Things to do at Dubai airport for 6 3/4 hours

I'm in transit from South Africa to the UK and booked my flight too late, so instead of the usual 2 hours in Dubai I'm here for nearly 7 hours.

The 8 hour flight was uneventful, but I didn't sleep much, with Mr Elbows next to me and I'm struggling to stay awake, having woken on Sunday at 7.30am.

The first thing I did was to go to a departure gate and grab a trolley, with it I've explored Terminal B & C, been in every shop, finished my book, drank endless coffees, had a shower, found wifi and the smoking lounge, read a book, tweeted, face booked and sorted photos and files on my laptop.

I am shattered. It's 1.30pm here in Dubai. 11.30am in South Africa and 9.30am in the UK. I think it's Monday.

Off now to gate B31, which is the opposite end of where I am now, I have coffee (again), still have my trolley which is now more of a walking aid and I'm going to sit right at the gate where hopefully someone will wake me should I fall asleep before my next 7 hour flight.

My Sunday Photo - it's more than just being a volunteer

Well that's it. My last Santa Shoebox.

4 years of collecting and distributing Christmas gifts to the most vulnerable and poor children in Pretoria, South Africa.

I estimate between us we've processed 26,000 boxes in Pretoria alone.

I hope to return to South Africa next year to help again, but I'll miss all the meetings and the planning.

I shall miss you all.

What you consider waste is a meal for someone else

Last month my son and his girlfriend visited South Africa. We stopped for fuel whilst driving through the Kruger National Park. My son's girlfriend asked me to throw her half eaten cake in the bin. I told her to give it to the pump attendant. He ate it.

She said if she did that to a homeless person in the UK she'd have probably had it lobbed at the back of her head as she walked off.

Until you live in a country like South Africa, you have no idea what poor actually means. Poor doesn't always mean homeless, dirty or uneducated, poor means that everyday your priority is to earn money to feed your family. I wanted to write 'put food on the table' but a table for a lot of people would be an unnecessary item unless it was donated.

Often when I stop at the lights, someone will ask me for food or drink, rarely money. I will always give them them my half drunk bottle of water or coke, they always take it and drink it as if they've not drunk for several days.

Any waste food we have, we give to someone. If it's left overs from last nights meal, it will be given to the gardener for his lunch, if it's fruit or veg, or even that last slice of bread it is put out for the bin men on a tuesday morning, on top of the bin.

Not long after we moved to South Africa, I threw out a slice of stale bread, with some limp lettuce leaves in the bottom of the bread bag. I also scooped out the cat litter tray and put the contents in there before placing it in the wheelie bin.

The bin man, opened the bag, took the stale bread, shook it off and ate it. I was almost sick. In fact I feel sick now relating the story.

A friend told me how her maid used to ask for the outer leaves off the cabbage to take home. My friend, also an expat, enquired as to whether she had a pet rabbit. This was met with silence and then my friend realised that her maid was taking what she called the waste, home to feed her family.

Mumsnet brought to my attention Unilever who are also running the #clearaplate campaign to provide an additional half a million meals to families in need through its partnership with Oxfam, and is calling on people to do their bit to address food waste in order to fight hunger in the UK.

I'm not sure my approach to food waste would work in the UK, I'm not sure the offer of a half eaten cake would go down too well.

I read this post last week about 'lets stop giving our crap to the poor' Most of the readers agreed, however I say after spending 4 years working with the 'poor' Let the poor decide for themselves what is crap, when you have nothing, or your lost everything in a shack fire or in floods, including family members, nothing that one gives is 'crap' it is usually one thing more than they had before you gave it to them.

Internet Trolls

My interpretation of what an Internet Troll is, is a person who sets up false accounts to target a victim. I do not see someone who posts as themselves from a well established account, disagreeing with something you say as being a troll.

I'm so glad the internet never existed when I was a teenager, back in my day (1980's) it was snide notes passed round and comments scratched into school desks or graffiti on toilet doors. They were all anonymous comments also, but you had a fair idea who was writing it as your social network only extended to people who you could put a name to a face, knew where they lived, went to school, knew their parents, because you lived in the same area and went to the same school.

In the 'old days' if someone was saying things to your face or even behind your back, you had the option to walk away, spend your time with other people and do your best to avoid the verbal bullies. There were plenty of youth clubs, friday night disco's, plenty of space in the playground, lunch time clubs, after school clubs, you didn't have to interact and engage with the bullies, you simply had other options of places to go.

With todays social media explosion, it is harder to walk away, as when you're sat in front of computer screen or a phone, there's no where to walk to. You do however have the option to turn the device off, sign out of your account or even delete your account. You wouldn't stand there in the playground or the street and just listen to people slagging you off, you'd walk away, you'd report it, you may even argue back, but you wouldn't go and stand outside that persons house and spy on what they are saying about you, question their friends about what they are saying or listen in to their conversations, in case they were talking about you. What would be the point of that?

But you'll sit there in front of your computer screen or on your phone and scrawl through all their accounts, looking for proof that they're talking about you, slagging you off.

I've had many disagreements with people in the real world and on the internet. I know I've been in the wrong, in the right, or agreed to disagree. I've posted short, sharp comments in response to someone who is on the point of turning nasty, usually with a 2 word response beginning with an F. I also find that in real life that response works just as well. Where in real life I comment and turn on my heels to go, on the internet I just block.

In real life and online I stay clear now from issues of race. When I emphasised with someone once about being victimised based on my nationality and I was told I had no idea what it was like until the colour of my skin was used against me. This comment angered me as my experience was an face to face encounter I was told to 'eff off back to my own country and to shove my hockey stick up my c...' this was then followed by a block of ice being thrown at close range at my head, causing my head to bleed.

This was physical assault and there was evidence, it had been witnessed, it was immaterial what I'd said, which was 'please stop throwing food at our table' but it could be dealt with as their was physical evidence. it's not the same when it's online, the intonation can't be heard, the written word can be misinterpreted and I'm sure half the time when I've responded with 'eff off' it's because I've received the wrong message from 140 characters in a tweet.

But back to trolling. In 2010 I tweeted with @CalumBest, jeez I'm at least 20 years older than him, so not his usual audience. I responded to someone else's tweets about addiction and he replied. I then had loads of tweets from young women on twitter telling me to stay away from him. I made a mistake, I interacted and it became abusive, as quick as I was blocking new accounts more were being set up, with false names, the same profile picture.

It was annoying, I steered clear of it, kept blocking, stopped replying, then things changed. She was tweeting me that she was outside my house, watching through my kitchen window, she threatened to kill me if I ever tweeted Calum Best again, she said she had followed me to work.

I showed hubby, his suggestion was to close my twitter account and open a new one, but I had friends on there, genuine ones. I didn't want to give in to the bully. A 23 yo on twitter with an established account contacted me to say she was being bullied by the same person and receiving similar threats, she was in Edinburgh, where the false accounts had been set up according to their profiles but there was no evidence of the tweets and then I discovered she was following all the accounts that had targeted me, but they weren't following her back, like they'd done with me. I contacted her via DM, as a friend, said we should get together to report this to the police, told her I had hired an investigator to search and had found out who this person was making the threats, where they lived and workda y told her about a friend of mine, Emily, who's internet bully had been jailed for 3 months for making death threats on Facebook.

And then it stopped, all of it stopped, I blocked her, the troll. I went to my local police station to report it. I was told by the police exactly what my husband had told me.....'delete your account'.

Why? the bullies/trolls win that way. What I've learnt though is not to get involved, not to respond, not to advertise the trolling, just to block and walk away, just like I did back in the 'old days' when i was a teenager, before social media began.

I'm not sure how the courts are going to manage this new law of up to 2 years in jail for internet trolls surely a lot of the abuse is difficult to distinguish. Yes a direct threat of rape or murder whether written or spoken is a matter for police, but telling someone they are a vile human being in response to something they've said isn't a matter for the courts. It is still abuse, but how is this going to be policed?

You're moving to Dubai....how exciting

I do wish people would stop saying that. For the past 4 years it's been assumed that every minute of our lives in South Africa has been full of sunshine and laughter and opportunities and safaris on a daily basis.

Yes we've had some wonderful experiences and visited places we'd never even dreamed of visiting. But we had that when we lived in the UK, travel with the kids to the States, Turkey, Tunisia as well as most of France. We regally went to football matches at various grounds and to Wembley. Hubby travelled with work to places we'd probably have never visited and I tagged along on occasional weekends to extend his trip. The kids had unlimited experiences with us and their friends to do a lot of things that their peer groups weren't doing and life was very good.

We still had the drams, the hassles with schools, a 6 bed house to keep clean and tidy, the endless washing, ironing and trying to cook meals that all the boys and hubby would eat. Stress at work, extra pressure from study, but we had family near by and plenty of friends as did the kids. We plodded on in-between the dramas and excitement just about like everyone else does in life.

In South Africa we still plod on and we plod on ok, but we made huge sacrifices to just plod on and No, the sun, the pool etc does not make our lives anymore glamorous than it was before or any more exciting than yours is.

So why isn't moving to Dubai exciting for me then?

Because I know exactly what's going to happen, I'm already extremely stressed sorting out our visa applications and the paperwork for the cat and dog. So far the process to move to Dubai from South Africa is the same as the move from the UK. Short notice, little support, hours of phone calls, googling, appointments etc, .

But this time there are two added complications.

1. our visas to live here expire on January 11th 2015 so we're on a tight deadline that can't be extended

2. both applications had to be made from the UK, but this time we're living in South Africa

There are three differences this time.

1. I'm not working so I have the time to do all this stuff

2. The children have already left home since we've been in South Africa

3. I know what's coming

When we were leaving the UK for South Africa. I expected that once the stress of the move was over and we were in our new home that life would be wonderful and exciting, but it became clear as soon as we arrived that the promised help with finding somewhere to live wasn't going to happen. This time our move to Dubai will go smoother as a) I have a pre visit to the new country, which I didn't get when we came to South Africa and b) during my pre visit, house hunting trips have been lined up for us and we are getting assistance with the physical move.

So why have I been so stressed? so wound up? crying? shouting?

Because when we arrive in Dubai and we've unpacked our furniture and hubby starts his new job, I'm back to being on my own, friendless, lonely and have to reinvent my life, find work, go out there and meet people, learn new cultures, laws, rules.

It took 4 years for me to settle in South Africa, to feel I belonged, to understand how everything worked. I dealt with the last child leaving home and adapting to empty nest syndrome, sending the 14 yo back to the UK to complete his education, finding volunteer work so I felt I had a purpose as I couldn't work here, make friends and now it has all stopped, suddenly, overnight.

life is now on hold for me, I have 2 weeks before I fly to the UK then onto Dubai. December the 1st is booked for the packing, the dog and cat need their jabs etc within a tight timeframe, we need to find somewhere to live over Christmas with the pets. We have 2 kids to book flights for and time our move to Dubai with the kids, before sending them back to the UK in January. We have our goodbyes to say and a car to sell.

The 4 years in South Africa have just whizzed by and I know that the moment we arrive in Dubai, I will not be putting in the same level of effort again to settle in there as I know that as soon as I do, we'll be on the move again. I just can't invest all the time to have to change it all again.

Right now I can't see the future, the positives, yes I can get a job, but I haven't worked for 4 years. I'll meet new people, have opportunities for travel, but I've already done all that.

That's why for me the move to Dubai isn't exciting.

How to sell a car in South Africa

Email, Facebook, Tweet, Instagram, Whatsapp and SMS EVERYONE you know in Gauteng.

Wait till someone contacts you and then try to work out who they are as your friends have shared the details.

Arrange to meet in a public place, with security, in day light, in an area you know well.

Message a friend with the name of the person, cell number, where and when you are meeting.

Make sure your phone is fully charged and has credit.



On route to meeting this guy at his place of work which is a government office, I messaged my friend with a description of what I was wearing. Having driven round the one way system in Pretoria, road blocks and protests outside the Tshwane Postal Depot. I pulled up at a petrol station to check if there was someone else near by that was secure I could meet this guy at.

I found a secure car park, parked near the entrance and security booth. I phoned the guy, told him to meet me there, kept my key and parking ticket in my pocket and paid the security guy to stand with me while I waited.

Over the top? No, not in South Africa. I was very anxious, my friends BIL took a friend with him and met the potential buyer at a mall, they were both bundled into the boot of the car they were trying to sell and held hostage a couple of hours drive away, until one of them was taken ill and they were driven back to the outskirts of town.

No I haven't sold my car yet, but he said he'll get back to me this afternoon.

I do hope he buys it, I don't think I could go throughout that again.

Relocating from South Africa to Dubai

We received confirmation of our move to Dubai on the 10th October. Since then the stress levels have been sky high. The appointed relocation company has provided us with information of what, but not where and when or how? 3 weeks ago we knew nothing, I'm still not confident that I know everything I need to know until I know it.

To have birth and marriage certificates attested they must have a GRO number. I still don't know what a GRO number is but basically if a certificate is signed by hand or issued prior to 1991 it probably doesn't have a GRO, therefore at the cost of £9.50 each I've ordered new certificates online.

What we do have?

We have a date for the removal company to pack and for shipping.

We have ordered all the documents we need to relocate and taken photo copies.

We have an appointment in the UK to get the youngest sons passport.

We are taking the cat and the dog to the vets tomorrow for their injections.

My flight to the UK is booked, so is car hire and the return stop off in Dubai and hotel, to go house hunting.

I have 3 people interested in buying my car, one viewing tomorrow.

What don't we have?

Hubbies passport

What is left to do?

Complete Insurance documents for shipping and air freight.

Decide what's going in the air freight and pack suitcases.

Arrange a sitter for the cat and dog while we are in the UK.

Get the cat and dog wormed 2 weeks prior to moving.

Export and import permit for the cat and dog.

Measurements of cat and dog for the crates.

Book flights for cat and dog.

Book our flights to move to Dubai.

Book flight for the kids to come to South Africa one last time to say their goodbyes and move with us to Dubai.

Visit UK solicitor for copies of documents to be signed as originals.

Send all documents by recorded delivery to the Foreign Office and wait 4-5 days for their return.

Visit the UAE Embassy in London for documents to be attested.

Submit application for visas in Dubai.

Once we move to Dubai we have to have medical checks and activate the visas, within 30 days.

All of the above is running or will run concurrently. *pours another gin*

What do relocation experts offer?

From our experience of moving from the UK to South Africa 4 years ago and the current situation of moving to Dubai, I can honestly say that I am not impressed with relocation experts. I point blank refused to deal with the company in South Africa who allegedly assisted with our move here, so we've been appointed a new one in Dubai.

In regards to my husbands work contract and permit, I would be unable to to help him with the relevant work visa application and I'm more than happy for the relocation experts to do this on our behalf, however when it comes to relocating me, our son, the dog and the cat and our furniture, I'd rather we did this on our own, as to be honest, it's nothing but hassle to involve a 3rd party.

The biggest issue is that the move is due to hubbies job and getting his employers to deal with me directly is almost impossible. If I want to ask a question, I email hubby, who emails HR, who emails the relocation experts, who repeat the charade until I finally get a response. In the meantime it's a week later and with thanks to google and several phone calls, I've usually found out the answer myself.

My biggest hurdle is getting myself heard. It's my life that is being uprooted, it is me who has to wait for removal firms to be sent to quote, again appointments are made and it's expected I will just drop everything and be at home with less than 12 hours notice. Hubby is carrying on with his job, son is in boarding school in the UK, with the view to relocate to Dubai for his A levels next September.

The relocation company so far have told us we need birth and marriage certificates, driving licence and passports attested. But they haven't told us how or where. We keep telling them we are British living in South Africa, with a deadline of January 11th to leave SA when our visas expire. We have to make the application from our home country, despite them telling us we can have documents attested here, a quick call to the embassy in the UK, told us other wise. So additional stress and hassle and pressure and costs for both of us, however hubby still hasn't received his replacement passport after it was stolen in July, so it's down to me to get the ball rolling.

I'm the one who has to organise the move, sort out the donations, finish off my charity and volunteer work, say good bye to friends, arrange transit for the pets, liase with the landlord, close down utilities and bank accounts etc and sell the car. I'm also the one who has to fly to the UK on November 2nd to apply for son's new passport on fast track, submit documents and visit Dubai to find somewhere to live. I won't return to the UK until the end of November and I'm hoping the removal firm can be organised to pack and ship our furniture the following day, leaving me time to organise the pets and relocate to Dubai the middle of December.

Throw into all of this our landlord is selling the house now we've given notice and I'm entertaining the estate agent, who half of her clients are just coming for a nose around.

So once I get son's new passport and hubbies driving licence and passport arrive and he can join me in the UK here's what we have to do.

All the relocation experts have told us is what documents we need and that they have to be attested, but not how, when or where. Despite several emails being sent via 'Uncle Tom Cobley and all' we were still none the wiser, but after several calls and googling 'I have a job offer in Dubai what documents do I need for my wife and son to get a residency visa?' I discovered this website, which quite frankly has been more use to me than the relocation experts as it tells me everything I need to know.

• Our documents must be verified with the Foreign Office. This can only be done by post and costs £30 per certificate.

• They must check that our documents are legitimate. This service will cost £330 for 3 passports, 3 birth certificates, 2 driving licences, 1 marriage licence and both our degree certificates. It will take approximately 7 days for them to be returned.

• We must then photo copy the certificates for which we'll need for the work, residency visas, plus copies to make applications for driving licences, alcohol permit, utilities, rental agreements etc, which must be attested with UAE embassy in London, that we must visit in person between 9am and 12pm and collect in the afternoon.

• We also require several passport photo's and on entry to Dubai we must have medical checks, which is a whole other debate and you can read about here.

Our costs in regards to flights, car hire, fuel, hotel (although this is in dispute as I will need to be in the UK and Dubai for approximately 1 month) fees for attesting certificates, son's passport, passport photo's will be covered by expenses. But will not cover cost of food, pet sitting for Bob and Pushkins or compensate me for my time away from South Africa when I need to be sorting stuff for moving, finishing off my volunteer work and saying goodbye to my friends and don't forget I need to sort the dog and cat out with their injections and blood tests which also has to be done within a strict timeline.

When we moved to South Africa from the UK, we had a base, no additional accommodation fees and we had access to a company car right up until the day we flew out here.

So what do relocation experts offer?

A list of what you need, which you can easily obtain off the internet and submission of the documents, which isn't that difficult.

Cross boarder medical checks

To move from the UK to South Africa in 2011, prior to obtaining our visas we were required to have a chest X-ray to check we were free of TB, a form signed by our doctor to confirm we were sane and police checks.

To move to Dubai we are required upon entry to have a chest X-ray to check we are free of TB and blood tests to ensure we are free from HIV/AIDS and Leprosy. We are not however required to have police checks, but I will be having one done as I work in Child Protection and I teach so know I will be asked to provide evidence that I am safe to work in this field in both Dubai and for when we eventually return to the UK.

Two issues have arisen from this.

• Since being in South Africa we have both tested negative for HIV/AIDS, so if we have contracted either HIV/AIDS or TB, we would have contracted it in South Africa, but where would the UAE return us to? As we've never been tested for Leprosy, that would be a harder question to answer. According to a report in the Guardian in June 2014, Leprosy is rare in the UK, however in South Africa, February 2014, there was an increase in diagnosed cases. And as far as I am aware, apart from the additional stress caused by yet another relocation, we are both still sane.

• If we were returning to the UK where no visa's are required for us as we are British, no health tests are requested at all, however I would be asked for a police check/CRB when I applied for work, so it's only common sense that's telling me to get one done before we leave here. However for immigration purposes, depending on what country you arrive from to the UK there is screening for TB.

I'm sure it would be difficult to police returnees to their country of origin and I'm not sure what questions may arise when applying for work, utilities, bank accounts etc when asked for proof of address for the previous ? years.

No inoculations are required to enter South Africa on holiday, which concerns me with the current situation with Ebola and the spread of the disease by tourists, businesses travellers and health care workers treating the disease. There are no confirmed cases of Ebola in South Africa at the moment, unlike the UK and a Nigerian woman who was in transit died in Abu Dhabi this week. As we are relocating from Africa I'm making the assumption that further screening may take place.

I'd be interested to know if people relocating from anywhere in the world to another country, in particular the UK, have been required to have health checks and what is the strangest test you've been required to have?

Jeep for sale, it's had it's faults but all better now

I need to sell my 2006 Jeep Cherokee 2.8CRD with 180,000km on the clock.

I'll be selling my car to someone I know as there is no way that I'm advertising and selling to a total stranger, not in South Africa. A friend arranged to meet a potential buyer in a public place, he took a friend with him for security, they were bundled into the boot of their car and held hostage in a township over an hours drive north, for several hours before finally being released after one of them became very ill. I never did ask what happened to their car.

I'm sure there are plenty of successful stories but I'm not prepared to take the risk.

I've owned Chryslers and Jeeps before in the UK but sold or traded them in after 4 yrs. I bought this Jeep at 4 yrs old. I tweet frequently and blog about my experiences in SA and therefore everyone I know here, knows about the problems I've had with my Jeep, therefore I feel the need to explain it's frequent trips to the garage for months on end.

My first breakdown occurred in May 2011, when my tyre blew out in the outside lane at 120km. The tyre pressure valve was faulty so I had no indication it was running flat, I bought a new tyre and still don't have a pressure valve which means the light is on all the time on the dash board. I argued with the garage over it and asked them to order me a new one which I said I'd pay for, all that happened was they kept saying it wasn't covered under warranty and I had a Facebook request for friendship from the salesman. How inappropriate was that?

I've had a yearly service which has left my car off the road for several weeks, not because there were any major problems other than break pad and disc changes, but for some reason I end up choosing idiot garages that are so desperate for the work, but don't have the tools or fail to order the parts needed.

I broke down in 2012, the car refused to restart after refuelling so I called the breakdown company, they subcontracted to a tow company who subsequently failed to remove the key from the ignition and broke my steering column. The breakdown was due to a new starting motor, which was under warranty, however the warrantee company argued over the dates and it took 3 weeks before they agreed to pay up, in the meantime I was without a vehicle. It was then the garage informed me the steering column was broken and I was told my my insurance company I had to take the issue up with the tow company, after politely and forcefully informing them that my contract was with them and as they sub contracted it was their responsibility to sort, I finally got my car back and fixed, 7 weeks after the breakdown.

In December 2013 I started to hear a knocking when driving over bumping ground. My son had learnt to drive in the Jeep and I assumed he had been driving Top Gear style so wasn't surprised to hear it was the front suspension that needed fixing.

Easy to sort I thought, order parts and fix.....no, parts wouldn't be in stock until the end of January, so with a bit of googling and phoning around, I found parts, ordered, collected and returned with them to the garage, to discover they didn't have the tools to do the job, so contacted the garage where I'd purchased the parts from and they informed me they closed at 5pm for Christmas that day, but booked me in on January 6th for the repairs.

So no car over Christmas, Mother in Law and both kids were here, so we all suffered with a little bit of cabin fever. On January 6th on taking the car and the spare parts to the garage, they informed me there was nothing wrong with the front suspension, it was the rear and not only needed new parts but bushes also and thankfully they had them in stock. More money handed over and car returned the following day.

In August this year, whilst reversing off my drive, my wheel fell off. Give me strength, Insurance company called who subcontracted to tow firm, who I forcibly had to stop from literally dragging my car, with drive shaft dragging on the floor onto their truck, another guy arrived, despite me informing them it needed a pick up, not a tow and they fashioned a trolley under the wheel to drag the vehicle some 3 hrs later and took it away.

This time I had car hire as it was an accident, not a breakdown, for 30 days, but with previous experience something was bound to go wrong. I was told it was mechanical not a breakdown, but I'd done my research and ball joints are none serviceable parts, neither had Jeep done a product recall for my make and model and as I was on the road and not my drive it eventually classified as an accident not a breakdown. Had I have been on the highway when it happened, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog post now, I'd have flipped the car at speed and would almost be dead now.

Anyway 28 days later, my car was back, hubby put in new bulbs for the brakes and we bought new struts for the glass window at the back as they'd failed a year ago and I had to use an umbrella to prop the glass open.

But to my dismay, the following day, my car refused to start, I cried, I gave up. I went away for a few days then we had visitors, then I googled and made several calls and 2 weeks later after a visit to The Battery Centre who replaced my battery free of charge, I'm now back on the road and selling the vehicle.

My issues with the car being off the road for so long each time have been due to the garages and the insurance company I choose to use, not the Jeep, not the parts.

So if you're interested message me, I'm asking R70,000 for it.

My Sunday Photo - iPhone photography

Every time I think about buying a proper camera, I take a shot like this on my iPhone and wonder if I can justify the spend.

Picture taken on way back from weekend camping in Bela Bela to Pretoria on the N1 from car window while hubby was driving at 120 kms.

The purpose behind the photo was to show how desperate we are for rain here.

How to send post from the UK to South Africa

The only successful method is with a courier, which costs a fortune.

There is a postal strike in South Africa, it's been going on since August 13th and isn't due to be resolved until December 4th 2014. I didn't hear about the strike until Mid September, since finding out about it, I've advised family and friends to send mail to my Mother's address in the UK.

I visited the Post Office today to ask what will happen to undelivered post and was informed that when the strike is over the back log will be delivered......well I'm still laughing now, there are frequent strikes and the back log has never been delivered to date. In fact not a lot of post is ever delivered, even when there isn't a strike on.

On several occasions I've tweeted about this with the UK post office and been informed that it is the Royal Mail that delivers the letters so I need to talk to them about it.

Hubbies passport was stolen in July, we are still waiting for the new one to arrive as the Passport Office wrote to ask for further information, at the time we didn't know about the strike as customers are rarely informed here about them.

If as a customer I purchase a stamp to send a letter to a destination, I expect this letter to actually arrive. I accept the occasional mistake with delivery, however when it's a common occurrence and I inform you about it, I expect a proper response or an apology, suggesting the sender makes a claim is a waste of time. It doesn't resolve the issue, the item/letter/gift is still lost, the birthday card never reached the child and the letters saying 'we miss you' you rarely arrive.

A week ago the Royal Mail responded to my tweet with this link.

I wish I'd taken a screen shot of the link prior to me notifying the Royal Mail, but the good news is they have now updated their webpage.

I would like to see the Royal Mail go one step further and actually notify people in the UK when they post letters and/or parcels to South Africa and/or other countries where there are known issues with missing post whether there is a strike or not, as they could save people a lot of time and money and anguish thinking that their gift/letter/card hasn't been acknowledged.

As an expat, yes we can use the internet, phone and Skype but there are plenty of family members and friends that don't use these methods and rely on the postal service.

How stressful is a relocation?

I wrote a blog post about How do I know what I don't know. We had a conference call with HR in Dubai in regards to our relocation prior to our South African visa's expiring on January 11th 2015.

My stress levels are now higher than they were prior to the call and I'm still none the wiser.

We can't seem to get through to people that as British Expats living in South Africa we can't just pop and get the attested copies of all our documents. We are trying to find out if we can get copies verified here in South Africa by the South African Police Service as we did when we renewed our visas 2 years ago or whether they have to be certified by a solicitor in the UK.

Either way I do have to return to the UK as our youngest child's passport expires in May 2015 and he must have 6 months left on his passport to enter Dubai. Even though he is in Boarding School in the UK, his home is with us and he must feel he has a home in Dubai and not feel like a visitor for only 30 days each trip.

I need to make an appointment with the passport office for the quick service and I also need to collect his birth certificate to be certified as he is required to travel with it as an unaccompanied minor when he comes here for the Christmas holidays, although it looks like we will be moving to Dubai the end of November.

However that is in dispute as we still don't know if we can ship our container when we apply for the visa for Dubai and the if the visa can be in place when our container arrives or whether it has to be in place before we can ship? When we moved to South Africa, the latter applied which caused us a lot of problems and cost a lot of money as these were details that we didn't know about.

At the moment, as from today, my life has been put on hold (again) for hubbies job and his life choices. When asked if I'd like a move to Dubai or the UK, I replied with 'neither' please can we stay in South Africa another year or two. When it became obvious that we couldn't stay in South Africa, after weighing up all the options we decided to go to Dubai. It has been a joint decision, but not a free choice and I'm struggling with that.

After the conference call that confused the issues even further, I then had to deal with the first of 3 quotations for removal companies, it took nearly 2 hours for this to be carried out.

Again i will go back to the opening statement. How do i know what I don't know?

I need to book a flight to the UK, I need to make appointments, I need to stay long enough in the country to collect the documents. I've emailed the UAE embassy in Pretoria and the UK, contacted the awarding bodies in regards to education certificates, applied online for a copy of the youngest's birth certificate, which will need forwarding on to SA, but all of this takes time 4-6 weeks and we are on a tight deadline. With Christmas looming in reality we need to be out of South Africa by December 12th. Either way we need everything closed and out of the country by January 10th 2015, if we over stay we will be banned from re entry for 5 years, neither of us can afford that, as hubby will need to visit here for work and I have several charities I'm supporting and intend to carry on working with them.

How am I dealing with it?

With tears, food, alcohol and TOWIE and GLEE box sets.

Santa Shoebox 2014 Pretoria

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Luggage allowance and airfreight for expats relocating

We are relocating from South Africa to Dubai in the next 2 months. When we came to South Africa, the company provided NO support for our move, other than hubbies work contract and visas.

This move involves a relocation firm and package which includes flights and air freight as well as shipping our household furniture.

When we moved to SA, I took the last dated document for all our paperwork in my hand luggage, we took clothes, toiletries, some basic food items so we could have a 'touch of home' for the kids, their sports gear. In the kids hand luggage they brought their laptops, chargers and xbox plus games. We had 9 suitcases between the 4 of us and some major hassle at Manchester Airport with Air France over the cost which you can read about here.

Luggage wise, we will be flying with Emirates and they have a generous 30kg allowance, however if we go over that, it is rather expensive as they charge per kilo. I'm hoping by the time we leave, hubby will have reinstated his Gold membership and we can take 2 cases each, plus hand luggage, but without his passport, which was stolen 2 months ago, his next flight is likely to be when we move to Dubai.

It will be the middle of summer when we leave SA and the middle of winter when we arrive in Dubai, but that doesn't matter, we won't be needing to pack winter clothes, maybe a cardi and a jumper but that's it.

Hand luggage will be full of electronic items as it's too risky to pack them in the cases, what with the thefts that occur at OR Tambo airport. As an expat, with the need to travel frequently, hand luggage is packed very differently than when you're a tourist and the allowance of 7kgs with most airlines really isn't sufficient, but the secret is to make it look like it is light weight and not heavy.

So I'm not sure what we should put in our air cargo that will arrive around a week later. We're not moving with the kids this time, so only our stuff needs to be packed.

I'll find out by Friday after the removal companies come round to quote, the size and weight allowance of the air cargo. I assume I should pack some extra clothes and shoes, paperwork, but what else?

The container takes 42 days to arrive, our temporary housing allowance is only for 30 days, so that leave 12 days, do we arrange to move into an empty house and hope the container arrives early? We did that on the move here and ended up having to buy basic kitchen equipment, beds, towels and bedding, plus 3 beds. The house had patio furniture we used to sit on and came with curtains in the bedrooms. Obviously we can't pack beds in the air cargo, so it looks like bedding, towels and basic kitchen equipment is a must, but do you have any other suggestions as to what we may need to take?

How do I know what I don't know?

My stress levels are going through the roof right now and I'm not in control of anything.

We are British Expats living in South Africa, relocating to Dubai.

We have to leave SA before our visas expire in January 2015.

I know we have to apply for a residency visa then a work visa and hubby has to provide evidence that he will support me.

This will be done by the company, but we are the ones who have to obtain all the necessary paperwork in relation to our personal move. i know what documentation is required. Several passport photos, chest X-rays to check we are free of TB and blood tests for HIV/AIDS and Leprosy, copies of passports, birth and marriage certificates and qualifications.

And here in lies the problem.

To start the application hubby must have a passport, his was stolen and we are at the mercy of the British Passport Service, the application so far has taken 8 weeks to date, because we didn't know what we needed to ask in regards to additional documentation, which they requested via post (there's a postal strike) so until that arrives we can't make an application for a visa to move to Dubai.

To obtain official copies we need to apply to the UK, which we can do online, however there is a postal strike in SA and from experience of our relocation to South Africa, there are always additional requests for documentation sprung on you and how long will I/we need to be in the UK for to coordinate all the documents?

Can we make the application from South Africa as British Citizens? For example we went into Nedbank today to ask if we can retain our bank accounts when we leave SA? or as I phrased it 'Our visas expire in January, will you automatically close our accounts?' the answer is yes they will close our accounts. We are British in South Africa, If we were South African the first question would have been sufficient, and this is the stuff we don't know. We need the bank account for deposits to be paid back into and I also have to sell the car and need to have the money transferred somewhere.

Our sons passport expires in June 2015, he will need 6 months on it to be included in the visa application, so can he enter Dubai with us under the normal 30 day and then apply for his visa at a later date? Or must we apply for a new passport now? and will it arrive in time for him to come to South Africa in December?

If we have to apply for the visa from the UK, what do we do with the cat and dog? I have a valid passport, can we apply for all the documentation now and then me travel to the UK to collect it all? Will they give me stuff for my hubby? Even if he writes a letter giving me permission?

Will I be allowed back in South Africa so near to the visa expiring without a return trip booked? The same for our youngest son.

We have a phone call tomorrow with the relocation agents in Dubai, I doubt they'll know the answer to most of my questions either because they just won't understand how things work here in SA.

We are British living in South Africa, relocating to Dubai, it does complicate things.

How well do you know your adult child?

Prompted by child 4 of 5 returning to the UK as an adult after 3 years as an expat child and a visit from the middle child and his girlfriend for 2 weeks, has made me wonder how well I know my adult children.

Hubby and I have 5 children between us and we’ve been together for 15 years.

Child 1 left home aged 12 she is profoundly disabled and has been in residential care since 2001. She is now 26.

Child 2 left home aged 18 to join the British Army, he is now 25. When we embarked on lives as expats, he’d been away from home for over 3 years and was based in Germany, prior to our move we saw him maybe twice a year when he either visited the UK or we made the trip to Germany.

Child 3 left home aged 18 also, in September 2010, around a week before we were asked to move to South Africa, leaving the UK 4 months later.

Child 4 left home aged 19 in January 2014 to return to the UK, you can read about some of the issues he’s having as an expat child to adulthood here.

Child 5 left home aged 14 in August 2013 to return to the UK to boarding school.

We have had no relationships at all with child 2 & 3 as adult children, they left home having just gone into adulthood and with us living in different countries we have not been able to establish relationships with them as adults.

They visit here, we visit the UK but without a base, somewhere to stay, somewhere just to pop in and out of and say ‘hi mum, hi dad’ it’s been strained, The assumption from them is that we’ll nag, critisie and give instructions, but no matter how hard I try to explain, I just don’t get through. ‘Yes when you lived at home, under our roofs and we paid the bills, we were intitled to make you do chores, keep your rooms tidy, etc’

As adults with their own homes, paying their own bills they can do what they like and if they want guidance and assistance then it is up to them to come to us, I’m not going to nag, I haven’t nagged, I’ve respected their wish to meet in town and not at their flat, despite having travelled 1000’s of miles by plane, then 100’s miles by coach or train. I’ve stayed in hotels near by rather than request the use of their sofa, so they can have their privacy, I’ve been told I can stay on their face book as long as I don’t post stupid comments or tag them in statuses or heaven forbid ask their friends to my friends also.

Child 2 is struggling at the moment, having left the army 2 years ago, he’s flitted in and out of employment and has finally reached the stage where he’s asked for help. We’ve offered in the past and had our heads bitten off, but we knew he’d come to us when he was ready and now is the time.

Child 3 came to visit with his girlfriend for 2 weeks, we were given a huge list of do’s and don’ts, respect their privacy, book separate rooms in hotels and not an apartment etc., etc.

We didn’t tell child 3 that we were doing that anyway, that we wanted our space, privacy, time alone together. We went away for 8 days, hubby was unable to take the time off work, a whole days driving in the car to reach the coast, I left them on the beach for one afternoon while I drank coffee and read a book, we spent 8 hours together on 2 different boats, whale watching and a croc and hippo tour. We then had a 7 hour drive to Kruger on day 4 and spent days 5, 6 & 7 up to 9 hours each day on safari and day 8 a 5 hour drive home. Trust me, it was me that wanted a break, a rest, some time alone and on 2 evenings, I had to insist that they spent some time together on their own and that I would pick them up from the restaurant later. I wasn’t valuing their space, I was securing my own.

They’ve gone now, back to the UK to their lives and it’s been fab, in fact they have been the best visitors we’ve had. No need to ask them to empty the dishwasher, suggest they might like to buy the coffee, they’ve shopped, tidied, cooked, sat with us in the evenings, chatting and watching TV, identified when hubby and I have had a little spat and they’ve disappeared, discretely, as we have done with them.

Child 3 is no longer a child, he’s now 22, with his flat, girlfriend, career, he makes his own choices, earns his own money and apart from one or two occasions where he’s asked for assistance, he’s turned into a dam fine adult and he’s done it all by himself.

Child 4 has had a transition into adulthood, with the school year in SA commencing January till December it meant he was almost 19 when he finished his education, he learnt to drive in South Africa, I taught him, something I wasn’t prepared to do with the older 2 boys, due to clashes and conflicts.

From the age of 15 he had to take responsibility for his youngest brother with international flights, at 18 looking after his brother while both hubby and I were in the UK for 2 weeks, including dealing with a medical emergency and managing to sort out the medical aid by himself. He’s now back in the UK he’s wanted to do it by himself, but asked for advice when needed and consulted with us about his decisions. We are financially supporting him until he jstarts work, not a lot with the exchange rate as it is and he is staying with family for the time being.

Child 5 was in boarding school from the age of 6 until 11 when we moved to South Africa, but after 2 years it was evident this was not the best decision for him and so he returned. He’s just started his final year with his GCSE’s and we are hoping we can move him to Dubai next year for his A levels. 

Who knows how our relationships with our adult children will develop and change. We don't have the luxury of 'just being there' nearby. We can go 6 months without a visit and as young adults, they grow and develop without us.

What makes a good hotel?

We use booking.com for all our travel in South Africa, without it we would never have found some amazing places to stay. But I do hate arriving at a hotel after a long flight or car journey and the paperwork I've been issued with doesn't match what the hotel have prepared.

A 50% deposit was taken at time of booking or was supposed to have been, then the hotel quote you a different price from the print out you're waving in front of their face and on more than one occasion a hotel has called us the night before, demanded we cancel and re book directly through them so they don't have to pay the commission. I also use hubbies credit card for bookings then discover that they want take the payment without the card holder being present and even better they tell you on arrival they don't take cards and want more than the daily allowance you can withdraw from the cash machine or they tell you to make an EFT but there's no wifi as the booking indicated.

The room never matches the hotels description, dirty carpets, marked furniture or only a double or twin beds available, always the opposite of what you've booked. At breakfast the following morning, take your confirmation form that states 'Breakfast included at this room rate' wave in front of waiters nose, because you'll often be told it isn't.

I wish hotels would do something about their lighting, why are rooms so dark? Plug sockets, please try and make sure there is at least one near a mirror for drying hair. Try not to wire endless cables together to make the lamp reach from one side of the room to another and why are the spare sockets usually located behind a heavy bed side table?

There is never enough milk for more than one cup of tea or coffee each per day.

And I'm still struggling to know what the point is of this sign?

I can still hear them knocking on the other doors calling 'room service' at 7am.

My Sunday Photo - Christmas

We are moving to Dubai sometime this year so no idea if I'll be able to fit a trip to the UK in prior to Christmas. Can't rely on the South African postal system, there's another strike, I've no idea if we'll  be in Dubai in time to post them from there, so I'm writing my Christmas cards now so I can send them back to the UK with the next visitor, just in case.

My Sunday Photo - Spring Flowers

My Sunday Photo is always a photo I take on the Sunday. I spend time during the week thinking about the photo and it ensures hubby and I go somewhere or do something together, rather than just our separate ways at home.

Well this weekend, I'm in the Western Cape of South Africa, alone. Why? Well why not? So far it has been assumed I'm a travel writer/journalist and a food critic and/or hotel inspector.

People seem quite surprised when I tell them 'no, just having a little holiday to see the flowers'

From expat child into adult hood

I read a lot on the internet about Third Culture Kids, TCK from both the TCK and the parents. I read a lot on the internet from adults about their TCK experiences, but what I don’t read about is the tranisition period and what actually happens when you arrive in a new country as a child and the tranisition into adult hood back to your country of birth.

As expats who moved to South Africa in January 2011 with 2 children then aged 11 & 15 we never gave any consideration to what would actually happen to the children when they became adults and had to return to the UK.

The move was a stressful period in all our lives, no company support or help, despite the promises, but that only became evident on our actual arrival.

Rather foolishily, in hindsight, we trusted HR to have done their job, done research and to have consulted with the professionals prior to our arrival.

We had to have student visas in place for the children prior to their arrival and after supplying the relevant documents in regards to the youngests SENs and the new school requesting he sat an entrance test and information supplied to us that they would be attending an English school, visas were issued and 2 days after our arrival the children were in their new schools.

It became clear that towards the end of the first year that the youngest child was struggling in school, but as he was due a move into the senior school and after meetings with the staff it appeared to be ok, towards the end of the second year, I discovered that although they accepted he was dyslexic and provided additional support in the form of a reader and a scribe for tests and end of year exams they were not providing learning support during lessons. Then to our alarm they showed us a document from the company to say we would only be in the country for 2 years and therefore they hadn’t really been doing anything to support the youngest, despite us seeing the Ed Psych for a South African assessment who also diagnosed Dysgraphia, as well as being Dyslexic and we also obtained new Irlen glasses for him.

A very quick decision was made for him to return to the UK to boarding school so he could get the right level of support and follow the British Curriculum.

In the mean time the 15 yo was coming on in leaps and bounds. We left the UK 5 months prior to him sitting his GCSEs. We did consider delaying the move to accommodate him, but to be honest and this is something he admits he was aware of at the time, was that he was unlikely to get the grades he needed for further education. His behaviour improved and his attitude to study did also. He still ran with the in crowd, he was very popular and made 1^st team cricket and rugby and played football with TUKS for the first 18 months.

Socially, the expat experience has made the biggest impact on the eldest and he has taken so much away with him from South Africa which he can use in his future, but it has left him at the age of approaching 20, without any formal qualifications in the UK.

With the school year starting in January, our son was 4 weeks short of his 19^th birthday in December 2013 when he matriculated and due to his student visa expiring in January 2014 it was decided he would return to the UK. We couldn’t guarantee we would stay in South Africa for the next 4 years for him to complete Varsity and with the new changes to the laws in regards to foreign workers, it was the right decision as we are moving to Dubai within the next 3 months.

When our son aged 19 returned to the UK, he was an adult, no longer a child, he returned to live with family members while he submitted job applications, but we didn’t anticipate the hassles he’d have with returning as an adult, he had no NI number which took 8 weeks to apply for, I had to locate a child benefit number, which we’d stopped claiming when we left the UK. He had no bank account, no previous UK address, no utility bills, no evidence of him having lived in the UK as an adult. He was able to surrender his South African driving license for a fee and exchange it for a UK one, which gave him proof of address.

His interviews for the job he wants to do didn’t start until April 2014, so he returned to South Africa for a month before the next round of interviews in August.

Having done some research his matric is equivalent to A/S levels, it doesn’t translate into GCSEs without having it converted which will take another month or so, he would then have to obtain 3 A levels, which would take him another 2 years and would have to start now, meaning he would be nearly 22 before he could start a degree and he feels that he’s wasted this year already and just wants to get on with life.

In hindsight he should’ve completed his GCSE’s in the UK then followed the British Curriculum here for his last 2 years at school and sat A levels, then he could’ve returned to the UK at the same time, ready to make his application and would be starting University now.

My husbands company moved us a family to South Africa and left us to our own devices, as a teacher in the UK, I had knowledge how the education system and everything else works over there, I had no knowledge of how it worked here. We made mistakes because we didn’t know what questions we needed to ask, the youngest child is now sorted, his education won’t suffer from his experiences as an expat, TCK, child, but the eldest has.

The only thing that South Africa has shown the eldest child is that if you want to succeed it is all down to you.

I would like to advise all other expats with teenage children to carefully consider the implications of what happens to their child when they become an adult, especially in countries where obtaining work is almost impossible for a foreigner, what can happen to their child when they become an adult and have to return to their home country and the difficulties of doing so with foreign qualifications.

International travel and relocation, goodbyes and identity.

It’s been a tough and long few weeks, too many decisions to make about our future and saying goodbyes.

Our last child of 5 children left home in January this year and I thought my heart would break. The youngest left home last August aged 14 to return to school in the UK, he came out to visit for Christmas and I returned to the UK in April and we travelled around together visiting family and friends, visiting his siblings and saying our hellos and goodbyes. Child 4 of 5 then returned to SA in May for 4 weeks and spent most of his time catching up with his school friends and we spent some quality, adult, time together. The youngest came to visit for August and child 3 of 5 is currently out here with his girlfriend.

I love and hate going to the airport to collect the kids, but as I’m stood there waiting for them in the arrival hall, I start to think about the return trip to the airport to say goodbye. I can’t help it, as excited as I am to see them, it means it won’t be long before I have to say goodbye again, unsure as to when the next visit either way will be.

We will be on the move again soon, no further details at this moment in time other than we are going to Dubai, sometime over the next few months. This will be the last visit to South Africa for the children, unless they decide to come here independently, which I’m sure child 4 of 5 will probably do at some point in his life.

It also means more goodbyes to my lovely and amazing friends, another change in my identity which over the past 4 years has gone from a working mother and student to a SAHM, to a SAH. My volunteer work will cease and I will have to find other ways to occupy my time, maybe a job, maybe return to my studies, but I know I’ll carry on raising awareness and funds for the charities I’m involved with in South Africa. There will be visits back out here, that will involve more goodbyes and the children will be able to visit us in Dubai more often and there will be more trips for me to the UK to see them, but again, more goodbyes.

At some point in time we will return to the UK, but by that time our last child will be an adult, hubby will be approaching retirement and maybe we’ll be grandparents.

All I know is that these goodbyes and changes in identity are crippling me at the moment. I need to view these changes with positivity and excitements, new opportunities and experiences and I’m sure in time it will all be ok and not have any lasting effects on our relationships with the children and ourselves.