I’ve been ill, which hasn’t helped and still had to do the school run, feed the gardener and cook tea, then hubby was ill over the weekend, took to his bed and that was that and yes I was bitter, jealous and angry. I found myself asking on twitter if there were power points and free wi fi in South African jails as the answer would play a large part in whether he recovered or not.
I had a tough week, back and forwards to the Doctors, the dentists aware all the time that our med aid account was running low and we’d soon have to be paying for treatment in the shortfall which is about £400, you submit your costs and once you pass through the barrier it becomes free again. We made a mistake without any guidance of taking Dan home after his accident 8 days after we arrived here, if he’d been admitted all his tests, medication, time in the emergency room would have come out of the hospital budget and not our personal account for dentists, doctors and opticians etc.
For every step I take....now got a volunteer role at www.thebabyhouse.org I fall straight back down, I wanted to apply for a study visa but they want my O level results, I don’t have them, it was 24 years ago, despite having a degree they still want to know my results, if I was 45 they wouldn’t need them and if I’d been through the matriculation system I’d be OK, except you can’t matric until you are 18 and A levels don’t count, they also hadn’t heard of The OU and wouldn’t accept my 240 credits until I stood my ground for 45 minutes and made them go off and find someone who had.
So it looks like I’m going to be a SAHM or a Home executive as they call me here, not there there’s anything wrong with that, but the finances won’t stretch past a cup of coffee and having gone from looking after 5 kids, two part time jobs, my degree and running a local football club I find this SAHM thing quite difficult to get used to....so I’m making Christmas decorations, baking cakes for other peoples children’s birthdays and generally spending a lot of time on my own.
I’ve made a few friends but so far they are colleagues of hubbies and I find I can’t really be myself around them, especially when they ask how things are going and I have to reply ‘fine’ as I can’t tell them I feel the company has let us down after promising so much and delivering nothing.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
More on @santashoebox
A couple of people have asked if their shoe box for Africa ever actually reaches its destination and what happens if there aren't enough boxes for all the children.
I never really gave it much thought when we took part in operation Christmas child, the UK scheme. There are 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl and the children made a box for a child the same age and sex as themselves and the boxes were dropped at school or the local library
About 6 weeks ago I tweeted to ask 'Do they do shoe boxes for Africa, in Africa?' and I was given a link for @santashoebox
I attended a training session last night to prepare for the drop off days next week that I've volunteered to assist with and found why this scheme came to being and what happens to the boxes.
I can't guarantee what happens to the boxes from the UK, but I can tell you what happens to the ones here.
@santashoebox is part of www.kidztokidz.co.za
Mission Statement
Kidz2Kidz Trust achieves it's Vision as a liason organization between the donors and the recipients by acting as a Facilitator between the various parties concerned ensuring that:
•Projects are initiated to benefit needy Children
•Children learn the"art of giving" through their involvement in the various projects run by the Kidz2Kidz organization
•Donations received are distributed to the needy communities
•An abundance of giving is created through the Kidz2Kidz Santa Shoebox Project
•Communities are built and empowered through fundraising and skills development.
@santashoebox has 70,000 boxes pledge to children in South Africa, these children are abused, abandoned and neglected. Various organisations are requested to submit the names, ages and sex of all children in their care, a child here is up to the age of 21. these children are in hospitals, interim care homes, foster care and from depriaved areas of society.
To ensure all children receive a box in an organisation, as names and numbers are collected in advance, generic shoe boxes are also requested. This ensures all children in an organisation receive a box and also caters for waifs and strays that turn up on the day from neighbouring areas, ensuring no one is left out.
So what about unsuitable items that are put in the box, these are either distributed to more appropriate facilities, ie bibles are donated to local church groups, battery operated toys, mobiles are sold and the funds ploughed back into the scheme to purchase clothing or toys more suitable to the child's age, and unsuitable food such as chocolates which melt and crisps, biscuits that get crushed are given out on 'Celebration Day' when the boxes are distributed.
So everything is used, every child gets a box within an organisation and the boxes go directly to where they are needed.
Don't worry about the boxes that have extra stuff in it, that child does has a little bit more.
If you are doing shoe boxes this year, here's a list of do's and don'ts and remember the older child too..there's a shortage of donations for boys aged 15+
Remember you don't have to spend a fortune, this scheme came about as a way for children to share and to give surplus and unwanted items to others less fortunate.
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Face Cloth
Bar of soap
Cuddly toy
Educational equipment (colouring book, crayons)
Deodorant (not sprays, can trigger asthma)
Toy (age appropriate, ie marbles and 2 year olds don't mix, no symbols or war, toy soldiers, guns, knives)
Sweets (again age appropriate, no chocolate, biscuits, crisps, they melt and get crushed)
Item of clothing (remember it's Summer in Africa at Christmas time)
NO LIQUIDS (they leak they not only spoil the contents of one box, but the others around it)
I never really gave it much thought when we took part in operation Christmas child, the UK scheme. There are 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl and the children made a box for a child the same age and sex as themselves and the boxes were dropped at school or the local library
About 6 weeks ago I tweeted to ask 'Do they do shoe boxes for Africa, in Africa?' and I was given a link for @santashoebox
I attended a training session last night to prepare for the drop off days next week that I've volunteered to assist with and found why this scheme came to being and what happens to the boxes.
I can't guarantee what happens to the boxes from the UK, but I can tell you what happens to the ones here.
@santashoebox is part of www.kidztokidz.co.za
Mission Statement
Kidz2Kidz Trust achieves it's Vision as a liason organization between the donors and the recipients by acting as a Facilitator between the various parties concerned ensuring that:
•Projects are initiated to benefit needy Children
•Children learn the"art of giving" through their involvement in the various projects run by the Kidz2Kidz organization
•Donations received are distributed to the needy communities
•An abundance of giving is created through the Kidz2Kidz Santa Shoebox Project
•Communities are built and empowered through fundraising and skills development.
@santashoebox has 70,000 boxes pledge to children in South Africa, these children are abused, abandoned and neglected. Various organisations are requested to submit the names, ages and sex of all children in their care, a child here is up to the age of 21. these children are in hospitals, interim care homes, foster care and from depriaved areas of society.
To ensure all children receive a box in an organisation, as names and numbers are collected in advance, generic shoe boxes are also requested. This ensures all children in an organisation receive a box and also caters for waifs and strays that turn up on the day from neighbouring areas, ensuring no one is left out.
So what about unsuitable items that are put in the box, these are either distributed to more appropriate facilities, ie bibles are donated to local church groups, battery operated toys, mobiles are sold and the funds ploughed back into the scheme to purchase clothing or toys more suitable to the child's age, and unsuitable food such as chocolates which melt and crisps, biscuits that get crushed are given out on 'Celebration Day' when the boxes are distributed.
So everything is used, every child gets a box within an organisation and the boxes go directly to where they are needed.
Don't worry about the boxes that have extra stuff in it, that child does has a little bit more.
If you are doing shoe boxes this year, here's a list of do's and don'ts and remember the older child too..there's a shortage of donations for boys aged 15+
Remember you don't have to spend a fortune, this scheme came about as a way for children to share and to give surplus and unwanted items to others less fortunate.
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Face Cloth
Bar of soap
Cuddly toy
Educational equipment (colouring book, crayons)
Deodorant (not sprays, can trigger asthma)
Toy (age appropriate, ie marbles and 2 year olds don't mix, no symbols or war, toy soldiers, guns, knives)
Sweets (again age appropriate, no chocolate, biscuits, crisps, they melt and get crushed)
Item of clothing (remember it's Summer in Africa at Christmas time)
NO LIQUIDS (they leak they not only spoil the contents of one box, but the others around it)
To be honest, I'm struggling
I've been out again tonight to a meeting with Internations. Again, another busy, noisy venue with mainly women all employed and the next night out they want to go clubbing.
Now there's nothing wrong with that but it's not for me, before you start it's not age related its situational.
We've been here 9 months now and when meeting people for the first time the converstion starts with
'so where are you living?' that passes a few minutes
'why have you chosen to live there?' that would be because of the school
'oh so you have children, how many?' there's another gapped filled
and of course I always ask the return questions, but then comes the one question I dread, the one that kills a conversation
'so, what do you do for a living?' I don't 'do' anything, not anymore anyway, I used to work in child Protection but I may as well say I used to be a bloke when people then enquire 'how long you been here? 9 months' and moving on...
No one wants to really hear how you're finding things here, most people are here on a fixed term contract with company cars, company mobiles and company accomodation...it's a whole different ball game when you come here to stay and alone.
It's polite conversations only, these people are all working, they have chats/moans/gossips in the work place, they just want to socialise, drink and party when they get together in the evenings,...so I don't think I'll be going again.
Now there's nothing wrong with that but it's not for me, before you start it's not age related its situational.
We've been here 9 months now and when meeting people for the first time the converstion starts with
'so where are you living?' that passes a few minutes
'why have you chosen to live there?' that would be because of the school
'oh so you have children, how many?' there's another gapped filled
and of course I always ask the return questions, but then comes the one question I dread, the one that kills a conversation
'so, what do you do for a living?' I don't 'do' anything, not anymore anyway, I used to work in child Protection but I may as well say I used to be a bloke when people then enquire 'how long you been here? 9 months' and moving on...
No one wants to really hear how you're finding things here, most people are here on a fixed term contract with company cars, company mobiles and company accomodation...it's a whole different ball game when you come here to stay and alone.
It's polite conversations only, these people are all working, they have chats/moans/gossips in the work place, they just want to socialise, drink and party when they get together in the evenings,...so I don't think I'll be going again.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Shoe box appeal, do you do it?
Shoe boxes for Africa
23/11/2011
Tomorrow I've been invited to take part in the celebration day at the PACSEN facility in Pretoria. Parents of children with special needs.
http://www.firechildren.org/index.asp?child=children
I'm very privileged to be attending a celebration day, where the boxes will be handed out to the children.
October 2011
I always do a shoe box for Africa for Christmas from my children, in total I pack and wrap 5 every year and either drop them off at their school or the local library. And now we live in Africa I thought I should do them here as well. The 5 shoe boxes are in the process of being made up, a bit more shopping to do, drop off point located and we’re away.
This year I’ve also decided to get a little bit more involved and this evening I’ve been to Pretoria for a 90 minute training session to find out what I’ll be doing on ‘drop off’ day, next week. I met a lovely group of women and next Thursday, Friday and Saturday I’ll be at Crawford College where they are expecting nearly 2000 shoe boxes, which all have to be scanned, checked for *unsuitable items, sealed and put in cartons ready for collection.
I will be attending armed with selotape, scissors, string, marker pens, note pad, biros and as many cup cakes as I can bake for the volunteers and some good old reliable PG Tips
But that’s not the end of it, the boxes then have to be delivered and handed over to the various homes, hospitals and groups at a ‘Celebration Day’.
I shall keep you posted.
*unsuitable items
Toys that have political, racial or religious connotations, toy guns, knives (people often put pen knives in for older boys) and any symbols of war such as toy soldiers.
This year they are allowing liquids i.e. shampoos etc but these have to be put into a sealed plastic bag.
Unsuitable foods include chocolate, biscuits and crisps. It’s summer and these food items go off or get crushed as the boxes are moved.
Anything that is removed is replaced with a more suitable item, then the items collected are donated to other organisations. The food items are stored and used at the ‘Celebration Day’
It’s not too late to get involved check out @santashoebox for more information
23/11/2011
Tomorrow I've been invited to take part in the celebration day at the PACSEN facility in Pretoria. Parents of children with special needs.
http://www.firechildren.org/index.asp?child=children
I'm very privileged to be attending a celebration day, where the boxes will be handed out to the children.
October 2011
I always do a shoe box for Africa for Christmas from my children, in total I pack and wrap 5 every year and either drop them off at their school or the local library. And now we live in Africa I thought I should do them here as well. The 5 shoe boxes are in the process of being made up, a bit more shopping to do, drop off point located and we’re away.
This year I’ve also decided to get a little bit more involved and this evening I’ve been to Pretoria for a 90 minute training session to find out what I’ll be doing on ‘drop off’ day, next week. I met a lovely group of women and next Thursday, Friday and Saturday I’ll be at Crawford College where they are expecting nearly 2000 shoe boxes, which all have to be scanned, checked for *unsuitable items, sealed and put in cartons ready for collection.
I will be attending armed with selotape, scissors, string, marker pens, note pad, biros and as many cup cakes as I can bake for the volunteers and some good old reliable PG Tips
But that’s not the end of it, the boxes then have to be delivered and handed over to the various homes, hospitals and groups at a ‘Celebration Day’.
I shall keep you posted.
*unsuitable items
Toys that have political, racial or religious connotations, toy guns, knives (people often put pen knives in for older boys) and any symbols of war such as toy soldiers.
This year they are allowing liquids i.e. shampoos etc but these have to be put into a sealed plastic bag.
Unsuitable foods include chocolate, biscuits and crisps. It’s summer and these food items go off or get crushed as the boxes are moved.
Anything that is removed is replaced with a more suitable item, then the items collected are donated to other organisations. The food items are stored and used at the ‘Celebration Day’
It’s not too late to get involved check out @santashoebox for more information
my Groove is coming along nicely
Recovering my groove
I’m going out tonight and tomorrow and Friday. Wow you may say, but since relocating to South Africa in January I’ve not had a job or even friends...how sad is that?
There’s no hanging round the school gates, waiting for my kids any more, none of the automatic socialising that comes from having small children. No job to go to (on a 2 year visitor visa) so now general chit chat and invites out to the pub...so how do you make friends?
Oh it is sooooo hard and takes so long...if you’ve been reading my blog www.chickenruby.com you’ll see I’ve made more than an effort, I’ve taken people up on their suggestions, I’ve gone along as billy no mates to social events at the club house on the estate.
I made my hubby introduce me to one of his colleagues at work and we’re getting on fine, the trouble is her being a single, full time working mum, I have to wait for her to be available and she also travel with her work an awful lot. She has invited me for breakfast with some of her colleagues and I really enjoyed their company, then meeting up with one of the women for lunch last week.
I made hubby accept work invites even though it’s not his thing and that is where we are going on Friday night, a leaving do.
Tonight and via Twitter I found the @santashoebox and have volunteered with the collection of some 52,701 shoe box pledges for African Children for Christmas. The training session is tonight and the drop off next week at Crawford College in Pretoria.
Tomorrow night is Internations night, a once a month expat meeting in Brooklyn, Pretoria. I met some lovely people last month and although no further contacts were made, the message board is busy with people confirming their attendance.
What with getting out more and finally securing a voluntary role with @thebabyhouse, my groove is coming along nicely.
I’m going out tonight and tomorrow and Friday. Wow you may say, but since relocating to South Africa in January I’ve not had a job or even friends...how sad is that?
There’s no hanging round the school gates, waiting for my kids any more, none of the automatic socialising that comes from having small children. No job to go to (on a 2 year visitor visa) so now general chit chat and invites out to the pub...so how do you make friends?
Oh it is sooooo hard and takes so long...if you’ve been reading my blog www.chickenruby.com you’ll see I’ve made more than an effort, I’ve taken people up on their suggestions, I’ve gone along as billy no mates to social events at the club house on the estate.
I made my hubby introduce me to one of his colleagues at work and we’re getting on fine, the trouble is her being a single, full time working mum, I have to wait for her to be available and she also travel with her work an awful lot. She has invited me for breakfast with some of her colleagues and I really enjoyed their company, then meeting up with one of the women for lunch last week.
I made hubby accept work invites even though it’s not his thing and that is where we are going on Friday night, a leaving do.
Tonight and via Twitter I found the @santashoebox and have volunteered with the collection of some 52,701 shoe box pledges for African Children for Christmas. The training session is tonight and the drop off next week at Crawford College in Pretoria.
Tomorrow night is Internations night, a once a month expat meeting in Brooklyn, Pretoria. I met some lovely people last month and although no further contacts were made, the message board is busy with people confirming their attendance.
What with getting out more and finally securing a voluntary role with @thebabyhouse, my groove is coming along nicely.
Stolen? Mislaid? Why should we pay extra for our security?
Missing and disappearing things
It seems to be an accepted fact that things go missing in South Africa. I suppose really I should say stolen...but then I don’t have any proof of that, unless of course the one time my lap top and camera ‘disappeared’ from hubbies suit case as he left OR Tambo airport, Johannesburg or the monthly occurrences of envelopes arriving but open and contents missing, including the actual letter.
When I check in at OR Tambo airport I'm asked the usual security questions 'did you pack your own bag, etc?' and then no matter who I'm flying with the airline staff say ’we know stuff will be stolen from your bag, so we suggest you get your bag wrapped at the cost of 60 Rand per bag.
This really annoys me. The airlines know there is a chance items will be stolen for your suitcase as it travels to the plane, the airport must be aware this goes on or they wouldn't allow bag wrappers to operate inside the airport.
WTF? I’m already paying for a service, why should I have to then pay extra to stop my stuff being stolen? I don't have to pay more to leave the UK or Dubai (my frequent destinations)
There is only one solution and that's to employ better security, more CCTV and in the meantime I'd like to see the airlines increase the hand luggage allowance because as an expat, I fly frequently and have to carry documents, electronic equipment back and forth and as I can't put ANY of it in my checked in luggage, I have to carry it all on my person and I'd like to travel lighter, especially long haul flights.
Then there is the ‘lost’ post...it arrives, a slip is sent you collect your parcels and packages...easy peasy, except the slips don’t arrive and the parcels are returned to sender.
Except the parcels never reach the sender and the t-shirt and cap I sent which I declared on the customs form and the three cards I wrote (probably looked like birthday cards with money in them) never reached their destination.
You can't just pay for a stamp you pay to have everything sent with a tracking order, which can add up to 50 Rand on a letter and at least double the value of the gift and then you try tracking your tracking order and if it goes missing good luck getting a reply from the post office.
It's the same for post coming into the country. Why aren’t family and friends told by the UK postal service when they send a gift to South Africa that I have to pay a customs fee if it ever arrives? Why doesn’t the UK Postal Service advise all customers that when sending post to South Africa they should do it by recorded delivery so there is a tracking number so if the slip never arrives I can at least still collect the parcel, once I’ve paid customs clearance?
And why should we all pay twice? Is there anywhere else in the world where so much stuff goes ‘missing’?
I personally think the post office and the airport should tackle the issue head on and stop taking my money twice.
It seems to be an accepted fact that things go missing in South Africa. I suppose really I should say stolen...but then I don’t have any proof of that, unless of course the one time my lap top and camera ‘disappeared’ from hubbies suit case as he left OR Tambo airport, Johannesburg or the monthly occurrences of envelopes arriving but open and contents missing, including the actual letter.
When I check in at OR Tambo airport I'm asked the usual security questions 'did you pack your own bag, etc?' and then no matter who I'm flying with the airline staff say ’we know stuff will be stolen from your bag, so we suggest you get your bag wrapped at the cost of 60 Rand per bag.
This really annoys me. The airlines know there is a chance items will be stolen for your suitcase as it travels to the plane, the airport must be aware this goes on or they wouldn't allow bag wrappers to operate inside the airport.
WTF? I’m already paying for a service, why should I have to then pay extra to stop my stuff being stolen? I don't have to pay more to leave the UK or Dubai (my frequent destinations)
There is only one solution and that's to employ better security, more CCTV and in the meantime I'd like to see the airlines increase the hand luggage allowance because as an expat, I fly frequently and have to carry documents, electronic equipment back and forth and as I can't put ANY of it in my checked in luggage, I have to carry it all on my person and I'd like to travel lighter, especially long haul flights.
Then there is the ‘lost’ post...it arrives, a slip is sent you collect your parcels and packages...easy peasy, except the slips don’t arrive and the parcels are returned to sender.
Except the parcels never reach the sender and the t-shirt and cap I sent which I declared on the customs form and the three cards I wrote (probably looked like birthday cards with money in them) never reached their destination.
You can't just pay for a stamp you pay to have everything sent with a tracking order, which can add up to 50 Rand on a letter and at least double the value of the gift and then you try tracking your tracking order and if it goes missing good luck getting a reply from the post office.
It's the same for post coming into the country. Why aren’t family and friends told by the UK postal service when they send a gift to South Africa that I have to pay a customs fee if it ever arrives? Why doesn’t the UK Postal Service advise all customers that when sending post to South Africa they should do it by recorded delivery so there is a tracking number so if the slip never arrives I can at least still collect the parcel, once I’ve paid customs clearance?
And why should we all pay twice? Is there anywhere else in the world where so much stuff goes ‘missing’?
I personally think the post office and the airport should tackle the issue head on and stop taking my money twice.
The Baby House
I’ve got myself a voluntary job, 2 mornings a week with The Baby House, a new venture for children and babies under 4 who have been abandoned and/or abused.
My work in the UK was in child protection and teaching and although this is going to be very different from anything I’ve done before, I know I have a lot of knowledge and experience to give and it is going to be hard, emotional and challenging.
The statistics of abandoned and abused children in South Africa is unbelievable. I was informed that every child that is placed in interim care is more than likely to have HIV/AIDS and these children will probably be disfigured from the abuse and trauma they have suffered.
The Baby House’s aim is to provide a safe environment for the child to live where they are loved, cared for and educated. My role will be to work alongside the care workers and to use my experience to nurture their relationships with the children through play and social activities, guiding with activities and support for discipline and managing behaviour.
The Baby House relies on full time funding which the partners are working on full time and any donations of equipment and money will always be greatly received.
www.thebabyhouse.org
Twitter @thebabyhouse
Face book http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Baby-house/145724245476524
Sunday, 16 October 2011
One whole day to myself
My day would have to start the night before so I didn't get woken at 6 am for the school run that hubby does on his way to work and he'd have to be able to finish by 1.30pm to collect the boys.
I'd lie in as these are rare occasions, then run a deep hot bubbly bath as there is rarely any hot water left after their 3 showers. If make a cup of tea and read my book.
After dressing I'd drive to Pilanesburg Game reserve, about a 2 hour drive, with a picnic, binoculars, camp stove and camera.
The children and hubby have had their fill of zebra, rhino, giraffe, elephants and lions, but me I can't get enough of them.
I'd sit quietly on the side of the road for as long as I wanted without the complaints of being bored and the fact I've been waiting fire a rock to move for 20 minutes as I've mistaken it for a rhino, with my book of animals and birds and tick off as many as I could see.
At dusk I'd head for the watering holes and keep a close eye out for the leopard on my way back to the gate.
I'd lie in as these are rare occasions, then run a deep hot bubbly bath as there is rarely any hot water left after their 3 showers. If make a cup of tea and read my book.
After dressing I'd drive to Pilanesburg Game reserve, about a 2 hour drive, with a picnic, binoculars, camp stove and camera.
The children and hubby have had their fill of zebra, rhino, giraffe, elephants and lions, but me I can't get enough of them.
I'd sit quietly on the side of the road for as long as I wanted without the complaints of being bored and the fact I've been waiting fire a rock to move for 20 minutes as I've mistaken it for a rhino, with my book of animals and birds and tick off as many as I could see.
At dusk I'd head for the watering holes and keep a close eye out for the leopard on my way back to the gate.
Friday, 14 October 2011
How to change the status on your visa
Step 1 Consult an agency, they'll do it with you and give you all the information you need.Sorry this is a myth/lie, what they'll actually do is tell you what you need to do, send you forms to complete and when you've done all the work, they just submit the paperwork.Take today for example:To get a study visa all I have to do is have an offer of a University place, easy?Google University, search through prospectus, submit enquiry form...and wait, email again a week later...and wait, email again the following week...and get in car after locating directions and drive to said University.Still going OK?...no not at all...arrive explain you are from the UK, have NO knowledge of the University system here, you have 240 credits towards a degree, but the course you were doing in the UK is not available her so you need some guidance and want to know how you get the credits transferred.You wait for half an hour because the people on the front desk haven't heard of The Open University, you are given the emails of the two people that run both degrees you may like to apply for and sent to another desk to find out about accredidation......Do you have a student number? have you enrolled yet? No and No, I just want to find out if it's feasible and the costs and processes involved......Do you have a copy of your Matric?...No I'm from the UK, we don't do Matric......So in 30 degree heat you are sent to the other side of the campus, a good ten minute walk away, to evidence your qualifications to date......We need to see a copy of your O levels...well I sat mine 24 years ago and as far as I'm aware you can't get into a UK university with O levels or GCSEs, you need A levels, surely...I explain I don't know where my O level papers are and had the same situation when I did my Teaching Degree, I also took the occupational route for Level 3 (A Level equivilant) and The University of Wolverhampton required I sat Adult Literacy and Numeracy at Level 3 during my course...We must see your O Levels...I don't have them...We can't help you...what can you do to help me?...I thrust my teaching degree at them...We must see your O levels...I leave....I walk back to my car, I'm banging my head against every wall I pass, I go back to the first place I started and asked to see someone to discuss my options, again...Do you have a student number? You need to enrole first......And again, a member of the public, seeing my distress and frustrations tells me to go to the 2nd floor to see student guidance......I get home to find an email...'Please make an appointment with student guidance to answer your questions...
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Steps to recovering my grove
Yeah I'm getting there....well I was and then had another minor set back.
First the bad news, I'll get it out the way as quick as possible, trying to change the status of your visa is.....well words fail me, see my last blog post for more info on that if you're interested...
And the good new is, drum roll, I've got a volunteers placement, no need to change the status of my visa there then.
It's with www.thebabyhouse.org a new venture for abused and abandoned children under 4, some of the stories of abuse are harrowing and I know its not going to be an easy job, I know I shall enjoy the challenge. I will be blogging on the baby house some more over the weekend.
Then there was the Pirate cup cake challenge, could I make 30 for a boys 5th birthday party, yeah no problem, I really enjoyed myself and the said boy, called me today (obv with mums help) to say his friends loved them as did he and could they have some for their birthday.
I also accepted another challenge/task to make some christmas decorations, sort of a secret santa to post to one another over on twitter and I've had so much enjoyment making them, that I'm doing more as gifts for family and friends when I return to the UK in December for a holiday.
So all in all, it looks like my groove is returning, I feel healthier and feel I have more of a purpose. I still have to tackle the University, but I'm going to put that on hold for a bit and concentrate on the things I find rewarding.
First the bad news, I'll get it out the way as quick as possible, trying to change the status of your visa is.....well words fail me, see my last blog post for more info on that if you're interested...
And the good new is, drum roll, I've got a volunteers placement, no need to change the status of my visa there then.
It's with www.thebabyhouse.org a new venture for abused and abandoned children under 4, some of the stories of abuse are harrowing and I know its not going to be an easy job, I know I shall enjoy the challenge. I will be blogging on the baby house some more over the weekend.
Then there was the Pirate cup cake challenge, could I make 30 for a boys 5th birthday party, yeah no problem, I really enjoyed myself and the said boy, called me today (obv with mums help) to say his friends loved them as did he and could they have some for their birthday.
I also accepted another challenge/task to make some christmas decorations, sort of a secret santa to post to one another over on twitter and I've had so much enjoyment making them, that I'm doing more as gifts for family and friends when I return to the UK in December for a holiday.
So all in all, it looks like my groove is returning, I feel healthier and feel I have more of a purpose. I still have to tackle the University, but I'm going to put that on hold for a bit and concentrate on the things I find rewarding.
Friday, 7 October 2011
Pirate fairy/cup cake inspiration needed
Since my visa doesn't permit me to work (it's been 8 months now) I've been spending alot of time in the kitchen and I've perfected the cup cake/fairy cake...call it what you will.
I decorate with plain white icing sugar and shop bought sprinklers.
I often give hubby a batch to take to work and word and taste has spread and I was asked today to make 30 with a pirate theme.
So here's where you come in, I could google but I thought I'd start here.
Do you have any ideas for decorating please? All suggestions will be considered, in fact if I can get 30 suggestions I'll decorate one of each.
Thank you in advance.
I decorate with plain white icing sugar and shop bought sprinklers.
I often give hubby a batch to take to work and word and taste has spread and I was asked today to make 30 with a pirate theme.
So here's where you come in, I could google but I thought I'd start here.
Do you have any ideas for decorating please? All suggestions will be considered, in fact if I can get 30 suggestions I'll decorate one of each.
Thank you in advance.
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Why I prefer Twitter to Facebook
Twitter allows me to be me. I find it non judgemental, I can say what I like and how I feel and even discuss quite personal issues.
I started my blog as a way to tweet longer, to explain a tweet and to be able to express an opinion.
My blog developed into somewhere I could share my experiences of parenting teens and as a place to give and receive advice.
We then moved to South Africa and it has become a permanent record of our families life here and the difficulties faced living in such a beautiful yet dangerous country.
The reason I use twitter over Facebook to promote my blog is I don't want certain people reading it, I don't want their comments, opinions and judgements. I don't want their pity and I dont want them sharing our lives with people I don't particullarg want to share my life with.
I've given the link to a few family and friends that I feel I can trust and don't object to them finding me on twitter.
Twitter allows me to be me, where as on Facebook I play the role of the daughter, the sister, the friend people want me to be.
I started my blog as a way to tweet longer, to explain a tweet and to be able to express an opinion.
My blog developed into somewhere I could share my experiences of parenting teens and as a place to give and receive advice.
We then moved to South Africa and it has become a permanent record of our families life here and the difficulties faced living in such a beautiful yet dangerous country.
The reason I use twitter over Facebook to promote my blog is I don't want certain people reading it, I don't want their comments, opinions and judgements. I don't want their pity and I dont want them sharing our lives with people I don't particullarg want to share my life with.
I've given the link to a few family and friends that I feel I can trust and don't object to them finding me on twitter.
Twitter allows me to be me, where as on Facebook I play the role of the daughter, the sister, the friend people want me to be.
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Steps to recovery my groove
Inspired by @netcurtains and KateonThinIce and my blog post 'Losing my Groove'
I've been more active in taking steps to recover it. http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/losing-my-groove.html
I know what I need to do and how to do it and some of you may have seen on twitter this week, my frustrations with various embassy visits.
At the UK embassy in Pretoria I was turned away at the gates by security, so drive to Brooklyn to be turned away at the gates by security. It seems I was at the wrong place and should have been at the other, so giving up, I return home, I make a call.
Seems it's not that difficult to get a work visa here in South Africa, just need to get a job offer, prove that a South African can't get the job, certain other criteria applies, which looked fairly straight forward and there you go...a work visa.
So seeing as I specialise in Autism with a HND in Pyschology, a teaching degree and a Diploma in Child Psychology and 300 credits towards a BA in Criminology I figure it won't be too hard to get a job and meet the criteria.
I call companies, I search the web and get asked the same question...'Do you have a work visa?' my response is 'I need a job offer first', which it seems I can't get till I get a work visa....I'm stuck in a circle.
Today hubby and I had a meeting with the visa agency that brought us out here and we soon discover that alot of the help they offered us with our move was declined, on our behalf, without our knowledge. It seems the work visa is going to be harder than I thought, so it's back to being a perpetual student and with a study visa I can work up to 20 hours a week, which is a win, win for me...
...all I've got to do now is try to get UNISA to reply to my bloody emails so I can find out if my OU credits can be transfered for my final year of studies...think I'd have more luck, at this rate, getting a job offer first.
All of this hasn't been helped by the fact I've had a set back this week. I've got a tooth infection and been prescribed 2 sets of anti biotics and 1 set of pain killers. I asked the pharmacist for the leaflets as the tablets were decanted into 3 seperate plastic blue bottles. I didn't recognise the names. I opted not to take the painkillers as I didn't know what was in them and put the bottle in the drawer, preferring to take 30mg codiene and 500mg paracetamol 3 times a day instead...except I confused 1 of the anti biotics for pain killers and after waking this morning with a sore throat, which hubby pointed out that on that level of anti biotics I shouldn't have, we googled to discover that for the past 2 days I've been taking 2 lots of pain killers.
This has made me feel ill, sort of drunk, my concentration has gone, I feel depressed, hot, clammy and totally disinterested. So I'm putting my 'groove' on hold, till I feel better and more positive, as getting things done here in South Africa is difficult and stressful enough at the best of times.
If you want to join in with #groovingmums you can do so at kateonthinice@wordpress.com
I've been more active in taking steps to recover it. http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/losing-my-groove.html
I know what I need to do and how to do it and some of you may have seen on twitter this week, my frustrations with various embassy visits.
At the UK embassy in Pretoria I was turned away at the gates by security, so drive to Brooklyn to be turned away at the gates by security. It seems I was at the wrong place and should have been at the other, so giving up, I return home, I make a call.
Seems it's not that difficult to get a work visa here in South Africa, just need to get a job offer, prove that a South African can't get the job, certain other criteria applies, which looked fairly straight forward and there you go...a work visa.
So seeing as I specialise in Autism with a HND in Pyschology, a teaching degree and a Diploma in Child Psychology and 300 credits towards a BA in Criminology I figure it won't be too hard to get a job and meet the criteria.
I call companies, I search the web and get asked the same question...'Do you have a work visa?' my response is 'I need a job offer first', which it seems I can't get till I get a work visa....I'm stuck in a circle.
Today hubby and I had a meeting with the visa agency that brought us out here and we soon discover that alot of the help they offered us with our move was declined, on our behalf, without our knowledge. It seems the work visa is going to be harder than I thought, so it's back to being a perpetual student and with a study visa I can work up to 20 hours a week, which is a win, win for me...
...all I've got to do now is try to get UNISA to reply to my bloody emails so I can find out if my OU credits can be transfered for my final year of studies...think I'd have more luck, at this rate, getting a job offer first.
All of this hasn't been helped by the fact I've had a set back this week. I've got a tooth infection and been prescribed 2 sets of anti biotics and 1 set of pain killers. I asked the pharmacist for the leaflets as the tablets were decanted into 3 seperate plastic blue bottles. I didn't recognise the names. I opted not to take the painkillers as I didn't know what was in them and put the bottle in the drawer, preferring to take 30mg codiene and 500mg paracetamol 3 times a day instead...except I confused 1 of the anti biotics for pain killers and after waking this morning with a sore throat, which hubby pointed out that on that level of anti biotics I shouldn't have, we googled to discover that for the past 2 days I've been taking 2 lots of pain killers.
This has made me feel ill, sort of drunk, my concentration has gone, I feel depressed, hot, clammy and totally disinterested. So I'm putting my 'groove' on hold, till I feel better and more positive, as getting things done here in South Africa is difficult and stressful enough at the best of times.
If you want to join in with #groovingmums you can do so at kateonthinice@wordpress.com
Two old birds
In honour of our 40th Birthdays, I had these made.
Guess who has the other one?
If you'd like your own custom made cushi contact @hippydi
I can vouch for their quality, price and speed of delivery.
Guess who has the other one?
If you'd like your own custom made cushi contact @hippydi
I can vouch for their quality, price and speed of delivery.
We may speak the same language, but this could've been a disaster
For the past two and a half days I confused my medication.
I've been suffering with toothache and a serious infection for almost two weeks.
I was prescribed two lots of antibiotics and painkillers.
At the chemists I asked for the leaflets to accompany the meds as I wasn't familiar with the names and the tablets were recanted into 3 identical plastic pots.
I didn't find out what the painkillers were comprised of so opted to take 30mg of codeine with 500mg of paracetamol 4 times a day instead.
This morning I woke with a sore throat and swollen glands. Hubby and I were very surprised having been on antibiotics for 5 days.
That was when I discovered I'd been taking the wrong medication.
A quick google search showed I've been taking 60mg of codeine and 1000mg of paracetamol, 4 times a day for 2 and a half days.
No wonder I've been I'll.
I've been suffering with toothache and a serious infection for almost two weeks.
I was prescribed two lots of antibiotics and painkillers.
At the chemists I asked for the leaflets to accompany the meds as I wasn't familiar with the names and the tablets were recanted into 3 identical plastic pots.
I didn't find out what the painkillers were comprised of so opted to take 30mg of codeine with 500mg of paracetamol 4 times a day instead.
This morning I woke with a sore throat and swollen glands. Hubby and I were very surprised having been on antibiotics for 5 days.
That was when I discovered I'd been taking the wrong medication.
A quick google search showed I've been taking 60mg of codeine and 1000mg of paracetamol, 4 times a day for 2 and a half days.
No wonder I've been I'll.
Monday, 3 October 2011
World Record attempt
How's this for a school fete?
There was also the usual bouncy castles, hook the duck, lucky dip, second hand book stall, various food outlets, Russian ballet
and cage fighting.
Then there was the Guiness World record attempt 'The human teddy bear chain'
The school collected 5,500 soft toys and the idea was to get as many people as possible linked up holding a teddy bear. The results won't be known for a few weeks yet but it was fun.
There was also the usual bouncy castles, hook the duck, lucky dip, second hand book stall, various food outlets, Russian ballet
and cage fighting.
Then there was the Guiness World record attempt 'The human teddy bear chain'
The school collected 5,500 soft toys and the idea was to get as many people as possible linked up holding a teddy bear. The results won't be known for a few weeks yet but it was fun.
Getting teens to cooperate
Easier said than done.
I've been adopting this method with mine and it seems to be working.
If I ask mine to do something by calling down the stairs to them, I get little or no response. 'in a minute' which never happens or the one I really hate is 'I'm saving my game' which takes for ever.
So this is what I do.
Call the child by name and ask them to 'come here a minute please'
Said child responds with 'coming'
When child doesn't appear I ask 'can you just let me know how long you're likely to be please? No rush'
They usually respond with 'I'm saving my game I'll come up then.'
At this point I get on with something else till they appear, I usually don't have to wait long.
I then ask if they can help me. Help with lunch boxes, emptying the dishwasher, putting the bins out or bringing the washing in.
I use this time to discuss school or clubs or what their arrangements are for the coming weekend and I fade out of said task, till I'm still there, talking/listening, but they're the one doing the chore.
It does work, at first they suspect you're up to something, but they soon discover they like this one on one time with you.
Of course in my situation, having only boys, this plan fails when hubby is around for one or both of two reasons.
Hubby tries to 'help' by yelling 'you're mother said to come here' which puts child on the defensive or child thinks 'why should I help mum if dad is here, that's his job'
Do you have any tips on getting your teens to help around the house?
Please share.
I've been adopting this method with mine and it seems to be working.
If I ask mine to do something by calling down the stairs to them, I get little or no response. 'in a minute' which never happens or the one I really hate is 'I'm saving my game' which takes for ever.
So this is what I do.
Call the child by name and ask them to 'come here a minute please'
Said child responds with 'coming'
When child doesn't appear I ask 'can you just let me know how long you're likely to be please? No rush'
They usually respond with 'I'm saving my game I'll come up then.'
At this point I get on with something else till they appear, I usually don't have to wait long.
I then ask if they can help me. Help with lunch boxes, emptying the dishwasher, putting the bins out or bringing the washing in.
I use this time to discuss school or clubs or what their arrangements are for the coming weekend and I fade out of said task, till I'm still there, talking/listening, but they're the one doing the chore.
It does work, at first they suspect you're up to something, but they soon discover they like this one on one time with you.
Of course in my situation, having only boys, this plan fails when hubby is around for one or both of two reasons.
Hubby tries to 'help' by yelling 'you're mother said to come here' which puts child on the defensive or child thinks 'why should I help mum if dad is here, that's his job'
Do you have any tips on getting your teens to help around the house?
Please share.
Friday, 30 September 2011
Irene - not the hurricane
Irene, pronounced Ireneee, is the neighbouring area to Centurion. In fact the golf estate is right on the edge and our electricity and water supply comes from Ireneee.
When I leave the back gate and turn towards the school the first place I come across is the charity shop.
This place has been a lifesaver to me, picking up bits and bobs, i.e sports equipment, household stuff and mainly books, I've read so many of them, they are so expensive to buy here as they're imported and where a book reads £11.99 it's priced in Rand at 200, which is almost double. I buy book for around £1 and return them, more of a lending library for me.
All funds from sales go to the mentally retarded and handicapped, their words not mine. Behind the shop there are many bungalows for people with learning difficulties to live in, there is little if no government funding, so I like to do my bit.
Next stop Ireneee dairy.
In fact they used to own all the land for miles round here and it is still a working dairy. they have a farm shop (over priced) and a restaurant.
However, in the summer it's not very pleasant eating with the smell of the farm. Local playgroups, mums with toddlers frequent it often as there are many animals and it is outdoor, public space, with grass and you can take picnics. Not many places like that around.
Ireneee dairy is a 'cash free' zone. this is becoming more popular now as the armed robbery risks are very high, so no cash, no robbery.
And then we drive on and we reach Jan Smutts, he was President twice, the same time as Winston Churchill, this place deserves it's own blog post.
Following on from there we reach the boys school, Cornwall Hill College.
The whole area is called Cornwall Hill, after a battle fought by the Duke of Cornwall in whenever. The boys house in school is Truro.
It's an amazing place, check out the cricket pavilion. There are 9 playing fields, put astro, tennis courts, a swimming pool 25ms long and cricket nets. The Italian football team used it as their base in the World cup.
kids aren't too impressed with the summer uniform, short trousers on a 16 year old?
From the school it's a very short drive to The Cornish Kettle and Plantland.
This is where I do my recycling, it is collected by a local charity and sold for funds.
The Cornish Kettle is delightful, there's a large pond, a play area and a couple of goats wandering around.
he staff here have been amazing, they've helped me out with information from buying a car to car tax and introduced me to various people when I've had a question they couldn't answer. They let me sit there for hours and don't mind if I only have coffee, they ask about the UK, the differences between the countries.
Then onto Ireneee Mall.
Yes, if you look closely that is indeed an upside down cow.
Again very similar to all the other Malls, in a security park and outdoors. Some very nice individual shops as well as the chain stores. This is where we go to the cinema, I prefer the kids to go to this mall in the evenings, especially if hubby is away as it's a much safer route for me to drive at night.
Anyway, that's my tour of Ireneee over and done with, just the Jan Smutts blog and market to follow, but I need to take some more pictures first.
When I leave the back gate and turn towards the school the first place I come across is the charity shop.
This place has been a lifesaver to me, picking up bits and bobs, i.e sports equipment, household stuff and mainly books, I've read so many of them, they are so expensive to buy here as they're imported and where a book reads £11.99 it's priced in Rand at 200, which is almost double. I buy book for around £1 and return them, more of a lending library for me.
All funds from sales go to the mentally retarded and handicapped, their words not mine. Behind the shop there are many bungalows for people with learning difficulties to live in, there is little if no government funding, so I like to do my bit.
Next stop Ireneee dairy.
In fact they used to own all the land for miles round here and it is still a working dairy. they have a farm shop (over priced) and a restaurant.
However, in the summer it's not very pleasant eating with the smell of the farm. Local playgroups, mums with toddlers frequent it often as there are many animals and it is outdoor, public space, with grass and you can take picnics. Not many places like that around.
Ireneee dairy is a 'cash free' zone. this is becoming more popular now as the armed robbery risks are very high, so no cash, no robbery.
And then we drive on and we reach Jan Smutts, he was President twice, the same time as Winston Churchill, this place deserves it's own blog post.
Following on from there we reach the boys school, Cornwall Hill College.
The whole area is called Cornwall Hill, after a battle fought by the Duke of Cornwall in whenever. The boys house in school is Truro.
It's an amazing place, check out the cricket pavilion. There are 9 playing fields, put astro, tennis courts, a swimming pool 25ms long and cricket nets. The Italian football team used it as their base in the World cup.
kids aren't too impressed with the summer uniform, short trousers on a 16 year old?
From the school it's a very short drive to The Cornish Kettle and Plantland.
This is where I do my recycling, it is collected by a local charity and sold for funds.
The Cornish Kettle is delightful, there's a large pond, a play area and a couple of goats wandering around.
he staff here have been amazing, they've helped me out with information from buying a car to car tax and introduced me to various people when I've had a question they couldn't answer. They let me sit there for hours and don't mind if I only have coffee, they ask about the UK, the differences between the countries.Then onto Ireneee Mall.
Yes, if you look closely that is indeed an upside down cow.
Again very similar to all the other Malls, in a security park and outdoors. Some very nice individual shops as well as the chain stores. This is where we go to the cinema, I prefer the kids to go to this mall in the evenings, especially if hubby is away as it's a much safer route for me to drive at night.
Anyway, that's my tour of Ireneee over and done with, just the Jan Smutts blog and market to follow, but I need to take some more pictures first.
Where we live
We live on a Golf Estate, sort of 'welcome to Beverly Hills.
The 18 hole golf course and the Hennops river meander through the estate. We rent and it's not cheap, but then we do have excellent security, well since they replaced the former group with Protea after an armed robbery at our neighbours http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/06/living-in-utopiapart-two.html
The houses are all individually designed and it seems anything goes, there are several smaller estates inside walled areas with 4 houses all 3 bed and identical.
We live a mile from the main gate and these are some of the houses I pass on my way in and out of the estate.
We're fairly central, just over the road is a Post office, Spar shop, chemist, cafe, row of various takeaways, fuel station, Wimpy and dentisits. Not sure what goes on in the other shops as I don't use them.
Southdowns is a larger shopping area, out the main gate, turn left and 3 mins up the road, the Doctors, hairdressers, nail bar are located there as is Doppios the cafe with free internet.
A Woolworths that looks remarkably like M&S.
There are plenty of restaurants from the fish and chip shop, spurs steak house and fine dining. I love the individual boutiques and gift shops there also.
Centurion Mall takes about 10 minutes to reach, it has a selection of nearly every chain store in South Africa and a few independent ones.
The Mall offers secure parking and costs £1.50 for six hours parking.
It is all outdoors, open space, benches, cafes, cinema. Typical really of all the Malls here. It's lovely to be able to wander around without fear of crime, (bag snatches and shop lifting excluded, unfortunatley.)
I also use Centurion Lifestyle Mall, also outdoors, but no security this is where I had my GPS and camera stolen from the car while I was loading the shopping in the boot, approx 15 min drive away. They use travel time here, not actual distance, so probably about 4 miles. The Food Lovers Market is also a must for lunch.
There are many more places I use during the week, all within a 5 mile radius, safe routes and I can get everything I need/want (finances permitted)
I'll tell you about Irene, the dairy, Jan Smuts house and markets, the Cornish Kettle, the Mall, the boys school and the charity in another blog
The 18 hole golf course and the Hennops river meander through the estate. We rent and it's not cheap, but then we do have excellent security, well since they replaced the former group with Protea after an armed robbery at our neighbours http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/06/living-in-utopiapart-two.html
The houses are all individually designed and it seems anything goes, there are several smaller estates inside walled areas with 4 houses all 3 bed and identical.
We live a mile from the main gate and these are some of the houses I pass on my way in and out of the estate.
We're fairly central, just over the road is a Post office, Spar shop, chemist, cafe, row of various takeaways, fuel station, Wimpy and dentisits. Not sure what goes on in the other shops as I don't use them.
Southdowns is a larger shopping area, out the main gate, turn left and 3 mins up the road, the Doctors, hairdressers, nail bar are located there as is Doppios the cafe with free internet.
A Woolworths that looks remarkably like M&S.
There are plenty of restaurants from the fish and chip shop, spurs steak house and fine dining. I love the individual boutiques and gift shops there also.
Centurion Mall takes about 10 minutes to reach, it has a selection of nearly every chain store in South Africa and a few independent ones.
The Mall offers secure parking and costs £1.50 for six hours parking.
It is all outdoors, open space, benches, cafes, cinema. Typical really of all the Malls here. It's lovely to be able to wander around without fear of crime, (bag snatches and shop lifting excluded, unfortunatley.)
I also use Centurion Lifestyle Mall, also outdoors, but no security this is where I had my GPS and camera stolen from the car while I was loading the shopping in the boot, approx 15 min drive away. They use travel time here, not actual distance, so probably about 4 miles. The Food Lovers Market is also a must for lunch.
There are many more places I use during the week, all within a 5 mile radius, safe routes and I can get everything I need/want (finances permitted)
I'll tell you about Irene, the dairy, Jan Smuts house and markets, the Cornish Kettle, the Mall, the boys school and the charity in another blog
Can you help? Can I help you?
We're not expats (salary paid in local currency into local bank account)and we haven't emigrated, but we've moved to South Africa lock, stock and barrel. We have 2 year visas, Hubbies is an inter company transfer, the kids have study visas and I'm here as a visitor. We'll stay as long as a) the company want hubby to and b) we get our visas renewed
I won't bore you with all the details, but life here can be quite difficult, but it's also alot of fun.
Safety and Security are our biggest issues and after that just you try getting anything done.
The purpose of this post is to locate other Brits living in South Africa in a similar situation and other Brits around the world.
I'm not interested in moaning about how hard it is (you can read the rest of my blog for that stuff) What I want to focus on now is the positives...
how did you get round that situation?
Am I being realistic with my expectations?
Where have you found that is user/child/family friendly?
Where are the best places to shop?
Where can I buy PG tips from and other imported British food at lower prices? (only in emergencies when one of us feels 'home' sick?
What are the best sites/companies for car and house insurance etc?
I'm sure there are many more of you that have made this move on your own, don't have someone to wave their magic wand. Let me know who you are, it would be great to get some more support going.
I won't bore you with all the details, but life here can be quite difficult, but it's also alot of fun.
Safety and Security are our biggest issues and after that just you try getting anything done.
The purpose of this post is to locate other Brits living in South Africa in a similar situation and other Brits around the world.
I'm not interested in moaning about how hard it is (you can read the rest of my blog for that stuff) What I want to focus on now is the positives...
how did you get round that situation?
Am I being realistic with my expectations?
Where have you found that is user/child/family friendly?
Where are the best places to shop?
Where can I buy PG tips from and other imported British food at lower prices? (only in emergencies when one of us feels 'home' sick?
What are the best sites/companies for car and house insurance etc?
I'm sure there are many more of you that have made this move on your own, don't have someone to wave their magic wand. Let me know who you are, it would be great to get some more support going.
Losing my Groove
I've never been invited to take part in a meme, and quite frankly I don't know what it means. I've had two tweeters 'guest post' for me one about dealing with their teen and my son describing his hospital experience after his lung collapased when he was hit in the throat by a cricket ball. I wasn't even invited to join this but came across @netcurtains blog and realised I need to get my groove back and here are the reasons why.
This time last year, I was a Mother of 5, only 3 were living at home, 1 in Germany in the army, but all leave spent with us and endless crisis and the eldest who is profoundly disabled, living in care nearby. Home most weekends and visits in the week.
I had 3 part time jobs, I lecturered and assessed mature students on NVQ level 2 & 3 Teaching Assistants I also lectured adults with learning difficulties in Customer Service and Job Path. My other role was for the local FA (football association) as a Child Welfare Officer and involved working closely with Social Services, the police and families, often at short notice and mainly evenings and weekends and quite harrowing on occassions.
I was also studying for a degree in Criminology with The OU and have 1 year left to complete.
A busy life for a busy person.
1 year on, I moved to South Africa, I only have 2 children here with me and the others have been out for visits, communicating via face book and still needing my help. The eldest, unfortunatly, doesn't respond with telephone calls or even understand what I write in my letters, but I continue with the contact.
My husband is in the same job, just a different country and continues to travel with his work.
So how did I lose my groove?
Only got 2 kids here, they are 12 and 16 and really don't require alot of input, other than taxi services. I can't work, I'm a 'visitor' for 2 years and due to problems with the internet when we first arrived I'm afraid the studies had to stop.
Everything about me, that made me, me has changed or is no longer available to me. I have no friends, I don't know anyone. OK there is small talk and occassional coffees but no 'mates' like I had in the UK.
I have a gardener and I like gardening so I've been growing flowers, herbs and veg. My cooking and baking has increased 10 fold, I make every meal from scratch, sorcing locally grown products, the freezer is always full. I do all my own cleaning, I need something to do, but the locals think I'm strange for not hiring a maid.
I read, chick lit, I go off exploring, as much as safety and security will allow. I review my course work for my degree to date. I make my own bird feeders, using Peanut butter and seeds. I study the animal books and the birds. I've started a jigsaw. I got out all the games like cards, ludo, twister and placed them around the house so we use them. And I sit in the garden watching the wildlife, drinking tea or wine in the evenings.
I'm starting to like it, enjoy myself and be happy with my own company, but it's not me for ever and to 'get my groove back' I've made enquiries with UNISA, to complete my degree. I have an appointment with the visa agency on Tuesday to change my visa status so I can apply for work.
In the meantime, I shall enjoy my 'groove' with a glass of wine, sitting on the balcony watching the sunset and the black swans swimmming on the river.
Two questions were posed as part of the 'link up'
Song to get my groove back would have to be 'I got a feeling' by the Black Eyed peas
I'm hoping I can get my tooth abcess soon and the medication kicks in.
This time last year, I was a Mother of 5, only 3 were living at home, 1 in Germany in the army, but all leave spent with us and endless crisis and the eldest who is profoundly disabled, living in care nearby. Home most weekends and visits in the week.
I had 3 part time jobs, I lecturered and assessed mature students on NVQ level 2 & 3 Teaching Assistants I also lectured adults with learning difficulties in Customer Service and Job Path. My other role was for the local FA (football association) as a Child Welfare Officer and involved working closely with Social Services, the police and families, often at short notice and mainly evenings and weekends and quite harrowing on occassions.
I was also studying for a degree in Criminology with The OU and have 1 year left to complete.
A busy life for a busy person.
1 year on, I moved to South Africa, I only have 2 children here with me and the others have been out for visits, communicating via face book and still needing my help. The eldest, unfortunatly, doesn't respond with telephone calls or even understand what I write in my letters, but I continue with the contact.
My husband is in the same job, just a different country and continues to travel with his work.
So how did I lose my groove?
Only got 2 kids here, they are 12 and 16 and really don't require alot of input, other than taxi services. I can't work, I'm a 'visitor' for 2 years and due to problems with the internet when we first arrived I'm afraid the studies had to stop.
Everything about me, that made me, me has changed or is no longer available to me. I have no friends, I don't know anyone. OK there is small talk and occassional coffees but no 'mates' like I had in the UK.
I have a gardener and I like gardening so I've been growing flowers, herbs and veg. My cooking and baking has increased 10 fold, I make every meal from scratch, sorcing locally grown products, the freezer is always full. I do all my own cleaning, I need something to do, but the locals think I'm strange for not hiring a maid.
I read, chick lit, I go off exploring, as much as safety and security will allow. I review my course work for my degree to date. I make my own bird feeders, using Peanut butter and seeds. I study the animal books and the birds. I've started a jigsaw. I got out all the games like cards, ludo, twister and placed them around the house so we use them. And I sit in the garden watching the wildlife, drinking tea or wine in the evenings.
I'm starting to like it, enjoy myself and be happy with my own company, but it's not me for ever and to 'get my groove back' I've made enquiries with UNISA, to complete my degree. I have an appointment with the visa agency on Tuesday to change my visa status so I can apply for work.
In the meantime, I shall enjoy my 'groove' with a glass of wine, sitting on the balcony watching the sunset and the black swans swimmming on the river.
Two questions were posed as part of the 'link up'
Song to get my groove back would have to be 'I got a feeling' by the Black Eyed peas
I'm hoping I can get my tooth abcess soon and the medication kicks in.
This weeks letters home are all about Spring and Summer.
Spring officially started on the 1st September and I think summer must have started on the 2nd. Temperatures in the day have already hit 30 and by mid afternoon I’m sitting on the side of the pool, cooling my legs.
The garden is in full bloom and the trees now have so many leaves that my view of the Sunshine Tour, Telkom PGA Pro-am was restricted.
I’ve found a little cool spot in the garden and have put the sofa outside,it’s under cover and a few pot plants provide some shade. It won’t get wet when the rainy season starts but I’ve put a cover over it to stop it fading in the sun.
I’ve finally registered the family with a Doctor, he’s Scottish. The surgery is at Southdowns, a mall about a 2 minute drive away, however it takes a good 10 minutes to get out of the estate. It’s also where I’ve started to get my hair done at a new salon called Butterflies, very friendly and love to chat.
Registering at the Doctors was quite difficult and I was close to tears. I had a copy of Peter’s passport, the med aid card and mine and the children’s passport numbers. I explained I was from the UK and not sure how this all worked, that I was English speaking only and could they assist.
After filling in the forms, telling the receptionist again I didn’t understand Afrikaans, I was asked which Doctor I wanted to see. I don’t know I’VE NOT BEEN HERE BEFORE and with thanks to a nice woman in the queue she advised me which Doctor to see, explained how it all worked and showed me where to wait.
Honestly, the entire time I’ve been here, it’s always members of the public that help me out. If they understand what I’m asking and explain things to me, what is the point of employing the person I’ve just asked for help?
I’ve also decided each week to do ‘something nice’.
This week I went to Rietvlei Nature Reserve, its 10kms from home and on the school route. I took a picnic and the camping stove and spent an hour writing letters home and drinking tea. Finally the Hippo, which I’d heard, popped in for a brief appearance and I managed to get this picture.
I had no luck with the Rhinos on this trip, but saw 100s of different antelope, numerous Zebras and plenty of Ostrich.
Anyway, thanks for reading. You may not have been selected for a letter this week. I reply to all post received within 2-3 days and select people at random to write to.
I know you all love hearing my news, but it would be great to hear yours also.
Love Suzanne
The garden is in full bloom and the trees now have so many leaves that my view of the Sunshine Tour, Telkom PGA Pro-am was restricted.
I’ve found a little cool spot in the garden and have put the sofa outside,it’s under cover and a few pot plants provide some shade. It won’t get wet when the rainy season starts but I’ve put a cover over it to stop it fading in the sun.
I’ve finally registered the family with a Doctor, he’s Scottish. The surgery is at Southdowns, a mall about a 2 minute drive away, however it takes a good 10 minutes to get out of the estate. It’s also where I’ve started to get my hair done at a new salon called Butterflies, very friendly and love to chat.
Registering at the Doctors was quite difficult and I was close to tears. I had a copy of Peter’s passport, the med aid card and mine and the children’s passport numbers. I explained I was from the UK and not sure how this all worked, that I was English speaking only and could they assist.
After filling in the forms, telling the receptionist again I didn’t understand Afrikaans, I was asked which Doctor I wanted to see. I don’t know I’VE NOT BEEN HERE BEFORE and with thanks to a nice woman in the queue she advised me which Doctor to see, explained how it all worked and showed me where to wait.
Honestly, the entire time I’ve been here, it’s always members of the public that help me out. If they understand what I’m asking and explain things to me, what is the point of employing the person I’ve just asked for help?
I’ve also decided each week to do ‘something nice’.
This week I went to Rietvlei Nature Reserve, its 10kms from home and on the school route. I took a picnic and the camping stove and spent an hour writing letters home and drinking tea. Finally the Hippo, which I’d heard, popped in for a brief appearance and I managed to get this picture.
I had no luck with the Rhinos on this trip, but saw 100s of different antelope, numerous Zebras and plenty of Ostrich.
Anyway, thanks for reading. You may not have been selected for a letter this week. I reply to all post received within 2-3 days and select people at random to write to.
I know you all love hearing my news, but it would be great to hear yours also.
Love Suzanne
Krugersdorp Lion Reserve
Picture the scene, you go to a game reserve, there is a Lion Enclosure, you arrive in time to see the 2nd half of South Africa v Wales (dressed in your Wales top) you drive to the lodge, park your car and see two lions in a cage, you walk closer to take a look and you realise there is a wire fence and an electric wire hooked up to a car battery between them and you.
You turn round to see this
And you remember you now live in Africa.
You turn round to see this
And you remember you now live in Africa.
Monday, 26 September 2011
I'm sorry you're disappointed Vodafone
'I'm disapointed to see that you have left us :( If you need anything in the future you know where we are!'
This is the final tweet from Vodafone, sent yesterday afternoon, after I finally cancelled my account with them for the following reasons:
It took 9 months to reset my access to the online service. I screamed and shouted, via twitter and my blog, I wrote, I phoned, I visited the stores and nothing, absolutley nothing.
I never recieved a reference letter to say I'd been a loyal and reliable customer for 10 years.
Never recieved a response to a query about a faulty phone.
If you want you can read the other two blogs over here
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-shame-its-come-to-this.html
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/update-on-vodafone.html
So I gave up...what other option did I have? I said I'd go OFCOM but was polietly informed that Vodafones offer to cancel the contract at no further cost would be withdrawn and then where would I be? The contract was due to expire in December so I've saved the grand old sum of about £60. I can tell you it's cost far more than that for me to keep fighting, not just my time but the stress, the inconvienence and my airfare.
In the end I beeged my husband to help fund a trip back to the UK, a trip we really couldn't afford so I could go in person and sort this issue out, sort out problems with the banks, the post office redirection service, the other companies that had failed to action change of address for correspondence.
I am angry, I am stressed, I am pissed off and I certainly WILL NOT be using any of these companies again.
And any chance I get to tell Vodafone that their customer care is disgusting. I will.
They took my money, they didn't provide a service and now when I go back to the UK in December I don't have a UK sim card or mobile phone, which means I'll end up spending the first part of my holiday home (again) trying to sort something out.
This is the final tweet from Vodafone, sent yesterday afternoon, after I finally cancelled my account with them for the following reasons:
It took 9 months to reset my access to the online service. I screamed and shouted, via twitter and my blog, I wrote, I phoned, I visited the stores and nothing, absolutley nothing.
I never recieved a reference letter to say I'd been a loyal and reliable customer for 10 years.
Never recieved a response to a query about a faulty phone.
If you want you can read the other two blogs over here
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-shame-its-come-to-this.html
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/update-on-vodafone.html
So I gave up...what other option did I have? I said I'd go OFCOM but was polietly informed that Vodafones offer to cancel the contract at no further cost would be withdrawn and then where would I be? The contract was due to expire in December so I've saved the grand old sum of about £60. I can tell you it's cost far more than that for me to keep fighting, not just my time but the stress, the inconvienence and my airfare.
In the end I beeged my husband to help fund a trip back to the UK, a trip we really couldn't afford so I could go in person and sort this issue out, sort out problems with the banks, the post office redirection service, the other companies that had failed to action change of address for correspondence.
I am angry, I am stressed, I am pissed off and I certainly WILL NOT be using any of these companies again.
And any chance I get to tell Vodafone that their customer care is disgusting. I will.
They took my money, they didn't provide a service and now when I go back to the UK in December I don't have a UK sim card or mobile phone, which means I'll end up spending the first part of my holiday home (again) trying to sort something out.
@NASA and the missing satellite #UARS
I was alarmed to read this tweet from NASA
‘UARS is expected sometime during the afternoon of Sept.23 EDT. It will not be over North America’ via CoTweet 22/09/2011 15:10
Great, your satellite, get your priorities sorted. What about the rest of us?
‘The chances that you (yes, I mean YOU) will be hit by a piece of the #UARS satellite today are one in several trillion. Very unlikely.’
Via CoTweet 23/09/2011 14:21
Feeling better now *buys lottery ticket as my odds have increased since I’m still alive*
And then they lost it.
‘It’s possible the #UARS is down by now. (Everybody OK out there?) We’re waiting for confirmation from US Strategic Command.’
Via CoTweet 24/09/2011 06:33
Wait a minute,
How the hell do you lose a satellite the size of a double decker bus?
I’d be in serious trouble if I lost something that size especially if it was capable of creating untold death and destruction by landing on the earth somewhere.
I was concerned, of course I was, it was orbiting over Australia, Africa and Canada for the last few hours, prior to its decent to earth. NASA had a window of opportunity in which it would land.
I met some lovely people on twitter using the hash tag #USAR including @afrispace (tweeted by Brad) and @DorchWebster (doesn’t tweet much) and we enjoyed (well I did) some good friendly banter to wile the time away until we sort of knew that the satellite wasn’t going to land on us.
Seriously NASA, if you can get something that size up into space, surely you have the technology to track it....there must be an App for that.
‘UARS is expected sometime during the afternoon of Sept.23 EDT. It will not be over North America’ via CoTweet 22/09/2011 15:10
Great, your satellite, get your priorities sorted. What about the rest of us?
‘The chances that you (yes, I mean YOU) will be hit by a piece of the #UARS satellite today are one in several trillion. Very unlikely.’
Via CoTweet 23/09/2011 14:21
Feeling better now *buys lottery ticket as my odds have increased since I’m still alive*
And then they lost it.
‘It’s possible the #UARS is down by now. (Everybody OK out there?) We’re waiting for confirmation from US Strategic Command.’
Via CoTweet 24/09/2011 06:33
Wait a minute,
How the hell do you lose a satellite the size of a double decker bus?
I’d be in serious trouble if I lost something that size especially if it was capable of creating untold death and destruction by landing on the earth somewhere.
I was concerned, of course I was, it was orbiting over Australia, Africa and Canada for the last few hours, prior to its decent to earth. NASA had a window of opportunity in which it would land.
I met some lovely people on twitter using the hash tag #USAR including @afrispace (tweeted by Brad) and @DorchWebster (doesn’t tweet much) and we enjoyed (well I did) some good friendly banter to wile the time away until we sort of knew that the satellite wasn’t going to land on us.
Seriously NASA, if you can get something that size up into space, surely you have the technology to track it....there must be an App for that.
Internations
At the recommendation of @talloracle, I accepted the invite and joined Internations.
It’s a social network site for expats all around the world and my nearest group was in Johannesburg.
I register on the site with my location as Centurion, no cost for basic membership. I’m not sure what extras there are for paying or even how much the fee is.
There were a few messages of welcome; I had a go on the message board, and invitations to ‘meet ups’
But sods law they were on nights hubby was away or Dan had football training and anyway I really didn’t fancy driving into Jo’burg at night
But then a Pretoria group was started and I was invited to Rhapsody’s, just off the N1, the next junction from Menlyn Mall and the turnoff I use for Dans football.
So off I went, was given a name badge with a UK flag and told to sit where I wanted. Unfortunately Rhapsody’s was busy that night, music playing and 4 tables of 10 set up for us, with 2 in an alcove and little walkway space. It was difficult to move around and it seemed that most people knew one another, lots of air kissing and cleavage, only 6 men and about 25 women. It became clear pretty quickly that I was possibly the only non working person there and as a result the conversation took a while to get going.
I sat with four South Africans who had registered on the site when they had worked abroad and I learnt a lot, they’d had similar problems here when they returned, cell phones, paying bills etc so I didn’t feel too bad. I met some British people, working for the High Commission in Pretoria advising on foreign policy.
I left after two hours and took with me advice on changing the status of my visa, information on UNISA for continuing my degree and an invitation for coffee, plus endless advice.
I’ll be going again and I’m definitely going to explore the site some more, but next time, I’ll dress far less conservatively.
It’s a social network site for expats all around the world and my nearest group was in Johannesburg.
I register on the site with my location as Centurion, no cost for basic membership. I’m not sure what extras there are for paying or even how much the fee is.
There were a few messages of welcome; I had a go on the message board, and invitations to ‘meet ups’
But sods law they were on nights hubby was away or Dan had football training and anyway I really didn’t fancy driving into Jo’burg at night
But then a Pretoria group was started and I was invited to Rhapsody’s, just off the N1, the next junction from Menlyn Mall and the turnoff I use for Dans football.
So off I went, was given a name badge with a UK flag and told to sit where I wanted. Unfortunately Rhapsody’s was busy that night, music playing and 4 tables of 10 set up for us, with 2 in an alcove and little walkway space. It was difficult to move around and it seemed that most people knew one another, lots of air kissing and cleavage, only 6 men and about 25 women. It became clear pretty quickly that I was possibly the only non working person there and as a result the conversation took a while to get going.
I sat with four South Africans who had registered on the site when they had worked abroad and I learnt a lot, they’d had similar problems here when they returned, cell phones, paying bills etc so I didn’t feel too bad. I met some British people, working for the High Commission in Pretoria advising on foreign policy.
I left after two hours and took with me advice on changing the status of my visa, information on UNISA for continuing my degree and an invitation for coffee, plus endless advice.
I’ll be going again and I’m definitely going to explore the site some more, but next time, I’ll dress far less conservatively.
Getting ready to go out is stressful
But you don’t work and your kids are at school all day and anyway they are 12 and 16 and hubby was home that evening.
Oven on 4pm, 180c, get ready, shower, hair, makeup, get dressed.
5.15pm put the potatoes on
Tea ready at 4.45pm, need to leave at 6.15pm
No, tea ready 7pm and I went out without any
It takes nearly an hour for potatoes to boil here, something to do with the altitude and if cooking anything from frozen, well don’t. 3 hours to reheat a frozen homemade cottage pie
Apparently hubby nuked it in the microwave at 6.45pm as he and the kids were starving.
Oven on 4pm, 180c, get ready, shower, hair, makeup, get dressed.
5.15pm put the potatoes on
Tea ready at 4.45pm, need to leave at 6.15pm
No, tea ready 7pm and I went out without any
It takes nearly an hour for potatoes to boil here, something to do with the altitude and if cooking anything from frozen, well don’t. 3 hours to reheat a frozen homemade cottage pie
Apparently hubby nuked it in the microwave at 6.45pm as he and the kids were starving.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
update on vodafone
So yesterday I blogged about my troubles with Vodafone
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-shame-its-come-to-this.html
and someone on twitter sent my blog post to the CEO at Vodafone and I recieved an immediate response asking for my contact details, which I sent and at 4pm BST today I recieved a reply to tell me I can't transfer my contract to South Africa Vodacom as it's a seperate company.
I get that, I got that message in December when I rang Customer Services up and since then all I've asked for is for a reference for Vodacom to say I've been a reliable customer with Vodafone for 10 years, as I have no credit history here. In fact I get that message every bloody time I write, email, visit the store.
I've asked, begged and pleaded to get my online access sorted so I can ensure there are sufficient funds in my UK bank account to make payments, I've asked for all correspondence to be sent via email as the UK sim card is not active here and post can take up to 4 weeks to reach me.
I've also asked if they can let me know how I can go about getting my phone fixed, which has now died.
And last week I asked for an unlocking code for an old out of contract Blackberry so I have a phone to use with a Vodacom PAYG sim card.
So the beginning of September I lost my patience, I had a strop, I tweeted about how disgusted I was and finally 9 months later my online access is up and running.
But still the other questions go unanswered so I blogged and guess what? an unlocking code was recieved and I now have a phone I can use on PAYG.
I still don't have a reference and I still don't know why or even have an apology for why it took 9 months for my online account to be sorted.
As a gesture of good will Vodafone will cancel the contract with no further charge (runs out on December 24th and is only £20 ish per month)
I'm not feeling the good will.
http://chickenruby.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-shame-its-come-to-this.html
and someone on twitter sent my blog post to the CEO at Vodafone and I recieved an immediate response asking for my contact details, which I sent and at 4pm BST today I recieved a reply to tell me I can't transfer my contract to South Africa Vodacom as it's a seperate company.
I get that, I got that message in December when I rang Customer Services up and since then all I've asked for is for a reference for Vodacom to say I've been a reliable customer with Vodafone for 10 years, as I have no credit history here. In fact I get that message every bloody time I write, email, visit the store.
I've asked, begged and pleaded to get my online access sorted so I can ensure there are sufficient funds in my UK bank account to make payments, I've asked for all correspondence to be sent via email as the UK sim card is not active here and post can take up to 4 weeks to reach me.
I've also asked if they can let me know how I can go about getting my phone fixed, which has now died.
And last week I asked for an unlocking code for an old out of contract Blackberry so I have a phone to use with a Vodacom PAYG sim card.
So the beginning of September I lost my patience, I had a strop, I tweeted about how disgusted I was and finally 9 months later my online access is up and running.
But still the other questions go unanswered so I blogged and guess what? an unlocking code was recieved and I now have a phone I can use on PAYG.
I still don't have a reference and I still don't know why or even have an apology for why it took 9 months for my online account to be sorted.
As a gesture of good will Vodafone will cancel the contract with no further charge (runs out on December 24th and is only £20 ish per month)
I'm not feeling the good will.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
It's a shame it's come to this
It seems the only way I’m going to get anything done here is to Name and Shame.
So here you go Vodafone.
Let me tell you a story...it all began in December 2010
I can’t access the online service, I’m moving to South Africa and I need to ensure there are sufficient funds in my UK bank account to cover the direct debit...
My phone is faulty, it keeps switching itself on and off, but I’m emigrating shortly?
How much would it cost me just to pay the contract off? Can I transfer it to South Africa? Could you provide me with a reference to say I’ve been a long standing and reliable customer of 10 years? Tis is done via email, visits to many stores and several phone calls
Account is allegedly reset
We move then to March 2011...I’ve been busy settling the family into our new lives.
So I write to customer services, outlining the above problems, I receive a reply
Blah, blah, blah committed until December 24th 2011 , price plan has been changed, need to give 30 days notice so November 20th 2011 is the earliest I can write back to do so.
Online billing is active and here’s your account user name and secret question to reset your password, last 3 months of bills are being sent and you will be charged £1.54 +vat for them.
I never requested the bills and don’t want to be charged and I still can’t sign into my account despite resetting my password.
I forget all about it, well not really but I’m not getting anywhere so on May 24th 2011 I write back.
I enclose a screen shot of the message I receive every time, which says ‘Your account administrator hasn’t approved your account yet. Until then there may be some parts of your account you can’t access’
I tell them I’m living in South Africa; I tell them I’ve tried to sort this in store, online, over the phone, via email and letter. I tell them what the last letter said, how I’ve been charged for services I didn’t request.
I TELL THEM AGAIN, ONLY REPLY VIA EMAIL AS MY POST TAKES UP TO 4 WEEKS TO BE FORWARDED TO ME.
I tell them again my phone is faulty.
I ask again for a reference so I can take an account with Vodacom.
I tell them that this situation is ridiculous.
I receive a reply, via post, June 9th 2011
They’ve checked my account details and if I still wish to leave, I have to give 30 days notice.
Three paragraphs follow re how I do this and that is all. They have IGNORED the other points, but I know they’ve had the letter because they’ve WRITTEN back to the new address I requested.
I start tweeting, I start emailing off their web page, I don’t have a copy of the sent emails, via this system...I give up
August 2011
I arrive in the UK, I visit my son, I visit my Mother in Law and I visit Vodafone in Bath. I explain the problems and the staff in the shop are aghast, they call up customer services, they have the letters and emails in front of them, they explain the whole situation...the account will be reset and someone will call me in 72 hours, guess what? Still can’t access account and no phone call. I continue with my HOLIDAY, I visit my Mother, I meet my new niece, I go out with friends for meals and I return to the shop in Bath on the way back to my Mother in Laws and I explain the whole situation, all over again. This time however the account is reset and my account is credited, I need to wait 48 hours before I can set the account up again and I return to South Africa. I’ve spent two whole afternoons in the shop sorting this out.
Tah dah...I get the same message I’ve been telling them about since December. I’m angry now, I tweet, I ask for an email address, I get NO apology, NO explanation, NO reply to my email, I email again and low and behold I’M BACK ONLINE...September 2011
But they still haven’t addressed my other issues, they still haven’t said sorry and quite frankly I AM PISSED OFF
Last week, as I’m still unable to get a contract with Vodacom, I request via email on their web page for information as to how I can unlock an out of contract UK Vodafone BlackBerry as my phone is now stuffed. Automated response...’we will contact you in 24 hours’ that was the 19th of September...so I tweet
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby Do you have the reference from the auto-response so that I can chase this up for you? ^SM
20 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
»
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK 7396031
20 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby You can request unlocking codes online directly here http://goo.gl/9waLh ^SM
20 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK it wouldn't let me do it as phone is out of contract that's why I was told on here to email you with info..any idea why no reply
19 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby I can see your email is assigned to one of our Customer Services Team. They'll be in touch shortly. ^PW
18 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
»
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK they said 24hrs...it's really not good enough ESP as they took 9 months to sort out online access and still haven't replied to
18 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
in reply to ↑
@VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@chickenruby Sorry to see you feeling that way. They'll be in touch as soon as possible for you. ^PW
18 hours ago via CoTweet Favorite Retweet Reply
And I’m still waiting for a response......
I think I should ask for compensation, payments on my account since December 2010 to be refunded and my contract cancelled with no further costs at the very least.
I dread to think how much of my time has been spent on this matter, family time, holiday time, my time right now, phone calls, time spent on emails and visiting the store.
I have names, I have letters and if Vodafone need proof they can trawl through their emails and tweets to see I’m NOT making any of this up.
So here you go Vodafone.
Let me tell you a story...it all began in December 2010
I can’t access the online service, I’m moving to South Africa and I need to ensure there are sufficient funds in my UK bank account to cover the direct debit...
My phone is faulty, it keeps switching itself on and off, but I’m emigrating shortly?
How much would it cost me just to pay the contract off? Can I transfer it to South Africa? Could you provide me with a reference to say I’ve been a long standing and reliable customer of 10 years? Tis is done via email, visits to many stores and several phone calls
Account is allegedly reset
We move then to March 2011...I’ve been busy settling the family into our new lives.
So I write to customer services, outlining the above problems, I receive a reply
Blah, blah, blah committed until December 24th 2011 , price plan has been changed, need to give 30 days notice so November 20th 2011 is the earliest I can write back to do so.
Online billing is active and here’s your account user name and secret question to reset your password, last 3 months of bills are being sent and you will be charged £1.54 +vat for them.
I never requested the bills and don’t want to be charged and I still can’t sign into my account despite resetting my password.
I forget all about it, well not really but I’m not getting anywhere so on May 24th 2011 I write back.
I enclose a screen shot of the message I receive every time, which says ‘Your account administrator hasn’t approved your account yet. Until then there may be some parts of your account you can’t access’
I tell them I’m living in South Africa; I tell them I’ve tried to sort this in store, online, over the phone, via email and letter. I tell them what the last letter said, how I’ve been charged for services I didn’t request.
I TELL THEM AGAIN, ONLY REPLY VIA EMAIL AS MY POST TAKES UP TO 4 WEEKS TO BE FORWARDED TO ME.
I tell them again my phone is faulty.
I ask again for a reference so I can take an account with Vodacom.
I tell them that this situation is ridiculous.
I receive a reply, via post, June 9th 2011
They’ve checked my account details and if I still wish to leave, I have to give 30 days notice.
Three paragraphs follow re how I do this and that is all. They have IGNORED the other points, but I know they’ve had the letter because they’ve WRITTEN back to the new address I requested.
I start tweeting, I start emailing off their web page, I don’t have a copy of the sent emails, via this system...I give up
August 2011
I arrive in the UK, I visit my son, I visit my Mother in Law and I visit Vodafone in Bath. I explain the problems and the staff in the shop are aghast, they call up customer services, they have the letters and emails in front of them, they explain the whole situation...the account will be reset and someone will call me in 72 hours, guess what? Still can’t access account and no phone call. I continue with my HOLIDAY, I visit my Mother, I meet my new niece, I go out with friends for meals and I return to the shop in Bath on the way back to my Mother in Laws and I explain the whole situation, all over again. This time however the account is reset and my account is credited, I need to wait 48 hours before I can set the account up again and I return to South Africa. I’ve spent two whole afternoons in the shop sorting this out.
Tah dah...I get the same message I’ve been telling them about since December. I’m angry now, I tweet, I ask for an email address, I get NO apology, NO explanation, NO reply to my email, I email again and low and behold I’M BACK ONLINE...September 2011
But they still haven’t addressed my other issues, they still haven’t said sorry and quite frankly I AM PISSED OFF
Last week, as I’m still unable to get a contract with Vodacom, I request via email on their web page for information as to how I can unlock an out of contract UK Vodafone BlackBerry as my phone is now stuffed. Automated response...’we will contact you in 24 hours’ that was the 19th of September...so I tweet
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby Do you have the reference from the auto-response so that I can chase this up for you? ^SM
20 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
»
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK 7396031
20 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby You can request unlocking codes online directly here http://goo.gl/9waLh ^SM
20 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK it wouldn't let me do it as phone is out of contract that's why I was told on here to email you with info..any idea why no reply
19 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
»
VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@
@chickenruby I can see your email is assigned to one of our Customer Services Team. They'll be in touch shortly. ^PW
18 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply
»
chickenruby Suzanne J S
@
@VodafoneUK they said 24hrs...it's really not good enough ESP as they took 9 months to sort out online access and still haven't replied to
18 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete
in reply to ↑
@VodafoneUK Vodafone UK
@chickenruby Sorry to see you feeling that way. They'll be in touch as soon as possible for you. ^PW
18 hours ago via CoTweet Favorite Retweet Reply
And I’m still waiting for a response......
I think I should ask for compensation, payments on my account since December 2010 to be refunded and my contract cancelled with no further costs at the very least.
I dread to think how much of my time has been spent on this matter, family time, holiday time, my time right now, phone calls, time spent on emails and visiting the store.
I have names, I have letters and if Vodafone need proof they can trawl through their emails and tweets to see I’m NOT making any of this up.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Things I hate about my kids
They make assumptions about what I'm going to say.
They whinge about everything I ask them do.
They expect to be given something for nothing.
They fight.
They always demand to know what their siblings chores are before they do their own.
They make a mess.
They don't see why they should have to tidy up their own stuff.
They always leave things till the last minute.
The only punishment they want me to dish out to their sibling is a hiding.
I guess I'm not alone here...what do you 'hate' about your kids?
They whinge about everything I ask them do.
They expect to be given something for nothing.
They fight.
They always demand to know what their siblings chores are before they do their own.
They make a mess.
They don't see why they should have to tidy up their own stuff.
They always leave things till the last minute.
The only punishment they want me to dish out to their sibling is a hiding.
I guess I'm not alone here...what do you 'hate' about your kids?
There's no need for this type of behaviour
We live on a security estate, it contains an 18 hole golf course and the property we rent is 1 mile from the main gate. Children play, ride bikes, peoples dogs and cats wonder around.
And that's why there is an enforced 30km an hour speed limit. the estate has speed bumps every so often meaning that I rarely get out of 2nd gear.
One of our neighbours owns a Ferrai and a Lamborghini (CBA to spell check) and because of the speed bumps they have to take the cars out of the estate on a trailer as they can't get over the speed bumps.
This morning I spooted the post man, I've got issues with the postal delivery service here so I stopped, pulling up on the side of the road, hazzards on, to ask him a few questions about the delivery of postal slips.
Several cars passed, slowly, but one woman who was speeding, I could tell as she flew over the bump, blasted her horn, pointed at my car and yelled something out the window.
The post man said 'that was very rude' (she didn't yell in English) she sped off, laughing, and gave me the middle finger out of her window.
When I got to the security gate she was held up by the traffic lights, so I enquired if she'd come through the residents or visitors gate. She was a visitor. Security took her registration number said she was a regular visitor and said they'd have words next time she checked in to the estate.
It really did spoil my morning.
And that's why there is an enforced 30km an hour speed limit. the estate has speed bumps every so often meaning that I rarely get out of 2nd gear.
One of our neighbours owns a Ferrai and a Lamborghini (CBA to spell check) and because of the speed bumps they have to take the cars out of the estate on a trailer as they can't get over the speed bumps.
This morning I spooted the post man, I've got issues with the postal delivery service here so I stopped, pulling up on the side of the road, hazzards on, to ask him a few questions about the delivery of postal slips.
Several cars passed, slowly, but one woman who was speeding, I could tell as she flew over the bump, blasted her horn, pointed at my car and yelled something out the window.
The post man said 'that was very rude' (she didn't yell in English) she sped off, laughing, and gave me the middle finger out of her window.
When I got to the security gate she was held up by the traffic lights, so I enquired if she'd come through the residents or visitors gate. She was a visitor. Security took her registration number said she was a regular visitor and said they'd have words next time she checked in to the estate.
It really did spoil my morning.
Thursday, 8 September 2011
A year ago today
This time last year, Alex was collected by the school bus and Peter drove Dan to school, I followed Peter to Worcester where his car was in for a service, then in my car he drove me to Droitwich. I spent the day in the office and in the evening held a 'get together' for volunteers from various football clubs for the new CRB process. Peter worked from home for the day and after collecting Alex from school at 6pm, Peter collected me from the office.
It was raining. Alex was hanging out the window yelling at me to hurry up. As I climbed into the back of the car, Alex informed me that on their journey to fetch me, Peter had a phone call from work asking him if we'd like to move to South Africa.
This morning Peter took the kids to school and went onto work, I did a few emails then headed off to Rietvlei a nature reserve about 10kms from where we live and sat in the sun with a picnic and watched the hippos wallowing in the lake.
I can't believe how far we've come since this time last year.
It was raining. Alex was hanging out the window yelling at me to hurry up. As I climbed into the back of the car, Alex informed me that on their journey to fetch me, Peter had a phone call from work asking him if we'd like to move to South Africa.
This morning Peter took the kids to school and went onto work, I did a few emails then headed off to Rietvlei a nature reserve about 10kms from where we live and sat in the sun with a picnic and watched the hippos wallowing in the lake.
I can't believe how far we've come since this time last year.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Seriously? You've NOT met the Queen
and many other things.
I went to get my hair done today and in that environment people do like to have a natter don't they? That's half the experience of getting your hair done.
'Nope, I've never even seen the Queen, but I once saw Lady Di' at York Rugby Club the year before she married Charles, they landed in a helicopter and walked round the ground, waving and promoting some charity, I was 10/11 and at the time not really that interested.
'I've not been on the London Eye, or in buckingham Palace, or seen the changing of the guards, or been in the Tower of London, but I've been to Wembley, Millenium Stadium for football, rugby and concerts. I've climbed Snowdon and jumped on Hadrians Wall, walked Offa's Dyke.'
'You see' as I explained to the lovely people in the hair dressers. 'When people say they're from the UK, that doesn't always mean London, it's actually quite a big place.
Unless you've ever travelled to the UK, then all there is, is London.
A year ago when we were asked to move to South Africa I thought Johannesburg was the capital, but since I've lived here, I now know better.
I went to get my hair done today and in that environment people do like to have a natter don't they? That's half the experience of getting your hair done.
'Nope, I've never even seen the Queen, but I once saw Lady Di' at York Rugby Club the year before she married Charles, they landed in a helicopter and walked round the ground, waving and promoting some charity, I was 10/11 and at the time not really that interested.
'I've not been on the London Eye, or in buckingham Palace, or seen the changing of the guards, or been in the Tower of London, but I've been to Wembley, Millenium Stadium for football, rugby and concerts. I've climbed Snowdon and jumped on Hadrians Wall, walked Offa's Dyke.'
'You see' as I explained to the lovely people in the hair dressers. 'When people say they're from the UK, that doesn't always mean London, it's actually quite a big place.
Unless you've ever travelled to the UK, then all there is, is London.
A year ago when we were asked to move to South Africa I thought Johannesburg was the capital, but since I've lived here, I now know better.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Every FIRST is the worse.
On Twitter, Facebook, Mumsnet and Britmums there’s lots of talk about ‘My Child’s first day at school.’ Some are coping, some are relieved and some are just upset.
Amongst all of this talk there was a status update from my son on facebook, that read.
‘I left home a year ago today’
I’d forgotten.
But I do remember how that day a year ago felt; I’ve forgotten his first day at school. Did I cry? Was I worried? Did he have everything he needed? Would he miss me/be ok?
It’s all gone now, but is there is how I felt when he left home aged 18 to move 120 miles away, worried about whether he’d come home in a few weeks, would he come for visits, or would we be just forgotten about?
I’d helped my son leave home as I’d done with my step son 3 years earlier, prepared them for getting a job with prospects, supported them both through school, GCSEs, college applications etc, taken them for job applications after helping them with their CV’s.
But nothing actually prepares you or them for the moment they leave.
‘I don’t want a fuss mum, I’ll pack my own stuff, will be back in the morning, I’m off out to say bye to my mates,’ arriving home the following day at 12pm, looking tearful, but denying there was a problem. Jeep seats folded and car overloaded and off we set.
A good journey, quite quiet, stopped for lunch, my treat (always is) arrived at destination. Son goes to fetch the keys while I try to park, impossible, so everything off loaded onto the street, I re park and I’m made to stand guard while son goes in to inspect his new home.
‘I’m not staying here, take me home’
‘What...?’ and on closer inspection I see why,’ OK we can clean, I’ll help.’ ‘No, Mum it’s disgusting’
So my son who doesn’t need me anymore, ‘just dump my stuff and leave me I’ll be fine’ attitude has changed. I drag his boss over to the house, he’s saying to me its shared accommodation madam, it’s bound to be untidy. That was until I showed him the toilet that had been leaking for so long had caused the kitchen ceiling to give way and the waste water was dripping onto the units, the freezer where the door wouldn’t shut, the fridge that Kim and Aggie would have been delighted to have swabbed and the thick dust and grease that coated every surface in the house.
Apologies made, a cleaning crew will be sent in, in two days.
Not good enough, so instead of a new uniform with labels hand sewn, this required a trip to a supermarket for cleaning equipment so I could return home alone and leave my son to start his new life.
House cleaned, provisions bought, junk furniture removed from room (Son set his TV up while I was cleaning) and one last trip to the supermarket for son to buy a small tool box.
I left him in the car park. ‘I want you to go now mum’ and he got out the car and walked off. I sat and cried and it took me an hour to compose myself to drive. I managed 7 miles before I hit the services and sat and cried some more.
Little did we know that within 2 weeks we’d be asked to move to South Africa and be gone within 4 months, he came to visit us in March, I went to visit him in July and every time we both cry. We don’t do parting very well.
Amongst all of this talk there was a status update from my son on facebook, that read.
‘I left home a year ago today’
I’d forgotten.
But I do remember how that day a year ago felt; I’ve forgotten his first day at school. Did I cry? Was I worried? Did he have everything he needed? Would he miss me/be ok?
It’s all gone now, but is there is how I felt when he left home aged 18 to move 120 miles away, worried about whether he’d come home in a few weeks, would he come for visits, or would we be just forgotten about?
I’d helped my son leave home as I’d done with my step son 3 years earlier, prepared them for getting a job with prospects, supported them both through school, GCSEs, college applications etc, taken them for job applications after helping them with their CV’s.
But nothing actually prepares you or them for the moment they leave.
‘I don’t want a fuss mum, I’ll pack my own stuff, will be back in the morning, I’m off out to say bye to my mates,’ arriving home the following day at 12pm, looking tearful, but denying there was a problem. Jeep seats folded and car overloaded and off we set.
A good journey, quite quiet, stopped for lunch, my treat (always is) arrived at destination. Son goes to fetch the keys while I try to park, impossible, so everything off loaded onto the street, I re park and I’m made to stand guard while son goes in to inspect his new home.
‘I’m not staying here, take me home’
‘What...?’ and on closer inspection I see why,’ OK we can clean, I’ll help.’ ‘No, Mum it’s disgusting’
So my son who doesn’t need me anymore, ‘just dump my stuff and leave me I’ll be fine’ attitude has changed. I drag his boss over to the house, he’s saying to me its shared accommodation madam, it’s bound to be untidy. That was until I showed him the toilet that had been leaking for so long had caused the kitchen ceiling to give way and the waste water was dripping onto the units, the freezer where the door wouldn’t shut, the fridge that Kim and Aggie would have been delighted to have swabbed and the thick dust and grease that coated every surface in the house.
Apologies made, a cleaning crew will be sent in, in two days.
Not good enough, so instead of a new uniform with labels hand sewn, this required a trip to a supermarket for cleaning equipment so I could return home alone and leave my son to start his new life.
House cleaned, provisions bought, junk furniture removed from room (Son set his TV up while I was cleaning) and one last trip to the supermarket for son to buy a small tool box.
I left him in the car park. ‘I want you to go now mum’ and he got out the car and walked off. I sat and cried and it took me an hour to compose myself to drive. I managed 7 miles before I hit the services and sat and cried some more.
Little did we know that within 2 weeks we’d be asked to move to South Africa and be gone within 4 months, he came to visit us in March, I went to visit him in July and every time we both cry. We don’t do parting very well.
Saturday, 3 September 2011
How do you manage a broken friendship?
When a marriage or a sexual relationship comes to an end, we know why. Rarely does a divorce or a break down in a relationship pass quietly. We either get to vent, blame, accuse, explain, beg via text, a letter, face to face or in court. Although you may not want this to end, you may feel it can all be resolved, go back to the way it once was, at least you know why, how and when...even if it was all your own fault.
When a friendship comes to an end, that's alot harder to deal with and often it just stops, no explanation, no chance to discuss/yell/accuse...it just stops.
It's hard to deal with and sometimes, in most cases, you'll never know why or understand how such a valuable friendship, where you've shared EVERYTHING, can suddenly come to an end.
I'm sure I've been guilty of this myself, but had anyone ever written/called/texted I would have replied, I would have explained why...but no one ever has.
The first time I was dumped, I knew why...I wasn't having a relationship whilst still married (please note I am now married to the man I was having the relationship with and we were both seperated at the time)
She was godmother to my son who is now 19, we shared a flat, we worked together, I rescued her from some serious dodgy situations. I took her to barcelona to the 92 Olympics, I won a competition, she missed most of the games preferring to drink or sleep late, it annoyed me but we didn't stop being friends. She met a bloke, they had two kids, I was godmother to their son, she never married, she discovered God and after attending her son's 2nd Birthday party she informed me that she found it difficult to be friends with someone in my situation and that was that...didn't dwell on that too much, moved on quickly...Hypocrite
The second ending of a friendship occured at almost the same time, this was my friend and confident, when I started my new relationship, where I stayed when my marriage ended. She had an open door policy, never needed to book anything just turn up for coffee, cake, shopping, gossip and her the same with me, I started to notice that I would pop in and a mutual friend would be there and say 'where were you last night, we had a great party' and she'd remain silent...I stopped going round so much and one day when I turned up, having given her some space she asked me not to call in again and shut the door. The mutual friend asked her why? she wouldn't tell them. I asked mutual friend not to bother asking again and shortly afterwards, mutual friend informed me she'd been treated the same way, as had other friends...a breakdown? never found out, although all I do know is that I was in a new relationship, mutual friend with moving and another friend had a baby, maybe she felt left out, her life was going no where, I'll never know. 11 years later she applied to be my friend on facebook, I declined.
The third friendship that ended was last April after 12 years, she was single, married, divorced, 2 kids, moved home with her parents, I was married, divorced, single, married and moved...we saw alot of oneanother, if anything ever went wrong we dropped what we were doing to support the other. On reflection she dropped what she was doing and I went to her, whether it was my problem or hers. During these 12 years she dropped me regulary for another friend, her friendships were always intense but would come to the stage where she'd be on the phone asking me why this person had done this or that to her, or hadn't invited her to a wedding/christening etc, she made this other friends god parents, bridesmaids etc I was always of the belief that I was more like family to here, we had some good rows/disagreements especially over opposed parenting and kids behaviours, but we always remaind friends. I posted some pics of us, both drunk over the years and some family shots, xmas's spent together, holidays etc in a private folder on facebook...and that was that, she accussed me of being spiteful, putting her daughters life in danger as her father could see them. She wrote this in the maintimeline. I tried to call her, she refused to answer, I sent a text and a PM on fb saying it was a private folder only her and I could see that, she wrote some awful stuff to me, threatening to lose me my job in child protection. I explained again it was a private folder and no one else could see it, I deleted the folder sent her a text to say put your own house in order first, your teenage daughter has an open account with pictures of her sister and you've put your GPS location and mobile number on your profile and that was that.
i sent birthday cards last year, she ignored her god son (my youngest) ignored my eldests 18th, xmas etc. We emigrated I sent her a text, she wished me well, I wrote to say sorry if it had all casued her a confusion, she hasn't replied, her daughter and my son are still friends on facebook, I've not had a response from the letter I wrote to her parents to say hi, but her sister did reply.
I promise you this is the last one.
Visited friends to say we were moving to South Africa, 'how exciting, I grew up there' lots of stories etc. Sent an invite for our leaving do, recieved a text to say 'can't make that night, all the best x x x' no suggestion to make another date, no request for address, but I've written and sent cards for their birthdays etc.
It hurts, its unfair, they owe me an explanation, I can make ones up like, jealously, being left out, left behind...but I'll never know.
It takes time, it does offend, it does upset but I guess I can't prevent it from happening again. Friends 1, 2 & 4 have now been put to bed, but friend 3 does puzzle me still and sadly I'm looking forward to the day she does get in touch and I ignore her, childish I know...but revenge is sweet.
talking has helped me get it off my chest...do feel free to share.
When a friendship comes to an end, that's alot harder to deal with and often it just stops, no explanation, no chance to discuss/yell/accuse...it just stops.
It's hard to deal with and sometimes, in most cases, you'll never know why or understand how such a valuable friendship, where you've shared EVERYTHING, can suddenly come to an end.
I'm sure I've been guilty of this myself, but had anyone ever written/called/texted I would have replied, I would have explained why...but no one ever has.
The first time I was dumped, I knew why...I wasn't having a relationship whilst still married (please note I am now married to the man I was having the relationship with and we were both seperated at the time)
She was godmother to my son who is now 19, we shared a flat, we worked together, I rescued her from some serious dodgy situations. I took her to barcelona to the 92 Olympics, I won a competition, she missed most of the games preferring to drink or sleep late, it annoyed me but we didn't stop being friends. She met a bloke, they had two kids, I was godmother to their son, she never married, she discovered God and after attending her son's 2nd Birthday party she informed me that she found it difficult to be friends with someone in my situation and that was that...didn't dwell on that too much, moved on quickly...Hypocrite
The second ending of a friendship occured at almost the same time, this was my friend and confident, when I started my new relationship, where I stayed when my marriage ended. She had an open door policy, never needed to book anything just turn up for coffee, cake, shopping, gossip and her the same with me, I started to notice that I would pop in and a mutual friend would be there and say 'where were you last night, we had a great party' and she'd remain silent...I stopped going round so much and one day when I turned up, having given her some space she asked me not to call in again and shut the door. The mutual friend asked her why? she wouldn't tell them. I asked mutual friend not to bother asking again and shortly afterwards, mutual friend informed me she'd been treated the same way, as had other friends...a breakdown? never found out, although all I do know is that I was in a new relationship, mutual friend with moving and another friend had a baby, maybe she felt left out, her life was going no where, I'll never know. 11 years later she applied to be my friend on facebook, I declined.
The third friendship that ended was last April after 12 years, she was single, married, divorced, 2 kids, moved home with her parents, I was married, divorced, single, married and moved...we saw alot of oneanother, if anything ever went wrong we dropped what we were doing to support the other. On reflection she dropped what she was doing and I went to her, whether it was my problem or hers. During these 12 years she dropped me regulary for another friend, her friendships were always intense but would come to the stage where she'd be on the phone asking me why this person had done this or that to her, or hadn't invited her to a wedding/christening etc, she made this other friends god parents, bridesmaids etc I was always of the belief that I was more like family to here, we had some good rows/disagreements especially over opposed parenting and kids behaviours, but we always remaind friends. I posted some pics of us, both drunk over the years and some family shots, xmas's spent together, holidays etc in a private folder on facebook...and that was that, she accussed me of being spiteful, putting her daughters life in danger as her father could see them. She wrote this in the maintimeline. I tried to call her, she refused to answer, I sent a text and a PM on fb saying it was a private folder only her and I could see that, she wrote some awful stuff to me, threatening to lose me my job in child protection. I explained again it was a private folder and no one else could see it, I deleted the folder sent her a text to say put your own house in order first, your teenage daughter has an open account with pictures of her sister and you've put your GPS location and mobile number on your profile and that was that.
i sent birthday cards last year, she ignored her god son (my youngest) ignored my eldests 18th, xmas etc. We emigrated I sent her a text, she wished me well, I wrote to say sorry if it had all casued her a confusion, she hasn't replied, her daughter and my son are still friends on facebook, I've not had a response from the letter I wrote to her parents to say hi, but her sister did reply.
I promise you this is the last one.
Visited friends to say we were moving to South Africa, 'how exciting, I grew up there' lots of stories etc. Sent an invite for our leaving do, recieved a text to say 'can't make that night, all the best x x x' no suggestion to make another date, no request for address, but I've written and sent cards for their birthdays etc.
It hurts, its unfair, they owe me an explanation, I can make ones up like, jealously, being left out, left behind...but I'll never know.
It takes time, it does offend, it does upset but I guess I can't prevent it from happening again. Friends 1, 2 & 4 have now been put to bed, but friend 3 does puzzle me still and sadly I'm looking forward to the day she does get in touch and I ignore her, childish I know...but revenge is sweet.
talking has helped me get it off my chest...do feel free to share.
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