Monday, 20 February 2017

Sharing my son with another family.

Child 4 was the last to leave home in 2014, he was almost 20 and had been the last child at home for almost a year after child 5 returned to the UK to boarding school.

Child 4 is the only child we've had an input with into adult hood, he was at home the longest, therefore the one we spent the most time with as a young adult.

He was the only one we taught to drive, who we left home alone to look after his younger sibling while we travelled and the one who did the school runs, food shops and picked us up after a night out.

Apart from the youngest who finishes school this year, the other 3 boys manage their own finances, careers and lives in general. But they always come to me for advice and support before making major decisions. They respond to messages, but unlike child 4, they rarely initiate just general day to day chat.

However things are changing/have changed with child 4 in the past few months since he got himself a girlfriend. I don't mean that he's stopped talking to me, tagging me in photo's or even become distant. I mean he now has a whole new family involved in his life. He tags me in photo's of days out with his girlfriend and her family, his achievements and just general stuff he thinks I'll like, same as usual, but now not only is his girlfriend commenting on his posts, so are her family, their extended family, friends and neighbours.

These are people I don't know, but who are getting to know my son just as well as I do. Whose comments are similar to mine, because they know what he's like and how he'll respond. People who share 'in' jokes with him. People who he tells things to at the same time as he tells me. People who are important in his life, of equal importance to me.

I'm not jealous, but I do envy their relationship with my son. My relationship with my son is now online, we live 4000 miles apart, he sees his girlfriend most days after work, he goes round her house and eats his tea with her family, he walks their dog, he talks to her dad about the football, he asks her mum to help with removing stains from his clothes.

As a Mother to 5 children, all bar one being adults, I've accepted a long time ago, that they would all grow up and leave home one day, that they'd get girlfriends, get married one day and eventually have children of their own. What I didn't think about was how their new families had families of their own.

I'm off to Belfast for a few days in March to meet the girlfriend and her family and the 3 of us are taking a road trip to Dublin, it's a short visit, but it will be nice to meet the girlfriend and her family and get to know the people my son now shares his life with on a daily basis.

12 comments:

  1. I can so relate to this. I share my eldest with my ex husband and his wife and so in that way he has a whole other family who I do not know. He has a brother who I have met just a handful of times, a new set of grandparents and aunties and uncles, cousins and friends I have never met.Letting go is the hardest thing about parenting! #PoCoLo

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    1. we were fortunate that both our ex's never re married and that my step children rarely went to their mothers. My ex in laws are still very good friends and my ex SILand I keep in regular contact with her and my niece coming to ours for holidays and out for meals when we're in the UK

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  2. I've been on the other side of that, as the girlfriend, and then wife with a family of her own. Now that we have a baby it's even worse since there are two sets of grandparents and one is not more important than the other. I'm sure it must be hard to see this other family coming into what has always been your domain, but think about it this way. The more people love your son, the better off he is. #PoCoLo

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    1. it's great for my son and exactly what we wanted to happen for our children, it's just he's the first one who has this

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  3. This must be so hard, but it's lovely that your son has that extra support network. My husband knows my parents better than he knows his own mum in many ways. He has lived in my home town/ village for nearly 20 years now and actually spent the first year living at my parents' house (without me!). He certainly knows my niece and nephew a lot better than he knows his own nephews.

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    1. I still have regular contact and visits to and from my ex SIL and nephews and nieces, i have very little to do with Peter's side of the family, I tried but have admitted defeat now these days

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  4. Must be very strange indeed being so far and having limited chance to meet them and get to know them in the same country. Hope it goes ok in March, and it feels easier over time

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    1. very much looking forward to the trip

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  5. Hope the trip goes well, agree that the more love there is to go round the better. Have fun, and I bet they'll be curious and nervous too. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo

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    1. oh they need to be very afraid.....lol

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  6. Hope the trip went well. I can imagine it's tough but I'm sure it will be fine. x
    Thanks for linking to #pocolo
    (sorry for the epically late comment)

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    1. sadly i had to change my travel plans and didn't get to Ireland, but I'll see him in the UK this week

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