May and Junes letter home

We've been in a whirlwind the past couple of weeks. The house move didn't go as smooth as we could have hoped for. The tenants moving out, hadn't even packed on the morning they were due to move and made 100's of small journeys by car. By 9pm they were ordered to move all their remaining stuff into the garage so we could unload and put our boxes in the house and hand the keys over. The boys spent the night with their friends and Peter and I stayed at the rental agents house over night.
We were all unpacked, boxes and rubbish sorted and just settling down when we got a phone call to say my dad had had a heart attack and I flew back to the UK on the 13th June, returning home on the 22nd. Dad will be fine, but it was a huge scare for everyone and I'm glad I went back to see him and everyone else, catching up with Steph, Andrew and Jamie also which was a bonus.
I arrived back to be greeted with the visa renewal so it's been a mad rush getting police checks and xrays and providing certified copies of every document we've ever owned.

Weather is still very cold at night, lovely and warm in the day as long as you don't step into the shade. We've invested in electric blankets now as hot water bottels just weren't enough. Still adjusting the mindset 'electric blankets = old age'

The cat has settled in well, we only kept her in for a week as she was going stir crazy and now we have to throw her out on occassions as she'll spend the day on our bed, eat and return to sleep. I never knew cats were this lazy.

Still no word on the London Olympics, not even an email to say thanks for your application and sorry you weren't chosen. TBH I'm more than slightly fed up at the moment, it's been the one thing I've focused on to keep me going since we moved her after giving up my career and studies...oh well, time to focus full time on the volunteer work.

The kids are on mid winter break as from today and return to sit their exams. Dan is doing equivilant to A/S levels and Alex has mid year tests.

Dan passed his theory test last week, so he's now driving my car. I can't wait for him to pass his test (can't apply to sit it till he is 18) and then I won't get dragged along on the school runs, 3-4 times a day. There is no extra charge on the insurance to learn to drive and his excess is...wait for it....just under £200.

We have no visitors lined up until maybe February, Summer starts back on JSeptember 2nd (September 1st is the only day of spring)

The boys will be back in the UK in December and I'm yet to decide if I will be back with them, it will be nice to have some child free time and the opportunity to travel with Peter.

Well that's it for now, I'm sorry if I didn't reply to the last lot of emails, but moving, my dad, the visa and then the endless power cuts buggering up the internet box, it's not always an easy thing to do.

Hope the family are well and love to all.

Suzanne, Peter, Dan and Alex

The grass isn't greener

I had a bit of a wobbly this morning on twitter. According to some, what makes you a good person, a popular person, a fun person, a person others aspire to be all comes down to the dress they wore at the ... event. And I find this very sad, sad that people think that getting the outfit right equates to being successful, popular, wonderful, brilliant etc, etc, etc.

We all need and seek attention and in our own minds it is justified. Sometimes we just want to let off steam about something, other times we geninually want help and other times we just want to know we are not alone.

The trouble is in 140 characters it's hard to express what the actual message is.

I deal with things with humour. I'll tweet a serious issue, concern, rant and at the end of the day when it's all come to an end I'll blog it.

You can read my blogs and tweets as informative, as a cry for help as someone who has had a very difficult time and just wants to let off steam or as someone who is attention seeking and wants people to say 'well done you, you've coped so well, aren't you wonderful and btw I love your dress'

And tbh I'm not actually seeking any kind of response from anyone. So why Blog? why tell everyone how hard your life is or how well you've coped. Keep an old fashioned diary if it helps just to write your feelings and frustrations down in.

Well that's what I'm doing but I do choose to publish it, my family and friends back in the UK only get to hear about the outcome, the lovely new house we've moved into or the wonderful trips we've been on and I was hoping that blogging it all would help them to understand, the grass isn't greener, I'm not lucky. I don't want them to say 'well done, I admire you, I could never have coped with that' I just want them to stop saying 'stop complaining, you have a fantastic life'

My life isn't fantastic but it's not shit either. I don't really fit in here, but then I didn't really fit in back in the UK. It's a fact. I'm not public school parent material nor do I fit the mould of being an expat wife. I've tried. I don't do lunches, coffee mornings, play golf or tennis. I can play the part for so long, fret over what clothes to wear, worry about what I look like, how I sound, mind my language. But I can't keep the pretence up for long, I get bored with it, pretending to be something I'm not and that's why I had a rant on twitter this morning.

I actually like being me, I don't want to be anyone else, I don't want their life, their clothes, their issues, hassles. I just about cope with the ones I have. I'm not worse off than anyone else any more than I'm luckier than anyone else.

It's just life and I've got to learn how to live it. I just need a voice to be heard and twitter and blogging gives me that opportunity. Some of you will slate me for it (unfollows) some will slag me off (blocks) and others will be my friends, offering support and advice.

But what I don't want to hear anymore is 'you're so lucky, I wish I could be more like you, I love the way you...... and btw WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRESS?'

Renewing your Visa application

Anyone who has ever applied for a Visa to live, work and study abroad will know it's not a simple process and one that does not get easier even if you employ an agency to help you.

To apply to live in South Africa you need to complete endless forms, submit them and wait at the mercy of the South African Embassy just off Trafalgar Square in London.

It's not made any easier by the fact that they only answer questions in person so don't bother begging over the phone when you do eventually find their number and they answer. Take that as a sign of how things will be when you finally get your visa and move to South Africa.

An agency will email you, the spouse, with all the forms you need to complete, they will put pressure on you with deadlines, yet will fail to reply to your requests for how you actually complete these forms. They will not send you all the forms in one go, they keep finding things for you to certificate and submit.

Here's what you have to do and how.

Hubbies company will complete the following

THIS IS THE FIRST LIE, YOU (ME THE WIFE) ARE REQUIRED TO GET CERTIFIED COPIES OF EVERY DOCUMENT YOU OWN. Go to a police station for several hours, stand in line, get shouted at, ask for certification.

BI 1740 Form
Undertaking 19(2)(c)
Repatriation Guarantee
Contract
Company Registration

Hubby to complete

SECOND LIE, you are required to return to police station for more documents to be certified.

BI 1740 Form
Power of Attorney
Proof of funds
Marriage Certificate

For me to complete

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SIGN, after I've amended the spelling of my name and changed the address

BI 1739 Form
Letter of Support

For hubby to complete on behalf of children

SOMEONE HELP ME, there is no custody order, this is the third time there father has had to sign after previous letters were lost (not by me) go to police station for further certifications.

BI 1739 Form
Birth Certificate
Custody Order
Consent from Father
Letter of Support
Medical Aid Cover in South Africa

Police clearance certificate. Hubby and Me

In the UK you need to complete a form, have passport photos, pay a fee, post it off, always request two copies as you'll need an original for when you renew your visa.

In South Africa you go to SAPS, ask for your finger prints to be taken, complete a form, pay a fee and either a) hand it back to the agency or b) take it somewhere and collect 3 weeks later.

Radiological Report (Chest Xrays - you must be free of TB) All of us

In the UK go to the Doctors, ask for a referral letter, take it with you to a private hospital, have forms completed, pay fee.

In South Africa

Make Doctors appointment to request an xray to be told to go to local hospital to Xray appointment, complete endless medical aid forms, even though you are paying cash, go home and come back another day with kids passport. Get form completed and have fun with your chest xrays when you get home. get charged for visit to Doctors.

Medical Report. All of us

In the UK, dash round on a sunday evening with a bottle of Whisky and forms to the Doctors house, beg they complete and stamp forms and bribe with whisky. We somehow managed to discover this form the night before we were due to submit application.

In South Africa, make Doctors appointment, be asked a few questions and get informed that in some African countries they need clarification if you are an imbicile or an idiot (based on an IQ test)

Proof of residency

Rental contract on company name, therefore you require a letter from the company listing the names of the occupants and a copy of your husbands bosses ID to enable you to get proof of residency (address) to set up utility bills so you can prove where you live, still with me? This process hasn't been helped by the fact we've just moved and it takes a month before all bills show new address.

To come to South Africa we had to have an offer of a place to study in order for the children to apply for a student visa. Strangely enough this hasn't been mentioned yet in regards to renewing the visas.

You will note that despite hiring an agency to assist with the applications, they don't actually do an awful lot. I can go online and download all the forms above, in one nice tidy folder, with the same instructions and then waste my time standing in the wrong queues, in the wrong buildings, forgetting passports, not knowing what or how to ask. They don't give you the address of the nearest hospital to where you live, or let you know that you have to pay xx amount in cash and other places will accept card payment. They don't tell you what documents you need, how to get them certified or where. They don't explain the acronyms used such as SAPS (South African Police Service).

But after you complain, after you say this was a very stressful process, after you've submitted all the forms, originals, certified copies they reply saying... 'we need originals of x,y & z, where's the certified copy of hubbies degree certificate as requested (seriously they hadn't asked for that, another trip to the police station) and we told you a relocation expert was available for you' you sigh, you refer them back to endless meetings and emails where you told them 'I don't know what I'm doing, where to do it, I struggle with the language, accents, making myself understood, I need a contact person, someone to call who can provide me with an address, tell me what documents I need and how to ask for what I need'

Did they provide me with that service? Yes, she helped us find a new house to rent...well actually No. The relocation expert (coughs and laughs out loud) took me to two unsuitable properties in January and not another word from her until mid June. I found tenants to take over our existing contract, a new house to rent, dealt with removal quotes, met with the agents and owner, supervised the packing, the removal, the unpacking, the inventory, list of faults and repairs with both houses, settled up all the outstanding bills, queued for hours to transfer the utilities, change of address with banks, schools, doctors etc. the relocation expert turned up on removal day with a clip board, missed half the faults, emailed an eligible report then phoned me a week after the repairs were carried out to ask me should she phone the landlord and chase him up.

Yes, so that's what you do when you move, 'what's the hassle, Suzanne? get on with it, the rest of us have to.'

I understand that and yes I have got on with it, it's been made even more stressful by the fact that since the minute hubbies company asked us to move here, they said 'relax, we will do it with you, for you, hire an agency' but forgot to add 'ha only joking, you're on your own'

The agency have already submitted their bills for services provided to us and despite me informing hubbies company all the way through that they haven't been doing anything to help us, the company are paying the bill....where's my cut? I'm the one that's done the work.

Differences between the UK and SA

In the UK I have to remember to get out the car at the petrol station and put my own fuel in the car.
In South Africa they do it for me

In the UK I have to pack my own bags at the checkout.
In South Africa they do it for me.

In the UK I have to put money in the meter in a car park and put a sticker in my window.
In South Africa, I take a ticket from the machine, through the window, pay as I return to the car and when I leave the car park someone takes the ticket off me to put into the exit machine.

In the UK I have 3 kids, my family and friends.
In South Africa I have my hubby and 2 kids and the cat.

In the UK tomorrow there will be some sad faces.
In South Africa tomorrow there will be some happy faces.

Keep your dog under control

So I find out this week it's not illegal to keep ypour dog on a leash in a public place as long as it's 'under control'

But what constitutes 'under control?'

I'm okay with the guy walking down the path in the park with two labradors, plodding slowly by his side.

My mum is petrified of dogs and the only way in her opinion that they can be 'under control' is by having them on a lead. I agree with her, but do draw the line at 'all dogs must be muzzled'

So my mum, flings me into the path of danger (she walks the the other side of me as the dogs approach, I've had a traumatic child hood...lol) and the one dog decides to sniff at her, they can sense fear.

She tells the man shes not comfortable with the dogs off lead and he looks at me, arms stretched out, agressive tone and says 'whatever'.

He walks off and we return home with my mother saying 'what if I had the baby in the pram with me, what if the dogs bit the baby?' well there's no point saying it didn't happen, because for her it's a genuine fear it will happen some day.

Why I don't want to live in the UK again

I'd been back in the UK for 72hrs, back and forward to the hospital to see my dad, but once he came home, I ventured out to see the kids.

I drove from Monmouth to Gloucester and my stress levels went through the roof.

Road rage, pot holes and just general ignorance.

I took my disabled step daughter who is 24 into the city for a coffee in Starbucks. I can't carry a tray and hold her nor can I leave her at a table while I fetch the drinks as she wanders off and grabs at other peoples food. So in true 'Little Britian style' as the carer of Andy I have to explain what help I need, so we stand in the queue, me fighting with her not to grab the food off people's trays as they walk past or the cakes out the display cabinet, order, throw money and just tell the staff to bring the change and the coffee to us. We sit at a cramped table with her grabbing the arms of passers by and pushing the table into me. The drinks arrive, no suger or spoon. I sit my drink on the floor while I sort hers out, she finishes it in one go and I leave my non sugared latte half drunk.

It's raining and windy, I drag her back to the car, we go in and straight out a few shops and drive to Asda for lunch. She grabbed a sausage of a guys tray, we apologised, he said 'please go in front, order and I'll bring your tray over' we repaid him later but ramming his wife with the supermarket trolley.

It's still light here at 9.30pm, I keep thinking it's only 6pm and I'm going to bed so much later, making me grumpy and lacking in energy by the morning.

The bath is too small, the water boils too hot for the tea, the coffee is instant, the house is too hot, it rains, the skies are grey, it's over crowded, no one makes eye contact or smiles. The roads and the shops are over crowded....

....and it takes four times as long to get anywhere, one because there are too many cars on the road and two because I read the distance in kms now forgetting to convert the journey to miles.

You realise how large the world actually is when you're an expat when there's an emergency

People say the world is a small place. You can fly anywhere, you can talk to any one at any time, via twitter, emails, facebook and skype and even the old fashioned pen to paper letter writing.

But it's not the same, you can't cuddle a new born niece, give your kids or parents a hug or 'be there' when people are ill.

We had a plan for emergencies. We also argued and rowed over what was an emergency. Who do we fly back for? When? How much?

It was agreed that parents and children were a priority, but what constituted an emergency. Routine operation? No. Complications? Maybe and who?

Last week my sister rang my mobile. It could only be bad news. I have various Uncles and Aunts with serious illnesses, my mum is 68 the youngest of 8, my father is 72, the eldest of 3. His middle brother died last year. Yes I went to the funeral, but it coincided with my UK visit, but in all honesty I wouldn't have flown back for the funeral.

So my first thought was it was my Dad's cousin, he had a stroke last week. Or my Uncle who's had heart bypass or my mums friend with cancer. But no, it was my Dad, he'd had a heart attack over the weekend and they were waiting for test results before worrying me. He was in hospital and I was told he was going to be fine.

It was too late Monday night to fly out, it takes me 24hrs door to door. So Tuesday was spent by the phone, would he survive? Would he be ok? Did I need to fly home? Should I go tonight or tomorrow?

I spoke with my Mother in Law, she said 'do what you feel you need to do' Hubby agreed and the flight was booked for Wednesday night, arriving in the UK Thursday lunch time, a few frantic text and facebook messages to arrange for me to be collected from Birmingham Airport and driven to Cardiff.

I'm due to fly home tomorrow. My father will be fine with his new medication, diet and exercise routine.

Did I need to fly home? No, not really in the sense of it being a life threatening situation. But in the sense of my personal needs and that of my immediate family, Yes I did need to be there. To see them when they are all well and alive. I don't want to be flying back for a funeral having not seen any of them for a year.

#BloggingForSouthAfrica

OK so here's the idea...

There are hundreds of bloggers out there doing sponsored posts and product reviews.

I'm looking for bloggers to approach organisations, companies etc to make donations to Children in South Africa in exchange for blogging about it.

If we all club together think of the advertising they could benefit from. Then think about the numbers of children reached and provided with much needed educational supplies, blankets and clothing.

I've been visiting townships and informal settlements, helping to identify needy children for a Christmas gift project.

These children in the schools and day care facilities have NOTHING...their parents pay on average between R70-R200 (Rand) a month per child to have their children looked after while they go to work to earn R150 per day. The children are fed and educated out of this money, with often 60-150 children in the facility. (Current exchange rate R100 = £9)

The facilities have no running water and infact the whole settlement relies on government trucks twice a week to refill the tanks, there is no medical aid or even electricity.

The conditions are appalling, there is no respite from the cold in winter where temperatures drop below freezing and no respite from the heat in the summer. In fact I visited 2 facilities today where the children were sat on the dirt floor, eating pap. These children are suffering with heavy colds, their eyes are streaming and most have sinus problems and their parents do not have the money for simple medications to alleviate the symptons. A lot of these children are HIV positive or have AIDS.

I'd like to be able to donate actual goods to these facilities. Money donations to these facilities is a no go. I don't want your money, I want your time, your blog, your cast off clothing and blankets and educational supplies to distribute. The postal system here is not reliable and the costs for secure posting from other countries is high (twice as much as the contents of the parcel)

Please can you help with the following:

Ideally I'd like to find a company that will pay for a container to be shipped here, a place where donations can be sent to and a team of volunteers to sort the donations to ensure the contents are suitable for customs.

Maybe you help out with a scout group, a school, you work for a shipping company, the post office or a courier firm? or you're based in South Africa and your company has a Social responsibility. Can you organise donations, funding for postage/transportation costs?

On a smaller scale how about finding a sponsor to pay the secure postage costs for you to send a parcel to South Africa.

I will organise the distribution this end, I promise to take photos of the donations, provide storage and deliver them to the facilities. I will blog about the individual and/or comapny involved. I will promote your blog post for your sponsor ie 'donation for..... donation of.....(insert individual/company name) (no links please)

I will give my time in exchange for your help.

Please help with #BloggingForSouthAfrica anything you can do will be welcomed.

To make postal donations please contact me on twitter as @chickenruby if you would like my Post Box address.

If you can offer help please leave a comment below or you can email me on thechickendoesjoburg@gmail.co.uk

Lets spread the word as far as we can in #BloggingForSouthAfrica

Lekker Mums

Last weeks Lekker Mums was hosted by Chloe at @ourpeagreenpod, the challenges set this week are:
1. Body - Your Sunshine Rituals
I stay out of it as much as possible...yeah I know boring, but the sun shines here everyday, in the summer reaching temps in the mid 30s and winter low 20s. I wear factor 50 on my face and neck to stop it going all scrawny

2. Mind - That Niggling Feeling

Quite often in life there is always something that we need to do but that we keep putting off. If you are anything like me there will be about 23 of these things at any given time. This week I quite simply want to encourage you to tick one of these silly little things off your list & feel the satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that there is one less thing to do! For now...!

Get back into swimming, I keep finding excuses as to why I can't go.

3. Spirit - Memories & Legacy

How would you like your spirit to live on? What stories would you like to share with your children that you haven't all ready? How do you want your children to remember you? Why not share a favourite memory with us? What else would you like to be your legacy?

As we are moving tomorrow, I've been writing names on the back of photos. I've also gone to the trouble to print my blog off and put it into a booklet for the kids to read we are adding the photos to it.

4. Special Days - Diamonds & Rings

They say in times of 'economic downturn' it is important for the people to keep morale up & to have events which lift people's spirits. We are certainly doing that this summer with the Diamond Jubilee & indeed the Olympics. Whether you are positively enthusiatic or just plain nonplussed about these giant events, why not have a think about what kinds of events lift your spirits. Could you get involved in some activities nearer to home? Are you taking part in any of the national celebrations this summer? Could you throw a tea party? Could you have a rave? What event, big or small, could you get involved with that would boost morale in your area?

I'm spending time raising awareness, funds and donating my time to various schools in townships near us...I won't be spending money on celebrating the jubilee, when there are people dying of starvation within a 10km radius.

5. A Big Question - Do You Do Enough?

It is natural as a parent to want to do as best by our children as we can, but, honestly do we really think we are doing enough? Or are we doing too much? How can we tell that what we are doing is right? I'm not sure I have the answers but I'd love to hear you discuss...

You can never do enough for your kids, they will always be left wanting, what you think is best isn't always what they want to do and vice versa.

How do I go about fundraising in South Africa?

I had a stressful day yesterday...moving house...Today I went to an Informal Settlement and everything was put into perspective.

I found a day care centre for children aged 6 months to 6 years. I was representing another charity last week supporting the donation of shoe boxes filled with gifts for Christmas.

The day care caters for 62 children all from the township with 4 members of staff. They charge the parents R70 a month and that's their only income.

Today I turned up with a boot full of shopping, womens clothes and some basic crockery.

The children ran to the car, shouting, waving, the staff carried the bags into their kitchen and thanked me 'God bless you'

It's winter, they have a metal building, with various rugs scattered on the dirt floor, for schooling. There is no insulation, electricity or water. A seperate building for cooking and 2 huts with a hole in the ground for the toilets.

I want to do a one off project for this facility and thats to buy every child a blanket, hat, scarf and pair of gloves. It is winter, wity average night time temperatures around 5c and it's going to get colder) It will cost under R50 per child (that's less than £5) If I can get a deal with a supplier, even better.

But this is where I come unstuck....I don't know how to go about asking for donations. I can ask on twitter but how do we get the money here from other countries.

Are you able to help?

Would you say half these things if you weren't hiding behind the internet?

I hate how people hide behind 'no offence...but' 'i'm not a racist...but' and many more and how people think they can say '140 characters hasn't expressed what I was trying to say, I didn't mean it like that' as an excuse...well start a blog or tweet 1/3 etc.

I've noticed over the last few weeks how nasty things are becoming on twitter.

I find it really sad that people think because they hide behind a screen, a cartoon character and an alias that they can say what they like, when they like.

OK fair enough if someone posts a direct racist, sexual (there have been many more) comment, but not call you a Nazi or Stalin because they don't agree with your opinion or even worse a racist...becuase again they don't like the comment you made on their original tweet.

Football is a heated discusion at the best of times...it is a game of opinion and unfortunalty, your oprion doesn't count, unless you happen to be the referee.

At the Champions League Final I tweeted that it would be nice if The FA would teach the players to sing the national anthem when it was played in their country or the country in which you played.

Striaght away I got involved in a debate...'yeah but half the players are foreigners, why should they sing the English national anthem' my response... 'oops sorry, should've said the English players at least' there were many more amusing and interesting comments, lots in agreement, and the friendly banter ensued...isn't this what twitter is for?

But one tweeter took it too far and said to my original tweet 'no offence, as I said earlier, half the stadium full of nazis, the other half German' and also called me Stalin for forcing people to sing the national anthem of my country and not their own...well I'm Welsh and I sing it as she is the Queen of the UK, despite Wales is another country and I live in South Africa and make an effort to join in with the English sung bits.

The second example of such nastiness occured this weekend.

Someone posted a comment 'when you are a strong woman, proud gay person or a conscious black person is when you see how truly sexist, homophobic or racist people are'

I didn't disagree with her I replied 'you don't have to be any of those to witness it at all'

Her reply was 'you do to truly understand it'

I then replied as a strong woman, proud straight person and a conscious white person, with 'how about being a victim of physical racial abuse for being English in South Africa as I was by someone the same colour as me'

She replied with 'I hate this kind of discussion for reasons that can't be expressed in 140 characters. I don't think that's comparable'

I wasn't trying to make a comparisson, I was explaining to her that I do understand what it's like and you don't have to be female, gay or black to witness discrimination.

In the meantime she tweeted to the person who thought they should apologise for my 'attack' 'I know you'd never send twats my way deliberately!! She saw what she wanted to see' and ' Love that as sson as I start tweeting opinions it takes less than quarter of an hour for an idiot to appear again'

A Twat???? an idiot???? who the hell does she think she is? she tweets a statement and if someone supports it and gives another example of how it affects everyone regardless of sexual orientation, colour of skin or sex...they are a twat...I think not.

But then 'and if another white person attacks you how the hell is that racism?! Look the word up. And also grow up'

but then she tweets in the main timeline '.@chickenruby was attacked by another white person in SA for being English. This is why she thinks I should acknowledge black2white racism??'

At this point I google her, she's a comedian...with a few links to some guest appearances she's made on the telly, hence the large number of followers...but can someone explain to me where she got the bit about me trying to get her to acknowledge 'black2white' racism and what right she has to call me a twat? an idiot?

I didn't disagree with her I just said that racism isn't just about her.

How to...transfer your telkom account

I was advised to submit the forms for transfer at least a month in advance.

The agency we employed contacted me around 10 days prior to the move to say they'd help, but as is the way here (based on experience) if you want anything done, you do it yourself.

This particular bill is in my name, don't ask it was a painful experience trying to get it put in the name of someone who is only here on a visitors visa, but it was finally agreed after setting up hubbies bank account for payments (which by the way, I pay on my card, monthly at the post office) I need proof of residency.

So I explain what is happening and lo and behold, she helps me fill the form in, tells me I need the stand number of the house, they take a copy of my ID and off I go.

2 weeks later I get a call from the gate house to say Telkom are here to put in the new line.....hang on I'm not in the new house till June 1st. That's ok they say, we'll come back.

1 week later they are back....noooooo...I'm still not in the house. it's ok they'll come back again on June 1st.

So far this sounds reasonable, but I wasn't holding my breath...until...

June 1st, moving day 'this is telkom we are at the main gate can you authorise our entry'

30 minutes later...ta dah...we have phone and internet.

18 days later we have no phone or internet. I'm in the UK, hubby can't ring out to report a fault, so I tweet my number to a guy in South Africa to report the fault because I'm on a UK IP address and can't access all the facilities of the Telkom website.

3 days later, hubby finds out why we've been cut off. We've exceeded our credit limit, so he pays R300 and phone/internet reinstalled.

Apparently we'd exceeded our limit from the costs invlolved of transfering the ADSL .

Why didn't anyone tell me this?

I didn't ask, that's why

How to...change the the water and electricity when you move house, in South Africa

By now you should know where your municipality department is. You will have gone there to set up your utility accounts and wasted days of your life in the queues to query a bill on more than one occassion.

I visited the offices last week to ask what to do and how to do it.

Here is what happened.

HER: Fill this form in (walks off)

ME: mmmmm excuse me

HER: if you wnat to cancel your contract, fill this in (walks off)

ME: (finger on buzzer) I don't want to cancel I want to transfer to new address

HER: you have to cancel (walks off)

ME: (finger on buzzer)

HER: (pokes head round door, pokes head back inside door)

ME: (finger still on buzzer, new woman comes out) excuse me I'm moving house next week I don't know what to do, can you help me please?

HER: you have to cancel old contract, fill in that form, then open new account (gives me new form) and pay new deposit

ME: what do I need?

HER: Just your ID

ME: it's in hubbies name, what do i need?

HER: just your ID, copy of contract for house and copy of hubbies ID

And sorted????

So I return a few days later, forms have been filled in and hubby has signed them (ahem) I have a certified copy of the rental agreement, certified copy of hubbies ID (in colour) my ID and copy, letter from company to say we are the tenants of the property, cash for the new deposit in case the card machines aren't working.

Sign in at desk, sit and wait, called after an hour, existing contract cancelled, what's left of deposit will be refunded after last months bil has been deducted (holds breath) and here comes the next problem.

HER: we need a copy of your husbands bosses ID

ME: frantic emails sent, phone calls made to disturb meeting, colour ID sent, forwarded on (free wifi)

HER: gives me statement to make payment of new deposit

ME: stand in queue for an hour (card machine working) return to waiting room, sit for a further hour as I'm now back of the queue...

I still have meter readings to take and submit on the moving day, which will invole another visit (don't get me started on the email and telephone process) trust me it's quicker to visit in person, even if it does involve 2 visits and a 3 hour wait.

I don't think I can take anymore of this

I'm sitting here at my desk having spent the morning entertaining different people as they quote for our house move on Thursday, I feel sick, I have a huge knot in the tummy and the only thing that's stopping the tears from flowing is there is a guy here removing the stained glass panels from doors and windows for repair after various door slamming incidents and the odd fight amongst the kids.

I don't want to move, I shouldn't have to move, I'm so pissed off that I'm struggling to put it all in words.

When we moved here we knew nothing, knew no one and got no help...'yeah and...' I hear you say.

Well think about how you'd go about moving house in the UK, utilities, broadband, insurance, removal firms etc, etc and then come to a country where everything you've ever known is done completely differently.

For example How do you go about changing your electric and water supply from one house to another?...take the readings, call it through on the phone....here you have to cancel one contract, take out another, pay a new deposit and all this takes 3 hours, in person because you're not the named tenant of the property and your visa says visitor, so they won't discuss details with you.

Unless you've ever made an expat move you'll not understand how alone I feel right now, how pissed off I am and why I'm on the verge of tears all the time.

Hubby doesn't understand either, because I actually get things done, I battle through the tears and the frustration, but it doesn't get any easier to manage or to do.

This is my 4th move in 18 months. Out of our house into temporary accomodation in the UK for 6 weeks, arrival in South Africa to temporary accomodation for 6 weeks, and we move out of this house where we've been for 15 months into, what will hopefully be our last move for a few years, on thursday.

In the meantime I'm surveying the damage around me, half packed boxes, can't find anything, still having to do the normal day to day stuff.

It's not my fault we are in this situation it is the companies for messing up the first time around.

I think I'm going to check into a hotel till Friday and give them the bloody bill.

#snaphappybritmums photo a day for May

Day 31. My blog....do come say hi

Day 30. Fruit....we are moving tomorrow, haven't been shopping in a while

Day 29. Panorama....view from the balcony

Day 28. Macro image

Day 27. Something for baby....well I'd need medical intervention so here's a teenagers pram

Day 26. Supermarket....Lethabong township

Day 25. Something old....My Gran's engagement present from 1934 and yes I use it

Day 24. Water....one of the few open spaces I found when we first moved to South Africa

Day 23. Religion....no hunting in back streets for a bible bag here

Day 22. Something beginning with A....Armoede, Afrikaans for Poverty

Day 21. Music....I've been playing this clarinet since I was 7

Day 20. A poster that catches your eye....one of the many organisations I have volunteered to work for

Day 19. Your favourite smile

Day 18. What the weather is like today....well it's winter now and temps will drop to below freeaing, but they do reach 25c in the day

Day 17. Boots....by Crocs

Day 16. Smooth....this floor took me all day to clean

Day 15. Fly the flag....as an expat you can never have enough

Day 14. Mirror Image

Day 13. Guilty pleasure....my bedside cabinet filled with goodies from the UK

Day 12. Kissing....Glaswegian kiss on the rugby pitch

Day 11. Frozen....despite it still being 22c in the day, the inside of buildings are really cold

Day 10. Blossoms....son has been diagnosed as dyslexic,now he can use his laptop at school he is blossoming

Day 9. Inside my (drinks) fridge

Day 8. Best part of me....My hubby

Day 7. Warmth....autumn is coming to an end

Day 6. View from a above....we'd been in the bird hide 5 minutes before we realised this was under us

Day 5. Blue....our pool

Day 4. Tipple

Day 3. School days....last time all 3 of mine were together for a school photo

Day 2. Pampering...my sons flight was delayed by 24hrs and while I tried to track him hubby made coffee

Day 1. 1st thing in the morning

Is it always really a twitter glitch?

I'll admit it, I've unfollowed people and when they've questionned it, I've blamed it on the 'glitch' and refollowed.....but why?

In the real world I'll avoid someone that I don't like, or I'll just cut the contact off gradually.

After moving to South Africa it was a great way to get rid of dead wood, in real life, by text and facebook, but not on twitter. I've blocked people in the past when they've been abusive towards me.

I was unfollowed recently by a woman who was upset she had been following me for 6 months and I hadn't followed her back and she made quite an issue about it. Well I don't check my followers. I did sign up to 'twunfollow' a while ago and despite revoking access, I still get occassional notifications, but I just delete the email.
Twitter to me without saying Hi, is akin to standing outside someones window listening in, if I don't see or hear you, how do you expect me to know you are there?

If I don't want you listening in I'll draw the curtains (blocking)

I tend to unfollow people that rarely tweet or haven't tweeted in a while. I unfollow people that I don't have a lot in common with or non stop tweet links (especially if its to sponsored blogs) but I don't unfollow people that I chat with regulary, people that are on my face book or I interact with on Instagram.

I've been known to only ask once or twice to find out if someone has unfollowed me, just out of concern that I've offended or if I genuinally think it may be a 'glitch'.

However this week 3 people unfollowed me, 3 people who @reply me on a fairly regular basis, that have thanked me for the RT or have RT'd me. All 3 were also on Instagram and that's how I knew they had gone.

I'm not bothered that they had gone, unfollowed me...I am just puzzled as to why they would go to the effort to remove me from both places? why they are happy for me to still outside their window listening in?

How do you deal with being unfollowed? Do you ask why? Does it upset you? Do you unfollow back?

I've had the most amazing day

This is where I've been today.

Olievenhoutbosch
There are two main areas in Olievenhoutbosch, namely the informal settlement area and the formal government housing area. In the formal community (government housing) there is electricity for all the houses, as well as water and sanitation. The informal settlement area, however, is crowded, lacks sanitation, electricity and all basic municipal services.

I am volunteering with Santa Shoebox and we have until today to register facitites to receive Christmas gifts.

Due to misspelling of a facility name, we were unable to contact one of last years receiptants, so I volunteered to see what I could find out.

Today I drove into Olievenhoutbosch to the secondary school on the edge of the informal settlement. I'd already asked at the Petrol Station if it was safe and I'd given a lift to a woman from another volunteer project to the area in the past and she had pointed the school out to me.

It was totally amazing, I fought back the tears as we moved from one day care to orphanage, people phoned their friends to help me, guys whistled at the end of the street, beckoning us to follow them to someone else that could help and eventually we found the Day Care Centre.

No bigger than a double garage, 2 shacks for toilets (they dig a hole, put a shack over the top, when the hole is full, they fill it in my digging a new one and move the shacks) A metal shed acted as the kitchen, no running water or electricity where they prepare food for the 62 children aged from 6 months to 6 years.

Parents pay between R200 and R350 per month for care from 5am-5pm to enable them to go to work and they must provide all the educational supplies. Out of this the facility employs 4 full time staff around R150 per day, supplies the food, water and activities.

The facility was clean, the children very well turned out and very quiet. They all stared at me for ages, I must have looked very odd to them. The guy who took me round said 'you won't see many people your colour here'

I completed the forms, I met the staff and spoke with the children and made an appointment to go back next week to obtain a list of the childrens names and ages for the appeal.

In the meantime I will be gathering educational supplies and baking cakes and as we are moving week a week thursday, I shall be having a good sort out of clothes, toys and other stuff to take back with me.

I gave my guide some money and thanked him for his time. The children all waved me off and as I rejoined the highway I'm afraid the tears came.

#bloggingforMadeleine

Blogging for Madeleine Helping to raise awareness outside of the UK as requested by @theroomset
Please look very closely at these images do you recognise me?

I'm writing this post as part of The campaign #blogging4madeleine
to help raise much needed awareness to find Madeleine and reunite a family torn apart.

Contact your local police force immediately if you see Madeleine
or call +44 (0)845 838 4699
www.findmadeleine.com

When i first saw the hashtag I was a little sceptical as to how #bloggingforMadeleine could help. I selfishly thought that this was just a gimic to bring traffic to people's blog or was it a one sided opinion of 'did the parents do it?' or 'how could they leave their children alone while they went out for dinner?'

But after reading a couple of posts it made me remember it's not about any one else, it's all about Madeleine.
What ever happened to her, whether she's dead or alive, whoever's fault it is or who is to blame she is a 9 year old girl who is missing.

My kids have all gone missing at some point...the eldest aged 2 wandered off at a car boot sale. I thought he was with my mum, she thought he was with me.
The middle son disappeared in San Francisco aged 12, there was so much for him to see. The youngest is the only one we've had to call the police out to...in France (was found under an ice cream sign) aged 4, in Abergavenny the following year when he ran off to find Fireman Sam and aged 8 on the beach in Perranporth.

I was petrified, I had images of never finding them, I was shaking, crying, shouting out their names. They were missing from between 5 minutes and 2 hours (Beach) the panic kicked in straight away each time. I was also scrutinised by the media as BBC sea side rescue were filming that day and followed me with a camera about 2inches from my face, they didn't use the footage as I didn't look distraught enough to make good TV viewing.

I read an article in Woman magazine, dated 7th may 2012. In which two journalists gave their opinion on whether it was time for Kate McCann to give up the search for Madeleine, after leading with the headline '74% of missing children are dead within 3 hours of abduction'

It's not their business, nor is it mine to pass judgement, but if it was my child, I don't think I'd rest until I had answers.

I met Kevin Wells, Holly Wells father (Soham Murders) at a Child Protection Conference a few years ago, even though he knew what had happened to his daughter and had the opportunity to say goodbye with a funeral, he still focused his whole life on preventing this from happening to anyone elses child.

You do what you need to do...I needed to write this and if you feel the same, please blog for Madeleine and help to raise awareness.

this weeks groovy Mums

If you don’t know what Groovy Mums is or how it can jazz up your life, click here http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/how-to-be-a-groovy-mum/ All mums are very welcome to take part and this is possibly the most flexible linky on the planet as you get to make up your own rules.

So without any further ado here at this weeks challenges.

1. Body – Best Foot Forward

How are your feet? Would you happily publish a photo of them on your blog or could they do with a little care and attention? What could you do to treat your feet this week?


2. Mind – New Words

I want you to find 3 new words this week and hopefully ones that mean something to you.
Patience - my adult son has been visiting, it's been difficult, in fighting with him and his brother.
Atmosphere - not been good
Love - they are both my v=children, I've remained neutral

3. Spirit – I always struggle to come up with a challenge for this one so if anyone has any ideas on how to move this one forwards, let me know.

As ever alcohol pops to mind....lol

4. Blogging – I am inviting you to get behind my new blog hop type thing which will take place on Fridays. It is called Savvy Online Shoppers (SOS) It is all about celebrating the things we buy online from the mundane to presents to the spectacular. Come back here on Friday and find out more.

Will do, but online shopping isn't really that safe here and the postal service is to say the least, a little dodgy.

5. Charity Connections – It is #charitytuesday so BritMums are asking people to blog about their charity shop finds and experiences. If you write a blog, tweet @BritMums to let them know and they will promote the post for you to their thousands of followers.

I will be using our charity shop quite a bit in the next few weeks as we are moving it supports (and I quote) The Mentally Ill.

I also urge you to read these two posts and to take action. I am really disappointed at the numbers signing up to my #mums4good campaign so any help will be appreciated. Do click on the #mums4good on the sidebar and find out more. Discovering what it is all about will only take a few minutes of your time .

http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/do-you-shop-online-if-you-do-check-this-free-way-to-help-a-great-cause/

http://kateonthinice.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/will-you-send-a-message/

6. Special Days – Think about an important day for you that is coming up. It might be a birthday, an anniversary, a day off from work/home or a holiday. Commit now to making it really special for YOU. How will you do that?

Well last year I celebrated my 40th birthday, It was a very quiet affair as I knew no one and the day was spent with my Hubby, kids and my parents. This year for my 41st, in June, I will be celebrating it in style.

7. Twitter Party – All mums and mum-friendly employers and businesses are invited to the #groovywork Twitter party tomorrow Wednesday 16th May from7-8pm. If you have never attended a Twitter party before, fear now. Just be on Twitter between 7pm and8pm (you don’t have to be there all the time) and use hashtag #groovywork as we chat about all things work-related for mums.

Anyone fancy sorting me out a visa first?

Short but sweet this week. Hope you like the challenges and have a go. If you blog about them, link up and tap into the other lovely mums who take part.