitors, followed by a long weekend away, I'd actually only had 1 full week of being a SAH. With only Peter and I in the villa with a well behaved cat and dog, there is little washing, ironing, food shopping to do and cleaning.  I make a plan to go out everyday to escape cabin fever, it is winter now and the weather is ideal for walking, cycling and spending time on the beach.

I started the week writing a list of things I wanted to achieve, then spread them out over the week. I find I achieve more this way, don't get bogged down with doing just one thing and it helps me get organised with the important stuff.

Sunday I cleaned the house, top to bottom, it didn't take long as we'd been away half the week. I then spent an hour in the dentists, having more work on a root filing and the salvaging of a tooth that's visible in a broad smile. I stopped for a coffee on the way home. Peter was home by 5pm and we walked Bob, ate salad for dinner in front of the TV. I went to bed early and Peter stayed up late to watch the rugby and football.

Monday morning and Peter worked from home, I made 4 dogs beds, which Bob road tested and we went for a coffee. Peter had a meeting at a dairy and he left me at the mall to do some shopping.

On Tuesday I took Bob out into the desert for a run around (him not me) I spent the rest of the day doing nothing, other than watching you tube, blogging and rearranging the kitchen, as you do.

Wednesday and the week is whizzing by. I had a cheque to pay into the bank and Peter ran out of coffee, so I did the food shop a day early and popped in Tesco, I spent far more than I intended and got excited when I saw a swede for sale. I also took a stroll into Safa Park for the days photo prompt. The afternoon dragged, on and on and on..............

The phone rang at midnight on Wednesday, no one ever rings the landline, in fact the last time it rang was back in October to say my Uncle had died. My dad had to go into hospital after the results for his latest blood tests came back. Although alarming, there was no need for me to dash back to the UK, just yet.

Thursday and a quick tidy round and hoover, pet beds washed and the ironing done. I really must set myself a budget. I'd gone 'off list' but did complete everything I'd set out to do and a fair bit more.

Friday out into the desert again with Bob and Jelly. The rest of the day was spent watching Netflix and I made new cushions for the outside recliners.

On Saturday we went for coffee and cake and a stroll round City Walk, I took Bob to soft play, Peter had some work to do in the afternoon and I caught up with the soaps.

36/365 Really!

 37/365 0:800

 38/365 Child

 39/365 Landscape

 40/365 Colour

 41/365 Pretty

42/365 Cake

On the blog this week:

My Sunday Photo - T is for Tour Dubai

HDYGG - Making papyrus paper in Egypt

PoCoLo - Parenting Highlights, reflections on 25 years of parenting

Travel Experiences - Travel 'then and now'

Taking care of the future - Getting your affairs in order

Plans for 2017

I'm not doing New Years resolutions, because as soon as I set myself a target, I usually fail at it.

So this for this year, I'm going to share my plans for what I would like to do in 2017 instead.

As I'm no longer working I shall be spending more time blogging and on social media, but I want to do something constructive with it, I'm not interested in making money off my blog, or reviewing products, but I would like the opportunity to have more experiences offered to me through it. Be it free entry to somewhere in exchange for a review post or invitations to opening events in and around Dubai.

My wider plans for the year will mostly be revolving around travel, from Dubai I will be going to South Africa, Germany, Dublin, Northern Ireland and England and Wales. I'll be starting my travels off with a trip to Luxor in January with Peter.

I want to focus my photography on wildlife and gardening for the two links I've been joining in with for almost 2 years. Annie with How Does Your Garden Grow? and Rosie with Animal Tales. Hopefully I can add France to my travels and meet up with both Annie and Rosie this year. I'm also planning to attend Britmums and catch up with a few more bloggers.

Project 365 will be in full swing, with my own hashtag of #OneDailyPositive. I've tried a couple of times to start my own linky, but it's a lot of work that I just haven't had the time for. After 2 years of photo prompts with #snaphappybritmums and little interaction, I'm unsure if I'll continue with them or not.

There's also My Sunday Photo with Darren and #PoCoLo with Stephanie and Morgan and I'm on the lookout for a travel linky that doesn't focus on days out with kids and is aimed more for single, adult travellers.

While the weather is cooler I plan to cycle or walk or swim at least three times a week, until it gets too hot to be outdoors. There will be weekly trips into the desert with Bob and there is a lot more exploring of Dubai to do now the new water canal is open. I also want to take rescued dogs for a walk once a week and take Bob for socialising on a weekly basis.

I have a book I started to write 6 years ago when I first became an expat, time will be dedicated to that also. I don't necessarily intend to get it publish, just finish it.

I have 100's of physical photo's I've been meaning to sort, date and label and loads of bits of craft stuff I want to do something with. There's a lot of decluttering to be done, stuff of the kids we've lugged around the world.

My sewing room is full of half finished projects, bags, dogs beds, clothes to be altered etc.

On a personal note I need to meet more people, make friends, have someone to share a coffee with. All of the above is all well and good but it's very isolating.  I'm not actively seeking employment, I didn't enjoy the demands of teaching in Dubai after a break of 5 years, but if something comes up that I feel I'm suited to I'd consider it, as long as it fits in with my travel plans.

I'd love to know your plans for 2017, let me know what you're planning on doing next year.

Week 19 One Daily Positive, Project 366 and SnapHappyBritMums

What can I say about this week? Bob is ill, Peter has been away, work has been ok this week, so that's a positive. The weather is too hot, I've woken up at the end of the week with what appears to be the flu and next week isn't looking any different other than Peter isn't away, but he's working late every evening. I really should just 'snap out of it' and accept my lot in life, I've a trip to the UK coming soon, reduced working hours during Ramadan, money in the bank, my health (apart from the flu) a loving husband and a wonderful family that live 3000 miles and a 7 hour flight away. I won't get to see child 4 of 5 on the UK trip as he'll be in the Falklands.

On the blog this week:
#MySundayPhoto Bob
#AnimalTales It's all about the cat
#HDYGG Township Gardening in South Africa
#PoCoLo Positives about expat life
#Photalife Dog walking in the desert

Sunday Day 129 ‪#‎onedailypositive‬ ‪#‎project366‬ ‪#‎WhatMakesMeSmile‬ ‪#‎May ‬‪#‎snaphappybritmums‬ Bob has made me smile this evening. His‪#‎ConeOfShame‬ is secured with his collar, so when I clipped his lead on to take him for a walk tonight he couldn't see where he was going as it lifted his head up. But his tail is still wagging, he's eating and peeing and trying to follow me round the house stopping to stare at the walls he bumps into until I move him along.

Monday Day 130 #onedailypositive #project366 #Blue #May#snaphappybritmums it's been cloudy in Dubai today, no sign of the usual blue skies, but I'm grateful for the respite. Yesterday the temp in my car after work at 3.30pm was 47c, on my arrival home the air con was on full blast set at max 30c. In the UK today people are complaining about it being 26c, our minimum temps in #Dubai are higher than that. I guess it's all relative, was just a welcome break from the direct sunlight today.

Tuesday Day 131 #onedailypositive #project366 #father #May#snaphappybritmums my dads Father's Day gifts and card were sent back to the UK in January with one of the kids. When you live abroad you really do have to plan that far in advance, shame, the kids won't think that far ahead, but it's ok, we still love them.

Wednesday Day 132 #onedailypositive #project366 #symmetry #may #snaphappybritmums which ever way you look at it, it's the same. Work all day and work all evening. I really need to get on top of my game. Maybe I'm trying to hard, I'm only 2 weeks behind with evidencing the children's work and updating the tracking sheets, but it's too easy to fall behind and I don't do stress very well.

Thursday Day 133 #onedailypositive #project366 #flowers #may #snaphappybritmums it's the weekend in Dubai, I had my nails done and bought myself some flowers for the photo prompt, I was going to add it's been a long week, but every week feels like this now I'm back in work.

Friday Day 134 #onedailypositive #project366 #friends#may #snaphappybritmums we actually had a real person in our house yesterday, a colleagues of Peter's. Otherwise Peter and I are our own friends, with these two to keep us company and get us out the house.

Saturday Day 135 #onedailypositive #project366 #blog #may#snaphappybritmums I love my blog and social media name 'Chickenruby' it's about real life as an #expat #parenting #teens #specialneeds #charity #travel #education I'm not sponsored for my travel or to write any posts. I write about my experiences, adventures, thoughts and feelings. I try to inject a bit of humour into posts from time to time, I enjoy adding photos and I don't try to be or claim I'm anything else other than just a real person, living life day to day. I'm getting fed up with certain bloggers claiming to be experts in fields such as parenting and travel. How the hell does writing a sponsored post about an all inclusive, paid for holiday, give any advise to families traveling with children, or how does reviewing endless baby/kids stuff make one an expert on parenting? What these bloggers actually are, are walking bill boards. Advertising products that the average reader can't afford to buy, leaving some of them feeling inadequate and possibly getting into debt to provide these experiences and items for their children. Get real people please.