What makes a good parenting blog?

Certainly not a lot of the ones I read anyway.

I shock people sometimes with my honesty, I blog about real events, how it affects us as a family and what conclusions we have drawn. I have permission, I'm not allowed to photograph the teen, but he has helped me with the hashtags for his recent visit for instagram, even if it's only his arm that appears in the photo and they'd all rather I didn't tag them on Facebook as then all their friends get to see it, but they don't mind the rest of the family and my friends reading about it all.

Why am I writing this post? Well having joined in with numerous linkys/groups/forums I'm starting to see too much of an artificial world, too many scripted and planned out blogs, too many gushing reviews, too many perfect lives.

But it doesn't bother me that much, as I'm almost done with raising my family, in fact I no longer parent on a daily basis, there's only one child left under 18 and we packed him off as soon as we could back to the UK to boarding school, while we live the life of riley as expats in Dubai, by the beach. I'm sure that would probably get more hits for a post like that, but then it would probably attract the trolls also and anyway I write for myself, for others in similar situations and certainly not for the stats, which btw aren't too bad, but unlike a lot of you I'm not going to make a fortune from blogging unless I can get 10,000 hits per day (some of you are deluded, but you're happy I suppose) I did get 10,000+ hits recently on a youtube video over 2 days.

My youngest son moving to the UK was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, it didn't get easier because we'd already had kids leave home, each child that left, wherever they went and for whatever reasons broke my bloody heart, but we knew they'd go one day. There were times when I could've quite cheerfully let them live with their other parent. The arguments, the rows, the fights, the name calling and yes it was both sides. It wasn't healthy for any of us, but now they are adults and now they have their own lives, we all just get on fine. We have our space, our own routines, our own habits, no one to annoy, no one to argue and fight with.

This is one of the downsides about living in a large family, you can't please one another all the time, in fact it is rare to even have one or two getting on at any one time. But when they come to visit now, they come as an only child, they come home to mum and dad, they come home as adults and we value and respect each others space, as we all remember what it was like to live on top of one another.

I have no issues with telling you the truth about the realities of family life. I don't care much if you think I'm a bad parent, I'm just a different parent, I am an honest parent.

I have a friend who is aghast at the antics of my children over the years. I told her not to judge as her son is only 11, she looked at me and I said 'I can see that you're thinking oh no, not my child, he won't be like that, ever' and as much as I'm truly not wishing any of the negative things about living with teens, I know she will have her own set of issues and worries about him, she will justify his behaviour, she will analyse her role in it, she may dismiss it, she may challenge it, but it will be there all the same.

The same with some of you when I read your blogs, there are food issues (please research the difference between food allergies and intolerances and learn that sometimes it's not always the food that causes your child to behave badly) I've been there, done that. There is being bullied at school, there is your child playing an active role in bullying, there is being top of the class, the best reader etc, but the reality is, half the time you're exaggerating your child's achievements, but I'm not knocking you for that, I'm proud of my kids also, I'll tell you when they've done something to make me proud. But I'm realistic and more often than not, I'll tell you about the things that went wrong, the pain, the heartache, the walking away, the tears behind closed doors.

It's difficult to measure the success of parenting unless you acknowledge the pitfalls and being honest with yourself certainly helps to make parenting a lot easier.

My Sunday Photo - Week 17

My niece got married yesterday, I cannot post any pictures of HER big day until she updates her face book, so until them I'll leave with you with a photo of my 3 boys, who do see one another as they all live in the UK, but it's the first time since 2012 when the eldest came out to visit us in South Africa, that I've actually seen the 3 of them together.

Week 17 Project 365

A good start to the week, we have working air conditioning, at last. I spent Sunday and Monday cleaning up after the workmen. Monday afternoon was spent with friends having coffee and on Tuesday after another repack of my case I flew to the UK, I made my way from St Albans on Wednesday to Newport. Thursday and Friday were spent decorating my mums house and garden and on Saturday my niece got married.

Day 109 #onedailypositive #together #fmsphotoaday #dinner #snaphappybritmums #project365

Imagine my upset when hubby phoned to say he was on his way home and asked what was for dinner? I was already to go out tonight for a meal as we always do the night before either of us goes away or the last night with visitors. But it's Sunday and I don't fly till Tuesday, I'm so confused with having weekends on Fridays and Saturdays, hubby back at work today. I'm convinced it's Monday, I'm convinced of it every single week. So tonights dinner was beans on toast and we sat in front of the TV together catching up with some sport and news.

Day 110 #onedailypositive #thishappened #fmsphotoaday #lovely #snaphappybritmums #project365                                          

This happened, the school bill arrived, for term 3. Isn't it lovely? NOT. On a positive it has encouraged me to start job hunting.

Day 111 #onedailypositive #season #fmsphotoaday #dinner #snaphappybritmums #project365

The only season we have in Dubai is summer. I haven't actually experienced a proper summer here yet and on my return from the UK I will be preparing to hibernate until October, minus a trip to Canada during Ramadan and the UK in September to my son's passing out parade. Apart from baking a birthday cake last week and a full Sunday roast for Easter, we are only eating salads unless we go out for dinner. So it's nice to have a cooked meal, even if it is on an aeroplane.

Day 112 #onedailypositive #mess #fmsphotoaday#OhWell #snaphappybritmums #project365 

I've flown over from Dubai yesterday for my nieces wedding. I arrived late at my parents tonight with a suitcase full of gifts and wedding decorations which I emptied in my parents lounge creating a right MESS but OH WELL who cares? I'll sort it all out tomorrow.

Day 113 ‪#‎onedailypositive‬ ‪#‎snack‬ ‪#‎fmsphotoaday‬ ‪#‎green‬‪#‎snaphappybritmums‬ ‪#‎project365‬ 

I'm making wedding favours for my nieces wedding on Saturday, the colour scheme is pink and mint. I used the additional chocolate to make princess lollies, but this one went a little wrong, so I ate it.

Day 114 #onedailypositive #FillTheFrame #fmsphotoaday #books #snaphappybritmums #project365

This is an archive photo from a wonderful weekend away to Hay on Wye for my birthday in 2013 with a very dear friend. Not only does it fit the two prompts perfectly but due to miscommunications over the past few days since I've been in the UK to attend a family wedding tomorrow, I found myself without a bed for 2 nights and my lovely friend came to my rescue, without batting an eyelid, despite it being her daughters prom tonight and welcomed me at 8pm last night with a (several) glass(es) of wine.

Day 115 #onedailypositive #ISitHere #fmsphotoaday #cloud #snaphappybritmums #project365

Staying with friends in Ross on Wye, so up early and off to Monmouth to my mums at 7.30am as my niece is getting married today. I sit here drinking my coffee, looking at a gap in the clouds hoping that the weather improves by 11am.

Creating a Garden in the Desert - Week 4 Growing Tomatoes

Having had success with growing plants, I'm now growing tomatoes and if these take and are successful I will expand the range and plants some fruit trees and salads and vegetables.

Due to water temperatures and discolouration we buy bottled water for drinking, washing salads and cooking in. Despite having recycling bins we've noticed the refuse collectors empty both bins into one track so we try to reuse as much waste as we can.

I asked my son to cut down the 15 litre bottles

I made a make shift wheel barrow to fill the base with rocks and a mix of sand and compost

Although by the time I'd finished potting up, the pots were in full sun, but at the moment only between 11am and 1pm.

I've been looking at the neighbours gardens to check out the type of plants they are growing and I've noticed quite a few have either dug channels to plant in or have built little sand walls around each plant. I'm not sure how this helps just yet, but there is obviously a reason for it, so I'll give it a go.

These are the plants currently growing around the neighbourhood, there is also an irrigation system in place.

Whale Watching from Richard's Bay to St Lucia

This was my 3rd Whale watching experience in South Africa and all 3 in 1 year. My 1st trip was to Hermanus in August this year with my youngest son, where we watched the Whales from the shore line out in the bay.
The 2nd trip was with Advantage Tours based in St Lucia, again in August and with youngest son and hubby.
The 3rd trip was again with Advantage with my eldest son and his girlfriend in September.

This trip was by far the best. We left Richard's Bay at 5.30am, expecting to only be out for 2 hours, but they requested we join them for the trip to St Lucia, where they had arranged a lift back for us and we would be out at sea for nearly 4 hours.

We saw around 15 hump backed whales, we saw babies, we saw them breach where they leap out the water, lots of sky hopping, head first out the water, tail flips and waves.

We were also accompanied for around 30 minutes by a pod of dolphins and we were encouraged to clamber up on the front of the boat to watch them more closely.

After a beach landing, the owner treated us to a hippo and crocodile boat cruise in the estuary with drinks and snacks, before driving us back to Richard's Bay.

This post was originally published in September 2014.

Packing hand luggage

I'm off to the UK tonight, my suitcase is packed full of gifts and wedding decorations and winter and water proof clothing. I'm flying with Emirates airlines as they have a very generous 30kg allowance.

As an expat, international flights are common, but this is my first trip back 'home' where I'm flying direct from Dubai. My trips from South Africa used to involve any thing between 2 - 9 hours stop over in Dubai and therefore I packed my hand luggage very differently to this trip.

For my latest flight I packed what I normally do, but didn't need two spare sets of clothes, shampoo, towel or as many toiletries.

I prefer a window seat and once seated I rarely get up, unless I'm desperate for the loo, I exercise in my seat following the instructions on the card in front and always purchase additional water prior to boarding and a few sweets. As I sit near the window, I pack my hand luggage with a separate bag inside containing everything I may want during the flight and if I'm doing a stop over I always buy my duty free allowance on the 2nd leg of the trip so I'm not dragging additional bags through security and around the airport.

All of this came out of my hand luggage, I took the photos as I packed, it also helps if I make a list in advance of what I need.

When flying out of Johannesburg, it is essential that all electrical items and items of value are packed in your hand luggage to prevent theft and your suitcase is wrapped in giant rolls of cling film to make theft that little bit harder. I still pack all charges and cables in my hand luggage and additional jewellery as you never know and in case of my case getting delayed there has to be room for a spare t shirt, underwear and deodorant so at least I have one change of clothes on arrival.

Thankfully the airport in Dubai is air conditioned so I arrived wearing winter clothing, boots and a coat, leaving me with more space and weight in my checked in luggage, although I did wear sandals for the trip to the airport, leaving them with hubby in a plastic bag to take home.

So in my hand luggage goes:

Laptop on top of bag so easily removed for security checks
Small clear zip lock with toothbrush/paste, face cloth (to be used as a small towel), deodorant, wet wipes, comb, hair bobbles, anti bacterial hand wash, tissues

Lap top charger and adapters

Head phones
Phone and usb cable
Notepad and pen
Camera and all related cables and charges
Jewellery pouch
UK bank and store cards, sim card and currency, Wallet
T shirt and underwear
Sun glasses in case
Eye mask
Socks to wear in flight
Neck cushion

Separate bag for removal during the flight containing the following items from the first list

Laptop
Head phones
Phone and usb cable
Notepad and pen
Toiletry bag
Neck cushion
Socks
Wallet
Bottled water and sweets (bought after passport and security checks)


No hair straighteners in hand luggage this trip, as I wasn't leaving Joburg I was able to pack them in my checked in luggage. I also packed my address book, diary and papers relating to the UK in my checked in luggage for this trip, but I was a little apprehensive about doing so. I've never lost a case but hubby and 2 of the kids have had their luggage delayed in the past and hubby has also had items stolen from his checked in luggage.

Getting things done on time.

I'm off to the UK tomorrow for 2 weeks to attend my niece's wedding. I sorted my outfit a few weeks ago, just buying a new jacket and a hair piece. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to afford this trip but it didn't stop em getting things ready to take back for family and friends, either to send back with the youngest who has been visiting or with hubby on his next European trip with work. I'm packing my clothes and toiletries today, I don't pack clothes too far in advance as I like a rough idea of what the weather is going to be like.

I don't know about you, but when I think of something I need to do I just get on and do it, even if it means it's done 3 months before it needed doing.

It's my son's 16th birthday next week, I bought the card in January, why? because I thought 'oh it's my son's 16th birthday this year and he'll be in Dubai for it' and I went into a card shop and bought it there and then.

What's in the bag? Well it's bits and bobs I've been collecting for my 4 year old niece for my son to take back with him when he leaves on April 16th (the calculator has been dropped in the bag incase my son needs one for his GCSE's) I've been collecting/buying bits and pieces since Christmas. I left her birthday gift for February with my mum back in November.

This bag? Well this is in preparation for my trip to Canada in June to meet my twitter buddy @alwaysaredhead, there are bits and pieces in there from South Africa and the UK collected in November.

These bags? Well these have already been delivered, I put these together when hubby announced a month in advance he was going back to South Africa for work.

People tell me how good I am, how organised I am, how thoughtful I am at doing things like this. But the truth is, I'm a last minute worrier, deadlines don't register with me until the day they arrive, so when I think about something, it's important to me to remember so I tend to do it straight away so I don't forget.

My friend's daughter is 18 in November, have I bought her birthday gift? of course I have. I didn't want to put money in an envelope, I wanted to buy something special, so I went shopping last week to do just that.

Now I hear you saying you do that with Christmas, then forget what you've bought or where you've hidden it. Nope not me, there are boxes in the study, labelled for each trip and the date. My suitcase is already packed for my trip to the UK on the 21st, not with clothes, but with wedding gifts, birthday cards and presents, wrapped and envelopes addressed, to leave with my mum with a date in the corner where the stamp will go for her to know when to post them on. I'm back in the UK again in September so on that trip I'll be taking out the christmas presents, that I will need to think about buying soonish or before I know it, December will be here and I will have forgotten.

How about you? How far ahead do you plan for things like this?

Week 16 My Sunday Photo

Well it's been over 3 weeks since the air conditioning repairmen informed our landlady that they could no longer repair the existing unit and we'd need new ones installed.

After a lot of measuring, checking the fuse boxes, haggle over prices, finally the new units are being installed today. Hopefully this means we can get some sleep tonight with temps in the mid 30's.

Having lived in South Africa for 4 years prior to moving to Dubai, you'd think there would be nothing left that anyone could do to shock me, but unfortunately not.

There is now a lot of cleaning up to do, there is dust everywhere, despite covering everything with sheets first, but hey ho, at least the 3 bedrooms will be cool enough to work in.

Week 16 Project 365

The air con still hasn't been fixed and coupled with the #teen leaving, the heat, the housework and the packing for my trip to the UK next week my stress levels are rising. I've had headaches and felt dizzy and sick. I feel like this week I've been on auto pilot. We did do some nice stuff this week which started with watching Alain Robert free climbing the Cayan Tower which you can read about in #MySundayPhoto and watch on you tube, which has had over 11,000 hits so far. I met with friends for coffee on Monday, the teen turned 16 on Tuesday so a family night out, Wednesday involved packing and Thursday he flew back to the UK. Friday in Abu Dhabi and Saturday in Dubai are the weekend so we just chilled, as much is possible in 40c heat.

Day 102 #onedailypositive #SomethingGreen #fmsphotoaday #water #snaphappybritmums #project365

Having just started 'Creating a garden in the desert' with #HDYGG and having a dog that loves rolling in the sand and it being so hot and dusty in Dubai, a hose pipe is an essential. It is used to fill the washing machine as the water temp out the outside tap is 40c so it saves on heating costs, watering the garden, but I'm not sure watering my plants at that temp is actually doing them any good, dampening the sand down when the wind gets up to stop it blowing in the house and washing the dog. although I do that first thing in the morning before the water heats up too much.

Day 103 #onedailypositive #paper #fmsphotoaday #fly #snaphappybritmums #project365

Post, we have post, the good old fashioned paper variety, a new house card from South Africa, a post card and our election papers from the UK. Some sent by airmail, the South African one I think was hand delivered on foot through Africa, the length of time it's taken to reach us, but it reached us, hurrah.

Day 104 #onedailypositive #up #fmsphotoaday #ball #snaphappybritmums #project365

The birthday decorations are Up and tonight we will have a Ball for our sons 16th birthday.
I thought about throwing a ball up in the air and taking a photo, but that doesn't represent my day, maybe in the future I'll use the photo prompts to get creative, but today I've been making ice cream, baking and decorating a cake and I've been creative enough already.

Day 105 #onedailypositive #dinner #fmsphotoaday #love #snaphappybritmums #project365

There is nothing I love more than being with my family, it's just hubby and I most of the year but the 16yo is visiting and for his birthday dinner he chose his favourite restaurant in Dubai, which is in #DubaiMarina. We are also going out for dinner tonight, which is something we always do on the last before any of our visitors leave.

Day 106 #onedailypositive #WhereIWork #fmsphotoaday #pink #snaphappybritmums #project365

Normally today would be a sad day as the teen flies back to the UK, but seeing as I'm following him on Tuesday, the goodbyes will be 'see you later' I don't have a paid job, my visa for the past 5 years has read 'visitor' but I do work, it's not all G&Ts you know. mostly it is housework and a constant battle to keep the sand out the house, or I'm sewing to raise funds for charities in South Africa, or I'm in the kitchen making dinner.
In thinking about where I'm my most productive I decided to post a picture of where I do most most of my blogging and it's any coffee shop that has wifi. My bag is my mobile office and I don't always take my laptop with me, I always have a notebook and a pen or two so I can jot down notes, write letters home etc, it just happens that this months notebook and pen are pink.

Day 107 #onedailypositive #AnOrdinaryMoment #fmsphotoaday #cute #snaphappybritmums #project365

An ordinary moment for me is being knocked off my feet by the dog every time I return home, mind you I get the same cute response even when I leave the room for a few minutes. They say 'get a dog so someone is always pleased to see you'

Day 108 #onedailypositive #fluffy #fmsphotoaday #flowers #snaphappybritmums #project365

I've been joining in with #HDYGG linky on a Friday. These are the latest seeds I've bought and I'm hoping they will be ready to plant out by the time I return from the UK in May, assuming hubby waters them, that is. You just don't know how much effort I put into thinking how to manage todays photo prompts 'fluffy and flowers' however until they flower I'm not sure which is the fluffy one and I think the other seedling maybe a Protea.

Creating a garden in the desert. Part 3 Making newspaper plant pots

My seedlings are growing better than I could've ever imagined. I'm not a gardener and in the past I've tried growing many plants and fruit & veg, to very little success. Usually because I get bored. My biggest excuse comes when it's time to water, but in this garden there are numerous garden taps making it easier to remember to water and with this being Dubai it's too hot in the house so I'm spending much more time outside in the evenings.

I've run out of coir pots, I've used some yogurt pots and cut plastic bottles down to sew the seedlings in, but as I'm planting directly into the sand, I want to be able to plant the seedlings with as much of their root and soil as possible. 

I don't have access to a car in the daytime and the garden centres involve a walk, bus, train and another walk to reach them. i do get a taxi back with my purchases of compost etc, but having googled how to make my own pots for planting I came across several websites and you tube videos showing me how to do it myself, saving time on travel, the stress of the heat and money.

I used an empty drinks can, ribbon (didn't have any string) a box to store them in and newspaper cut into strips (3 strips per pot) 

After that it was simple

Roll the newspaper round the can

Remove the can

Tie the ribbon

Fold the bottom

Fill with soil, transfer the seedling and add water

The garden is doing really well, haven't lost a single plant. The plants are in full sun 90% of the day.

I have been concerned when watering which I only do at night and first thing in the morning as the temperature from the outside tap is 38c currently.

I have some new Petunia seedlings growing, some I planted in pots and there are some in the ground that have started to grow since I've been watering the sand. No idea what they are though.