The Shoebox project and Christmas is over for another year.

'Oh no it isn't'

I remember taking South African friends to the panto in Malvern, UK, it was hysterical watching them, watching the panto, they didn't have a clue what was going on.

It feels like Christmas has been and gone for me, I've been knee deep in shoeboxes, wrapped and decorated for christmas, but it's far from over yet, there are the CELEBRATION DAYS ahead of us all where we hand out the boxes that have been lovingly put together by some amazing people, received, checked, scanned and packed by some amazing volunteers and wonderful committee members who have given up their time, days off work and not to mention finances when we've run short of items, such as zip lock bags and elastic bands and fillers for boxes that didn't quite cover the requirements. They've given up space in their houses, garages and cellars to store extras for next year, visited townships and facilities, collected names of over 4,ooo children and mostly copied by hand off basic registers then entered onto the website to allow the donors to pick the name, age and sex of a child to donate to.

The Shoebox project has been a life saver for me. I got involved last year after asking twitter for help finding  an organisation in South Africa that delivers gifts to under prividleged children. After all I'd been sending shoeboxes from the UK for years. I've met some fantastic people who have been amazing to work with, supportive and proving to be very good friends. The Shoebox project got me out the house, gave me a purpose and a new direction.

Just what is a CELEBRATION DAY and what more can you do to help?

From mid November until Christmas the committe members and other volunteers will be delivering boxes along with Laser Logistics to more than 35 facilities in the Pretoria area. Throughout the whole of South Africa there are 100,000 shoe boxes to be delivered.

Prior to that we will be bagging up pop corn, crisps and sweets, baking cakes etc to take along to the Celebration Days and organise a little party when we will hand out the Christmas Shoeboxes.

What we would like from you now is to know if anyone would like to make some food donations, juices, papercups, food bags, sweets, crisps etc for our Celebration days.

There will be pictures once permission has been obtained from the relevant facilites as some of them are places of safety or individual children are protected by court orders, there will be more blogs, more requests for donations.
I'm looking forward to the Celebration days, it is a priviledge to be involved with Santa Shoebox, to have made some wonderful friends from the Pretoria committee who have been an enormous support to me and my family during a very difficult year with the death of family members, my fathers heart attack and the amazing recovery of my nephew after he was critically injured at school in the UK this month after a wall collapsed on him.

My wish list for Christmas, should you still be reading and feeling in a generous mood is for Zip lock bags, elastic bands and clothing and toys for 16-18 year old boys and under 2's boys for next years appeal.

Huge thanks to Mum, Mother in Law and Amanda in Saudi (formally South Africa, originally the UK) for their donations of Shoeboxes and fillers.

Here are some photos of the facilities and the children receiving their shoeboxes at the Celebration days. There are more to come, so pop back here in December.

What kind of expat are you?

There are many types of expats and rather than generalise I'll just tell you about the ones I have met, both in real life and on the internet. You may recognise yourself in parts of this post but the only negative comments I have are about people I either no longer see or have removed from my twitter, facebook or I've deleted my membership with forums.

So without further ado, now that I've made my excuses/apologies at the beginning I can now write freely about the expats.

The seasoned expats
We've been doing this for 30 years, 17th move, 15th different country, kids in UK boarding schools, take up golf, bridge and drink gin, you'll be fine.
These expats live in a fantasy world, often young and newly married, maybe a small child prior to becoming an expat, their identity was changing when they were young, either fresh out of Uni or in the early stages of a career, they would've given up work when the children came along and life would be full of changes.

The company expats
These are the ones that had everything done for them on arrival, car, cell pone and SIM card, house rented and furnished, no utility bills to pay, schools found, HR spending time with them to introduce them to others and locals and to ensure a few invites and plenty of things to occupy you until you get your bearings.
These expats tend to be employed on a two year contract and live within an expat community. They disappear as quickly as they come and aren't really that bothered about making friends.

The know it all expats
These are the ones who can do anything and everything, or so they say. They tell you if you're pulled over whilst driving to just offer a bribe. They tell you to pay someone to stand in a queue on your behalf, they say driving at night is perfectly safe as long as you just put your foot down at the robots.
They tell you they mastered all the local arts (Braii's) and the local (global) beer is crap.
These expats are full of shit, they know nothing and n one, they have all the talk, but if you ask them to help you with something they mutter and you soon discover they are either seasoned or company expats or even worse......

The expert expat
You know the ones that post online with 'advice of being an expat' or the ones that produce the 'how to guides?'
Have you ever read one properly? Have you ever found one to be actually useful? I have and I haven't. If I've had a relationship with the person online and we've chatted about it, then yes I've found it useful,especially the personal stuff about feeling depressed, losing your identity, the importance of talking to your partner, how it's difficult for family and friends back 'home' to understand what you're going through and how you can expect to feel lonely and it can take up to a year to make friends.
But the 'advice' on 'how to....... find a school/job/removal firm etc is a waste of time...they just 'advise' on how important it is to do your research/get several quotes/learn the language just don't help at all, because your 'home' country/language is different from theirs, their culture and understanding of the world is different from yours.

The trueful expat
Well that's me. My kids were already in private schools prior to moving abroad, I can drink Gin till the cows come home. I'll blog about how fab it is, the opportunitites, the lifestyle andboast about the weather and the pool, but I'll also tell you how it is. The depression I suffer from, that creeps up on me without warning. The days when I cry for no apparent reason, the times I feel worthless.
I'll also tell you how to actually pay your water bill, how to transfer a contract,documents you need to register with FICA so you can purchase a SIM card, how to get a provisional driving licence for your 17yo son and I'll lso tell you about the safari's, the volunteering and the over whelming emotion of visiting a township.

But in summary, the biggest problem is...you're not British moving to South Africa, your company has experience of doing this before, maybe your children are still little and not teenagers so mixing and meeting people is easier, maybe you're moving to a country where you are allowed to work or have a bank account in your own name or you're living on the opposite side of the country where safety and security is very different and also a 3 hour flight away.

So, what type of expat are you?

The one where I attempt to scald a child.

I love Coffee, not just any coffee but a Cafe Latte, one shot, 2 brown sugars.

I don't DO instant coffee and I don't care that the Italians consider a Latte a dessert, all I care about is

my Latte and please note there isn't a 'R' in it.

There have been many times I've asked for a Latte and they've replied 'one cafe larrrrrrrrrte coming up'

I've also sat and waited for the little pot of expresso to accompany my hot, milky drink as I've ordered the Latte part only and didn't mention the 'cafe'

 

 

Anyway, the story of how I attempted to scald a child.

Take out cups are made of cardboard, you can apply only a mall amount of pressure before the cup gives way, however if the lid is on securly and the drinking hole is the opposite side of the seam, you can apply alot more pressure before the lid shoots off.

 

So while standing at the counter waiting for your hot drink, ensure all small children are safely out the way prior to you picking up your cup off the counter. First, don't just assume that the Barista has secured the lid, check for yourself to avoid a 'slo mo' action scene where you sacrifice your hand, foot, leg and clothing to scalding coffee, while you shove and scream at small child to get out of harms way.

 

I have tested the lid theory scientifically by purchasing and drinking many brands of Cafe Latte, both in the UK and here in South Africa. This post is not sponsored but if *@KFCSA would like to contact me then I'd be greatful as their Cafe Latte is by far the best.

 

*assuming they haven't forgotten to order milk for the morning

 

 

Why as an expat you need to find a new family.

Life as an expat?

Is it for you?

Does your family understand and realise how much you need them?

Where do you call home?

We moved lock, stock and barrel to South Africa nearly 2 years ago, since then we've renewed our 2 year visa so we can stay here until January 2016 and then apply for residency. This would allow the eldest child to complete University and the youngest to Matric.
I would then be able to apply for work and have the bills in my name, making things easier on us all round.

We left 3 adult children in the UK, they'd already left home and in fact the middle one had been living in Germany for 2 years when we left. Our parents, siblings, nephews and nieces remain in the UK and everyone has been to visit us and we have course have been back to see them.
All 3 children have had medical emergencies, in the UK, since we've been here and we are happy wih the way family and friends handled it. There have been 2 funerals, the death of my Uncle in Dec 2011 and my Aunt in Sept 2012. The birth of my niece in Feb 2011 and the horrific ordeal my sister went through giving birth. My Fathers heart attack in June 2012 and the near loss of life with my 15 year old (step) nephew this month, when a wall at school collapsed on him.
But we've been there when we can, flown back for my Father and had already planned visits around the time of the funerals.

The thing is, no one is here for us, no one can just pop in when we have an emergency. Both children here have been in hospital, one had emergency surgery. I've had surgery on my neck and there have been the general illnesses like migraines, flu and stomach bugs, but they're not life threatening and we've had to deal with them as a unit of 4 on our own.

So this is why I call South Africa home.

I've built a network of friends I can trust, whose opinion I value and who I can rely on when we need things, be it money after losing a bank card and not being able to get a replacement for 24 hours, lifts to school because the car is in the garage or won't start, looking after when ill, meals cooked and homework done. It took a year to establish this, a year of struggling, lonliness and no idea of how to do anything or get anything done.

A year of family and friends back in the homeland not understanding why you are moaning 'look at the lifestyle, your finances, the sun, the pool, what the hell have you got to complain about?'
A trip to the Doctors to ask for help, anti depressents, psychologists, getting help around the home, asking for help and opening up.

The most recent experience on a visit back to the UK made me realise where home is and why I was desperate to get back. It wasn't just about the weather, the sleeping in different beds, living out of a suitcase, not being met at the airport on arrival. It was the plain and simple fact that I converted the cost of things into Rand and refused to pay R15 for a can of coke and I pulled up at the petrol station and sat in my car for a few minutes before I realised that I had to put my own fuel in.

South Africa is home now, I know how things work here, I know what channel I want on DSTV and found Sky confusing.

I like having my bags packed even if they do put the meat in with the vegetables. I like the open space. I like the security of living on a golf estate. I like my new lifestyle now that I am working and using my skills and qualifications (as a volunteer).

But most of all I love pulling up at the petrol station for a F1 pit stop, refueled, water, oil and tyres checked, without asking and back on the track in record time.

Do you know the 5 signs of Breast Cancer?

On Tuesday I was tagged by @kateonthinice on her blog, via Britmums, to raise awareness of Breast Cancer. I wasn't on twitter during the day, I was attending the funeral of my Aunty Pat who bravely fought (for several years) and eventually lost her battle with Breast Cancer. I didn't know there were 5 signs...did you? I just thought I'd notice a lump. Anyway nothing more to say other than check your boobs. 1. Itchy, sore, or reddened breasts 2. Upper back pain 3. Nipple changes 4. A change in the shape or size of one breast 5. Pain, swelling, or a lump in your armpit There are 3 things I want you to do Head to: http://www.tlcguide.org/bl/ for your FREE guide on touching, looking and checking your breasts. Share that link to help raise awareness of breast cancer signs. Join in the Twitter party on Friday this week (19th October 2012) from 1-2pm with @BreakthroughBC and @BritMums Write a blog post about breast cancer and link it up here. http://www.britmumsblog.com/2012/10/breakthrough-and-touch-look-check/ If you can tag your blogger friends to do the same, that will be very much appreciated too.

There for the Grace of God, go I.....

As I write this I don't know if April Jones is alive or dead. Either way the outcome is and will be for a very long time a tragedy for those around her and for her to deal and live with. A while ago I was asked to take part in Blogging for Madeline. You can read my post here about how many times I lost my children whilst on holiday and on day trips. I'm not proud to report I've ever lost my kids, but things happen, you cannot be in control of your children 24/7. I tweeted this, this morning 'I think I'm a good parent, educated, married, stable life....I've lost my kids numerous times, don't judge #apriljones #thereforthegrace...' 'Remember the place you live is different from everyone else, we've raised kids in country, towns and abroad #apriljones' 'Don't judge people by your values & standards as there is always someone ready to judge you and you'll say they're not justified #apriljones' I also replied to someone that I didn't think 7pm was too late for a 5 year old to be playing outside. I had a mixed response. To me allowing a child to roam free is going to end up in trouble, whatever age they are, wherever they live and regardless of the family situation. But then I know a lot of parents who never gave their children any freedom or responsibility and they've turned out......well we all know someone, we all disagree with how other people raise their kids, but do we ever stop for a minute and think about our parenting, the decisions we make? So your child has tea at someone else's house and they come home and tell you 'mummy, my friends mum said I could have pudding if I ate all my food, but I didn't like the food mummy and she gave her daughter pudding but I didn't get any' Honestly? You'd be aghast, you'd complain, you'd tell all the mums in the playground, you may even approach the parent and you'd certainly not let your daughter go play there again. Or are you the type of parent that would be aghast if your child was given pudding after they left their food? Same response no doubt? I'm a child of the 70's I remember growing up in a cul de sac up North and clearly recall playing outside in the summer when it was dark, walking the mile each way to school with my friends, we moved South when I was 11. When I had my kids I moved to a cul de sac, in the country, the only community apart from the Doctors and shop was this cul de sac, opposite the school, we took it in turns to take the kids to school, we had a walking bus (without the hassles) I lived there from 1993-2002 when I left my kids were aged 10, 7 and 3. They played outside in the late afternoons, early evenings with the other children, they climbed over the gates and the walls and you often fed extra kids or yours came home with an ice cream from one of the neighbours, they crossed the road to the park in groups, the older girls collected the baby in his pram and took him for walks. I'd spend hours in the woods calling the children in for dinner. When we moved in 2002 we moved to a town, we lived on a street, 7 miles from a city, a ten minute walk from the main line from Birmingham to London. We opened our front door and launched our kids into their new surroundings and they limped home as no one was out, kids just didn't go out to play, the park was empty apart from a few older teenagers on the swings. School told me that my kids were too street wise for their ages and it intimidated some of the other children. My kids are angels, but they ain't trouble either, a few spats over the years, a couple of fights and a few visits from the police about things my children witnessed, but weren't involved in. I worked for 15 years as a youth worker, inner city and in the country, there are good and bad kids wherever you go and that means there are good and bad children. You just don't know how a bad parent could have such a well adjusted kid and vice versa, but it happens. Twitter is full of critism for the parents of missing April Jones, people are judging the family by their own upbringing, their values and standards and it's just not on. Tell me what do you think of a young woman having a child out of wed lock, barely out of her teens, her child has never seen his Father, the mother could walk past him in the street after 20 years and not recognise him. She then lives off a few government benefits, sticks him in a creche and works, marries, has two further kids then leaves her husband, the youngest child only a year old and soon after sets up house with a new bloke and his two kids? Do you identify or more likely do you judge? I know that woman and her kids are well adjusted, been to college, left home to follow good careers, call her up when they need help, have set up savings accounts and pensions, talk to her when they need things and ask for help. Tonight, I, that woman get on a plane to go and spend 3 weeks with those children. They don't think I'm a bad mum, I don't think I'm a bad mum, but some people do because they don't know, they only choose to see things the way the media portrays people. So don't judge April Jones's family, don't even judge the family of the man who has been arrested.......there are bad people everywhere and there for the grace of God, go I.

Supporting people with disabilities in South Africa

I'm cheating a bit with this post by adding to a blog thats had over 3,500 hits since I posted it in October last year. The reason for doing this is because I've sold the original bags and I've made some more. If you want to buy a bag click here for more info.

So what happens to your money when you buy a bag?
How does buying a bag help people with disabilities in South Africa?

I don’t work, I volunteer and volunteering costs me money. But where can I get the money from to assist with my volunteer work and just what exactly do I buy with the money raised by selling bags?

To start off with there are NO personal expenses, No fuel allowance. I give my time and transport costs willingly.

Volunteering gets me out, it starves off the depression, it allows me to integrate, learn the culture, the language, make friends, explore new places.

I ‘m a volunteer with Santa Shoebox. I am the sub coordinator for Pretoria and this is my 3^rd year with them.  I don’t fundraise for them, just help with promotion, collection and distribution of boxes at Christmas time. Every Celebration day I attend, I bake cup cakes for each child at the facilities and if I identify a need I can meet and resources are available then I assist. But I do this outside of Santa Shoebox, as in I’m not representing them when I bake my cakes or meet their needs.

Through Santa Shoebox I have become involved with 2 organisations that I volunteer with independently.

I volunteer at Kungwini Welfare Organisation. I am involved with their adult home for people with disabilities, there is little government funding available and they rely on donations, both financial and in goods, goodwill and volunteers. I am also involved with the Children’s home. Their biggest fundraiser is their Nickel Xmas Market.

I’ve also recently become involved with The Viva Foundation in Mamelodi at the Alaskan Informal settlement. Where I spent a weekend with my son painting shacks as part of their Art Festival and I hope to become more involved with them.

At Kungwini I assist in the workshop, I help thread machines, I talk with people, I paint pots, I check quality control, I assist with orders, I identify needs and I try to meet them.

I do this by buying needles, threads, light bulbs for the machines, cottons, glue, paint, brushes, hand held devices for attaching press studs. I rinse out tin cans and plastic bottles from home to use to make crafts. I collect donations from friends, clothing, shoes etc. In the children’s home I provide them with toothbrushes and paste. I teach them how to clean their teeth and what will happen if they don’t, I challenge inappropriate language and comments. I talk about the world, share experiences, go horse riding, help tidy bedrooms, creating a feeling of ownership. I take and print photos, creating a record for these children to take with them through life.

By buying a bag you can help support me with this.

I want to be able to fund this year’s cake baking,  Last year I baked 2000 cup cakes, this year alone I’ve baked 350.

I want to print photos of every activity I’m involved with in the children’s home and help create memories.

I want to buy paint and brushes for Viva Foundation for their next Arts Festival.

I want to be able to buy items needed for the Workshop, to help them grow and develop their crafts to enable them to raise more funds from their Nickel Xmas Market.

I want to be able to have my own stall at a Market selling their crafts and my bags.

I want to be able to buy printing ink to advertise and spread the word about these organisations.

 

But I’m NOT asking you just for your money. I’m asking you to get involved with helping me, by buying a bag, as a gift, for personal use, telling your family and friends about where it came from and where the money goes and how it helps support people with disabilities in South Africa.

I will blog, tweet, post photos. I’m happy to discuss sponsorship requests from Media and PR companies to aid my work.

In October I am climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I need to find a reputable organisation to go with, source the equipment and clothing needed. Set up fundraising pages (need to get donations from other countries here). I will be using some of the money I raise from selling bags to fund this. I will be paying for my flights, accommodation and the trip myself, unless I can get a sponsor for this. All funds raised from the climb will go to Kungwini to help meet some of their many needs.

 

ORIGINAL POST
I will be in the UK the end of this week and I'm bringing with me an assortment of goodies made at KWO by adults with physical and learning difficulties. I've been learning the trade along the way, so there are a few hand made gifts by me. The workshop at Kungwini Welfare Organisation

Hand bags - Colour and sizes vary (approx 40cm x 30cm) fully lined £10.00

Bag logo

Lining

Beaded Hearts - Colours will vary £2.00

Necklaces - Colours will vary £3.00

Broaches to liven up your winter coat or bag - Colours vary £2.00

Key rings - Colour and styles vary £2.00

Postage and packing extra. Stocks are limited on this trip. Contact me via twitter @chickenruby or through my blog to order

NHS versus Private Medical Aid

For 39 years I was only aware of the NHS. Yes, there was private care available at a cost in the UK, but it usually came with a benefit package or the rich used it. Despite needing hospital care in the UK the private scheme was only ever used the once by hubby as in the past treatment needed hadn't fallen into the right category. I've had a few stays in hospital with viral meningitis and pneumonia and other things and all of them were 999 calls/emergencies so never really stopped to think about using the private care and apart from service in the NHS being slow, there's never really been an issue. On moving to South Africa less than 2 years ago, our only option is private medical care, so we've been told and although its part of a benefit package hubby still has to contribute 50% of the monthly cost and it's a taxable benefit. There was the cricket ball in the throat incident, pay cash up front, claim back from med aid, bills sent directly to us to pay, but not receiving them so issued with court orders to pay as the med aid wasn't linked to the emergency hospital son was taken to. Emergency surgery after the heelies accident, now apart from the cast being too tight, that all worked out well, from A&E to surgery, to ward to discharge, less than 24hours. There's been a CT scan after I was dehydrated, numerous dental treatments and doctor’s appointments. We've certainly had our monies worth from it but what has been the real cost? I personally think Private medical care is a waste of money, time and effort and so far it has caused me more stress than any of the treatments, surgery and emergencies that have happened so far. When admitted to hospital you have to set up an account, so your child is separated from you while you complete paperwork, provide copies of ID and med aid, know your hubbies works number off the top of your head as in any emergency you're never prepared. Did you know you can request which hospital you want the ambulance to take you to? Then the hospital will ask you after they've carried out initial treatment what scans/tests etc do you want? You're the bloody experts, you tell me. Do you want to be admitted? I don't know how much does that cost? Then of course you say yes to the tests and no you'll take child home if the hospital say it's ok to discover that now you have to phone your med aid and ask permission for the tests, you discover the hospital you are at doesn't meet with the med aids agreed prices and you have to then hand your bank card over for them to take the necessary payments, because they don't tell you this until afterwards or unless you ask, keep the receipt and spend next 6 months arguing with the med aid for a full refund...It was an emergency. Oh and don't forget the payment gap you'll end up in, the what? Exactly. You go to the Doctors or are half way through dental treatment and your funds run out. Yes seriously and the first you know about it is when a bill arrives or you get a phone call demanding payment. It's even more annoying when you explain to the med aid that you don't know how any of this works, as you are only used to free treatment as you're from the UK, you finally get informed that there's a drop in centre nearby where you can ask to speak with someone to explain all of this to you. So you visit every time you ne something or you get a bill and they are very good at reading off the computer, emailing you cut and paste and putting you on the phone to someone above them who is more qualified to answer your question, when all they then do is read off a piece of paper. This week I was admitted to hospital for day surgery. It was 6 weeks from referral by doctor to appointment and the actual procedure. Which compared to the NHS is bloody brilliant, but the stress of organising it was immense. R500 payable on initial consultation, claimed back from med aid. Completion of consent forms for surgery and all med aid details including car registration numbers for both myself and hubby (no parking permit was issued) details of next of kin in South Africa and as we are immigrants, contact for family members in the UK. Then there was approval from the med aid, the hospital contacted me to say I'd need to pay R3500 towards the treatment, so a visit to the med aid drop in centre, a phone call to discover that they won't pay for two treatments in the same year. But I wasn't having two treatments in the same year, but according to med aid level 1 injection were the same as level 2 injections. The physio and anaesthetist come to see me, told to refrain from driving for 48hrs and my neck may be sore for a week. At the consultation I was informed I'd be sedated and a needle would be inserted into my nerves on both sides of my neck from C1-7 and an electrical pulse would stimulate the nerves. I was put under and the procedure lasted 90 mins, I came round and my blood pressure was 57/40 something, I was dehydrated and it took 2 hours for the drip to pass through and I was discharged at 5pm. On arriving home I stepped out the car and collapsed on the drive, I've been in bed ever since with this (sat pm) being the first time I've been able to sit up for more than a few minutes without incredible neck pain. On calling the hospital on Friday I was told I had to have complete bed rest till Tuesday, take the meds as prescribed, despite instruction on box saying 'when needed' and to drink caffeine, coke and eat chocolates to keep my blood sugar levels up, my feet elevated and not to attempt to stand unaided and not to be left alone. Now hubby wouldn't have gone to Cape Town Thursday till Saturday had we been given that information at the hospital. And thanks to med aid company I now have to go through the whole procedure level 2 again in January when the New Year starts which will mean with the costs that we will be in the payment gap sooner than we want. In the meantime I'm trying to find a perodontist that works within the med aid figures and despite requesting that the med aid company find me one, I'm still waiting for the surgery I need to resolve and slow down the bone degeneration I have and prevent my teeth from falling out. I'd rather have the NHS any day, thank you very much. I may have to wait longer but from previous experience, there is less stress prior to the event and after. My father had a heart attack in June, the only option he had was the NHS, their care during and after was fantastic and the help he receives now is amazing. No wonder I'm suffering from depression, most of it caused by my lack of knowledge and the medical aids lack of understanding in response to 'I don't know how this all works, please help'

Tampons, naked saunas and swimming sideways

I've had enough.

Responses from tweets indicate it is the same whatever gym you go to, regardless of where you are in the world.

As I enter the Virgin Active Gym there is a board

'Lets make South Africa Proud'
Followed by a list of do's and don'ts.

'LET'S RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDRIES, SO NO HARRASSMENT OF ANY KIND'

Do you know what that means?

It means if someone isn't respecting your boundries, you challenge an issue or just about anything else, you're likely to get sworn or shouted at, or told to mind your own business.

The pool has a current, yesterday I gave up after 10 lengths, I was in lane 1 of 6, the lane with the strongest current, lane 6 was empty and lanes 2, 3, 4 & 5 were occupied...by men and women training, with paddles and flippers and one guy was even using a snorkel.
The current was so strong it took me 10 strokes to swim up the pool and 16 to get back and most of that was sideways.
Just a thought, silly I know, 'excuse me Sir, would you mind swopping lanes, only I'm just here for leisure swim, maybe it'll be easier for you to swim in the current with your flippers on than it is me'

'fuck off'

I went back to the pool today, I was the only one in theRE, the pool was really cold, but at least the showers were working this week. Last week there was a problem with the hot water so after a freezing cold shower I thought I'd nip in the sauna just for a few minutes to warm up.
I don't particulary enjoy walking in the door and being eye to vagina, thank you very much, OK, people go naked in saunas, but knees bent, legs apart on the top bench, facing the door just really isn't necessary. I walked out, there was nothing I could say.

Anyway back to today, out the shower, why are the doors see through perspex? we don't all enjoy showing off you know. I return to the changing room, put my costume, googles and hat on the floor, open my locker put my clothes on the bench and grab my make up bag and go to the mirrors to sort my hair and face. I return to my bench and despite there being loads of space a woman has put her damp towel on my clothes, I pick it up and ask 'is this yours?' to which she just snatches it off me and puts it back as close to my clothes as she can. I told her I don't want wet clothes and could she move her stuff, she replied that I was to move mine, so I shoved her clothes and bag along the bench, with most of it falling on the floor, grabbed my stuff and went to another bench.

Big mistake...
Me: excuse me would you mind going to the toilet to insert your tampon
Her: Why
Me: *Gives up, gets dressed, buys coffee and blogs*

'LET'S RESPECT EACH OTHERS BOUNDRIES, SO NO HARASSMENT OF ANY KIND' translates to

'LET EVERYONE DO WHAT THEY WANT AND DON'T YOU DARE COMPLAIN OR THEY'LL HARASS YOU'

Just what is @kwo_org that I so often tweet about? www.kwo.org.za and why is it so important to me?

Kungwini Welfare Organisation is an umbrella Non-Profit Organisation for 8 public benefiting projects, namely:
 Paul Jungnickel Home - with 140 adults with disabilities
 Kungwini Early Learning Centre - with over 200 children between the ages of 2 - 6 years
 Drop -In Centre - for over 40 children between 6 - 12 years
 Vocational Therapy Unit
 Kungwini Protective Workshop
 Children's Home
 Nickel Xmas Market
 Social Work Services

I got involved with the Paul Jungnickel Home sort of by accident. I had visited the organisation with Santa Shoebox appeal and had been taken out to visit the Kungwini Early Learning Centre. Everyone was so friendly, that I left my CV with them with the intention of supporting the teachers in the nearby township.

On Mandela Day, 18th July, his birthday, #67minutes I visited armed with cup cakes and a pair of scissors to help make some paper bunting for the Nickel Xmas Market. I ended up going back again and made 1km of paper bunting. I then started to make some material bunting for hanging outside and so far have made 150 meters.

Me and my sewing machine were too noisy for the meetings held in the adjacent room so I was moved to the Kungwini Protective Workshop where all hopes of sewing any more bunting were put on hold until the material cupboard was tidied. Since then I’ve been going 2-3 times a week. There is little English spoken and combined with speech difficulties I’m struggling a little to be understood and to understand. But the residents there are so patient with me, practising their English, taking me by the hand and showing me where to go, making me a cup of tea, using gestures and I’m finding my understanding of Afrikaans is coming on nicely, I catch key words and work the rest out. Sometimes I have to fetch someone to translate, but on the whole we all get on fine.

At the moment I’m making bags to sell at the Christmas Market. I have taken a few orders so far and will be posting them when I return to the UK in October. I will also be travelling with many other goodies for sale and I’ll be asking/pestering those of you I see to buy from me. Pop over to my face book page for more info.

So why has this organisation become so important to me? It has given me a life line, a purpose, people to talk to, a place to go and more importantly makes me feel needed and valued.
I can’t work in South Africa, I don’t ‘do lunch’ or play golf and I’m not a big fan of shopping or having nails painted, so I was a little lost.
KWO lets me be me, I can blog/tweet/facebook, I can take photos, I have the freedom to make suggestions and carry them out.

So if you want to do your bit also and help out some amazing people and live in or can get to Pretoria, have a look at some of the needs of the organisation and if you’re outside South Africa how about making a donation, there’s a space to leave a message and don’t forget to let them know that @chickenruby asked you to pop by.


You help to make a BIG difference in other people's lives.

From appointment, to assesment, to treatment....6 weeks

15 years ago I suffered an injury at work, I now live with chronic pain in my neck, lower arm and fingers.

It doesn't prevent me from doing anything, it just hurts. I struggle with tin openers and writing and sitting for any length of time, esp driving, but I can manage it, it just hurts.

We moved to South Africa 19 months ago and almost overnight the pain stopped. I'm not working, I'm not doing 100s miles of driving weekly, I can't continue with my studies. The hot weather here also helped.

I was still experiencing pain if I did anything on a loop, but the pain stopped inbetween.

The last few months I've realised the pain is back. I know it sounds silly, but when you live with pain constantly it is possible not to notice it unless it gets worse. My threshold is probably higher than most.

More migraines, the feeling someone is putting pressure on the back of my neck, disturbed sleep and off I went to the Doctors a few months back. I was prescribed Gabapebtin. I refused to take it. In the past I'd suffered side effects. I was irritable, constipated, constantly searching for food and lost my sex drive. I started to exercise more and that helped.

The biggest trigger for my neck pain and migraines is stress. Couple with everyday tasks, writing, hoovering, cooking and baking (I have a guy who does my ironing) So back to the Doctors 5 weeks ago with a variety of issues (inc depression) and today I had my appointment with the pain clinic.

I went armed with a file of treatments and procedures. I accept my pain, I live with my pain, I just want a little help from time to time.

So I was booked in for day surgery, can't remeber what the procedure is called but it involves injection along my spine, from the base of my head to C8. I couldn't make the first appointment in 5 days time as hubby is away so it is rebooked for the following week on the 26th.

I'm so impressed, I know we are paying for it, via the med aid (waiting to find out if med aid will cover the cost) if not we'll have to dig deep. The only issue I had was completing the admissions forms as they wanted to know our car registration numbers...why? and a UK residential address and person to contact in an emergency.

The 5 C's in a crisis

Last week I wrote about regaining my smile

Life has been going well, I've been really enjoying the volunteering at www.kwo.org.za a home for adults with learning and physical disabilities, I've established a routine, I'm committed to giving up smoking (even if I do require medical intervention to do so) I'm back swimming 1km daily at Virgin Active Gym. I'm spending my spare time, sewing bags and making bunting for KWO Christmas market. I'm busy emailing schools, local businesses and Embassies promoting www.santashoebox.co.za

So life is good and I'm also dealing with Hubby being away into his 3rd week on business in Europe and holiday in the UK to visit family and friends.

But today was crap, I put feeling better with the depression down to the fact I've not had to deal with a difficult situation recently and not the medication making it easier to deal with stuff.

I lost/misplaced/had stolen my bank card and I went into meltdown. Not out of panic/fear/worry, but out of annoyance at knowing how bloody complicated this will be to sort out.

I'm at PicknPay, no bank card, I'll be back. I retraced my steps to the petrol station where I know I last used my card, nearly 24 hours ago, it's not there. Youngest is searching the car, under the bed and friend is checking her house and driveway where I went last night. I check my balance online, all is good and then I cancel the card.

After cancelling my card I realised how isolated I am here, how little help and support actually exists for us as a family, thankfully my boys are 13 & 17 and in a medical emergency they'd cope/manage in hubbies absence.

It takes ages to find the number online as I'm signed in, if I'd signed out and just surfed the website, I'd have found it straight away.

Them: Hi how are you?, I'm fine (this happens all the time, I never had chance to answer and didn't ask a question.

Me: I'd like to report a lost card.

Them: Can I have your name and ID?.....no, not your account number, your ID

Me: That is my ID I'm British

Them: But there isn't enough digits

Me: I know, I'm not South African

Them: Can we have your account number?

Believe it or not, I don't actually know it. I get statements online, it's not written on the front of the card, like the UK, so I log back on to internet banking to locate it.

Them: When would you like your new card?

Me: ASAP as my hubby is away and I have no access to any money till he gets back next weekend

Them: How would you like to get your card?

Me: Please tell me what my options are and then tell me the quickest way to get access to my money please.

So I'm off to the bank tomorrow after my hospital appointment to be issued with a temporary card. The proper card will arrive at the bank in 5 working days.

I doubt things will go smoothly, they really do, here.

My friend is wonderful I called her. I had a cuppa, cake, cry, cuddle and most importantly....she gave me cash.




UPDATE
IT TOOK 22 MINUTES FROM ENTERING THE CARPARK, WALKING TO THE BANK, COLLECTING TEMPORARY CARD, WALKING TO CAR, PAYING FOR TICKET AND EXITING THE CARPARK....I'M STILL IN SHOCK

I've not smiled in a long time

I'm not an unhappy person.

I'm not a sad person.

I am an angry person.

I am an upset person.

I feel let down.

Let down by this whole move to South Africa, the non exsistant support from hubbies company, despite the promises. Finding a house, setting up bills, opening bank accounts etc, etc, etc. Living in a dnagerous country. Then there was the problems with school, the refusal to acknowledge sons dyslexia, the subsequent house move, the emergency trip to the UK when my dad had a heart attack (one week after we moved) the lack of friends, the boredom, the lonliness, the medical aid.

I put a positive spin on things, I look on the bright side of life, but I do have a habit of letting things get to me, wind me up, make me shout. I also enjoy the good things about living here, a recent trip to Kruger National Park, the markets, the volunteering, being able to afford for my son to learn to drive.

I wrote two posts recently about being ill, about everything getting on top of me, about going to the Doctors and asking for help, about being prescribed anti depressents.

Yesterday I went for my 4 week review of the anti depressents and I told the Doctor I didn't think the medication was working. I said my life had been stress free for the past 4 weeks, no trauma, no hassles, no bills to query, no illness.

Of course everyone says that don't they? They've got better all by themselves, things are good, on the up, they don't need tablets any more. I understand that and perhaps I just feel better equipped to deal with things, to be more cheerful and positive about stuff.

But the one thing that reminded me that the tablets are helping is the fact that when I walked into the surgery, the Doctor said 'I've not seen you smile before'

Camping at Kruger National Park

We spent 4 wet nights and 3 full wet days at Kruger National Park. It was a 800km round trip and we drove 500km around the park, totally 27 hours of driving time, mostly by my son. It cost R800 to camp, we spent R700 on a yearly pass, R1300 on fuel. R300 on tolls plus food.
For some people it is the holiday of a lifetime, for us it will be a regular trip at under £400. However we do need to buy a new tent (hopefully a trailer one...hint hint Hubby)
Kruger is larger than Wales and we only saw the equivilant of Monmouth to Cardiff.

We tied the fridge up on advice of a neighbour who had been raided the previous day, however on our return we discovered they'd had a good go at the fridge and failed but stole the bread, ignorned the rice crispies and left dirty muddy paws over my air bed.

There are approximately 3100 hippos at Kruger and I think there may only be a handful that we didn't see.

Anyway without further ado here are some photos and you must watch the video of the Hippos mating. My 13yo son tried his best not to giggle and failed, his laugh is infectious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpkni8P5OO4&feature=g-upl

Giving up smoking is killing me

I gave up smoking on August 17th 2012.

For 4 fabulous days I was a non smoker.

On day 5 I smoked 1 cigarette.

On day 6 I smoked 2 cigarettes.

On day 7 I smoked 2 cigarettes.

On day 8 I smoked 3 cigarettes.

It is now day 9 and I feel like the hungry caterpillar, but for cigarettes.

I get to 1pm every day without giving smoking a thought. I'm back to swimming 1km everyday and with ease. Head down 10 lengths freestyle, without stopping. I can now swim it in 15mins instead of the 40mins it was taking previously. I have plenty to do in the mornings and then by 1pm I want to smoke.

I've changed my morning routine, I associate a morning cuppa with a cigarette, so instead I have fruit juice, but by 1pm I want a cup of tea and I start to think about smoking, by 4pm I am smoking a cigarette.

It tastes vile, I cough, I can smell the smoke already on my clothes and in my hair. I hate the smell of other people smoking, I always have, that doesn't make me want to smoke. I'm making crafts and sewing and gardening to occupy my hands. I spend more time upstairs as I don't smoke indoors and I'm not near the door just to pop out for one.

I've smoked for 24 years, I don't enjoy it, I'm addicted. I don't need a cigarette to calm the nerves, relax me, make me happy. I need the nicotine. It doesn't calm the nerves, relax me or make me happy, it just stops that nagging feeling inside as my body screams for the 24 years of nicotine it has gotten used to.

I think I was too adventerous, I told everyone I was a non smoker from August 17th onwards. I haven't failed, I've just stumbled at the first hurdle, not realising what a challenge I was embarking on.

So I will carry on smoking my 2-3 cigarettes a day, increase my exercise, cut back on the fats and sugars and will become a non smoker on September 3rd 2012.

I'm driving for 5 hours with my son to Kruger Park and spending a week in a tent and going on safari. I can't smoke, I won't be able to buy cigarettes and I will have changed my environment and routine and see if that works.

UPDATE

Well my plan to stop smoking at Kruger back fired. I'm back to 10-15 a day. I followed all advice, I re read the book and I know I'm stupid. The nicotine had a stronger grip on me than I ever thought possible.

I'm stopping smoking (again) tomorrow. Hubby is away for another 2 weeks, I've smoked the last cigarette in the packet this evening. I have no cash on me and no need to go out. I want to stop, I will stop, it's just harder than I realised.

UPDATE 2

I asked the Doctor for help. I've been prescribed Champix, I've picked day 11 to stop.
Check back on September 21st and I'll let you know whether I'm thinking about cigarettes or not.

Sometimes a helping hand is needed

A year ago I stumbled across @kateonthinice (previously known as @netcurtains) groovy mum blog with challenges and a linky. I felt I had lost my way, my groove and although I though the title Grooving mums was a little bit kitch, I thought 'why not?' I had nothing to lose and surely I could only gain friends. i knew I wasn't likely to meet anyone else in a similar situation, but I knew I'd meet others with varying sets of problems and I would be able to reach out to people for mutual support.

Well a year on, nothing has changed. Yep i'm serious, I still cook, bake, garden and I now even own a slow cooker. I've made some friends, I volunteer and I explore further a field, but I'm still lonely, I still haven't adjusted or even accepted that my life as I knew it, stopped over night.

I don't know how to reinvent myself, when all I know is lots of kids, activities, work, study and a great social life is what made me, me. That all took 39 years to reach that stage and I've finally reached the stage where I have acknowledged that my life can't be like that over night and I have to accept that this is how life is now for me.

It all got a bit too much, not just the life changes, but dealing with illness in the family, house move, renewing visas, letting go of the past in regards to hubbies company and lack of promised support. I'm struggling to let go, move on and start living a new life when I'm still pinning for the old one.

So last week, despite my reservations, when the migraine from the stress was so bad that I ended up on a drip, I finally spilled everything in one go to the Doctor, who said it was obvious I was depressed and prescribed me medication and a referral to see a clinical psychologist.

I don't know if the medication and therapy will work, but I'm going in open minded. I've been calmer in the last week, despite also giving up smoking, I've exercised more and been eating more fruit. Maybe it's just a lifestyle change I need to make in regards to diet and exercise to fit in with my far from active life style I now lead when sometimes I feel I'm going to die of boredom, that is unless the lonliness doens't get to me first.

the power of a tweet

'Dear @picknpay why are you no longer selling Hellmans mayonnaise? Tis a sad day for us #expats'

What followed was a series of tweets from others with suggestions of where I could purchase Hellmans Mayonnaise and even a tweeter contacting her local store to ask if they had any in.

And then this morning the phone rang.

It was head office in Cape Town to explain that the Hellmans Mayonnaise had not been available to order in since March due to an issue with labelling. Hellmans is imported into South Africa, lots of other global brands are manufactured under licence here. Coca Cola, Lays (aka Walkers in the UK) and due to it being a global brand it needs to comply with the food regulation agency and therefore needs to be labelled 'contains egg' and 'produced in a factory that handels nuts'

Now all very well and good, but......I need my Hellmans Mayonnaise, so I added it to Hubbies shopping list for next month.

Then this pm I get a call from the manager at the local branch who has gone above and beyond in her mission to fulfill my needs, including calling local branches to see if they have any left in stock, sent out staff to rival stores to see if she could obtain any for me and then said she'll check out her local shops during the week and rest assured she will call me as soon as it comes back into stock.

So I feel a little foolish now, all that effort for me? one lowly customer, but it's the difference between writing a blog post and tweeting how fab @picknpay are and shopping elsewhere.

In the past when I've tweeted them about raw meat, poor hygiene or lack of education on storing products, they have always responded in this manner, with an explanation and what they are going to do to rectify the issue.

This is not service I've ever had from a UK supermarket.

It has to get worse before it can get better

I should have waited till the end of the week before writing about the help I'm getting to treat my depression, because I just can't believe that the day just got worse and landed me up in the doctors surgery on a drip treating the worse migraine ever.

If you want/need to catch up then you can click here to see why I went to the Doctors for help this week.

OK I'M NOT DYING...In fact I do not even have anything officially wrong with me medically, but I'm ill and it's been getting worse.

You see I have a few 'little' things wrong with me. Which on their own are painful and can be an inconvience, but when you put them all together at the same time and chuck in the whole 'I'm struggling to be an expat, adjust to my new life, moved house (again) Dad had a heart attack, youngest has dyslexia and dysgraphia, giving up smoking and didn't get a role at the London Olympics that I'd set my heart on' you'll see why I'm having a tough time and why I've asked for help to treat depression and take Prozac.

So what is wrong with me?

I need oral surgery to stop my teeth falling out and it's linked with diabeties and the perodontist hasn't seen a case this bad, ever, in anyone under 65. My bones are degenerating.

I have chilblains due to poor circulation aka Smoking

I've suffered with migraines since I was a small child

I had viral menegitis in 2000 which rears it's ugly head from time to time

I've had pneumonia on more than one occassion, in the last 5 years

I was a victim of assualt, 15 years ago, and suffered nerve damage to my neck for which I require regular pain killers and hospital treatment

There is a history of high cholestorol and diabeties in the family of which I now have elevated levels and I will be diabetic one day

...and all raising it's ugly head at the same time.

So I left the doctors on Monday with medication for pain, chilblains and Prozac. I had appointments lined up for blood tests, clinical psychologist, pain clinic, diabetic clinic, I forget what else and i go home to a very confused and worried hubby, but I actually felt a bit better, until tuesday morning after the blood tests when a pain in my head appeared from nowhere. It felt like someone was hitting me over and over with a hammer and I couldn't do a thing to stop it, meds, resting, darkened room and after what seemed like forever, hubby got home and took me to the doctors where they hooked me up onto a drip for an hour to administer medication. I could hardly move my head on wednesday and today thursday my neck is so stiff I have to move my entire body to look round. My head feels heavy, yet it's still thumping and it feels like someone is pushing on the back of my neck all the time.

But I have appointments, I'm getting something done about it all, but let me tell you it's not easy, I'm feeling more stress now than I did on Monday when I turned up at the doctors asking for help.

Our medical scheme, Discovery, have a payment gap thingy that I have to submit bills to, to reduce the gap then the med aid kicks back in. It's probably a bit more technical than that but.... and I have to request permission in advance of certain treatments or they'll not pay out or only pay a small amount if the health care provider doesn't charge the Discovery rates. So basically I don't know if all my treatment will be covered until I contact the health care provider and request codes to see if a) Discovery will pay for it and b) if Discovery will pay the full rate.

I now have to find a perodontist who fits the above criteria as the one I was recommended to see by a Dentist who does meet the criteria, will charge me R30,000 and Discovery will only pay back around R10,000.

I've lost count of the number of times I've emailed, telephoned and visited in person at Discovery to say 'I haven't moved from one scheme to another, I've moved from the UK and no scheme, it was free'. I'm also fed up of saying 'I don't know what to do or how to do it, therefore I do not know what questions I need to ask and it keeps costing me money because I didn't know if I said a, b or c, it would've been covered'

So back now to the depression. I'm so angry with hubbies company that the Medical wasn't set up when we arrived, despite requesting it over and over, telling both the company and Discovery 'we don't know how it works, please help us' and being greated with 'here are all the lovely bonus things you can get from us' and 'an advisor will be in the office on wednesday' who then failed to turn up on two occassions.

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. My family and friends* are being amazing. It will get better, it'll be different. I can't let go of the crap of the move and lack of support from hubbies company till they say sorry, despite them asking what they can do and us saying 'try saying sorry' There are still a few contractual issues to sort out and they won't rock the boat with the agency that handled and cocked up our house move as they are processing our visa renewals at the moment.

So I guess I need a bit more time before I will start to see the benefits of asking for help, the appointments and waiting for the prozac to kick in...in the meantime I'll leave you with my next trick which is...

things can't get anyworse or more stressful so I thought today would be the best day to smoke my last cigarette.

*twitter

What else will the day throw at me?

What started off as a trip to the Perodontist for what I thought was a scale and polish (the referal form was written in Afrikaans) has ended up with an appointment for Oral Surgery for bone degeneration, a test in the morning for diabeties, which if I don't have now I will have eventually, a referal to the pain clinic and a clinical psychologist, pain meds and anti inflammatories for the chilblains and Prozac.

I left home at 9am and returned with pizza for the kids lunch at 1pm. What a morning.

Being an expat isn't all sunshine and pools although, yes we do have all that. Yes I'm lucky that I don't have to work anymore, the kids benefit from me being at home every day after school and through the holidays and hubby comes home to a clean and tidy house every evening and a home cooked meal.

There are parts of it I do enjoy such as the cooking, I've impressed myself with some of the things I can just 'throw together' and with the introduction of a slow cooker from a friend for my birthday it's all systems go. I don't actually mind the cleaning, it's a tiled house and so easy to do, we also have little furniture and what ornaments we have are in a glass cabinet so it's not really a difficult job. But I do miss work, meeting people, deadlines, sociallising and I find life sometimes very lonely, repetitive and boring.

At this point you're probably thinking 'that sounds like my life' but what you have to remember is that my old life of work, study, volunteering, sociallising stopped over night when we emigrated. And here's where the Prozac comes in. Moving house is stressful, everyone knows that, chuck in my fathers heart attack, renewing our visas, discovering our youngest wasn't being supported in school with his dyslexia and then a diagnosis of disgraphia and it all got a bit too much for me. Forget all the crap with the UK banks and the lack of (non exsistant) support from hubbies company. I'm, how shall I say it? at the end of my rope.

Now don't panic I'm a practical person and I may wallow in self pity with a 'woe is me' attitude but I'm a doer, one of lifes 'the more stress I have the better I thrive' get on with it type of person. But there comes a time when I need help and today is that day.

I left the dentists and went straight to the Doctors to request to speak with the Practice Manager, I wanted to know how I went about the diabeties test? who did I see about feeling depressed? stopping smoking? do I google a psychologist or need a Dr's referal? Do I see the practice nurse for a blood test? How do I get to see a pain specilaist? I got as far as her saying 'come through' before the tears started. She listened, made an emergency appointment for me to see the Doctor and now I feel alot better.

However over the next few months I have a list of appointments with a variety of people. We are in our medical aid payment gap so I drove to Discovery to find out what's happening, what's covered and what's not. I couldn't have asked for better information and assistance.

I'm over whelmed right now, I thought calling home would help, but it just reminded me how ill my dad is with diabeties, heart disease from smoking, lack of exercise and poor diet. However his reply was positive he said 'I'm 72 when all this happened to me and all I can do is maintain it, you're 41 and can prevent it all from happening'

I'd already planned to stop smoking this thursday, I set the date last month and I'm 82% of the way through Allen Carr's 'stop smoking' on my kindle app. I've schedule to return to swimming tues, wed and thurs am, having used the cold winter mornings as an excuse. I also downloaded 'thinking slimmer' a few months ago and then slapped myself for wasting £30 on hype and never listened to it, however on Saturday I thought what the heck and this morning I actually put the chocolate and the coke back in the cupboard as I was going to eat it to cheer myself up when I realised that I'd be better off with a late breakfast of Special K. I'll not use it to think myself slimmer but to think myself healthy and I've set my goals as just that and besides 2 jeans sizes smaller won't hurt me.

Blogging and sharing and tweeting is wonderful therapy for me. As soon as I put something out there, there is no hiding from it any more, denying it's happening. there's been too much of that despite me being an 'open' person. Always putting a positive spin on things, using humour hasn't actually helped, it just delayed this moment, put off asking for assistance, not wanting people to think I was a failure.

Because I'm NOT a failure, I'm a success. I've done it, I've emigrated, I've integrated, I've achieved far more than I ever thought I was capable of and now I'm there, now I've reached that point, it's time to say 'I need some help in understanding it all, medication to get me through while I unjumble and off load my mind'

I'm depressed, I asked for help, I'm taking the meds, I'm proud of how far I've come and look forward to the next set of challenges, but this time I know I NEED to ask for help along the way and not lie and say I'm fine.

The real cost of volunteering

I'm not glad or relieved, but grateful the matter was taken out of my hands.

I didn't get a volunteers role at the London Olympics.

I had pinned alot on going back to the UK to give my time freely as a volunteer, after all it's a once in a lifetime experience, OK, so I won a competition to go to Barcelona Olympics in 1992, so I guess I'd used my quota of good, but still.

When I registered as a volunteer I had no idea I would be moving to South Africa by the end of the year, but we put some major life changing plans on hold and some serious money aside for me to have this chance.

I've always volunteered, at primary schools, football clubs, cubs, sea cadets for fundraising, school fetes, donated items and with that I've also given not only my time freely but my money.

It's not free as a volunteer, costs involved range from phone calls, stamps, fuel to printing. You may choose to donate unwanted items or exchange birthday gifts as donations for fetes and raffles, but, as I've discovered recently it all mounts up.

When do you stop putting the odd extra item in your supermarket trolley for the Santa Shoebox, donating winter clothing and blankets to organisations/individuals and buying things you can't really afford to help make people's lives better?

There are 2 organisations I've been involved with since I arrived in South Africa. The Santa Shoebox appeal and KWO I give my time freely, I give the facilities I have available such as my printer, sewing machine etc, but then I give my printing ink, cost of materials etc and I've reached a stage where this week I've been working almost full time for them raising awareness, fundraising (still waiting to hear back) and purchasing items needed to enable me to do this. I can't work here in South Africa and I need to build by CV ready for our eventual return to the UK, but more than that I need to feel valued and to give something back. But I can't work full time for no pay and then spend money that I don't earn trying to do just that little bit more to help out. I'll burn out, I'll run out of resourses and I could end up feeling resentful.

So all in all it's not such a bad thing that I missed out on the Olympics, this country needs volunteers more than alot of others. So in hindsight the money I would've spent flying back to the UK to be a part of something huge, has been better spent here, actually changing the lives of others. And I know that come the celebration days with @santashoebox when we hand out the gifts we've collected and see the smiles on the children's facces, that this is where I belong, not with large cooperates, making money off the Olympics. But from now on the extra time I spent shopping for items I can't really afford will be spent tackling those organisations that can and ask them to share some of their profits back among those in genuine need.

If you can help in anyway please leave a comment on my blog or tweet me @chickenruby or at the very least click on the two organisations addresses to find out more about what they do and help to raise awareness @santashoebox @kwo_org

When do we stop being expats?

I guess the answer to that is when we move back to the UK. But why are we called expats?

We've been in South Africa now 19 months, the kids are in school, hubby has been with the company for nearly 27 years and is paid in local currency.

We have friends, belong to clubs, give strangers directions when stopped and asked. Holiday within South Africa. Know where to shop, eat out, the places to go, the safest routes to travel and we understand how things work here, but we are still expats.

I suppose it's similar to moving within your home country, unless you were born in that town you're never made to feel like a local. But we don't feel like outcasts here, don't feel as if we don't belong. There are still language barriers to overcome, but then we did live in the Forest of Dean and never really got to grips with the local dialect there.

In the UK when asked 'where are you from?' I'd reply 'born in Wales, lived all over England (Leicester, Yorkshire, Herefordshire, Gloucestershire, Nottingham, Worcestershire) and now live in Malvern'

When people here ask 'where are you from?' they mean 'where were you born?' when they ask 'where do you stay?' they mean where you physically live now.
I always reply 'I live in Centurion, orginally from the UK' I don't bother saying Wales as 1. not that many people here know where I mean and 2. I no longer have the accent, it just confuses things.

South Africa is home now. At least until the end of this year, fingers crossed we hear soon about the renewal of our visas till January 2016 and then we'll have to apply for residency. But who knows? we may move again by then, but for today and tomorrow this is home and that's why I don't feel like an expat....I consider myself a local.

How do you move on when there are issues still to be resolved?

Last week I was told it was time for me to move on.
Who told me this and why?
HR at hubbies company.
Apparently I've been here 18 months and I need to let things drop and move on and that I should be used to things here by now and why don't I just google like everyone else does when they need things doing?

Well that's what I have been doing since the very day we arrived in South Africa. So why am I still complaining?

Many of you will know that from my blogs and tweets that despite promising to do stuff, hubbies company have failed and let us down big time. Yes, I've got on with things at either considerable expense, time or emotionally and we have moved 3 times in the past 18 months and received no help whatsoever with anything.

OK again, big deal you say, but the difference is there is a contract stating what help they will provide, it was agreed as part of the relocation package and sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I thought a signed contract was legally binding.

So why have we moved 3 times?
We started off in tempory accomodation, it was ideal, a 6 week lease and the promise of assistance to find a more permenant property. So trusting we would get the help, I got on with trying to open bank accounts, get a SIM card, buy a car, settle the kids into school, but all was impossible as I only had a visitor visa and no proof of residency as the apartment was in the company name and trust me I really had to scream and shout to get anything done.

Two weeks prior to us needing to leave the apartment there had been no sign of finding other accomodation. The owner arrived with the new tenants to show them around and the company hadn't requested to extend the lease or find us anywhere else to live. By this time after failing to get a mobile phone on contract I had obatained a PAYG SIM card after asking a stranger to buy and register the card for me and used a very old UK phone which had poor battery life and no internet connection.
I thought I'd visit the estate agents in the mall to discover that's not how things work here. I needed to find the agents name from one of their bill boards and call them. Emmmm bill boards inside security estates and without an invitation, no entry.
So I got in the car and drove to hubbies office, saw HR and said 'we have 2 weeks to find somewhere to live, I need to view some properties'. She dug deep in her bag and produced a battered leaflet, circled a name and walked off, using the office phone I called a few and was told that nothing was available with such short notice. Then I found an agent who showed me a couple, another agent failed to turn up at one address. Then I found a property available on the date we needed it, the rent was higher than the allowance but we had to move and and that point I was still being misled about obtaining a work visa, so thought we'd be out of pocket for a while but that it would be ok when I found a job.

So add to this we'd had no medical aid when we arrived, it was in the contract, we'd requested it and were out of pocket by 1000's of pounds after eldest child was rushed to hospital on day 8, neither had anyone thought of giving us any info on how and where to find doctors, dentists or even where the nearest hospital was. Our car loan has to re paid within 2 years, visa regulations and the borrowing costs were 14%, this was where the HSBC had let us down with misinformation.

So moving forward to December 2011, we had to move, we simply couldn't afford it, so after all the hassle we'd had the company employed an agency to assist with a new move as they wouldn't up the rental allowance to cover our costs.

What a waste of time that was. We were shown 2 properties end of January 2012 and nothing else.

So last week I find myself back in the office, with the new HR, listening to excuses as to how she wasn't in post back then and what did I want? Bear in mind I was only there having sucessfully found new tenants for our old property, found a new house to rent, contacted and supervised removal firms and cleaners, negoiated the contract with the owner, transferred all the utilities. All at the same time as sorting out issues with youngest child afer discovering the company hadn't forwarded all the SEN info we'd provided them with, paid a fortune to have him reassesed. Arranged a reader and a scribe for his exams, at our expense after discovering the company had emailed the school to inform them we were only in the country for 2 years, so they'd not really bothered with him being Dyslexic and having dysgraphia.
And then to top it all off, the agency had invoiced the company for all the work I'd done, claiming it as their own, in regards to the move, some several thousand pounds. Dealt with an emergency trip back to the UK after my father had a heart attack and renewed our visa application.

So what was my point? What did I want?

An apology, an reply to my emails when I said I didn't know what to do and where to do it.

Whay did I get?

I got told it was time for me to move on and if I wanted an apology she could request one.