Friday, 2 January 2015

I don't belong anywhere and you don't understand why

You know that feeling when you start a new job, or you take your kids to their new school, or you join the gym and you stand there wondering how you're going to fit in, will you fit in, you don't know anyone, assume they all have their little groups and that the cliques will close you out, you worry that you're being judged on how you're dressed, what you say etc?

Well I don't feel like that, I'm miles away from that stage.

I'm an expat, relocating after 4 years from South Africa to Dubai. I have a suitcase, a hotel, access to a car and a cell phone. I'm with hubby and the 19 year old who is supposed to be visiting us on holiday currently sleeping on a variety of sofas, not something we'd planned. Our house is no where near ready and even if it was our visas are weeks away from completion, so the air freight stays in South Africa and the shipping container is at the docks in Dubai. 19 yo happens to have friends in Dubai, school friends from South Africa, so he knows more people than we do already.

No one has been able to answer the question in regards to how we were able to bring our cat and dog over without a visa but shhhhhhhh, I'm happy to leave that question unanswered for now.

I'm struggling, I'll be honest, even though we've done this before it's not easy. Everyone says 'you'll cope, you're good at stuff like this' Yes I will and I am, but what you don't realise is that a) I cope as in I get the stuff done, but when I don't tell you every detail you don't cope well with it and b) yes it gets done, but remember the cost, time, hassles etc you smile and say well done, but you're not there at the time when I'm struggling.

I rant, I rave, I cry, but you tell me 'it'll be ok' I scream 'I KNOW IT WILL BE OK, BUT IT'S NOT OK RIGHT NOW'

I want to go home, but I don't have one anymore, I have to make a new home, but can't do that till everything else is done.

'Have a holiday, switch off, relax, enjoy Dubai.' Yep, OK I'll do that then but which one of you is going to sort it all out for me?

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