I OBJECT

HOW CAN A CHILD (AGED 22) COME HOME TO VISIT MAKE AS MUCH MESS IN 5 DAYS AS THEY DID IN THE LAST 12 YEARS WHEN THEY WERE STILL LIVING WITH US.

THESE ARE MY HOUSE GUIDELINES...THEY HAVE BEEN DISOBEYED

Remember your host is NOT on holidayPay your way, buy coffees and insist on taking everyone out for a meal at least once. DISAPPEARS WHEN THE BILL COMES

Don't buy your own goodies and hide them in your room, remember you're eating the food they paid for. 24 CANS OF COKE HAVE APPEARED IN THE RECYCLING BIN, TAKES ONE TO THE TABLE AT EACH MEAL TIME, EMPTY BOTTLE OF RUM (AFTER 5 DAYS) ENDLESS SWEET AND CRISP WRAPPERS LYING AROUND

Don't take the last, or use the last of anything. If your host offers toast and cereals for breakfast, don't go asking for a bacon sandwich. COMPLAINS ABOUT EVERY MEAL, CONSTANTLY ASKS FOR EXTRA STUFF, WILL FILL UP ON BREAD

If you have food preferences or allergies it is YOUR responsibility to inform your host BEFORE you arrive. DESPITE TELLING THEM WHAT IS FOR TEA AND WE WILL ONLY BE HAVING A SNACK AT LUNCH TIME, BUYS PIZZA, BURGERS TO EAT DURING THE DAY (GOES OFF ALONE TO DO SO)

If you detect tension,take your book to your room, walk their dog (if they have one) or take the kids to the park. THEY ARE CAUSING THE TENSION

Allow your hosts a bit of space, remember one or both may still be going to work daily and running around after kids etc, again you're on holiday they’re not. HAS TAKEN OVER THE DOWNSTAIRS LOUNGE, HENCE FORCING YOUNGEST CHILD TO DOMINATE THE UPSTAIRS ONE

Tidy up after yourself, your host ISN'T your Mother and even if she is, you've left home now. DESPITE BEING HIS MOTHER AND REFUSING TO TIDY UP AFTER THEM, THE BEDROOM AND BATHROOM IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS, SETTING AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE IS COVERED IN FOOD WASTE (SEE COMMENT ABOVE RE CRISP AND SWEET PAPERS EVERYWHERE)