I get to be a mummy again for 5 weeks

My 15yo son arrived from the UK today and while he thinks he’s on school holidays, then coming to South Africa for holiday, he’s got another thought coming.

I won’t be made to feel guilty for him not living at home anymore, since returning to UK boarding school almost a year ago, because when we lived in the UK he was in boarding school and then we only lived 4 miles away, instead of the 6000 miles we do now.

I last saw him in April for 3 weeks and we toured the UK on bus, coach, train and foot, visiting his siblings. Hubby was also in the UK in May and took him to see family and friends, days out with his siblings and a deep-sea fishing trip. When he came out for Christmas we toured the coast line of South Africa, driving to Durban, down the Wild Coast to Port Elizabeth, the garden route, 5 nights in Cape Town then a drive back through the Karoo with Granny and his older brother.

For this trip we will visit the North Coast, to the beach for a week or so, we have safaris planned as his art course work is focusing on the plight of the Rhino’s and he needs photographs and video footage that he can shoot himself, rather than internet research and library copies. We are also planning a train trip to Cape Town for a few days, just me and him.

But we also have course work, revision to do. His school has emailed a list of what he has to do and they are ensuring he packs his study books in his suitcase. He starts his final year of GCSE’s this September and as the last of 5 children to sit exams I’m really not looking forward to the parenting side of the holiday in regards to home/coursework and revision. Between the 4 boys they know every trick in the book in regards to ‘looking busy, but doing sod all’ but they underestimate my powers as a parent, a teacher and a tutor.

I’m looking forward to being a full time Mummy again, even if it is just for 5 weeks and then the day 15yo returns to the UK, the 22yo and his girlfriend arrive for 2 weeks and that presents a whole different kind of parenting, as he left home aged 18, 3 months before we moved to SA and I’m not used to ‘parenting’ an independent adult.

Harties CableWay

We try to find somewhere new to visit every month while we are in South Africa, this weekend we visited Hartbeespoort, a 45 minute drive from Pretoria, to collect a mask that a colleague of hubbies had purchased. We decided that on the way home we'd pay a visit to Harties Cableway.

I was a little shocked at the price R160 per person, with a R20 discount if booked online. For South Africa that is on the high side in regards to an entrance fee. The ride was smooth and pretty quick to the top. The cars carry 6 people and they make sure they are full, without separating families and groups.

Once at the top there were sign posts to the pizza shack, toilet, self serve restaurant, bar and kids playing area. I really wouldn't want to visit in the summer as I can imagine it is packed, but on a cold winters day, we were able to walk round, read the information plaques, take photos and find a seat at the bar to have a drink and enjoy the live music.

We opted to eat at the restaurant downstairs, which had a good selection and was reasonably priced. i don't think it is somewhere we will be adding to our 'must take out visitors' list, but we've been and it's another thing ticked off our 'must visit before we leave South Africa' list.

#MySundayPhoto

Too many pictures to choose from today, so feel free to visit my instagram if you're interested.

Visit to the African Cultural Market in Hartbeespoort, followed by lunch at the top of Harties cableway, North West Province, South Africa.

Do you have empathy?

No, not really. Even if two people experience the same thing at the same time, both will react differently, this is because people are individuals and what affects one person and leads to shaping their future can easily be dismissed by another who sees the event as just something that happened and moves on, others may be unable to move on and because others don’t suffer or aren’t affected it doesn’t mean one should be dismissed.

Hubby and I have been talking about this a lot recently, many due to the fact I struggle to say ‘emphasize’.

One of the things we get fed up with, being an expat, is that the rest of the world seem to think that because the sun shines, everything is ok with us, what possible problems could we have? Having no children at home, me not having to work, sun, pool, fabulous scenery, experiences and I’ll not go into the details, but life here in South Africa is just ‘normal’ to us. I mean yesterday I mopped the bathroom floor and put 2 loads of washing on, but you don’t want to hear about that really.

A few months ago I was in a building that was held up at gunpoint, although I wasn’t in the room, I was next to it, blissfully unaware that anything out of the norm was occurring, my reaction shocked me. I was uncontrollable; I shook and was unable to drive home for nearly 3 hours. I spent the rest of the afternoon with a friend until hubby came home, as I couldn’t cope with the thought of being on my own. But that was nothing compared to the person who had a gun held at their head, for the 2^nd time in 2 weeks.

After the first robbery I thought I’d expressed my sincere thoughts, I thought I understood what they’d been through, I imagined how I would have felt and therefore I had emphasized. After the 2^nd robbery and once I’d recovered from the ‘there for the grace of god go I’ I emphasized with them again, because this time it was more real to me …. or was it? I still don’t think I got it right. Some of the staff were back to work the following day, some were off for a fortnight, another had yet another experience when robbers broke into her home a few weeks later, this time she was physically hurt as well as emotionally but was back at work the following day.

The difficulty with empathy is that having empathy often leaves the person you are emphasizing with feeling like they should’ve reacted/responded differently. When someone emphasizes with you, for example they understand what it’s like to pack and move home to a new place and you say to them, but you haven’t moved 6000 miles away from everything and everyone you know it just belittles their experience/situation and they don’t bother emphasizing again, they just that think you’re belittling their experience, but you’re not, you’re just trying to say it was different for you, therefore in conclusion I don’t think anyone has empathy.

You're not perfect either.

For some parents out there who blog about other parents looking down on them, remember this......
when you blog about how the perfect mummy made a mistake or told you how 'perfect' their family are, just remember they are probably telling you this because without knowing it you're probably the person that made them feel inferior in the first place and the reason why perhaps they need to show off to your face, rather than through a blog post. Just remember that next time you go to put someone down, maybe there is a reason they've behaved like that.

I unfollowed a mass of tweeters that do just that, sometimes I was able to read between the lines (140 characters and see just who they were talking about). I don't follow any blogs, but I do click on links on twitter that catch my attention.

There seems to be a change in how blogs are being written, everyone is the expert, professional and their way is the right way, this in turn is leading to a lot of negative blog posts about how wrong these self proclaimed experts are. I think a lot of it comes from some people wanting to add the words 'award winning blogger' to their profiles.

The thing to remember is, that on social media we all come from different backgrounds, different cultures/communities and actually have little in common with one another online. I wrote previously about parenting support in the good old day before social media.

And if your child doesn't get picked to take the lead in the school play or come first at sports day, what's the worse that can happen to them? Most of the time the child isn't actually that bothered, but as parents it seems important to some that their child is the most popular.

As per usual when I tweet or blog something like this I get a string on responses from people who ask 'who me?' it rarely ever is, but it is so reassuring to know that there are people out there that still care about how their opinions on others can upset.

Please note I've used the word 'some' and not 'all' so try not to get offended and please be aware I will be honest with any responses to comments, because I, like 'some' don't believe in playing the game to appear to fit in.

What's getting me down right now?

Winter
Our house has NO insulation, wooden and metal window frames and single pane glass, it is also open plan and very little sun light reaches inside the house, it gets dark by 5.30pm and the sun doesn't rise till 6.45am which leads me to:

Power cuts
Last week was 3 days without electricity, this week 3 mornings in a row the power has switched off, hot baths are limited as is the use of the electric blanket and this morning I had to get ou to dry my hair at the gym, which leads me to:

Health
I came back from the Uk beginning of May with a chest infection, very soon I had pleurisy, the last weekend of June I actually felt well and went to Kruger, I returned with the flu, took to my bed which means I haven't been going to the gym or attending my physio and that leads me to:

Diet
I've had little taste or sense of smell, I haven't felt hungry, when I have eaten it's been junk food, preprepared food and chocolate and coke and in turn I've had headaches, suffered with my neck which is made worse by the cold of winter.

So now I've completed a full cycle with Winter, Power cuts, health and diet I'll tell you what else has been getting me down.

Charity work
The more I do, the more I see, the more useless I feel that I can't help more people and the more money I spend. There are new people and structures in a few of the places I volunteer at, who want set days and times so they can plan around my arrival, but that's not how I work, I'm a volunteer I give my time and my skills when I can.

Work (lack of)
Or at least some kind of an income to fund the voluntary work.

Face book
I've temporally deleted my account. Why? Well I'm sort of fed of people thinking they keep in touch with me purely because they 'like' a picture or comment. I'm also fed of people make huge announcements on face book and then expect that I trawl through their posts looking for these said announcements and then reply with heart felt sincerity. You have news to tell me, then tell me, when we moved to SA we told people individually, even if it was on a private message and waited till all had replied before we made it public. I get upset hearing about pregnancies, marriages etc at the same time as casual acquaintances.

USB port
There are only 2 on my MacBook Air and one of them doesn't work. I've only had the laptop for a few months and it should be repaired under warranty, but it will be away for weeks for the repair and I'll have no computer access.

Decisions for the future
I'd love to have a say in our future, our timescale and the how, when and where.

So I have lots getting me down right now, I'm being proactive about dealing with these issues, but when you suffer with ill health, ones ability to focus on what's important, goes out the window.

Fundraising as an individual

I'd love to hear from you if you've had any success with this, other than one off projects. I've considered climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, I do something, you give me money, but as I've found out recently, there are a lot of personal costs involved. I can blog, tweet, etc about the poverty in South Africa, the lack of access to water and education, but I've reached the stage where 'likes' mean nothing.

I've been making enquiries for funding, but it appears I'm just not big enough to be considered, unless I can raise more funds to become bigger I feel I've reached saturation, a few RT's from some celebs or a one off donation from a large company would help greatly.

A 'like' or a 'RT' or a comment doesn't do anything, it's great people are interested in what goes on here, but it's becoming a losing battle for me.

Many family and friends say they don't want to give to a big organisation because they don't see where the money goes, other than on paying staff, office space and admin costs. Ideal, then give directly to me and every single penny will go towards what ever you want me to spend it on.

Like other people who work, I don't expect my transport costs to be covered through donations, but it is costing me an awful lot of money to collect donations and distribute them. I then re visit facilities to ensure they know how to use the stuff I give. What good is donating something if it doesn't get used because no one knows how to use it. A simple pack of crayons can be used for so many different activities, colour matching, counting as well as drawing, but most of these kids can't hold a pen and lack imagination on to what to draw, so back I pop with a ball and some salt doh, show the teachers how to encourage fine motor skills, sit with the teachers and help them draw out 60+ shapes for the children to colour, draw dotted lines on paper for the children to join together to learn how to hold a pencil, simple things, but it all takes time and money.

I've developed education packs, laminated sheets that can be used for classroom displays as well as a learning tool, but they take time and money to make, laminate, deliver and demonstrate. But they work, it has really enhanced the learning at the Viva School in Mamelodi.

You can see in the video how the teacher can use a story book to read to the children and expand on the activity by using the education pack to point to the number of animals in the picture, spell out the name and match colours. The children, as always have immense fun with these additional activities and it makes the teachers life a lot easier.

Rather than me now seeing a gap and sourcing resources the teacher now approaches me and tells me what activities she'd like to do with the children and what resources she will need.

You can make a donation to support this project here and I'll send you an 'Angel of Hope'

What about cooperate responsibility?

Wherever I drive, collecting, dropping off and supporting facilities in South Africa, I come across these at nearly every place.

I'm usually in Mamelodi or Olievenhoutbosch, 2 townships in Pretoria, in informal settlements, the ones where people's homes are shacks, made of corrugated steel, with no electricity or water. In some cases I visit remote, rural places such as Hammanskral and Soshanguve. In Kildare last month, men, women and children were walking 4kms every day to fetch fresh water, on their route they were able to buy (if funds available) Coke, Castle Beer and don't forget if they had cell phones they had 3G and phone coverage.

There's no money to be made from corporate organisations by providing water, electricity or education, but there is from providing fridges, pumps, signs and cell phone masts.

I'd love to hear from Coca Cola, South African Breweries and Vodacom as to what they invest in these communities as the places I visit I don't see any obvious signs of how their presence benefits the community. And if they're not already investing and are looking to earn some more BBBEE points, then I can help them out.

The cost of volunteering and fundraising.

Last weekend I visited a township called Kildare near Kruger National Park. I paid R2000 for fuel and R600 for accommodation plus around R200 for the tolls.

I had an amazing few days with the staff from the Viva Foundation, staying in the park and we were fortunate enough to see a Leopard.

The purpose of our visit was to equip a school with donations we had received, but I'm starting to wonder now if my R2800 would have been better served in the Viva pot rather than wasting it on fuel etc. It would've bought a lot of food or could have been given to pastor Jonny for his fuel costs for collecting water for the community or towards medical bills.

Or has the R2800 been a good investment in regards to attracting other sponsors, donations, raising awareness? Only time will tell.

So if you want to make a donation to support further projects like this, educating the wider community please donate here.

Top 8 Tips for visiting Kruger National Park

On my last trip to Kruger there were a few things I wish I’d packed. I stayed in a lodge with electricity, which included a fridge and air conditioning, plus there was a sink in the corner of the room.

There was only one plug socket and when I wanted to charge my laptop, camera or torch I had to unplug the fridge. Secondly I couldn’t help but wonder how many people had made use of the sink when caught short during the night.

Must pack items:

Binoculars.

Torch for trips to the toilet during the night and for night drives.

Animal, bird and plant identification books or an app.

Blanket for night drives and sitting round the camp fire.

Flip flops to use in the showers, although cleaned daily, there is a lot of traffic through the bathrooms.

Bottle of bleach to ensure the sink in the room WAS clean.

Sink Plug, I was unable to fill the sink with hot water to wash.

Adapter and extension cable to plug in more than 1 item at a time.

Sworn Secrets by Amanda Jennings – Book Review

I’m an avid reader of all genres; I tend to read chick lit, a biography, a crime story then back to the chick lit. I have no preference to author or style and my only criteria as to whether I think I will enjoy a book is the ease of the opening paragraph and the font size.

I realise now that I’ve probably put a ‘good’ book down without getting past the first page as if I find I’m not in love with the book by then I don’t tend to read any further.

Sworn Secrets, I’m afraid was a difficult book to read for the first 3 chapters and I am glad I persisted as it is probably one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.

The story tells of a family dealing with the sudden and accidental death of their 15-year-old daughter, how they cope individually to come to terms with their loss, as a Mother, a Father and a surviving sibling. The Mother’s anguish of feeling disloyal if she laughs with her surviving daughter, the Father who feels that not only did he lose his daughter but that his wife is slipping away from him also. As a son he is also dealing with his parent’s ill health and his Fathers dementia, a fall out between his wife and Mother and the reappearance of his wayward brother.

As the year leading to the anniversary of their daughters death closes in, they discover things about her, who she was and the life she led, that as parents they don’t want to have to knowledge of, but it is all brought out in the public eye and accumulates in yet another death. The younger sibling is on a road of discovery herself, losing her virginity and seeking to establish her own identity and not that of the ‘dead girls’ sister.

A wonderful and honest story of how a family pull together to deal with the difficult subject of the death of a child, heart breaking and teary, this book is one not to be put down and Amanda makes you feel as if you know each and every character, identifying with the difficulties they face in coming together as a family.