the power of a tweet

'Dear @picknpay why are you no longer selling Hellmans mayonnaise? Tis a sad day for us #expats'

What followed was a series of tweets from others with suggestions of where I could purchase Hellmans Mayonnaise and even a tweeter contacting her local store to ask if they had any in.

And then this morning the phone rang.

It was head office in Cape Town to explain that the Hellmans Mayonnaise had not been available to order in since March due to an issue with labelling. Hellmans is imported into South Africa, lots of other global brands are manufactured under licence here. Coca Cola, Lays (aka Walkers in the UK) and due to it being a global brand it needs to comply with the food regulation agency and therefore needs to be labelled 'contains egg' and 'produced in a factory that handels nuts'

Now all very well and good, but......I need my Hellmans Mayonnaise, so I added it to Hubbies shopping list for next month.

Then this pm I get a call from the manager at the local branch who has gone above and beyond in her mission to fulfill my needs, including calling local branches to see if they have any left in stock, sent out staff to rival stores to see if she could obtain any for me and then said she'll check out her local shops during the week and rest assured she will call me as soon as it comes back into stock.

So I feel a little foolish now, all that effort for me? one lowly customer, but it's the difference between writing a blog post and tweeting how fab @picknpay are and shopping elsewhere.

In the past when I've tweeted them about raw meat, poor hygiene or lack of education on storing products, they have always responded in this manner, with an explanation and what they are going to do to rectify the issue.

This is not service I've ever had from a UK supermarket.

It has to get worse before it can get better

I should have waited till the end of the week before writing about the help I'm getting to treat my depression, because I just can't believe that the day just got worse and landed me up in the doctors surgery on a drip treating the worse migraine ever.

If you want/need to catch up then you can click here to see why I went to the Doctors for help this week.

OK I'M NOT DYING...In fact I do not even have anything officially wrong with me medically, but I'm ill and it's been getting worse.

You see I have a few 'little' things wrong with me. Which on their own are painful and can be an inconvience, but when you put them all together at the same time and chuck in the whole 'I'm struggling to be an expat, adjust to my new life, moved house (again) Dad had a heart attack, youngest has dyslexia and dysgraphia, giving up smoking and didn't get a role at the London Olympics that I'd set my heart on' you'll see why I'm having a tough time and why I've asked for help to treat depression and take Prozac.

So what is wrong with me?

I need oral surgery to stop my teeth falling out and it's linked with diabeties and the perodontist hasn't seen a case this bad, ever, in anyone under 65. My bones are degenerating.

I have chilblains due to poor circulation aka Smoking

I've suffered with migraines since I was a small child

I had viral menegitis in 2000 which rears it's ugly head from time to time

I've had pneumonia on more than one occassion, in the last 5 years

I was a victim of assualt, 15 years ago, and suffered nerve damage to my neck for which I require regular pain killers and hospital treatment

There is a history of high cholestorol and diabeties in the family of which I now have elevated levels and I will be diabetic one day

...and all raising it's ugly head at the same time.

So I left the doctors on Monday with medication for pain, chilblains and Prozac. I had appointments lined up for blood tests, clinical psychologist, pain clinic, diabetic clinic, I forget what else and i go home to a very confused and worried hubby, but I actually felt a bit better, until tuesday morning after the blood tests when a pain in my head appeared from nowhere. It felt like someone was hitting me over and over with a hammer and I couldn't do a thing to stop it, meds, resting, darkened room and after what seemed like forever, hubby got home and took me to the doctors where they hooked me up onto a drip for an hour to administer medication. I could hardly move my head on wednesday and today thursday my neck is so stiff I have to move my entire body to look round. My head feels heavy, yet it's still thumping and it feels like someone is pushing on the back of my neck all the time.

But I have appointments, I'm getting something done about it all, but let me tell you it's not easy, I'm feeling more stress now than I did on Monday when I turned up at the doctors asking for help.

Our medical scheme, Discovery, have a payment gap thingy that I have to submit bills to, to reduce the gap then the med aid kicks back in. It's probably a bit more technical than that but.... and I have to request permission in advance of certain treatments or they'll not pay out or only pay a small amount if the health care provider doesn't charge the Discovery rates. So basically I don't know if all my treatment will be covered until I contact the health care provider and request codes to see if a) Discovery will pay for it and b) if Discovery will pay the full rate.

I now have to find a perodontist who fits the above criteria as the one I was recommended to see by a Dentist who does meet the criteria, will charge me R30,000 and Discovery will only pay back around R10,000.

I've lost count of the number of times I've emailed, telephoned and visited in person at Discovery to say 'I haven't moved from one scheme to another, I've moved from the UK and no scheme, it was free'. I'm also fed up of saying 'I don't know what to do or how to do it, therefore I do not know what questions I need to ask and it keeps costing me money because I didn't know if I said a, b or c, it would've been covered'

So back now to the depression. I'm so angry with hubbies company that the Medical wasn't set up when we arrived, despite requesting it over and over, telling both the company and Discovery 'we don't know how it works, please help us' and being greated with 'here are all the lovely bonus things you can get from us' and 'an advisor will be in the office on wednesday' who then failed to turn up on two occassions.

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. My family and friends* are being amazing. It will get better, it'll be different. I can't let go of the crap of the move and lack of support from hubbies company till they say sorry, despite them asking what they can do and us saying 'try saying sorry' There are still a few contractual issues to sort out and they won't rock the boat with the agency that handled and cocked up our house move as they are processing our visa renewals at the moment.

So I guess I need a bit more time before I will start to see the benefits of asking for help, the appointments and waiting for the prozac to kick in...in the meantime I'll leave you with my next trick which is...

things can't get anyworse or more stressful so I thought today would be the best day to smoke my last cigarette.

*twitter

What else will the day throw at me?

What started off as a trip to the Perodontist for what I thought was a scale and polish (the referal form was written in Afrikaans) has ended up with an appointment for Oral Surgery for bone degeneration, a test in the morning for diabeties, which if I don't have now I will have eventually, a referal to the pain clinic and a clinical psychologist, pain meds and anti inflammatories for the chilblains and Prozac.

I left home at 9am and returned with pizza for the kids lunch at 1pm. What a morning.

Being an expat isn't all sunshine and pools although, yes we do have all that. Yes I'm lucky that I don't have to work anymore, the kids benefit from me being at home every day after school and through the holidays and hubby comes home to a clean and tidy house every evening and a home cooked meal.

There are parts of it I do enjoy such as the cooking, I've impressed myself with some of the things I can just 'throw together' and with the introduction of a slow cooker from a friend for my birthday it's all systems go. I don't actually mind the cleaning, it's a tiled house and so easy to do, we also have little furniture and what ornaments we have are in a glass cabinet so it's not really a difficult job. But I do miss work, meeting people, deadlines, sociallising and I find life sometimes very lonely, repetitive and boring.

At this point you're probably thinking 'that sounds like my life' but what you have to remember is that my old life of work, study, volunteering, sociallising stopped over night when we emigrated. And here's where the Prozac comes in. Moving house is stressful, everyone knows that, chuck in my fathers heart attack, renewing our visas, discovering our youngest wasn't being supported in school with his dyslexia and then a diagnosis of disgraphia and it all got a bit too much for me. Forget all the crap with the UK banks and the lack of (non exsistant) support from hubbies company. I'm, how shall I say it? at the end of my rope.

Now don't panic I'm a practical person and I may wallow in self pity with a 'woe is me' attitude but I'm a doer, one of lifes 'the more stress I have the better I thrive' get on with it type of person. But there comes a time when I need help and today is that day.

I left the dentists and went straight to the Doctors to request to speak with the Practice Manager, I wanted to know how I went about the diabeties test? who did I see about feeling depressed? stopping smoking? do I google a psychologist or need a Dr's referal? Do I see the practice nurse for a blood test? How do I get to see a pain specilaist? I got as far as her saying 'come through' before the tears started. She listened, made an emergency appointment for me to see the Doctor and now I feel alot better.

However over the next few months I have a list of appointments with a variety of people. We are in our medical aid payment gap so I drove to Discovery to find out what's happening, what's covered and what's not. I couldn't have asked for better information and assistance.

I'm over whelmed right now, I thought calling home would help, but it just reminded me how ill my dad is with diabeties, heart disease from smoking, lack of exercise and poor diet. However his reply was positive he said 'I'm 72 when all this happened to me and all I can do is maintain it, you're 41 and can prevent it all from happening'

I'd already planned to stop smoking this thursday, I set the date last month and I'm 82% of the way through Allen Carr's 'stop smoking' on my kindle app. I've schedule to return to swimming tues, wed and thurs am, having used the cold winter mornings as an excuse. I also downloaded 'thinking slimmer' a few months ago and then slapped myself for wasting £30 on hype and never listened to it, however on Saturday I thought what the heck and this morning I actually put the chocolate and the coke back in the cupboard as I was going to eat it to cheer myself up when I realised that I'd be better off with a late breakfast of Special K. I'll not use it to think myself slimmer but to think myself healthy and I've set my goals as just that and besides 2 jeans sizes smaller won't hurt me.

Blogging and sharing and tweeting is wonderful therapy for me. As soon as I put something out there, there is no hiding from it any more, denying it's happening. there's been too much of that despite me being an 'open' person. Always putting a positive spin on things, using humour hasn't actually helped, it just delayed this moment, put off asking for assistance, not wanting people to think I was a failure.

Because I'm NOT a failure, I'm a success. I've done it, I've emigrated, I've integrated, I've achieved far more than I ever thought I was capable of and now I'm there, now I've reached that point, it's time to say 'I need some help in understanding it all, medication to get me through while I unjumble and off load my mind'

I'm depressed, I asked for help, I'm taking the meds, I'm proud of how far I've come and look forward to the next set of challenges, but this time I know I NEED to ask for help along the way and not lie and say I'm fine.

The real cost of volunteering

I'm not glad or relieved, but grateful the matter was taken out of my hands.

I didn't get a volunteers role at the London Olympics.

I had pinned alot on going back to the UK to give my time freely as a volunteer, after all it's a once in a lifetime experience, OK, so I won a competition to go to Barcelona Olympics in 1992, so I guess I'd used my quota of good, but still.

When I registered as a volunteer I had no idea I would be moving to South Africa by the end of the year, but we put some major life changing plans on hold and some serious money aside for me to have this chance.

I've always volunteered, at primary schools, football clubs, cubs, sea cadets for fundraising, school fetes, donated items and with that I've also given not only my time freely but my money.

It's not free as a volunteer, costs involved range from phone calls, stamps, fuel to printing. You may choose to donate unwanted items or exchange birthday gifts as donations for fetes and raffles, but, as I've discovered recently it all mounts up.

When do you stop putting the odd extra item in your supermarket trolley for the Santa Shoebox, donating winter clothing and blankets to organisations/individuals and buying things you can't really afford to help make people's lives better?

There are 2 organisations I've been involved with since I arrived in South Africa. The Santa Shoebox appeal and KWO I give my time freely, I give the facilities I have available such as my printer, sewing machine etc, but then I give my printing ink, cost of materials etc and I've reached a stage where this week I've been working almost full time for them raising awareness, fundraising (still waiting to hear back) and purchasing items needed to enable me to do this. I can't work here in South Africa and I need to build by CV ready for our eventual return to the UK, but more than that I need to feel valued and to give something back. But I can't work full time for no pay and then spend money that I don't earn trying to do just that little bit more to help out. I'll burn out, I'll run out of resourses and I could end up feeling resentful.

So all in all it's not such a bad thing that I missed out on the Olympics, this country needs volunteers more than alot of others. So in hindsight the money I would've spent flying back to the UK to be a part of something huge, has been better spent here, actually changing the lives of others. And I know that come the celebration days with @santashoebox when we hand out the gifts we've collected and see the smiles on the children's facces, that this is where I belong, not with large cooperates, making money off the Olympics. But from now on the extra time I spent shopping for items I can't really afford will be spent tackling those organisations that can and ask them to share some of their profits back among those in genuine need.

If you can help in anyway please leave a comment on my blog or tweet me @chickenruby or at the very least click on the two organisations addresses to find out more about what they do and help to raise awareness @santashoebox @kwo_org

When do we stop being expats?

I guess the answer to that is when we move back to the UK. But why are we called expats?

We've been in South Africa now 19 months, the kids are in school, hubby has been with the company for nearly 27 years and is paid in local currency.

We have friends, belong to clubs, give strangers directions when stopped and asked. Holiday within South Africa. Know where to shop, eat out, the places to go, the safest routes to travel and we understand how things work here, but we are still expats.

I suppose it's similar to moving within your home country, unless you were born in that town you're never made to feel like a local. But we don't feel like outcasts here, don't feel as if we don't belong. There are still language barriers to overcome, but then we did live in the Forest of Dean and never really got to grips with the local dialect there.

In the UK when asked 'where are you from?' I'd reply 'born in Wales, lived all over England (Leicester, Yorkshire, Herefordshire, Gloucestershire, Nottingham, Worcestershire) and now live in Malvern'

When people here ask 'where are you from?' they mean 'where were you born?' when they ask 'where do you stay?' they mean where you physically live now.
I always reply 'I live in Centurion, orginally from the UK' I don't bother saying Wales as 1. not that many people here know where I mean and 2. I no longer have the accent, it just confuses things.

South Africa is home now. At least until the end of this year, fingers crossed we hear soon about the renewal of our visas till January 2016 and then we'll have to apply for residency. But who knows? we may move again by then, but for today and tomorrow this is home and that's why I don't feel like an expat....I consider myself a local.

How do you move on when there are issues still to be resolved?

Last week I was told it was time for me to move on.
Who told me this and why?
HR at hubbies company.
Apparently I've been here 18 months and I need to let things drop and move on and that I should be used to things here by now and why don't I just google like everyone else does when they need things doing?

Well that's what I have been doing since the very day we arrived in South Africa. So why am I still complaining?

Many of you will know that from my blogs and tweets that despite promising to do stuff, hubbies company have failed and let us down big time. Yes, I've got on with things at either considerable expense, time or emotionally and we have moved 3 times in the past 18 months and received no help whatsoever with anything.

OK again, big deal you say, but the difference is there is a contract stating what help they will provide, it was agreed as part of the relocation package and sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but I thought a signed contract was legally binding.

So why have we moved 3 times?
We started off in tempory accomodation, it was ideal, a 6 week lease and the promise of assistance to find a more permenant property. So trusting we would get the help, I got on with trying to open bank accounts, get a SIM card, buy a car, settle the kids into school, but all was impossible as I only had a visitor visa and no proof of residency as the apartment was in the company name and trust me I really had to scream and shout to get anything done.

Two weeks prior to us needing to leave the apartment there had been no sign of finding other accomodation. The owner arrived with the new tenants to show them around and the company hadn't requested to extend the lease or find us anywhere else to live. By this time after failing to get a mobile phone on contract I had obatained a PAYG SIM card after asking a stranger to buy and register the card for me and used a very old UK phone which had poor battery life and no internet connection.
I thought I'd visit the estate agents in the mall to discover that's not how things work here. I needed to find the agents name from one of their bill boards and call them. Emmmm bill boards inside security estates and without an invitation, no entry.
So I got in the car and drove to hubbies office, saw HR and said 'we have 2 weeks to find somewhere to live, I need to view some properties'. She dug deep in her bag and produced a battered leaflet, circled a name and walked off, using the office phone I called a few and was told that nothing was available with such short notice. Then I found an agent who showed me a couple, another agent failed to turn up at one address. Then I found a property available on the date we needed it, the rent was higher than the allowance but we had to move and and that point I was still being misled about obtaining a work visa, so thought we'd be out of pocket for a while but that it would be ok when I found a job.

So add to this we'd had no medical aid when we arrived, it was in the contract, we'd requested it and were out of pocket by 1000's of pounds after eldest child was rushed to hospital on day 8, neither had anyone thought of giving us any info on how and where to find doctors, dentists or even where the nearest hospital was. Our car loan has to re paid within 2 years, visa regulations and the borrowing costs were 14%, this was where the HSBC had let us down with misinformation.

So moving forward to December 2011, we had to move, we simply couldn't afford it, so after all the hassle we'd had the company employed an agency to assist with a new move as they wouldn't up the rental allowance to cover our costs.

What a waste of time that was. We were shown 2 properties end of January 2012 and nothing else.

So last week I find myself back in the office, with the new HR, listening to excuses as to how she wasn't in post back then and what did I want? Bear in mind I was only there having sucessfully found new tenants for our old property, found a new house to rent, contacted and supervised removal firms and cleaners, negoiated the contract with the owner, transferred all the utilities. All at the same time as sorting out issues with youngest child afer discovering the company hadn't forwarded all the SEN info we'd provided them with, paid a fortune to have him reassesed. Arranged a reader and a scribe for his exams, at our expense after discovering the company had emailed the school to inform them we were only in the country for 2 years, so they'd not really bothered with him being Dyslexic and having dysgraphia.
And then to top it all off, the agency had invoiced the company for all the work I'd done, claiming it as their own, in regards to the move, some several thousand pounds. Dealt with an emergency trip back to the UK after my father had a heart attack and renewed our visa application.

So what was my point? What did I want?

An apology, an reply to my emails when I said I didn't know what to do and where to do it.

Whay did I get?

I got told it was time for me to move on and if I wanted an apology she could request one.

Are you needing to recover your groove?

Feeling abit like life is standing still? Pop over to @kateonthinice and her blog to see how you can motivate yourself.

And without further ado here are this month's thoughts for you? I hope one or more of them inspire you and that if they do, you post about your steps towards changing your life in ways large or small and link up.

Back to basics this time I think.

1. Are you proud of the way you look? If you are feeling a little frumpy, what tiny steps can you take to change that?
It's winter here in South Africa so plenty of layers of clothing which adds to the frumpiness of it all, so painted nails, hair done and extra make up applied to add some colour.

2. What skills do you have that are going to waste? What can you do to change that?
Still trying to find away to use my skills, the volunteer work is taking off now. I didn't realise how easy sewing was and I've loved making curtains and repairing clothing.

3. Do you believe in fate or do you think you are in charge of your own destiny? How might you experiment to test your theory?Fate does play a role in our lives, but we shouldn't confuse it with luck. We choose the path we take. For example we didn't have to say yes to a life in South Africa, but I believe fate led us here after years of hard work.


4. How do you feel about helping a good cause? Have you seen the BritMums new service for linking bloggers up to charities? Will you get involved?
I'm currently involved with www.thebabyhouse.co.za and www.kwo.org.za both fantastic charities. The Baby House takes in abused and abondonded babies and KWO runs several projects of education, fund raising and support for adults with learning and physical difficulties

5. Summer Holidays - how can you make them better this year?
Well it's winter here until from June to August, so planning a few camping trips north for September before the Summer kicks in and it's too hot to move far from the air con.

6. The Big Question - what can you live without? These questions are always a little random but see how it strikes you.
Well I'm managing to live with limited internet and slow speed, just about coping without a job and my studies. I could live without Chocolate, wine and cigarettes, but It's never struck me as something I need to go without.

Don't forget you can contact Kate via email for further information, visit her website and link up your post on steps to change.

Opening Ceremony Explained? I may be British but I still don't know

As a British Expat in South Africa is it my job to explain the Olympic Opening Ceremony and defend the homeland? Or do I just tell everyone who asks that actually I thought it was pants and no I haven’t a clue what was going on?
I have a short attention span and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time, same reason I rarely go to the movies.

Yes, I was upset I didn’t get the role of a Games Maker at the London 2012 games and I didn’t really want to watch the ceremony for that reason. But I do love the Olympics and will watch the athletes with enthusiasm and cheer on both Team GB and South Africa. I did the same at Barcelona in 1992, when GB weren’t competing it was SA all the way. The atmosphere in the stadium back then was electric and since that day the Olympics has never been able to top those games in my opinion.

I had a ticket for the technical rehearsals for the London games, which due to my current location, I gave to my son back in the UK to use. He said it was fantastic, amazing and refused to tell me what was going on as he knew I’d not watch it.
So hubby and youngest sat down last night at 10pm our time and I joined them and after half an hour I was bored. I didn’t ‘see’ where it was going, the twitter feed was more interesting, so off I went for a bath and fell asleep on the bed.
I went down stairs to wake up hubby and send youngest to bed and I rejoined the ceremony at the point where the teams came into the stadium.

Now that bit I like and I was looking forward to the lighting of the torch. My money was on Redgrave and I hoped for a simple lighting of the flame. I couldn’t have been more impressed if I’d tried.

I love the fact that DSTV had very little commentary and I could hear all the stadium announcements in real time, so really got a feel of what it must’ve been like to have been there.

But there are some things that puzzled me, make me cringe and this morning at the Golf Club I was the British representative for Danny Boyle, The Queen and fellow Brits.

I think the bit where The Queen welcomed James Bond to the Palace will become the greatest TV viewing moment ever, but really Mr Boyle, you should have left it there.

‘No I don’t find Mr Bean even slightly amusing; it is not representative of British humour’ Thanks BBC Entertainment for broadcasting to your expat audience that, ‘allo ‘allo, Keeping up Appearances and 8 year old episodes of Who wants to be a millionaire? giving the impression that we all love it.

Maypoles? I’ve not danced round one since I was in primary school and then I got kicked out the group because one of the boys kept curtseying at the end instead of bowing so my career as a pole dancer was short lived. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Maypole since that day in 1979.

Paul McCartney? ...

Arctic Monkeys? Someone forgot to do a sound check.
And what was with the house? The teenagers and mobile phones? Youth of today, well at least they weren’t looting.

I was a little concerned that Danny Boyle was in charge of it all and thought it would be a bit ‘dark’, but I think he did a good job especially with all that money he had to spend. I tired of the Andy Carroll reference on twitter, it didn’t even relate in the slightest to what was going on. The endless tweets about it being a party political broadcast on behalf of the Labour Party paid for by Cameron and Clegg. BTW where was Clegg? Have you all been asleep for the past 15 Blair years?

And I certainly don’t think the Boyle should be knighted for his part in all this in the same way none of the organisers should be. They will all make a fortune on the back of this for many years to come. Those titles should go to the Games Makers.
And today the Olympics start, well they began on Wednesday with the football. I’ve sorted out my TV viewing guide to watch the athletes and to ensure I don’t miss all my favourite events.

It’s a shame the opening and closing ceremonies have become such an important part of the games and I’ll probably watching the closing titles the same way I viewed the opening ones. In between I shall sit back and watch and enjoy all the medals, the triumphs and the tears. Now the hype is over I can move from my disappointment of not being a Games Maker (cross my fingers I may still get asked to do the Paralympics) and really enjoy the Olympics.

I hope you enjoy them too.

Oh and please don’t question me when they play the wrong anthem or run the wrong flag up the pole...I really can’t answer.

They gave me an answer

On Monday I asked 'Why won't they give me an answer?',

And today I got my answer.

In fact I got 3 answers. 1 reply to an email dated 5th July, another one I sent on the 20th July and a response to a telephone query. Please note that all 3 answers read the same word for word and did not actually address the questions I raised, other than...'do I have a role or not?'

So I have my answer and it's NO, well actually it's not a NO, it's a ......

'We emailed you in May to tell you that we were entering the final stages of our Games Maker recruitment programme. We are now getting back in touch as promised, to update you on the situation.

We’re continuing to work through the final stages of our main recruitment programme, allocating applicants to roles in over 70 different teams within London 2012 as they become available.

At the moment we unfortunately do not have a vacant role that we are able to offer you.

However this does not mean your application has been unsuccessful. The process of filling roles is continuing, and we will carry on making offers from now until the Games as needed. In particular, we still have a number of Paralympic roles that we will be offering over the coming weeks.

So we may call on you to join the Games Maker team at short notice and quickly get to grips with a role. If we do contact you about being a Games Maker, we will of course make sure that you get the necessary training, information and uniform to carry out your role.

However we do understand that you may prefer to leave yourself free to do other things during the Games, and no longer want to be considered for a role. If so, all you need to do is to log in to the Games Maker zone and click ‘withdraw’ under My Application.'

Yes they emailed me the 4th of May, 4 days after they said they would. By that time I had given up on a role at the Olympics, when I applied I was living in the UK, and as the Olympics got nearer I was starting to wonder about the cost of it all, flights, accomodation etc and especially after my Dad's heart attack and additional flight home, finances were getting a bit tight.

Here is an extract from the email sent on the 4th May.

'What this means for you is that you are one of around 20,000 applicants who we know have the skill, determination and passion to be a Games Maker – and we hope to offer you a role in our final round of offers. However we cannot make this offer until a space becomes available due to more roles being required or another applicant rejecting their offer. If you do get an offer, you will receive all the necessary training and uniform in time for your shifts.

We know that this will mean a few more weeks of uncertainty for you as you wait for your offer. We are very hopeful that by the end of June we will have been able to offer you a role, and if not we will be in touch by then to let you know about further options to be involved in London 2012.'

Well they didn't get back to me by the end of June, in fact they only got back to me 32 hours before the Opening Ceremony and that was after I'd kicked up one almighty stink.

Why wont London 2012 just give me an answer

Over a month since I wrote this post, 2 weeks after the Olympics ended and 2 days after the paralympics begin and my application as a games maker is still 'under review' how hard is it to send out an email to say 'thanks'



I don’t expect to be given a role as a games maker at this stage in the day, but I do expect some communication from London 2012. If I am offered a role it will cost me the best part of £3000 in flights, accommodation, travel and living expenses.
I volunteered as a Games maker for the London Olympics 2 years ago. Since then I’ve been told I have an interview, moved to South Africa, had a telephone interview. Not been notified by April 30th as promised, instead sent an email on May 4th to say, please be patient ‘we’ll let you know by June 30th’.
During that time my application for the main games was withdrawn, it took until July 5th to have it reinstated. The same day I received another email to say ‘thanks for your patience we will be in touch’
Since then I’ve emailed to which I’ve only received an automated response and telephoned to ask for further info and to explain I’m based in South Africa, I need to book flights, accommodation all, if still available, at considerable cost to myself.
I’m not expecting a role, I’d just like to know what my situation is. On Friday 20th July, I was informed I’m one of about 100 people still waiting to be allocated a role and may get an offer of the Paralympics. Today 23rd July I’m told that the area I’ve been assigned to has been notified of my keenness and the unanswered emails have been addressed with the relevant department. I am now on my 3rd Case ID number since July 2nd.
The games maker zone has not been updated, I check regularly, that’s how I found out my application had been deleted. There is no contact.
I have now missed out on the opportunity to purchase tickets for the London 2012 Olympics as I could not afford to fly to the UK for the games and then either stay for 6 weeks if I got offered a role at the Paralympics or pay for a return flight should I be notified late in the day. My adult son in the UK is attending the technical rehearsal tonight with a ticket I was given as a sweetner.
I’m not expecting a role; I am concerned that I may have missed out on a role while my application showed as withdrawn. My husband has cancelled an important meeting in Europe due to the uncertainty of a role at the Olympics as we have no child care or family in South Africa and cannot afford to pay for the children to return to the UK at the same time.
I’ve had 600+ hits on this blog since 5th July. 163 hits on this blog since 20th July. Yet I get no response from London 2012. Can you help?

There are very few places in South Africa where you can just go and have a walk. We found Art on Main and Zoo Lake, plus there's Groenkloof where you walk round a nature reserve complete with giraffes and zebras. I've also been for a coffee in Pretoria. I've just started venturing out on foot from the security estate to the local Spar shop and a lovely cafe, Birdies and of course you can walk freely around the endless Malls and Botanical gardens.

But what you can't do and I do miss is just leaving my front door and going for a walk, parking near a town and walking around the shops only worrying about the time left on your parking ticket.

Today I had to take my car for a service and also needed to pay a few bills. I was offered a lift home by the garage but I doubt they'd have run me around doing my errands, so after checking it was a safe area, I set off on foot, covering 2 miles of pavements, paid my water and electric bill, visited the post office, paid Telkom, had a coffee and some toast and did a bit of shopping.

I could have been anywhere, similar to the UK and America, typical streets, tree lined, flats, houses, business. The only noticable difference was the security and electric gates and fences and these....

Why memes?

After such a fantastic offer from @tattooed_mummy 'ChickenRuby who is my grumpy soulmate' how could I refuse to take part in this meme from Mummy Central but I haven't clue who she is so therefore I can't link back. So I'm going to link you back to @tattooed_mummy blog (she needs the exposure)




So here it is the Why meme; the rules are as follows:


1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like
2. Link up your post at Mummy Central, and leave a comment here too
3. Tag 5 bloggers to keep this going
4. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. Id love to read them
5. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them


I'm tagging no one but if you want to take part, first find out who Mummy Central is and let me know so I can link and it would be really great if you could answer my whys?

And without further ado, here are my Whys:

Why are they called Robots?
Why are the robots never working?
Why do I get migraines?
Why is it difficult to get anything done here on a visitors visa?
Why am I on a visitors visa?
Why tweet?
Why am I unable to get on with the important things?
Why do I get so easily distracted with Memes when I have important things to do?
Why have I run out of thing to wonder about?

Why am I called ChickenRuby?

Bye

Get your arse into gear

This is the email I sent to London 2012 this morning. Click here and here for other blog posts relating to this shambles.

I'm very disappointed that you have not replied to my email below since sending out an auto response on the 5th July.

I do appreciate you are busy what with the Olympic Games approaching in less than a week. But I too am also busy with a family, volunteer work and living 6000 miles away in South Africa.

I need to book a flight, arrange child care, find somewhere to stay, all at considerable expense to myself (as it is to all the other games makers) to enable me to volunteer my time of around 10 hours a day for 2 weeks plus travel time.

I hope you appreciate that despite feeling 3rd place having not already been selected as a Games maker, I'm still here, pathetically hanging on to any shred of hope that after 2 years of waiting you might want or need my services.

All I ask is that with only 1 week to go after 10 years of planning, is that you should be in a position to know by now if you have enough games makers and at the very least have the decency to make regular contact with those of us, just hanging around, putting our lives on hold on a whim that someone at London 2012 might actually think 'oh yeah, we need to let those poor people know and thank them for their dedication'

Please do not send an automated reply. I think it's probably about time a human got in touch.

I look forward to waiting for your response, but I am not hopeful.

Regards

Suzanne

"Your Summer so far in your expat country"

A blog hop by Tales from Windmill Fields

Well I hit a hurdle and wasn't sure how I could join in as it's winter down here in the South Hemisphere.

However I was in the UK in June

The view from my bedroom window at my parents house in South Wales


The view from my favourite coffee shop in South Africa...one week later

20 years on from Barcelona #olympics

20 years ago I was packing to go to the Olympics in Barcelona




20 years on I'm disappointed

#67minutes #mandela

July 18th is the 94th Birthday of Nelson Mandela. To celebrate his birthday people are asked to donate 67 minutes of their time to help out and volunteer to worthy causes.

This is where I spent my 67 minutes (well 255 minutes and then several more hours at home) cutting magazines to make bunting for the Nickel Xmas Market


I shall be returning next week, complete with sewing machine to make more bunting.
So how does this help this organisation? Kungwini Welfare Organisation KWO is an organisation overseeing and raising funds for many projects in the community. The Nickel Xmas Market supports people with disabilities and job creation for unemployed women and youth.

The Paul Jungnickel Home is KWO's largest and oldest project and a project close to my heart as my (step) daughter is in care in the UK, the funding she receives per year is around the same amount that this facility gets for ALL their 140 residents.

I also need to mention the 67 cupckes I made for The Baby House check out their facebook page.


It's never too late to donate 67 minutes of your time. Either contact the organisation direct or tweet me if you want to know more about what you can do.

What is it with cats and cupboards?

We had cats, dogs and caged pets growing up as kids and other than playing, walking or cleaning and feeding, I never really paid much attention to them.
As an adult I’ve had birds, hamsters and fish when the children were small, but despite their requests for a dog and/or a cat we’ve never had a pet that lives outside a bowl or a small cage. What about holidays? Days out? Work? Etc
A couple of years ago I discovered the joys of keeping a chicken as a pet, we hatched a few from eggs, had homes lined up for them as they got too big for the garden and always kept just the one. Ruby. She had character, came into the house, she wasn’t trained, would peck at the door for food and follow us around the garden for attention, liking to perch on the end of the chair when we sat Down for a cuppa in the garden. We had enough troubles with our visa, let alone getting Ruby through quarantine so we re housed her.

In March we were adopted by a cat, she started hanging around the house, coming in, accepting tit bits of food, until it became clear she wasn’t going to leave. We advertised her as ‘found’ and after 4 weeks we bought her a collar, food bowl and a little bed. When we moved after 2 months we were worried she wouldn’t come with us, she had become part of our daily lives, but she stayed and her personality has started to show through.
She comes running when you shake her treat box to bring her in at night; she is prompt with her requests for feeding at 7am, 2pm and 6pm. She sits by our feet when we are cooking in the kitchen, swiping us round the leg with her paw to remind us she is there in exchange for some titbits
If I don’t stick to her timetable for feeding she follows me around the house, nudging me towards the kitchen, standing in doorways to stop me going in a room, wrapping her front paws round my leg to stop me in my tracks, she pleads and how can I refuse?




If a cupboard is open she is in it, if I attempt to work at my desk she sits on the keyboard of my laptop, if I sit down to watch the TV, she places herself in front of it. The rest of the time she sleeps and she never, ever walks into a room, she morphs.

Learning to drive in South Africa

First things first, call your insurance company to find out what the costs are...shock, horror, no additional charge to learn to drive an excess increase of R300. In the UK the additional cost of insurance and the increase in the excess meant the older two boys were banned from learning to drive in my car.
So after you obtain your TRN as you’re a foreigner, you apply for your learners licence on the day of or after your 17th birthday, set the theory test date, between 6-12 weeks away, revise, sit the test, buy L plates and Mum says goodbye to her freedom as 17yo son will now offer to go everywhere with you, just so they can drive.
So you take your son out and let him drive around the security estate, but he can’t get out of 2nd gear with the speed limit, he moves the car well, he is sensible, calm, he listens, but I didn’t want to take him onto the roads too soon, so off to the local game reserve, where he could...
Practice his emergency stops

Know what to do at a zebra crossing

Can a house cause depression?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m making friends now or diving in head first with volunteer work or the fact after 19 months life has some normality to it, but I seriously believe that the last house had a negative vibe which caused depression.
The first house was luxurious, think Kevin McCloud and Grand Design, but it wasn’t a home, it was cold, open planned, no privacy or space for one self. It was an entertainers home, designed for a team of domestic staff to cook, clean, tidy, manage. It wasn’t a house for us; one we could make a home.
We were new to the country, no friends, not used to having staff even if it costs a pittance to employ them.

As you know we’ve had no assistance from Hubbies Company for the move to SA, then into a rental house, then a further move 2 months ago. We didn’t know what to expect other than high crime and extreme poverty and while it does exist, the country is so very different. Different in every way imaginable, different from my comfort zone.
So feeling at home has been very important to me, as a family. We need a secure base to work from, as long as we have a home to come back to at the end of the day then everything will be ok.

The new house feels like home, it has rooms, where we can cut ourselves off from the rest of the family or all be together in the same area, doing different things. There is direct access to the outside without having to go down 2 flights of stairs, every room is usable for whatever we want it to be, the furniture fits, its flows with the house, with our needs.
We have a lease on our new home for a year with an option to renew for another, if I get my way, this will be our home for the foreseeable future.

Court Orders and Visa applications

OMFG I’ve had enough, I’ve heard it all now.

We hired an agency that quite frankly has been more than less than useless.
We applied for our initial visa from the UK and it took 6 weeks, lots of return trips with additional paperwork that they forget to tell you about.
So we renew our application in South Africa and everything is pretty much the same...or so you’d think.
The home office has requested the court order for my custody of the kids from a divorce 12 years ago. There isn’t one. We agreed to divorce, sell the house split the profits and debts 50/50. The kids stayed living with me, there were no formal arrangements, they stayed with their dad when they wanted to, he pays a regular sum into my bank account, goes half on school uniform/trips/soccer gear etc. We discuss the holidays and consult with one another before booking, we leave Christmas as a last minute arrangement, and there’s been no stress. He wrote a letter to the Home Office for our initial application to say he gave permission for them to live with me and hubby and to move to South Africa in the first place.

I hope that we don’t need the court order; I don’t want to rock a boat that isn’t unsteady in the first place.

Why I'm no longer a groovy mum

I wrote this post about my life being put on hold but I didn't write about what and how I was going to make changes and TBH I'm still not really sure.

I'm a 'new' me, I lost my groove, I've realised it can never be recovered. I've lost my way, my identity and my groove and no amount of fighting is going to bring it all back.

Things have to change, they have to be different. So far I've fought it, life as an expat trailing spouse seems to be golf, tennis, bridge, coffee mornings...it's not me.

I actually enjoy being on my own, but I need something to do, a purpose, an end product to show, to say 'look what I've done today' My life is no longer measurable by a monthly salary slip.

I've learnt to sew.
I've time to do arts and crafts, fix things, write, blog, play with the cat.
I'm capable now of dropping everything for an opportunity to go out.
I've stopped getting stressed if the dishwasher isn't unloaded the second it finishes.
I still shout, but I don't get angry anymore.

But I can't do this forever. I've nearly finished making curtains. There's only so many things I can make before I run out of places to put things or people to give them to.

So I've made a list of personal challenges based on what people here do, what people suggest I do and what I actually want to do.

So I'm turning my blog into a book. I don't have any plans to look for a publisher or self promote as an ebook. I've also written 30,000 words in chick lit style, that I'm determined to finish and will put it together for for mum to read.

I need to get back into using the gym, but it's winter and too cold when I get out after a swim, so I'm going for a walk every day. I need to set the DVD player upstairs so I can do a keep fit routine.

I'm going to try golf, I'm not having any lessons, I'm just going to go down the driving range over the road, we have some right handed clubs and I'll just smack a few balls around.

I've made contact with a woman who teaches at UNISA and asked her for further info so I can resume my studies.

I've made contact with several organisations I've been volunteering for to make arrangements for a more permanant volunteer role.

I'm researching and writing proposals for #bloggingforsouthafrica

So watch this space as I reinvent myself based on the limitations of my visa and family finances.

Putting my plans on hold

No I will not become this person; I don't want to be this person. There were never any plans for me to become a new person.

I liked my life, I liked me.

Two years (2010) ago my life was:

3 kids at home (2 had already left) the 3rd eldest child was planning on leaving home, in the September, to start a new life 120 miles away training in hotel management.

We had booked a 2 week holiday to Tunisia for the 5 of us and hubby and I were planning our annual trip for a week to Vegas. (we went in October)

Outside of my family I had a career, my studies, my love of Birmingham City .I was teaching NVQ level 2 & 3 to mature students wanting to train as Teaching Assistants. I developed the course contents, contributed to paper work design, planned and delivered sessions and assessed in the work place. I also worked as a Child Welfare Officer for the County FA and I was involved in the RESPECT campaign once a month at Wembley. I was also in my final year of a BSc Hons Criminological Studies and Psychology. I ran a local football team consisting of 12 clubs, did their fundraising and organised their presentation nights.

On September the 8th 2010 my life was put on hold as we were offered a move to South Africa with hubbies job, taking the 2 youngest children with us.

I finished up work, ensured all my students has completed their NVQ. Tied up all the multi agency cases, ensured all the paperwork was up to date, did a full handover after assisting with the interviewing for my replacement, organised the house to be decorated and rented out, notified all of change of address, waved good bye to family and friends and set off to....what?

Hold...that's what...my life has been put on hold and I don't know what to do with myself. We've moved twice since we've been here, applied to renew our visas, sorted out issues with school, screamed, shouted, cried, complained almost nonstop about not getting any help with utility bills, moving etc...but that's what I do, I organise, I fact find, I sort things out, it's what I'm good at, but in between? What do I do with myself?

I'm bored, I'm frustrated...I need a purpose, but what's stopping me?

I'm here on a visitor’s visa, there are laws, I don't fulfil the criteria, and apparently I can work cash in hand, so people say.

I try to get motivated, I'm involved in a few charities but it's not regular, it could be, but it's me who does the entertaining, the school holidays, is in charge with no back up when hubby is away and it's hard to get motivated when no one is there to motivate.

We arrived January 2011 since then we moved in Feb, son visited in March, April was school hols, June parents were out, July MIL and SIL visited, August youngest and I were back in the UK. I had Sept and Oct without disruption, Nov son out, Dec back to UK. then in 2012 Jan MIL visited, Feb was free, March friend visited, April school hols, May son visited, June I returned to the UK as my dad had a heart attack and we moved house and we renewed our visa application.

It's nearly the end of July and yet still I'm hanging around, waiting for other people to make decisions. I've been putting off my involvement with Santa Shoe Box, The Baby House, Teaching in a township because I'm worried I may have to return to the UK soon because of my dad, hubby has some European trips lined up, I'm on the shortlist for the London Olympics and at this late stage of the day it will be very short notice now.

It might seem that I've achieved a lot since September 2010, but you'd be wrong...I've done a lot since then, but don't think I've achieved anything on a personal level.

So now I need to make plans, plans for me, yes I'll still sort out all the family stuff, that's always been my role and I actually rather enjoy it all, but I need something for me in all of this, but I just don't know what or how yet...but from now on I’m not going to be at the beck and call of others.

Why I'm disappointed with the London Olympics

So you volunteer to work 10 hours a day for 2 weeks our more .

You fill in application form, submit and wait.

Tah dah...an interview, but since then you've moved 6000 miles away.

You call and explain you're in South Africa on a visitors visa and you're still available...yes, it's ok, you're still a British Citizen, so you arrange a phone interview....June 2011.

They call, explain what will happen and the interview will last 30 mins....60 mins later you come off the phone, confident you've covered everything, then they call you back... 'would you be interested in a leadership role?'. You'd be happy directing traffic.

So you wait, a trip back to the UK, family and friends come to visit, endless questions... ' Have you heard?' ... Cut off date is April 30th, you check emails daily, weekly, hourly.....refresh, refresh, refresh...you follow #gamesmaker, people tweet you, they have their offer...and the deadline passes.

You receive an automated email 'thank you, busy time and all that'

Basically you're on a waiting list. You're second choice, just incase anyone drops out...OK I can deal with that...You'll know by June 30th...

You need yo make plans, your Husband needs to know what's going on so he can plan his European trip, you can't both be out the country and leave the kids for 2 weeks.

You check on the games maker website in case you miss an email....your application has been withdrawn....wtf? You call,'it's ok we will reinstate you' but have you missed your chance? How? When? Why? You're reassured you'll be reinstated and an email it's sent to the relevant department. That was May 23rd, you call again on May 28th and June 8th and finally on July 2nd. They email you July 5th to say you're now reinstated.

But it's past June 30th and you still haven't heard, so you resign yourself that you're not wanted then July 4th another automated email to tell you you're now 3rd choice and please be availabale at short notice...you need 72 hours to arrange your flight, get someone to collect you and find somewhere to sleep for 2 weeks, as cheaply as possible as you blew the money you saved on your trip back to see your dad after his heart attack last month.

Just how short is short notice? The games start in 3 weeks.

The system of selecting volunteers does not take into account individuals needs, obviously they can't consider every single child care or dental appointment requests, but they have failed to acknowledge that people may have flights to book, may need to ask for time off work.

After all you're offering your time and services for free, well not for free actually, you're not only going to work 10 hours a day, but you're taking time off work, paying your costs to get to zone 7 of the London Underground, find accomodation etc.

Has anyone told you the Olympics are on in the UK in July, August and September? Flights, accomodation? If they are still available they are going to be damned bloody expensive.

Art on Main ... Jo'burg on foot

I don't do exploring very well, I like to know where I'm off and what I can expect to find.

but this morning I got into the car to be taken to a surprise venue.

We headed south on the N1 towards jo'burg. Then into jo'burg, through Hilbrow and I started to panic.....i really didn't want to be there, past Ellis Park, which doesn't feel as safe as when I was there last year to watch the football as the security was obvious. Down a few side streets, and parked on the side of the road to discover Art on Main.

Lots of little cafes, bars and street vendors, a fashion show and salsa dancing on the rooftops.

Very friendly people, mind you the rasta who stopped us for a chat was from Hampshire.

So we had a little walk, took some photos, ate a fab breakfast, bumped into a couple we knew and shared a coffee.

But that was it

May and Junes letter home

We've been in a whirlwind the past couple of weeks. The house move didn't go as smooth as we could have hoped for. The tenants moving out, hadn't even packed on the morning they were due to move and made 100's of small journeys by car. By 9pm they were ordered to move all their remaining stuff into the garage so we could unload and put our boxes in the house and hand the keys over. The boys spent the night with their friends and Peter and I stayed at the rental agents house over night.
We were all unpacked, boxes and rubbish sorted and just settling down when we got a phone call to say my dad had had a heart attack and I flew back to the UK on the 13th June, returning home on the 22nd. Dad will be fine, but it was a huge scare for everyone and I'm glad I went back to see him and everyone else, catching up with Steph, Andrew and Jamie also which was a bonus.
I arrived back to be greeted with the visa renewal so it's been a mad rush getting police checks and xrays and providing certified copies of every document we've ever owned.

Weather is still very cold at night, lovely and warm in the day as long as you don't step into the shade. We've invested in electric blankets now as hot water bottels just weren't enough. Still adjusting the mindset 'electric blankets = old age'

The cat has settled in well, we only kept her in for a week as she was going stir crazy and now we have to throw her out on occassions as she'll spend the day on our bed, eat and return to sleep. I never knew cats were this lazy.

Still no word on the London Olympics, not even an email to say thanks for your application and sorry you weren't chosen. TBH I'm more than slightly fed up at the moment, it's been the one thing I've focused on to keep me going since we moved her after giving up my career and studies...oh well, time to focus full time on the volunteer work.

The kids are on mid winter break as from today and return to sit their exams. Dan is doing equivilant to A/S levels and Alex has mid year tests.

Dan passed his theory test last week, so he's now driving my car. I can't wait for him to pass his test (can't apply to sit it till he is 18) and then I won't get dragged along on the school runs, 3-4 times a day. There is no extra charge on the insurance to learn to drive and his excess is...wait for it....just under £200.

We have no visitors lined up until maybe February, Summer starts back on JSeptember 2nd (September 1st is the only day of spring)

The boys will be back in the UK in December and I'm yet to decide if I will be back with them, it will be nice to have some child free time and the opportunity to travel with Peter.

Well that's it for now, I'm sorry if I didn't reply to the last lot of emails, but moving, my dad, the visa and then the endless power cuts buggering up the internet box, it's not always an easy thing to do.

Hope the family are well and love to all.

Suzanne, Peter, Dan and Alex

The grass isn't greener

I had a bit of a wobbly this morning on twitter. According to some, what makes you a good person, a popular person, a fun person, a person others aspire to be all comes down to the dress they wore at the ... event. And I find this very sad, sad that people think that getting the outfit right equates to being successful, popular, wonderful, brilliant etc, etc, etc.

We all need and seek attention and in our own minds it is justified. Sometimes we just want to let off steam about something, other times we geninually want help and other times we just want to know we are not alone.

The trouble is in 140 characters it's hard to express what the actual message is.

I deal with things with humour. I'll tweet a serious issue, concern, rant and at the end of the day when it's all come to an end I'll blog it.

You can read my blogs and tweets as informative, as a cry for help as someone who has had a very difficult time and just wants to let off steam or as someone who is attention seeking and wants people to say 'well done you, you've coped so well, aren't you wonderful and btw I love your dress'

And tbh I'm not actually seeking any kind of response from anyone. So why Blog? why tell everyone how hard your life is or how well you've coped. Keep an old fashioned diary if it helps just to write your feelings and frustrations down in.

Well that's what I'm doing but I do choose to publish it, my family and friends back in the UK only get to hear about the outcome, the lovely new house we've moved into or the wonderful trips we've been on and I was hoping that blogging it all would help them to understand, the grass isn't greener, I'm not lucky. I don't want them to say 'well done, I admire you, I could never have coped with that' I just want them to stop saying 'stop complaining, you have a fantastic life'

My life isn't fantastic but it's not shit either. I don't really fit in here, but then I didn't really fit in back in the UK. It's a fact. I'm not public school parent material nor do I fit the mould of being an expat wife. I've tried. I don't do lunches, coffee mornings, play golf or tennis. I can play the part for so long, fret over what clothes to wear, worry about what I look like, how I sound, mind my language. But I can't keep the pretence up for long, I get bored with it, pretending to be something I'm not and that's why I had a rant on twitter this morning.

I actually like being me, I don't want to be anyone else, I don't want their life, their clothes, their issues, hassles. I just about cope with the ones I have. I'm not worse off than anyone else any more than I'm luckier than anyone else.

It's just life and I've got to learn how to live it. I just need a voice to be heard and twitter and blogging gives me that opportunity. Some of you will slate me for it (unfollows) some will slag me off (blocks) and others will be my friends, offering support and advice.

But what I don't want to hear anymore is 'you're so lucky, I wish I could be more like you, I love the way you...... and btw WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRESS?'

Renewing your Visa application

Anyone who has ever applied for a Visa to live, work and study abroad will know it's not a simple process and one that does not get easier even if you employ an agency to help you.

To apply to live in South Africa you need to complete endless forms, submit them and wait at the mercy of the South African Embassy just off Trafalgar Square in London.

It's not made any easier by the fact that they only answer questions in person so don't bother begging over the phone when you do eventually find their number and they answer. Take that as a sign of how things will be when you finally get your visa and move to South Africa.

An agency will email you, the spouse, with all the forms you need to complete, they will put pressure on you with deadlines, yet will fail to reply to your requests for how you actually complete these forms. They will not send you all the forms in one go, they keep finding things for you to certificate and submit.

Here's what you have to do and how.

Hubbies company will complete the following

THIS IS THE FIRST LIE, YOU (ME THE WIFE) ARE REQUIRED TO GET CERTIFIED COPIES OF EVERY DOCUMENT YOU OWN. Go to a police station for several hours, stand in line, get shouted at, ask for certification.

BI 1740 Form
Undertaking 19(2)(c)
Repatriation Guarantee
Contract
Company Registration

Hubby to complete

SECOND LIE, you are required to return to police station for more documents to be certified.

BI 1740 Form
Power of Attorney
Proof of funds
Marriage Certificate

For me to complete

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SIGN, after I've amended the spelling of my name and changed the address

BI 1739 Form
Letter of Support

For hubby to complete on behalf of children

SOMEONE HELP ME, there is no custody order, this is the third time there father has had to sign after previous letters were lost (not by me) go to police station for further certifications.

BI 1739 Form
Birth Certificate
Custody Order
Consent from Father
Letter of Support
Medical Aid Cover in South Africa

Police clearance certificate. Hubby and Me

In the UK you need to complete a form, have passport photos, pay a fee, post it off, always request two copies as you'll need an original for when you renew your visa.

In South Africa you go to SAPS, ask for your finger prints to be taken, complete a form, pay a fee and either a) hand it back to the agency or b) take it somewhere and collect 3 weeks later.

Radiological Report (Chest Xrays - you must be free of TB) All of us

In the UK go to the Doctors, ask for a referral letter, take it with you to a private hospital, have forms completed, pay fee.

In South Africa

Make Doctors appointment to request an xray to be told to go to local hospital to Xray appointment, complete endless medical aid forms, even though you are paying cash, go home and come back another day with kids passport. Get form completed and have fun with your chest xrays when you get home. get charged for visit to Doctors.

Medical Report. All of us

In the UK, dash round on a sunday evening with a bottle of Whisky and forms to the Doctors house, beg they complete and stamp forms and bribe with whisky. We somehow managed to discover this form the night before we were due to submit application.

In South Africa, make Doctors appointment, be asked a few questions and get informed that in some African countries they need clarification if you are an imbicile or an idiot (based on an IQ test)

Proof of residency

Rental contract on company name, therefore you require a letter from the company listing the names of the occupants and a copy of your husbands bosses ID to enable you to get proof of residency (address) to set up utility bills so you can prove where you live, still with me? This process hasn't been helped by the fact we've just moved and it takes a month before all bills show new address.

To come to South Africa we had to have an offer of a place to study in order for the children to apply for a student visa. Strangely enough this hasn't been mentioned yet in regards to renewing the visas.

You will note that despite hiring an agency to assist with the applications, they don't actually do an awful lot. I can go online and download all the forms above, in one nice tidy folder, with the same instructions and then waste my time standing in the wrong queues, in the wrong buildings, forgetting passports, not knowing what or how to ask. They don't give you the address of the nearest hospital to where you live, or let you know that you have to pay xx amount in cash and other places will accept card payment. They don't tell you what documents you need, how to get them certified or where. They don't explain the acronyms used such as SAPS (South African Police Service).

But after you complain, after you say this was a very stressful process, after you've submitted all the forms, originals, certified copies they reply saying... 'we need originals of x,y & z, where's the certified copy of hubbies degree certificate as requested (seriously they hadn't asked for that, another trip to the police station) and we told you a relocation expert was available for you' you sigh, you refer them back to endless meetings and emails where you told them 'I don't know what I'm doing, where to do it, I struggle with the language, accents, making myself understood, I need a contact person, someone to call who can provide me with an address, tell me what documents I need and how to ask for what I need'

Did they provide me with that service? Yes, she helped us find a new house to rent...well actually No. The relocation expert (coughs and laughs out loud) took me to two unsuitable properties in January and not another word from her until mid June. I found tenants to take over our existing contract, a new house to rent, dealt with removal quotes, met with the agents and owner, supervised the packing, the removal, the unpacking, the inventory, list of faults and repairs with both houses, settled up all the outstanding bills, queued for hours to transfer the utilities, change of address with banks, schools, doctors etc. the relocation expert turned up on removal day with a clip board, missed half the faults, emailed an eligible report then phoned me a week after the repairs were carried out to ask me should she phone the landlord and chase him up.

Yes, so that's what you do when you move, 'what's the hassle, Suzanne? get on with it, the rest of us have to.'

I understand that and yes I have got on with it, it's been made even more stressful by the fact that since the minute hubbies company asked us to move here, they said 'relax, we will do it with you, for you, hire an agency' but forgot to add 'ha only joking, you're on your own'

The agency have already submitted their bills for services provided to us and despite me informing hubbies company all the way through that they haven't been doing anything to help us, the company are paying the bill....where's my cut? I'm the one that's done the work.

Differences between the UK and SA

In the UK I have to remember to get out the car at the petrol station and put my own fuel in the car.
In South Africa they do it for me

In the UK I have to pack my own bags at the checkout.
In South Africa they do it for me.

In the UK I have to put money in the meter in a car park and put a sticker in my window.
In South Africa, I take a ticket from the machine, through the window, pay as I return to the car and when I leave the car park someone takes the ticket off me to put into the exit machine.

In the UK I have 3 kids, my family and friends.
In South Africa I have my hubby and 2 kids and the cat.

In the UK tomorrow there will be some sad faces.
In South Africa tomorrow there will be some happy faces.

Keep your dog under control

So I find out this week it's not illegal to keep ypour dog on a leash in a public place as long as it's 'under control'

But what constitutes 'under control?'

I'm okay with the guy walking down the path in the park with two labradors, plodding slowly by his side.

My mum is petrified of dogs and the only way in her opinion that they can be 'under control' is by having them on a lead. I agree with her, but do draw the line at 'all dogs must be muzzled'

So my mum, flings me into the path of danger (she walks the the other side of me as the dogs approach, I've had a traumatic child hood...lol) and the one dog decides to sniff at her, they can sense fear.

She tells the man shes not comfortable with the dogs off lead and he looks at me, arms stretched out, agressive tone and says 'whatever'.

He walks off and we return home with my mother saying 'what if I had the baby in the pram with me, what if the dogs bit the baby?' well there's no point saying it didn't happen, because for her it's a genuine fear it will happen some day.

Why I don't want to live in the UK again

I'd been back in the UK for 72hrs, back and forward to the hospital to see my dad, but once he came home, I ventured out to see the kids.

I drove from Monmouth to Gloucester and my stress levels went through the roof.

Road rage, pot holes and just general ignorance.

I took my disabled step daughter who is 24 into the city for a coffee in Starbucks. I can't carry a tray and hold her nor can I leave her at a table while I fetch the drinks as she wanders off and grabs at other peoples food. So in true 'Little Britian style' as the carer of Andy I have to explain what help I need, so we stand in the queue, me fighting with her not to grab the food off people's trays as they walk past or the cakes out the display cabinet, order, throw money and just tell the staff to bring the change and the coffee to us. We sit at a cramped table with her grabbing the arms of passers by and pushing the table into me. The drinks arrive, no suger or spoon. I sit my drink on the floor while I sort hers out, she finishes it in one go and I leave my non sugared latte half drunk.

It's raining and windy, I drag her back to the car, we go in and straight out a few shops and drive to Asda for lunch. She grabbed a sausage of a guys tray, we apologised, he said 'please go in front, order and I'll bring your tray over' we repaid him later but ramming his wife with the supermarket trolley.

It's still light here at 9.30pm, I keep thinking it's only 6pm and I'm going to bed so much later, making me grumpy and lacking in energy by the morning.

The bath is too small, the water boils too hot for the tea, the coffee is instant, the house is too hot, it rains, the skies are grey, it's over crowded, no one makes eye contact or smiles. The roads and the shops are over crowded....

....and it takes four times as long to get anywhere, one because there are too many cars on the road and two because I read the distance in kms now forgetting to convert the journey to miles.

You realise how large the world actually is when you're an expat when there's an emergency

People say the world is a small place. You can fly anywhere, you can talk to any one at any time, via twitter, emails, facebook and skype and even the old fashioned pen to paper letter writing.

But it's not the same, you can't cuddle a new born niece, give your kids or parents a hug or 'be there' when people are ill.

We had a plan for emergencies. We also argued and rowed over what was an emergency. Who do we fly back for? When? How much?

It was agreed that parents and children were a priority, but what constituted an emergency. Routine operation? No. Complications? Maybe and who?

Last week my sister rang my mobile. It could only be bad news. I have various Uncles and Aunts with serious illnesses, my mum is 68 the youngest of 8, my father is 72, the eldest of 3. His middle brother died last year. Yes I went to the funeral, but it coincided with my UK visit, but in all honesty I wouldn't have flown back for the funeral.

So my first thought was it was my Dad's cousin, he had a stroke last week. Or my Uncle who's had heart bypass or my mums friend with cancer. But no, it was my Dad, he'd had a heart attack over the weekend and they were waiting for test results before worrying me. He was in hospital and I was told he was going to be fine.

It was too late Monday night to fly out, it takes me 24hrs door to door. So Tuesday was spent by the phone, would he survive? Would he be ok? Did I need to fly home? Should I go tonight or tomorrow?

I spoke with my Mother in Law, she said 'do what you feel you need to do' Hubby agreed and the flight was booked for Wednesday night, arriving in the UK Thursday lunch time, a few frantic text and facebook messages to arrange for me to be collected from Birmingham Airport and driven to Cardiff.

I'm due to fly home tomorrow. My father will be fine with his new medication, diet and exercise routine.

Did I need to fly home? No, not really in the sense of it being a life threatening situation. But in the sense of my personal needs and that of my immediate family, Yes I did need to be there. To see them when they are all well and alive. I don't want to be flying back for a funeral having not seen any of them for a year.