X Factor...don't click away it's not what you think

I don't know Cher Lloyd, I've seen her around town, she lives about 5 mins walk from my house. Her brother was at school with my 15yo and they play football around.

Before Cher shot to fame on the X Factor I'd heard of her, knew she had been bullied at school and had moved to the other school in town and her brother soon followed.

I'm not from Malvern so I don't 'know' families, but in all the time I've been here I've never heard anything negative about them.

Cher is a chav.....that's what the national papers are saying about her and also some very nasty and negative comments are being made about her on facebook. My 15yo son is her friend on facebook and has been way before the rest of the UK was made aware of her since her appearnace on the X Factor.

I went to her house on Tuesday night to see her brother to ask him if he'd seen my son (see previous blogs) Mum answered the door and Dad popped his head round.....I could have been at anyone's house and I was really. I never mentioned Cher or said how is she getting on, because I hadn't gone there for that reason.

My point in writing this blog is I do wish people would stop making judgements based on the way people dress and look. My 15yo calls his 18yo brother a chav and they laugh about it.

It's not a way of life it's more of a dress code, there are so many groups of people defined but what they wear and the music they listen to.

Personally I don't like the 'uniform' of middle aged, slightly over weight women....to me the boots, legging, long woollen dress, choppy hairstyle is not a look I aspire to have, but it is a uniform, there's the 'yummy mummy' look I don't choose either, floaty skirts, hair scraped up on the head and carrying a Radley handbag, or the 'gym woman'.

We all have a uniform, for me, I personally look like I've just finished riding my horse, I like jeans tucked into flat boots, tshirt with plenty of cleavage and a floaty wrap round cardi....

I no more own a horse than Cher 'the chav' is a gobby mare and is hard.

So please stop judging people on their appearance and just accept that we are all different.

I am not alone.....guest post by @SunnyNici on twitter

My 14 year old son has inspired me to write this post as it’s just been one of those weeks, but first a little background. I have been a lone parent since my son was 2 years old, I used to work part time at an insurance brokers but decided that this was not the career I wanted to be in forever, so I took the decision to go back to college in 2009 to do an Access Course to give me the qualifications I needed to go to university. I passed the course and in September this year I started university studying the Social Work BA Hons Degree, with a view to working in Child Protection when I have graduated. I am only in university two days a week so am home when my son gets home from school and am studying when he is out with his friends at the weekend or whilst he is at school. I believe that I have got the balance right and certainly my son seems happy.

So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call from his school this week to ask me if I had been leaving my son by himself for the past two weeks whilst I was at uni! After assuring the school that I had in fact been at home and informing them that I was at uni as a student social worker, they were happy that I would deal with this statement with my son when he got home from school. Basically what had happened is my son had lost his school tie and instead of buying a new one with the money I had given him, he decided to spend it on food and borrow a tie from the Head of Year. When my son was approached by this teacher asking for the tie back, the *only* excuse he could think of was to say that I had deserted him so he wouldn’t get into trouble. After explaining to him that he cannot lie about things like that, he accepted that he was wrong and apologised not only to me but also the school.

Then on Friday, whilst he was at youth club, I recived a phone call from his girlfriend telling me that my son had been injured and I had to go there immediately. Once I arrived I was met by the youth workers and was told that he was listening to a live band, jumping around in the mosh pit and got pushed and accidently head butted one of this friends. An ambulance had been called and there was talk of him possibly needing stitches as he had cut his head. When the paramedics arrived, they checked him over and due to his paleness and feeling nauseous, recommended that he should go to A&E. So off he goes in the ambulance with me following behind. After 3 hours we were finally seen and luckily no stitches were needed, they simply glued him back up and was advised to take regular doses of paracetamol for the pain and the headaches. My son joked with the doctor that I had locked him a freezer and that was how he got the injuries!

I love my son dearly but wish he would rane in his imagination at times…. A student social worker with a son who says I left him alone for two weeks and then jokes that I locked him in the freezer when at A&E! At this rate I will be struck off before I even get started lol.

Kids!

Preparation for South Africa

Well, I've written out my notice letter for The Football Association and Worcester College of Technology and will hand it in 1st thing tomorrow.

Wow, I found that very emotional. I love my job working for The FA in Worcestershire at County level in Child Welfare. I have met so many interesting people from a variety of walks of life, had some great successes and also worked some very difficult cases.

When I came into post 2 years ago this was a new venture for The FA and I had to find my feet and learn to work with others who had been doing different parts of my job for years. It was very hard to walk into an established office and 'take over' keeping people out of the loop, issue warnings to individuals for inappropriate behaviour, persuading people to re sit safeguarding courses and supporting 100's of volunteer welfare officers with CRB checks and suitability for roles with working with children. I've worked closely with the police, probation and social services and built some very good contacts with excellent two way communication and referrals.

I've been fortunate enough to attend meetings and trainings at various venues including Soho Square and Wembley. We don't talk about the day I spent training in the Vetting and Barring scheme that the government have since put on hold, at Villa Park (I'm a Birmingham City Fan)

I've spent three years at WCT teaching Skills for Work, Retail and more recently assessing NVQ level 2 & 3 for Teaching Assistants. I also used to support students with learning difficulties with work experience, including 10 weeks at a funeral directors and that was eye opening. I now have no fears of what happens to me after death, we had a laugh and that was the only way to get through it, but everything was done with such dignity and care.

Back to South Africa

We're another step closer to going. Hubby has been asked to go over beginning of November for a week to check out places to live and meet the team.

He told me it's time to get the house on the market, no rush, maybe in a day or two? oh and can you get some quotes for decorating as he'll be too busy to do it, but don't hand your notice in at work yet, you can work up till the end of November ready for a move around christmas.

Mmmmmmm.........

Sometimes Twitter just isn't enough

Don't stop reading...stay with me....your children may be little now, but they will grow up and you will need help...please read on...and don't ever say it won't happen to you.

Yesterday morning I blogged about the lack of support for parents with teenagers. There is so much info outhe there for younger children, advice and support groups, but nothing for when they get older.

I had to go to one sons school yesterday and while I was waiitng a rummaged through their information rack.

Preschool places, holiday clubs, family activities, child care and baby & toddler classes.

The only information available for older children was support for parents returning to work now their child is older.

Yesterday I had cause to remove my 15yo sons xbox from his room after his refusal to do anything, even communicate and then it all kicked off big time. I have several brusies on my body, my bedroom was trashed and we need a new door for the spare bedroom and then he ran away.

I drove round a few of his mates houses, word was put around and one kind dad put him in his car and brought him home, having told him on the short journey that his behaviour was unacceptable.

The TV and game console are now in the spare room and he has to ask to use it, his mobile phone was returned this morning as I need a bargaining tool for future use and he has been allowed an hour on the lap top in the kitchen with me tonight.

I received lots of support from twitter and links were posted with some fantastic suggestions, however not one person or web site could tell me what to do when he says 'No' to every suggestion made.

So today I went to see my friend, it was a 100 mile round trip but worth every mile. Our children grew up together and were inseperable until 8 years ago, they are both 15 now, when we moved away and her son went off the rails. Haven't listened to her stories today about pupil referal units, alcohol, cannabis, violence towards teachers and both her and her husband being interviewed by the police and social services in regards to false allegations made by their son, I asked her 'waht help are you getting now?' her response was 'None'


So with help from @mediocre_mum who has taken control of my blog and face book to set up feeds and links etc etc (can't say what else she did as I don't understand it) I will be putting together a blog, a forum, a support page for parents with teenagers, where they can share advice, information and generally let off stem so they realise they are not alone.

With my psychology background I will endeavor to understand the mind of a teenager more and share my findings with those of you that are interested.

Kids and Technology

'Every one has one in their room, It's not fair'

My step son had a game boy...he stopped doing homework, socialising, lost the ability to communicate in anything other than grunts and became very aggressive if we asked him to come off.

We removed it from him.

He then took to spending all his time in his room, problems as above so we removed the TV from his room.

As a result, lesson learnt, Child number 2 didn't have TV or game console in his room till he was 16. He responded well, no rows, had loads of mates, a social life and helped around the house when asked.

So we gave next son TV and games console in his room at 15. He behaved like son number one. We tried negoiating the amount of time he spent on it and now that has been removed and won't be going back.

Son number 4 will never have a TV in his room.

I have set up the spare room with the TV and games console and I will keep remotes/controllers hidden. I will now manage the time spent on it.

By the way none of my children have ever been allowed to have internet connection to their consoles and they have never and will never have lap tops or computers in their room...God, imagine the hassle I'd be having with that.

The NHS

I suffer with Chronic Neck pain....not Fibromyalgia which they keep trying to fob me off with.
14 years ago I was attacked in the work place.. I sued they paid me next to nothing..I spent a fortune re training and the last 14 years have been spent attending numerous hospital appointments and medication that has had some serious side affects.

It doesn't stop me from doing anything but it causes me immense pain. I live in pain and manage my life around what I need to do and what I want to do. I find it difficult to write anything more than an address on an enverlope, sit for any periods of time, drive long distances either as the driver or a passenger, sleep at night, household chores and even picking my kids up when they were babies.

So this is how it goes......I tried all types of medication but they only mask the pain...side affects, weight gain, loss of appetite, inability to communicate and function, creams that are impossible to apply when you have limited range of movement in your arm, lack of sex drive. I've had numerous surgical procedures including botox, which felt like I was being stabbed with a screw driver.

I have had physio, accupunture at the expense of the NHS and to myself and now because there is nothing they can do to make it better ..they gave up treating me...

I was at the Doctors yesterday and was given medication and told to book my own physio appointment. The clinic in Dudley that allow me to self refer when things get unmanageable which I did in August have just rearranged my appointment for the 3rd time till 30th December......Do you know what is going to happen next? I do and so does my Doctor.. The neck pain becomes unbearable the frequency of my migraines increase and I end up in hospital for any thing up to a week while they try to sort out what the problem is....I'm telling them what the problem is now but they won't listen...and this goes on every bloody year.

Fingers crossed I manage to get to my holiday to the States next week before my next stay in hospital.

Time to redress the balance

So your 3 year old has started weeing herself after you thought they were potty trained.

Should you take your baby to bed with you?

My 3 year and old has started nursery I'm feeling lost without them.

I have a picky child that won't eat anything I cook for them.

Go on twitter and read peoples blogs and these are questions there every single day. Accompanied by hundreds of answers, suggestions and words of support, from parents in the same situation, parents that 'come out' the other side unscathed and from grandparents, professionals and others.

Well now it's time to redress the balance. I've offered support, information, advice and posted hundreds of links and now I need something back please.

I have a 15 year old son who is taller and stronger than me. When he was little and didn't want to eat his tea/go to school/hid his wet trousers/wouldn't sleep at night. I followed all the advice, I read the books, I asked for help and it was possible to implement the suggestions.

There wasn't twitter or facebook. I went to playgroups and spoke to other mums. I picked up the telephone and asked my parents or took him to the Doctors. It outside his bedroom door listening to him cry, I put him in bed with me, I did a star chart and rewards for potty training...I could go on, you all know the drill.

So what now?

He won't go to sea cadets any more, he refuses to take part in family activities, won't do his homework, tidy his room, help around the house....he just wants to do his own thing all the time and I'm expected to pay for it.

So what was the point in spending his formative years making him go to school, encouraging him to eat his veg, getting him to tidy his toys away?

It seems it was all a waste of time...I spent his formative years encouraging independence, feeling like a bad mother if I didn't follow the latest parenting techniques, suggested by playgroups, grandparents and government...and all for what?

A child now, and I hasten to add he is still a child, who does his own thing, when he wants and how he wants, locked in a world of social networking sites and computer games. I face pressure from school because he's answering back in class, not doing his coursework, refusing to co-operate around the house and generally thinking he's in charge.

Yes I can take the lap top from him, I can tell him if he doesn't eat what I cook he can go without, he can live in a pig sty and not have clean clothes if he doesn't bring them down for wash.

But, either way I'm at fault, his behaviour outside the home is due to bad parenting? well, that's how the media view it...but I did everything according to what/how I was told to do it...and if I had my time again...I'd bloody well ignore it, after all no-one is advising me how to sort it all out now...are they?

D day and counting

Well, it's nearly D day. Meeting in the states last week and one item on the aganda was hubbies job offer. If they say yes, then sometime soon we all move to South Africa.

Kids are pestering every day for news, they are itching to tell people. Everytime hubby walks through the door or puts the phone down one of them says 'well?' the answer is always not yet.

I've now moved to the 'it's not going to happen' stage and I'm starting to plan, in my head, what we can do instead to make up for the disappointment if it all falls through.

We shall move to a big house in the country with loads of land and have chickens.

Hubby will take early retirement and we'll buy and sail a yacht and sail around the world.

I'll apply for a green card and we'll move to the states where I will teach autistic students. (This is the only option likely to happen, but we love to dream)

As soon as we hear, yes or no the house is going on the market, we will sell my car and get rid of all the excess crap in the house. We will either move to South Africa or somewhere else, but either way there are going to be changes a foot around here.

Let you know as soon as I do.

Nothing to do

There are so many things we'll have to do if the move to South Africa goes ahead, but until we find out if/when we go, there's little point in starting anything. I've already stripped the house and the cupboards of all the stuff we never use...bread maker, old toys and books that the kids have finished reading. The clothes went to the charity shops, the books to the doctors surgery, they sell them to raise funds for an autistic charity. I've passed some of the kids toys onto friends and I'm selling the rest at boot sales.

I've tidied all my work files and caught up with cases. I've been assessing my students at top speed so I can finish them by the end of October rather than christmas. I've tidied the cupboard under the stairs and the cleaning cupboard to make sure everything gets used up. We've employed a cleaner ready for putting the house on the market and have sorted out 20 years worth of house hold bills and shredded everything we don't need.

And as a result I'm now bored and frustrated, bored about not being to start any new projects and frustrated as there is so much to do but can't start it yet. When we do get the go, go, go...I'm not going to know my arse from my elbow and I shall be chasing my tail in an attempt to get 'everything' sorted probably in a short space of time....so off now to paint my nails and read a book. I'm not used to this 'me time' I need things to do.

We're moving...well maybe

Hubby took a phone call from work beginning of September, youngest son was in the car...he was offered a job in South Africa...would I go?

Hell, yes I would..wouldn't you?

As son overheard we told middle son and they both said YES YES YES. It's something we've talked about as a family for the past 4 years we've just been waiting for it to happen.

We will find out next week.....or the week after...or the week after that.....and we are still waiting.

Don't tell anyone said hubby, and promptly told his best mate and the neigbours....I had to tell someone also...so most of you on twitter know by now.....and had to discuss it with family in case the kids said anything. The hardest call was to the boys Dad to check he wasn't going to say no, but thankfully he said Yes, it was a great opportunity and he could always come and visit. (Didn't think that one through, did I?)

I then had to tell my 18 year old. He only left home 4 days earlier and there I was telling him we may be moving on the other side of the world. His response 'Well I'll be a proper Nanna's boy now, won't I?'

We've discussed renting/selling the house. What do we do with all the furniture, how much does it cost to ship stuff abroad? I'll have to sell my car.

Schools? Safety? Rent or buy? Rent, have since found out that if we buy we won't be able to take our moneyback out.

Financial advisor? Off shore account? Mobile phone contract, still got a year to run.

OMG what do we do first? What will we forget? We've thrown our lists in the bin, the excitement has died down. We'll end up jinxing it.

Now I've got Mum and Dad on phone most days...have you heard yet? Had the chance to develop my career, put it on hold. Do I cancel the next part of my degree? Can I continue with The OU in South Africa.

So we find out this week, sometime, big meeting in the states, many items being discussed. Peter is on a list of many decisions to be made.

All we can do now is cross our fingers, carry on with daily life, don't make any plans for the immediate future, replied Yes to a wedding next year knowing we won't be able to go to it if we move.

I've found something to do. South Africa or not we are decorating, repainting the outside of the house, new fence panels and got rid of all the junk and been having fun sorting it and taking it to the boot sales.

Watch this space I'll let you know soon what's going on, and Yes, we will be disappointed if it doesn't go ahead but it'll be for a reason and we'll find something else just as exciting to do, somehow.

Weddings

My first wedding was a do for my parents...I borrowed a dress and we had the WRVS do the catering in the church hall, we ate, no disco then a night in a hotel. Hubbies 1st wedding was a massive do in a castle, the full works. But both of us said we never recognised half the guests or really enjoyed it that much.

My sister has also had two weddings, the limo was too long to go round the mini roundabout.

Don't get me wrong I love weddings, as a guest and spent the weekend with friends as they married. It was a lovely simple do, but not cheap.

Hubby and I got engaged in Las Vegas, in the car park of Maceys, he didn't fancy getting married there and then as we still weren't living together. So we sold both houses and three weeks before ours was ready, to move into, we eloped to Chester, just the two of us. On our arrival we were gate crashed by three sets of our dearest friends and afterwards we walked through Chester to an Italian restaurant and asked for a table for eight. They were fully booked, but the customers made way for us. One friend brought a cake.

Then it was time for the honeymoon. I spent the week packing and moving, with Mothers help and hubby went to Isreal 48hrs later, with work.

It has been eight years now of marriage and we keep saying we'll renew our vows and have a big do...but quite frankly, back then, it was all about us and still is now.

Being the first

In 2000 Steps sonstarted secondary school and step daughter aged 12 moved into care. It was a difficult time. In 2002 my eldest started secondary school followed by middle son in 2006. In 2003 youngest started primary school. In 2007 Step son turned 18 and left home. In 2009 Step daughter was 21 and in 2010 Step son turned 21, my eldest turned 18 and left home and youngest started secondary school.

Mother-in-law is fantastic treats my children the same as she treats hubbies two. Birthdays, Christmasas, starting college (helping with the funding) and leaving home.
I have two friensd who made a fuss of Step sons 18th, leaving home and 21st and with my eldest 18th but there it ends.

All our family and friends have kids younger than us and do not understand the significance of these events as they have yet to experience them but when I discuss it with them and explain my anxieties, excitement and nerves etc it just doesn't registar. Then it slowly starts to registar with theirs and they knock on my door and expect help and support and words of wisdom which I give freely.

I have cousins giving birth soon and I'm expected to give them things, advice and send cards of congratulations. I don't recall the last time they sent me a birthday card yet alone acknowledged the birth of one of my children or any of their life events.

So from now on I will not be rushing out to buy an 18th, leaving home, new baby card etc. If it's important enough for them to mention it in the hope I will acknowledge it then I will learn from example. Mine were first, I mentioned it, did they acknowledge?

Missing the kids?

Every summer my 11yo son goes away for a month. He spends a week with my parents then 2 weeks with his dad then another week at my mums. I'm grateful for the break he is very demanding and extremely messy.

I spend the first few days celebrating my freedom...I can go to work and not stress hubby or 18yo out but asking them to look after him....I can pop to the shops without him demanding I spend a small fortune on him or spend the entire trip persuading him to get out of the car, walk up town with me and not have to resort to bribing him with a trip to Cafe Neros.

I then spend the middle bit feeling guilty...he's not that bad...really

Then I panic...OMG so much to do must get on with it...tidy his room and chuck the junk away (although what I call junk are his precious things)

Then I feel resentful he's coming home soon and I haven't had long enough and don't want him to come home and the guilt kicks in again.

He's home tomorrow and now I'm looking forward to his return...have been chatting with him this morning on facebook and he NEEDS to come back now.

By Sunday I'll be looking forward to the next holiday when I farm him out again.

Do YOU just walk on by?

I don't and it gets me into terrible trouble sometimes with Hubby and kids moaning that one day it will go wrong.

Sometimes one just has to say something. It's all too easy to tweet or say 'you'll never guess what happened to me today'.

Today in Stockport a woman aged mid 20's screached at her son....'do that one more time you little bastard and i'll get that woman to smack you one' I was the woman she was referring to, the child was approximately 7 years of age.

People tutted, shook their heads and walked past. Me? I challenged her there was no reasoning I just told her straight that it was unacceptable to call a child that and to threaten him in such a way.

Her response was 'Fuck off, you interfering bitch'. I politely told her I wasn't interfering as she had used me to threaten her son. She stepped towards me, pointing her finger in my face and screaming obscenities threatening to smack me out.

I remained calm and started to back off as it was subjecting her son and other children to even more abuse and at that point I was approached by two police officers.

While I quietly and calmly explained what had happened she continued hurling abuse and after giving my name and address I walked away...just far enough to see what happened the police woman took the child out of shouting distance while the other officer informed her she would be arrested if this behaviour continued.

Do you know what the saddest thing about all of this was? The child was not in any obvious distress it appeared to be normal and acceptable behaviour from his mother.

sad about leaving the kids

I've noticed recently how many people say they feel sad or guilty for going out without their children and leaving them behind with dad or grandparents and a list of instructions. mmmmm you don't have the sole rights to them you know. If things aren't done your way it doesn't mean that things are done wrong. If you miss them that bad don't go out. These are the same people that are going to end with their kids still living at home in their mid 20's with mum as their best friend....seen it so many times.

I left my son with my parents for a week when he was 6 weeks old..I won tickets to the Olympic games in Barcelona and guess what? people said it was wrong, how could I? I'd never do that.....these same people are now moaning at me that they never get time with their partner and want to have more in life than to be just known as a mummy.

How did you meet yours?

I'm the eldest by a few months and with that comes maturity, responsibility and wisdom.

I have 5 children, she has one.

Three of mine have left home, two are in secondary school. Hers is just coming out of nappies.

When we first met I was dressed as a dalek, she was naked apart from a white paper hat.

She has no become one of my closest friends yet we've met three times..think I could tell her just about anything and probably have already.

No we weren't in Kindergarden we were 37 years of age playing fancy dress friday on twitter.

You can find her as @mediocre_mum (or in the pub)

Kids are spoil sports

1.The kids used to get in the bath with me, then they reached the stage where they would get in the bath water after me, then they insisted on clean water....now they don't wash.

2. The kids used to insist the Christmas decorations went up 1st December.....now they know what they are having in advance.

3. The kids used to get me to make extravagant costumes for Halloween, decorate the house and bake goodies to give away...now they won't even answer the door.

4. I bought the kids some England flags.....they won't let me put them up.

Kids are spoil sports...are yours?

Lead by example

I've talked about this before in regards to my 15yo son, but it appears nothing has changed or is going to change.

'He is disruptive, he swears in class, he argues back and often storms out of lessons.'

(That's todays feedback)

Typical behaviour, no an absolute one off, no other child ever does this at his school. So tell me why he's never been excluded, tell me why I'm not called in week after week...go on I dare you.

He is not an adult, HE IS A CHILD. Yes he is responsible for his behaviour and must face the consequences, but his behaviour WILL NOT change when he constantly faces negativity from adults around him.

YOU make the first step, YOU are the adult, YOU demonstrate positive behaviour and he will respond.

Telling my son constantly it...'it had to be you didn't it?' 'here we go again' 'When there's trouble here you are' is not and will not help him in any way at all.

When the rest of the class speak up and say 'Sir/Miss, it wasn't him' and YOU ignore them. And you shout at my son and tell him to 'Get out your classromm' is not going to change his behaviour.

OK, I except on the last occasion the teacher had the guts to apologise, but guess what? They didn't apologise in a loud voice, in front of his peer group or indeed loud enough for the class next door to hear, but quietly and meekly in the corridor as they hurried off to their next lesson.

One final note. Yes, I do know what it's like. I do teach mainstream children and adults, students with behavioural and learning difficulties. I also work in Child Welfare and I am a Psychology student. So been there and done that and often under OFSTED conditions.

Bullying in school

For those of you that read my tweets you'll know I have lots of problems with my 15 year old and his behaviour, however I know that if I shout at him that will just make it worse. But sometimes I have enough with 2 other kids at home plus complicated visits home from step children, combined with an absent hubby in the week, a job and a degree.

When I send my children to school, I expect them to be cared for and treated correctly and certainly not to be shouted at and put down and made to feel useless by an adult in front of their peers.

I do not expect to collect my 15 year old son from school in floods of tears on a regular basis, due to the way he's been blamed and accused of doing things he has taken no role in. This is always evidenced by the other students, by this time though he has served the detention or break time consequence and no apology is given to my him by the adults involved.

To be told everyday by different teachers to shut up, get on with it, leave the classroom is not conclusive to his emotional well being.

I accept my son does wrong, I accept he has stormed out of lessons when hes been told off for doing something he actually did and I have supported the school with punishments at home reflective of the severity of the crime.

There are far too many incidents to trawl through and the school are never willing to go back and discuss anything other than the current one. But this is what happened today and is typical of his school week.

Lining up outside class teacher yells to stop messing around. He is shoved from behind and pushed through doorway of another class, he is yelled at for disturbing the class. In the lesson two girls giggling and screeching, he is told to shut up and tidy up the mess behind him. On his return from the bin a child shoulder barges him sending him flying. He is ordered straight outside the class where he sits for last 20mins with no work to do. Pupils in class complain to teacher immediately that it wasn't his fault.

At end of lesson when all pupils have gone home, Teacher says to him I accept it wasn't you and walks off. No apology, nothing. Silly boy answered him back and guess what Teachers word against his again. The Head can't see me till after half term.

'Gender Disappointment' : Coping with the 'wrong' baby

I read this on twitter today from @parentpages ‘Gender disappointment’: Coping with the ‘wrong’ baby >> do you want a boy or a girl >> why do we even ask? http://bit.ly/afHD3n

I felt great disappointment when my 3rd son was born, not because I had another boy, not because I was a failure, but because I knew then I had to cope with the barrage of questions from family and friends of 'are you upset' 'never mind, you can try again' these thoughtless statements and assumptions came in thick and fast even during my pregnancy.

I do wish people would think before opening their mouths of the damage and hurt they can cause.

With my first pregnancy 19 years ago I asked if they could tell me the sex of the child. There answer was 'No, we can only tell you if there is a genetic reason for doing so'

In my second pregnancy I didn't think to ask, nor was I given the option. At that point my sister had just given birth to her second child and the comments of....'one of each now, she has the perfect family' haunted me.

When my second child was born comments of 'she had 'another' boy' and 'you can always try again' stay with me to this day.

By the time my 3rd child arrived I answered the questions of 'what would you like this time? A girl would be nice to complete your family' with 'actually I was hoping for a pony'

At my scan I was asked if I wanted to know the sex and I declined. The midwife actually said 'I thought you would want to know as you have 2 boys already' My response didn't go down too well, 'If it's another boy can I arrange the termination now' That wasn't how I was feeling I just said it to shut her up.

I was asked if I felt depressed at the thought of another boy and was offered counselling.

Even now as the kids are 18, 15 & 11 I still get asked if it saddens me that I don't have a daughter and apparently I'm missing out on so much stuff. But I have 3 healthy, loving and well adjusted boys (sometimes). That is what I was given and that's that....end of...but I can 'always hope for granddaughters' but 'what do I do if I only have grandsons?...ignore them?

The Volcano and what it means to me

I am fed up of hearing 'news' stories of this bloody volcano and peoples stories of survival, how they are stranded in hotels, on holidays and without medication.

Ok here goes.

If you are reading this and you are one of these people...it's no ones fault.

It's an act of god...so no you can't claim off your insurance....flights are being re-booked free of charge and they will get you home.

If you've run out of medication...you're not in space....a local Doctor or Hospital will sort you out...you have insurance and if you live in the UK and are in Europe you should have your E111 card with you. (If you don't have your E111 or have taken out insurance, then it's your own fault.)

My step son should've flown back to army barracks on Sunday evening and yes the weekend was frought tryiong to get information on the phone/internet...then I thought about it and rang his barracks up so they knew he was trying to get home...was told to tell him to enjoy the extended break and keep in touch with ETA.

At this point I relaxed re-booked his flight for Wednesday, hubby has taken him to Manchester this morning as he has work and they will stay up there till there is a flight available.

However, this morning his Sargent rang as he is now AWOL because he hasn't followed the emergency procedure and rang the Serg himself...although it is noted I rang the barracks, as he is 20 and an adult it is his responsibility not mine....which I did say at the time..but no one listened to me.

Have just been informed that due to the number of service men and women away from barracks the army will be providing transport to return them to their bases....I suggested he could return to a local base and his Sarg said if you've had enough of him then just do that and I'll issue the rollicking next time I see him.

Step sons take on the Election

My step son, is 20 and is in the British Army based in Germany. He is in the REME. He constantly moans about the lack of equipment and how when he requests stuff he has to wait for it.

The polling cards arrived today. Three. One for me, hubby and eldest who turns 18 on the 1st May. Hubby immediately got defensive and asked where his sons card was. I explained I had deregistered him at this address so he could vote whilst in Germany so not to waste his vote.

He said he wasn't effing voting as it was a joke and that was that.

Well here came my mistake. I asked him how he thought changes could be made unless he took part.

His response was 'all I care about is the army and that's that'

I asked him where he thought the money comes from to fund the army and who sends these young kids to their death without the right equipment.

His response was 'I didn't vote for this bunch of tossers'

I 'tried' to explain to him that he had the chance to do something about it.

His response was 'What the f*** would you know about it, get off my case. It's my life and I'll do what I want with it'

Fair comment, however, who does he call when he needs a flight home? Who bloody pays for it?

Who sorted out his stolen car? and the insurance? and the police? and drove for 3 hours to do it?

Who sorts out his bank account? Mobile phone? Helped him get rid of his debts?

Me, that's who.

Support from hubby 'you know what he's like why do you get involved?'

Hmmmm yeah thank you. Some help hubby was he just walked off. So yes another night ruined, same old same old and guess what? It's not my fault the bloody volcano erupted and he can't fly home tonight. I've rebooked his flight for him on Sunday as it was the earliest one available so only another 48 hours. I feel some retail therapy coming on.

Midsomers Murders - move you fools

Watching Midsomers Murders on the TV and following the twitter stream. It seems to be the general opinion of the viewers the best thing to do is to move.

I once lived in a village for 5 years and during that time the following events occurred:

A hot air balloon crashed in the park.

A mans body was found, coroner ruled it as an open verdict.

There was a supermarket blackmail attempt on Gateway supermarket, which involved glass in jars of baby food and ended in a mass armed siege and his suicide. (shot himself) The blackmailer ran the pub.

A land slide, rendering several homes unsafe to live in.

A suspicious 'gas explosion' killing the occupant of the house.

A convicted child abuser moved into the village and was hounded out.

Armed drugs raids (numerous) in more than one house.

Endless, numerous affairs with neighbours resulting in many public show downs.

A murder.

There was an armed siege on my house 6 months after I sold it, the new owner had raided a post office.

This was a small village with a local shop, Doctors surgery, Primary school and chip shop, with a weekly visit from the mobile library.

Politics - My take on it all - It's really not fair

I've been out of work in the past when I've had children or we've moved but have only ever claimed benefits on two occasions and both times was due to an injury at work.

In 1995 I was assaulted by an adult with learning difficulties, due to poor staffing levels suffering injury to my neck and 2006 again due to poor staffing levels, this time I was bitten by a student with autism.

The first time I was out of work for 6 months and in the end the company let me go as I was not fit for work. I went to tribunal was re-instated then handed in my notice and claimed disability benefit. After a further 3 months, I was told I was no longer entitled to benefits and had to return to work. I managed to get on a training scheme and did a NVQ level 3 in child care. I decided, with help from Unison to sue my employers for negligence. By the time my case was heard in 2001, I was awarded £8,000 for loss of earning and £7,000 for the actual injury....good you think...no in summing up I was informed that the payout would have been in tens of thousands of pounds if I'd sat on my arse and done nothing for 5 years, but I had been retrained and started a new career.

In 2006 whilst working with students with autism I was badly bitten on my right arm, the skin was broken and I had a secondary infection. This came 3 months after the air ambulance had to maneuver me down a spiral staircase on a back board after falling over a piece of equipment in the same work place.....I handed my notice in and left...guess what couldn't make a claim for unemployment benefit and as the accident had worsened my neck I made a claim for incapacity benefit....despite receiving regular treatment from Dudley hospital and being on medication...guess what? after 3 months they decided I was fit for work. At this point I had decided further my education and I took out a student loan to do my teacher training.

Two years after completing my teacher trainer I decided that I really didn't enjoy teaching so I applied to work in Child protection. I also started a degree in Psychology and Criminology with The OU which is costing me £800 per unit, there are 6 units in total.

So imagine now my frustration at having to pay for my youngest sons education, additional costs in further education for both my step son and eldest plus £20 week in travel costs as their chosen courses were not available near home.

Well now it is time for the General election and finding it difficult to understand why we put up with Labour for so long.

Labour want a fairer future for all..... http://www.labour.org.uk/manifesto/50-steps-to-a-fairer-future-for-all

I don't have kids under 5, my children have nearly finished their free education, I've already fought the education system twice now to get my children into their 1st choice school, have never qualified for tax credits as we are not low waged, both Peter and I have private pensions, mine taken out when I was 18 and a AVC.

I like the look of the Conservative policies...... http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/apr/13/conservative-manifesto-at-a-glance

The only trouble with this is where are they getting the money from so what are the hidden 'things' my family will lose out on?

You'll be pleased to know this blog is now at an end. What about the other parties and their policies? Well, I believe this is another two horse race and it has taken me so long to locate the two links above on the internet and wound me up so much I may blog something which I later regret.

Last Birthday Party

Today my youngest is 11, he's the one on the right. He wanted to go 10 pin bowling and invite his whole year group. I investigated the costs and with food for 20 and 1 game of bowls it came to approximately £200.
I wasn't prepared to pay that much, in the past hashe had a few friends round to play, have lunch then go home or I've hired the church hall made the sarnies and jelly and stressed myself out.

Having all boys they haven't been interested in parties, sleep overs or discos, since they went to high school. We were in San Fransisco for step sons 18th and eldests 18th, on 1st May, will be spent at Birmingham City for the last game of the season and a meal in China Town on the way home.

But this year I realised this was going to be MY last birthday party. Youngest is off to high school in September, wants a mobile phone for Christmas and keeps asking when will he be old enough to not have to come food shopping etc and stay at home.

I planned todays treat after consulting hubby, he wasn't too pleased with the cost, but when I explained it was for me more than youngest he agreed. He's already threatened to leave me if I mention having a baby again...lol

At 9am today, my friend and I took 5 children by train to Birmingham, solved crimes at The CSI Experience, ate in Macdonalds, came home to play football, xbox and cut the cake before going home at 5pm. There were no presents, as when son was asked by his friends parents what he wanted he was given money. We bought him a Mamod steam engine and a digital microscope and his big brother bought him Now 75 and he spent some of his money on Triops and a microphone for his disco set along with some CSI tape and now every room in the house is now sealed off.

There were no party bags to take home, but they all won a CSI t shirt today and had a happy meal toy plus a piece of cake.

The parents were grateful for getting rid of their child for a day and impressed with the stuff they bought back with them. All the parents offered to contribute to the cost, but I politely declined, although I did accept the chocolate, the flowers and the wine I was given...great and it wasn't even my birthday.

I totted the cost up today and surprised myself, plus hubby, when he rang to see how the day went.

With a rail pass, the train cost £18.75, the CSI experience was 2 for 1 (I tweeted we were going and they sent me a link to a voucher) total cost £29.25, Macdonald's came to £16.70 plus I raided the cupboards before we left for choc, crisps and pop. Group photo £7 + CD.

However, I'm tired now so have ordered in a Pizza for tea £15.99, eldest just reminded me to add cost of the cake £6.95 and I will print out 4 photos approximate cost £1 and son can write his thank you notes on the back. So todays party cost me a grand total of £95.64 and we all had a fantastic day.

Both kids and adults had a fun packed day, for half the price of the bowling which would've only lasted 2 hours, some lovely gifts (for me) and plenty of money for Alex.

This may be MY last kids birthday party, till the grandkids come along, and I have had a lovely day, no fights or squabbles and more importantly I had a huge hug from my son and a very big thank you which reduced me to a sniveling wreck, followed by 'Mummy can you let go now you're hurting me and I'm 11 now'..still calls me Mummy.

Does wrapping kids in cotton wool help them or us?

I have 5 kids (3 boys my own and 2 step children) who I have raised collectively since October 1999 aged 17-28.

There have been many 'bullying' incidents where my kids have been either the instigators or the receivers. Which I have been involved with sorting out. Traipsing to schools and knocking on parents doors of which I'll tell you about another time. I thought for now I'd concentrate on the incidents that have involved trips to the hospital and/or GP.

The fractured skull - didn't take the portable high chair to mums - result one child aged 2, one breakfast stool, one concrete floor, several trips to hospital.

The stickle brick incident - 2am dash to hospital as middle son then aged 2, swallowed a piece, a barium meal showed a void in his stomach and there it remains to this day. After 19 years it has caused no problems so surgery has not been an issue. Doctors words of advice...he'll know when he passes it..maybe or never.

The iron incident - phone rings - I leave lounge for 2 mins - result one child, youngest also aged 2, many trips to hospital and Doctors for daily then weekly changes of dressings for 2 months for ironed skin on left hand.

The cement mixer - one child, aged 10, fell off cement mixer, slicing skin on upper right arm - trip to hospital, then antibiotics and months of dressing changes because he picked it and got an infection.

The Broken Nose - one child, middle son aged 12, got into a fight over a pop bottle, phone call from ambulance crew - 5 hours in casualty on a Friday night and two follow up operations with the plastic surgeon.

The Black eye - one child, eldest aged 17, got into a fight over a girl - phone call from Police. One night in hosptial several further visits to drain off excess fluid. Offending child prosecuted.

Heelies and a golf cart. Child then aged 11, tripped over nothing and broke his arm, brought home by friend's father. I could tell straight away his wrist was broken and he'd need surgery. Then the following year he was hanging onto the back of a golf cart, driven by a child the same age, he let go and smacked his face on the ground, resulting in a black eye and some rather impressive swelling and a night in A&E.

And finally, the Rugby and cricket experiences. One child, aged 14 and 16, three separate incidents. Phone call from the rugby coach 'It's OK, son is fine, St Johns are with him, we're waiting for an ambulance'
The second occasion phone call from school 'It's OK, son is fine, the ambulance crew are with him, they are waiting for the air ambulance'
On both occasions every thing was fine with him apart from a few bruises, headache and stiff neck.
The cricket incident involved a ball bouncing under his helmet, hitting him in the neck, causing his lung to collapse

Lessons learnt.
1. Take everything you need for young kids with you
2. Make sure you are always contactable when away from your kids
3. Make sure you have a tank of fuel, a book, change of clothes ready for an
overnight/late hosptial stay
4. A good friend to look after your other kids.
5. Panic is good.
6. Don't let your kids play Rugby
7. Don't leave 2 year old unsupervised or unattended cement mixers
8. Teach your kids to run away and fast from trouble
9. Expect a visit from social workers and/or police at some time in your life
10. Crying is good, very good, especially when anyone from #9 turns up

Tell me something I don't know, or get off my twitter

Twitter is an interactive website. Tell me something funny and I'll retweet, tell me something of interest and I'll retweet, tell me something that raises my kudos, I'll retweet, but tell me the same old stuff that you are telling everyone else on the news, on the radio, in the newspapers and on bill boards and I'll ignore.
Stop using comedians like Rory Bremmner to promote the way the news channel is going to vote. Stop using work experience kids to design more unnecessary graphics.

If I want the information I will go and look for it. We are continually being warned by everyone, don't buy off the doorstep, check for the 14/21 day cooling off period. How to stop junk mail,(which all goes straight to recycling in my house) how to stop unsolicited telephone calls, (they go unanswered) then lo and behold the political parties go and so all the things they advice us not to do.

And if you dare ask me to join your group on Facebook, what do I get for doing it? I already know which way I'm going to vote. I'm not American so therefore I'm not voting for the individual so save your time and your money promoting yourself.

Stop focusing on Motorway Man or Worcester Woman, tell me what you're going to do for me and nothing else. But I won't be asking you the questions through any form of digital media because you won't reply. I'll come and find you at a Q&A session in my local constituency.

Opportunities missed

I really think that people who use Twitter as a self publicity post are missing out an awful lot.
If you're a celebrity, footballer etc or in a high profile job why not just come on Twitter and be yourself.
I could be a celebrity, for those of you have met me you'll know I'm not, but what would be the point of me being here if all I had was hundreds and thousands of followers, all thinking they know me without any interaction back.
Yes, I Tweet about my job, but if you read my timeline you'll see there are many other things I get up to in my life and I'm sure celebrities are exactly the same.
I have kids that wind we up and get in trouble at school. A husband that works away from home and winds me up when he is here (I love him dearly of course.)
I have worked out many a frustration on Twitter, helped others and been helped in difficult situations. Been sent ((*hugs*)) when I'm feeling low and had some of the best laughs of my life on here. Just ask @iaingilmour, @procphil, @batonabike, @beachhut81, @pennynash for example.
If I was a celebrity and I let you all know, I wouldn't be able to be me for fear of my ups and downs being released to the media.
So come on celebs get on Twitter and just be you. You'll meet some lovely people on here, make friends, tweet up and hopefully make us all laugh and cry in the process.
And if you're really lucky you too will meet a @mediocre_mum to share your most special tweets with.