Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Meeting men in speedos

I love people watching, I eye up other women for what they are wearing, does it look good on them? Would it look better on me? I smile polietly when someone tells me they've spent all day getting ready and I think I took 5 mins and feel better than you look. It is human nature, we all do honest.

But do men do it? I asked hubby and he said, if a woman really looks a mess it's only because she looks so bad that he has noticed and he usually replies to my comments of 'what a mess' with 'she's made an effort.

But what about men with other men? Do they look at another man and think 'where did he get that shirt? those shoes? that tie?'

Since joining the gym I've come to the conclusion that men do look at other men and aspire to be like them. They all arrive in the morning, mostly with designer bags, shirt on a clothes hanger, wearing the latest gym gear to pump their artificial upper body muscles up higher while their legs remain skinny. but is that just me making an assumption, that they happen to all want to look and act the same?

Well here's my evidence.

I usually have the pool to myself when I go at 8am, but the last few mornings I've been in the water by 7am. Take your average male swimmer, mainly in their mid 30's to mid 40's. Tight speedos snapped into place, snug fitting swim cap and OMG all the equipment they bring with them, flippers, face masks, snorkels, paddles and they pick the middle two lanes as the outside ones have a current. They flex on the side of the pool, adjust their googles, preen themselves and off they go...super warp factor speed, powering up and down the pool, most of them have very good strokes but don't seem to know how to use their legs for swimming. I plod along same speed, breast stroke, up and down, no stopping until I've completed my mile and often swimming two. They stop every 4 lengths to adjust their goggles and flex a bit more.

Now I'm a smoker, I find aerobic exercise difficult, get out of breath and really struggle to swim front crawl, besides my fag would get wet. Now swimming breast stroke my head pops out the water and I can see what is going on in the pool. Today in came 'adonis' no older than 25, red speedos with white flowers on, a swim hat and goggles, he flexed and fiddled with his goggles. And out of the corner of my eye I see the guy in the next lane looking at him, the guy then powers off for 4 lengths front crawl, sips out of his water bottle and 'adonis' guy, lowered himself into the pool and swam 8 continious lengths of butterfly, the hardest stroke known to man, he then swam another 8 of breast stroke, followed by back stroke then front crawl, without once stopping. Guy in the other lane, in his early 40's wasn't going to be outdone and powered himself up and down the lane glancing at 'adonis'. Now this guy had only been in the water for 5 minutes before 'adonis' got in and I'm sure he had a routine he wanted to stick to, he hadn't used his floats or his face mask.

I swam my last 2 lengths and as always, despite being a smoker, I also swim length 64 underwater, so I didn't see the guy climb out the pool and collapse/sit on the end gasping for breath, so as I reached the end of the lane, I pop up above the water and nearly bloody chocked...the guy is sitting their legs in the water, wide apart and I'm stood there staring at eye level with his crotch scrunched up in his speedos....'adonis' is unaware of the competition he has sparked and carries on with his swim.


  1. So what's the problem? In normal speedo's its just a bulge, where you cant point out what is what.

  2. So what's the problem? Maybe it's not the most sofisticated way to sit. But with normal speedo's you can't point out what is what. What if you just continue your routine, and write when something really interesting happens : )