A year of non expat life

Arriving home:

We arrived back in the UK a year ago on last Friday after almost 11 years abroad. Our return home was marred by 10 nights hotel quarantine due to covid and the restrictions that halted our plans to celebrate my 50th, Peter's retirement and our move. We also had huge delays with our container due to the back log and shortage of containers after the Evergreen ran aground, add to that the shortage of lorry drivers due to Brexit, it wasn't the best move we've had, but it was our last.

Here's my Tiktok video during quarantine

Home improvements:

We spent the first few months of our return deciding if we wanted to stay in our family home or move, but the rise in house prices and the costs to move are ridiculous so we've opted to stay put. We've since had a new kitchen, Peter is building a base for a new shed/summer house and if we can find a reliable builder, we'll be getting an extension done. There is also a lot of other home improvement plans in the making. I'll be sorting the garden out properly once the outdoor work is completed. 

Work:

I'm now working full time, term time only in a local secondary school. I go in for 8.30am and leave at 3pm and I have all the school holidays off. I'm loving it. I also signed with an agency and worked in a covid vaccination site and I've been offered more work on the European Golf Tour, although I've had to turn a lot down, due to location and working in the school where I can't have annual leave in term time. I'm, loving being back in work, everyone is really nice, but I don't feel I've particularly gelled with anyone, so I just do my job and go home, which is ok with me.

Family:

Our family has grown with the introduction of our grandson in November last year, they're a ferry crossing or a flight away. Our eldest grandchild is an hour away so lots of visits there.

Friends: 

Old and new, near and far. Lots of effort made by everyone to maintain these friendships now we're back.

Activities:

Dog walks, pub visits, cooking, holidays in the UK.

Future plans:

Apart from the building work our plans include Australia this summer, buying a camper van, exploring more of the UK and hopefully a trip to Vegas in October half term for our 20th wedding anniversary. We got engaged out there and haven't been back since October 2010 when we saw Cher at Caesars Palace. We don't have anything planned after that.

Life after expat life ends:

For Peter it's the change from working full time to retiring he's adjusting to. I'm not missing anything. I'm glad we had the experience, it's certainly been a fun packed 11 years in South Africa and Dubai, but I do like being home, in one place, family near(ish) by (apart from son in Australia) I'm back working, reconnected with old friends (missing the friends made abroad) but generally much happier just managing one life in one house, in one country.

Have you had to make any big adjustments to your life for whatever reason?

Why are British houses so dirty?

This is a question my son was asked in school in South Africa.

I'm hoping the teacher meant 'cluttered' rather than dirty. However since returning to live full time in the UK, I can sort of understand why he was asked this question.

There is dust and dirt everywhere. I can't seem to clean our house fast enough. there is dust everywhere. not just dust, but bits of insects and damp and things that look dirty.

To be fair, our house was rented for the past 10 years and we had 2 sets of tenants who did not look after the house at all and on both occasions, a deep clean and many repairs have been needed. Every surface looks like this, this is 2 days after I'd cleaned the kitchen windowsill. Door frames, skirting boards and rails are covered in dust, as well as the sinks and window sills. I've been back in the house over a year now and I just can't get it clean. 

The houses in South Africa and in Dubai were open plan with tiled floors, there was more space to put things, everyone had maids (we didn't) but if I'm honest the number of times I saw a maid use the same water for the bathroom floor then the kitchen made me even more determined to do my own cleaning. In Dubai I spent most of my time sweeping up sand, not just from our feet, but from creeping in from key holes and frames.

Since returning to the UK, we have found the house small and cluttered. It's taken a while to unpack and arrange everything so it doesn't look so 'busy'. The carpets are hiding all the cat and dog hair now, but we bought a Shark, pet/hair picker upper vacuum cleaner to deal with that. Once we get the new kitchen, things will improve even more. 

But for now, we've discovered 'pink' and we can't get enough of it, and hoovering daily and dusting daily and getting rid of bits of dead insects that seem to be everywhere.

I don't tend to notice the dirt in other people's houses though, I assume they don't notice it in mine, but I notice it and off it must go.

Thoughts on moving (back) to South Africa and everything you need to know about an International Move.

We're no longer moving to South Africa from Dubai, but we'd started the thought process and looking into costs, paperwork and pro's and con's of another move. So when we had difficulties with our tenants in the UK, we were already in the right frame of mind to be dealing with a relocation and as Peter's job is seeing him work half the year in South Africa, it seemed the right thing to do for me to spend that half in the UK, rather than in isolation in Dubai.

I've started to blog our repatriation here

Here is the thought process we went through:

16th February 2019
Here we go again, the 3rd time in the past 9 years we've had to ponder this question.

Should we move abroad? It's something we both asked ourselves in 2010.

The first time we were asked this question was September 2010, we said yes with no hesitation and 3 months later with 2 kids, our furniture and visas in hand we flew to South Africa to start a new life.

4 years later now with a cat and dog in tow and no kids at home anymore, we had 3 months notice to leave South Africa (government weren't renewing our visas) we sort of had the choice of the UK or Dubai, but chose Dubai because neither of us were ready to return home and Peter's job would've had him travelling to the Middle East anyway.

Both moves took us a good year to settle in fully, get to know the customs, ways things were done and to establish ourselves with friends.

The last year of our lives in South Africa, at the point where I'd settled, accepted my new identity, found my niche were spent with the will we, won't be moving until all of a sudden it was just announced and we packed up to start all over again.

To say that Peter's company caused us problems with the move was an understatement. Here's a summary of exactly what went wrong with both our moves and how things could've been improved.

HR in South Africa just assumed we would be able to do everything they did and in the same way, but no. I was not permitted to work and everything had to be in Peter's name, so dealing with a new job, 2 kids in a new school, trying to find somewhere to live and most importantly living with the fear of our personal safety it was a very trying time for us all.

The move to Dubai was much easier but HR here had no concept of what it was like moving to another country from a country that is not your place of birth and we were on expiring visas, having to make trips to the UK to get the new visa in order.

So when Peter came home from work mid February to say it was being discussed him moving to South Africa to take over the business there, the first thing I said was 'hell yes, but this time everything must be in writing and I will not allow HR top deal with the physical side of things this time other than the paperwork required for the visas, we will do the rest.'

I can pack in 2 days, our entire lives, the cat and the dog and ready to fly whenever I get the word.

We'll have to go back to the UK to obtain our new visas but once we know the move is actually going ahead, the T&C's for Peter's contract are in place, salary agreed, repatriation costs back to the UK, either when he chooses to retire (he's 65 in 2022) or the job comes to a natural end, are all in place. I can start the following:

• Look at export companies, I will itemise our contents for insurance purposes
• Speak to local animal specialists about the cat and dog, injections, paperwork and time scales for relocating the pets 
• Sell both our cars
• Give notice to the landlord
• Speak to the banks about keeping accounts open here
• Declutter the house
• Sell the garden contents (we have to return it to sand before we leave)

So here are some random thoughts on our potential move:

Pros                                                                                   Cons

Skype, voice over internet and VPN's work .                   Post doesn't work

Have friends there already .                                              Can't get PG tips or Aubergine Pickle

Time difference only 1-2 hours not 3-4 .                          Load shedding

Know how things get done .                                             Personal safety

Know where we'll live, on a golf course .                        Journey time to UK now 24 hours

Have a swimming pool .                                                   Hassles of doing the above bullet points

Cost of living much lower

Already have a sim cards, store cards, nail bar & hairdresser

Weather (apart from the winter, too cold)

Miss South Africa, always said we'd go back

27th February 2019
Haven't give the above another thought other than trying to work out how to book my return flights from the UK and include a trip to Australia to visit child 3, whilst working out how long we'd need to do a visa application from the UK and potential timescale.
We've also cancelled plans to holiday with friends in America, but there's another reason for that also. Our first grandchild was born and a son got married.
Then Peter phoned this morning to say that the 90% chance of the move had probably dropped to 70%, due to employment laws in South Africa, which we were aware of and would've been our biggest hurdle.

6th March 2019
All has gone quiet and Peter has said it's not going to be happening, it was a nice dream while it lasted but that's it, it's time to move on. I however think differently, this is what happened on 2 previous moves, lots of talk, don't say anything to anyone then all of a sudden it just happens and usually within 3 months of a decision being made, we pack and we go. So watch this space.........

15th August 2019
A move has been mentioned several times since the last update, but it's been based on assumptions. Over the past few weeks there has been a few announcements of people moving into new roles, which leaves us pondering where Peter will end up. We're due to renew our house contract in November and have to give 2 months notice if we want to move. As rent is paid upfront it's a bit worrying as to whether we'd end up paying for a house in Dubai for a year that we only live in for a few months. Moving countries is expensive, regardless of it being a company move. House allowance is paid monthly, but we'd have to find our own deposit as well as buying new cars, whilst waiting for deposits to be returned here.
I'm keen to move back to South Africa, and hoping it could potentially be a one way trip and we could retire there. I really haven't given too much thought to the job ending here and relocating back to the UK instead, but that could also be a possible outcome.

27th August 2019
A formal discussion for Peter in work, it's very frustrating. Our landlord has agreed to a 6 month or monthly contract but there's an admin fee of 7,500 AED (£1,500) Part of our rental agreement is that we return to the garden to a blank canvas so we have to demolish the fence, dig up the plants, lawn and tiling to sell. All this takes time and effort and I'm in the UK Sept 10th till the end of October. We also have to return to the UK to submit all our paperwork for our visa but need most of the documents completing here, medical and police clearance in South Africa as well as Dubai.

September 2019
We're not moving to South Africa (insert sad face) The salary offer was not good enough considering we don't pay tax in Dubai so there would be quite a drop in salary and as Peter retires in 2-3 years time, there's no reason to do so. He is however going to help out more in South Africa from Dubai, which means more travel for him, more complications with the cat and dog costs and boarding, so I'll have to curb my travelling for a while. The thought of being in Dubai now until next June is daunting.

October 2019
So I'm not staying in Dubai, things happen for a reason. We'd planned to give our tenants in the UK their notice late 2020 and for me to return to the UK, settle into the house and start looking for work. Our plans were changed on Monday (2 days ago) when the rental agents informed us there were issues with payments and the list of complaints from the tenants is getting longer, such as uneven kitchen floor tiles (they're slate and cemented) and poorly decorated (was freshly decorated prior to them moving in 2 years ago).

The plan now is I move back end of January into our family home, transfer the contents of the flat in South Wales (50 miles away) and put the flat on the rental market, buy a car. Set up utilities etc and return to Dubai in March to start organising the move to the UK with the cat and dog and sell the car. Spend April/May in the UK, board the cat and dog in the UK, return to Dubai, pack up contents, sell garden, find 2 bed furnished apartment for Peter. Return to UK with Peter joining me in June to wait for the furniture, unpack, get jobs sorted. Peter will return to Dubai in July for work and we'll decide what to do next in regards to keeping our relationship alive, will probably involve me visiting Dubai alternate months until he retires for good.

Our initial move from the UK to South Africa started on September 10th and we moved on January 18th. We will have had 9 full years outside the UK.

I've not published the post until now, as we wanted to make sure either a) the move was going ahead or b) we were staying put, in which case I've decided to share it with you anyway. At some point in time we will have to leave Dubai and go through this anyway, just back to the UK and the UK it is.

Week 29 - One Daily Positive Off to Germany

It's important to me that people know I haven't just spent the last 8 years living abroad in Dubai. prior to that we lived in South Africa for 4 years, it was a completely different experience than Dubai. As I'm spending week 30 in Germany I thought I'd provide a little context to the reason for my visit.

I'm staying with friends outside Munich. I first met Dirk in 2011 when he took me and a woman called Janet and her mother in a battered old Golf, off roading to a township in Pretoria, to visit a children living in poverty to see how we could help and support them with their educational needs. I'd met Janet a few weeks earlier when we both dropped off a Santa Shoebox at a charity. 7 years on, I'm still actively involved in the charity in South Africa and as well as Peter and I now living in Dubai, Janet and her wife Nicky and 2 boys are now living in Ireland and Dirk and his husband Jacques are living in Germany. We've all remained very close. Sadly Janets mother died on Friday, we often talk about that day when we first all met one another.

196 Sunday Struggled with a hangover, had breakfast and said goodbye to the Bride and Groom from yesterday's wedding. Took child 1 out to Cheltenham, then home to watch the World Cup final. the evening was spent in, eating chocolate and drinking tea. This photo of the 3 stooges is Peter and his two golfing buddies who have been friends since the mid 80's.

197 Monday Visited my MIL and spent the day in Bath In the evening child 2 and 2a came to Monmouth for dinner.

198 Tuesday Collected child 5 from Cirencester and took a drive out to Cheltenham. Called in to see a friend in town and left with our dinner to cook in the flat as it was late.

199 Wednesday Collected child 1 from Gloucester for the day and in the evening went for dinner with Saturday's Bride and Groom and friends.

200 Thursday We drove Mum to Blackpool where she's staying for the week with her brother and sister in law, we had a little paddle in the sea and then we then drove back to Manchester before going to visit one of Peter's old friends.

201 Friday Arrived at the airport at 7.30am and took 2 hours and 40 minutes to reach the gate for Peter who flew to Istanbul for the weekend and me to Munich for the week. Peter's flight was at 10.25am, mine was at 1.35pm. I spent the time uploading names onto a data base for this years recipients for the Santa Shoeboxes. The evening was spent catching up on our adventures since we last saw one another.

202 Saturday I woke early but it was 10am before we headed off for a drive to visit a castle and a Christmas village, it's Christmas all year round there in the shops. We ate dinner out then chilled out for the evening. if the rain stops we'll head off to watch some fireworks in the village.

Either my Daughter in Law or DIL's to be are just too polite or they're using my son's to get their message across, either way, I think I may have nailed this 'How to be a good Mother in Law'

My Sunday Photo - The Best Man and Me

One Daily Positive Week 16

I got out of sync with numbering the days for Project 365, thankfully it was only a week's worth that I needed to alter the day on.

It was a bank/public holiday on Saturday, Eid Al Miraj, as it fell on a weekend not everyone was given the Sunday as an additional day off. Peter was therefore off work on Sunday and it threw me for the rest of the week, especially as Peter worked from home on Wednesday also.

Eid Al Miraj is the night Allah took Mohammed on a journey from Mecca to Jerusalem and then onto heaven.

Peter is away next week in Kuwait, so it'll be anther quite week, with trips to the dog park, pool and coffee shops.

105 Sunday My car was fixed and ready for collection. Peter went on home to watch the grand Prix after a coffee and I walked round the local mall and met a friend for lunch. In the afternoon and evening we chilled out in the garden and had a BBQ with a friend who stopped over on his way back from working in China. 

106 Monday Woke up to thunder and rain, not a lot, but also discovered I'd left the garden sprinkler on ALL night. Walked Bob, popped out for coffee, tidied the laundry room, went for a swim and cooked dinner for the next 2 nights. Had my pre op in the evening for my bone marrow test and completed the paperwork for medical aid approval. Joined friends for dinner by the beach. 

Would you eat your dinner up there? We didn't BTW.

107 Tuesday Took Bob to the dog park and gave him a bath in the garden late afternoon. Bob ripped a claw, took a bit of persuasion for him to allow me to clip it. He also decided to jump up on my car bonnet and climb over to get to the boot, lots of damage to the car and no idea why he did it. Visited the pool and had an early night. Been feeling exceptionally tired recently, like I have the flu.

108 Wednesday Woke at 4am, after going to bed early after a fantastic sleep. Collected Peter from dropping his car at the service centre. I posted a parcel to child 3 and 3a in Australia and met a friend for coffee. Pub quiz and dinner out in the evening.

This is PO Box xxxxx Near container Terminal 3, Opposite Weir Engineering.

Yes, that is part of our postal address

109 Thursday Spent the day as usual cleaning and sweeping the balconies, went for a swim and had another early night.

110 Friday Up early at 5am which is my usual time. Took Bob for a walk and sat in the garden for a couple of hours before we went to Abu Dhabi to the Louvre. Every now and then this thought goes through my mind, often triggered by road signs or Iconic buildings 'What am I doing living in the Middle East?'

111 Saturday Slow cooker on and off out to Dragon Mart to buy a shed and coffee. Nothing else planned for the rest of the day.

On the blog this week:

My Sunday Photo - Keeping cool for Summer in Dubai.

PoCoLo, Best Boot Forward - Why I'm out of control in my life

Triumphant Tales - Boat trip and visit to the Creek, Dubai

Tweens Teens Beyond - When the kidults come for a visit

Why I regret having my children so young

I'm 45, my children have grown up and left home. I'm lonely.

Living as an expat has cut my parenting short as my youngest child now aged 17 left home 3 years ago to attend boarding school in the UK. Second youngest and the last of 5 left home in January 2014.

Everyone I know my age has their children still living at home and the majority of those children are still in primary school.

When I meet people who are in a similar situation with grown up children, they are usually 10 years older than me and while they are lovely people, we have little in common other than we are expats. Although I do have a few friends with childen a similar age to mine, they live in the UK and have them still living at home.

I'm sure things would've been very different had we remained in the UK, for sure the teen would still be at home, but even before we left the UK he was in boarding school, but at least there would be weekends, the odd evening visit and all the school holidays rather than just Easter, Summer and Christmas for visits.

I was 21 when my first child was born. I'd left home 4 years earlier, had a job, a flat, money and a reasonably good life, with the odd holiday and nights out.

My friends didn't have children and I had left my home town, I was also a single mum, so I moved home for a short time, before marrying and adding 2 more children to the family. I divorced, remarried and inherited 2 step children slightly older than mine, but still in primary school.

We currently live in Dubai and previously in South Africa due to Peter's  job, I don't begrudge him his career opportunities I just wish he could do this in the UK or at least closer to home.

I've been working this year, in a school. I only have the school holidays off. Summer, Winter and Spring, so far I've only made 1 trip back to the UK this year for 6 weeks over the summer and won't be back again until next summer. That's a whole year of not being part of a family, being lonely and missing out on life. 

Three of the kids have been out to visit a couple of times this year, my mother is here in November for 3 weeks and quite a few friends have been to visit with a couple more lined up, but it's not the same as just being part of life when we want, rather than waiting for it to happen.

We do get on with things, apart from food shopping, dog walking, housework, we go for the occasional brunch, eat out a couple of times a week in local restaurants, go for coffee and cake, visit the garden centre, walk round a mall, but it's boring and repetitive. Occasionally we meet people and socialise, but not on a scale like we used to and want to. We have little in common with the people we meet, their kids are at home still to they are older than mine with kids of their own. I don't know a single person who has their child in boarding school 1000's of miles away. I have some contact with a set of parents who are similar ages to us and have our son for exeat weekends, but they only live an hour away from the school and we've not met them yet, they also have 2 younger children, so their parenting will last a good few more years than ours.

I thought having my children young would mean I'd have all my life ahead of me, I could study further, travel, develop my career. I was right of course, I've returned to teaching, I always have fuel in my car, chocolate and coke in the fridge and money in my wallet. I answer only to myself, eat what I want, when I want and go to bed when I want. Of course Peter and I have the freedom to do all the above, but if I'm honest, and after years of wishing for routine and 'me' time, it's actually rather boring and lonely.

I am potentially just over half way through my life and I find it quite daunting that to date more than half of it has been spent as a Mother, I'm just not sure what else I can do to ever feel THAT fulfilled/wanted/needed again.

A positive post about being an expat

Think expat, think sunshine, pools, coffee mornings, nails, spas, lunches and large bank balances.

Think expat and think excitement.

For many this is exactly what an expat does, not the one's who have relocated with their employment, but their spouses. It is evident on my face book page that this goes on, so I can see why the assumption is made it's what we all do.

If you read my blog, you'll see this isn't the case for me, especially since I started working. There is endless sunshine in Dubai, there was a pool in South Africa, there were coffee mornings before working, yes, nails get painted, I've never been to a spa, we've been to one brunch and the bank balance is ok, thank you for asking but we're certainly not on any kind of rich list.

There was excitement in the early days, who wouldn't be excited when your husband comes home from work and asks 'would you like to live in South Africa?' the anticipation, the glamour, excitement, a new adventure, but it is short lived because within a few weeks the work to move there actually starts, the stress mounts, the goodbyes and the tears start, the plane is boarded and then the honeymoon period starts.

The luxury of living in a hotel, exploring a new country, doing all the tourist things, an extended holiday. But then the house hunting starts, opening bank accounts, buying a car, settling children into school. You don't need to be an expat to do all of that to know how stressful it all is, let alone do it all in a foreign country where EVERYTHING works differently from EVERYTHING you know.

There's a danger of this becoming yet another negative post from Suzanne, moaning about her life in the sun, so here goes with the positives:

• Your children learn so many more skills than you could ever imagine, making solo flights half way round the world, alone. Growing in maturity and confidence to take on new challenges.

• Your son can travel home from the UK to Dubai and make arrangements to meet up with a school friend from South Africa to go Kayaking around the Palm.

• You can be in one country, your son in another, you can meet up in an airport lounge in a different country to travel on together.

• Family and friends start sending you things, they listen to your woes, about the things you miss and can't get and go to great lengths and cost to send these items to you. Your friendships and relationships change, some drop off the radar all together but their loss, not yours and new/old friends step up in the role.

• Spending quality time with family and friends when they come to visit you, friends go out of their way and expense to arrange stop overs in Dubai so they can see you before flying home from their holidays.

• Friends who don't take up the offer of a free holiday, will put you up for a night or two when you return to the homeland.

• Experiences are numerous, living in a holiday destination means you can dip in and out of real life (work, food shopping, housework) and into a world of fantasy, visit the beach or stand on your front door step with a view of an iconic building or wake up one morning and say 'let's go on safari' at minimum cost and planning, just get in your car and drive no more than 60 miles down the road, or see Rhino's quite literally on your doorstep.

• Spending quality time together as a family, we spent more time doing family things with the last two kids before they left home than we did with the others before leaving the UK, maybe it was because we only had 2 children instead of 5 living at home, but a lot of it was due to the isolation and safety and security in South Africa, we watched far less TV, spent even less time on the internet, due to poor and slow connection and went for walks together, ate out as a family, spent weekends camping and we were even known to spend more than a few nights per week, playing board games.

• Our relationship as husband and wife is much stronger than ever, mainly because we only have one another these days, outside of work on a daily basis.

• We welcome and search for new challenges, experiences, we no longer have a comfort zone to worry about leaving.

• We bounce back from knock backs much quicker, it doesn't hurt any less, but we move on and learn from our mistakes, especially financial ones with greater speed.

• You meet some amazing people even if it is fleetingly, you make friends in other countries who remain friends for life.

• Planning a trip/holiday/packing/getting on a plane is second nature, wherever you go in the world, it is no longer stressful. You explore new places, jump in rental cars and drive on either side of the road with ease. 

• Your view of the world alters and widens as you learn first hand and immerse yourself in local cultures.

Dreaming

I've blogged about how I've got to where I am today but I haven't blogged, thought much or even talked about how my life has changed so much that what I wanted to do, where I thought I'd be and what I thought I could've achieved, that I now need to rethink my entire future.

My husbands job dictates where we live, and it's open ended, there is no end date on the contract, all we do know is that at some point he will have to return to the UK, either to retire at 65 or earlier or to end his working days there. We could choose to move back to the UK any day we want, that is in our control, but with only 7 years left till he reaches 65 and a final salary pension with 31 years continuous service we'd be a little silly to make that decision unless of course there were bigger reasons, such as health of us, our children or families.

We have made sacrifices to live as expats and although we've both agreed and make joint decisions about everything, some things are harder to adapt to than others. For me giving up my career has been a huge sacrifice, bigger than I could've ever imagined, but when we became expats I had every intention of working until discovery a) I didn't meet the requirements to work in South Africa and b) upon our relocation to Dubai I discovered I need a Masters to teach here or have the right connections.

When we do return to the UK, it'll be hard for me to resume my career in Child Welfare as a) I'm already 44 b) I've already been unemployed for 5 years and c) regulations and laws change and my knowledge will be out of date.

Because we don't know when we will return to the UK, where we'll live, or whether hubby has retired or is still working and where our children will be living and working, there may be grandchildren by then, parents that need looking after, who knows?

So rather than plan anything I've decided I'm just going to have a dream, a base line for what I'd like to do, an idea of the type of place I'd like to live and not the where. I've decided to not worry about work or study until I return to the UK or the circumstance in which we return,

I would like to live in a rural location, keep chickens, have a veg garden with raised beds, be surrounded by open fields. Be no more than an hours drive from the beach and an hour to a large town.

I would like to live in a bungalow that we do up room my room to meet our requirements. You see like a lot of people I don't want to keep moving, I'd like my forever home now and that means no stairs, so I can choose to move when I want or am ready, not when our future health dictates that.

I'd like to own a camper van so I have somewhere to stay when I visit family and friends rather than sleeping on sofas, where I can take Bob with me. I can use the camper van for days out to the seaside, into the woods, where I can sit and drink tea while Bob runs freely and read my book and stay dry and warm. I'd like to get a dog passport and travel round Europe, either with hubby if he's retired or just Bob and myself if he's still working and travelling abroad.

I'd like to be able to plan for my future, for our future, but there are just too many variables of which none are currently in my control and it's getting harder to manage.

It's all a dream for the future, but it doesn't mean I have to stop living now. My career is on hold as is my relationship with my family and friends. My dreams are on hold also, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't have dreams or not be able to dream big.